


Hero Worship - Resurrection

by KabiViolet



Series: Elizabeth Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: AUish, Angst, Comfort, Daddy Issues, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Drama, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Family Drama, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gap Filler, Guilt, Headcanon, Humor, Hurt, Love, Mommy Issues, Past Relationship(s), Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Revenge, Sexual Content, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:40:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 98,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KabiViolet/pseuds/KabiViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Shepard had a case of hero worship for her blue-eyed turian instead of the other way around?</p><p>A look at the relationship between the star-crossed lovers, carrying over time, distance, space, and all three Mass Effects.</p><p>Part 2 - post ME1 through ME2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There's an Action Figure?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of "Hero Worship - Beginnings" in the Elizabeth Shepard Series.
> 
> Much of the story can stand alone, but some parts will be better understood if you read Part 1.
> 
> If you don't want to read Part 1, a brief synopsis of the main points is as follows: Shepard has carried a secret torch for Garrus for over ten years before the events of Mass Effect 1. He saved her from something horrible as a young C-Sec Officer, but he doesn't recognize her ten years later. Feelings are shared post-Battle of the Citadel, but that is all. Also, Shepard sings, because I say she does.
> 
> Enjoy! And thanks for reading!
> 
> As always, the characters and playground belong to Bioware.

He should have known better than to expect anything different. Garrus Vakarian had only been on the Citadel for one day and he was already fed up with the red tape and the bullshit. It felt like Executor Pallin was already riding his ass worse than before he left C-Sec to join Shepard.

His old colleague, Chellick, had seemed to understand how he felt. He had needed a drink after a full day of chasing filth in the Wards and Chellick had been all too willing to oblige him with company. Garrus couldn't believe the amount of shady characters that either hadn't evacuated or had quickly returned after the Battle of the Citadel. Somehow the Wards had remained surprisingly untouched from the attack. It seemed Garrus couldn’t escape them even after the workday was over, because the pair of turians ended up in a seedy bar in the same sector where they had spent their day.

“Back to your old duties, eh, Garrus?” Chellick had finally said, not without a bit of mockery in his tone. He hadn’t said anything to Garrus about returning to C-Sec all day, but apparently now, as they sat together at the bar, the second turian wanted the gory details.

“Yeah, I guess so,” was all Garrus had said in reply and took another sip of the drink in front of him. He was sure he was being made fun of mercilessly behind his back by all his old comrades in C-Sec, but he didn’t care. He didn’t have to justify his actions to any of them, least of all Chellick.

“So, what was it like?” Apparently, Chellick didn’t want to let things lie.

“What was what like?”

“You know, all of it. Serving on a _human_ ship. Being ordered around by a _human_. Having to put up with all those _humans_.”

Garrus gripped the glass in front of him tightly.

“Not sure what you’re implying, Chellick.” He spit the other turian’s name as if he had tasted something vile. This was not what he had wanted on his first night out after returning to the Citadel.

“I don’t have to imply anything. I’m still surprised you ran off with a bunch of _humans_ , that’s all. Not sure you father would approve. Besides, they look so….squishy.”

“Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving. Commander Shepard did manage to single-handedly take down Saren and a Reaper. Not sure if you caught the vids.” Garrus took a deep swig of his drink. He needed more, especially if he was going to have to tolerate Chellick’s banter.

“So, how did that _really_ go down, Vakarian? I’m just not sure I believe the story.”

“What don’t you believe?”

“You seriously expect me to believe that a human – a female human at that, they look especially squishy – managed to best Saren in combat? It’s just a little much…”

“It’s true,” Garrus’ voice rumbled. “She’s the best soldier I’ve ever seen in combat.”

“Yeah, but she had you with her, right? And that big, dumb krogan? What’s his name? They said it on the vids, but I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Wrex.”

“Oh yeah, that was it,” Chellick swiveled around in his chair to lean back against the bar and take in the view of the club. “I just don’t believe that a soft human female, no matter how good a soldier you say she is, could take out Saren. That guy was a legend.”

Garrus’ body temperature was rising and he felt his pulse beating faster. _Don’t let him get to you, Vakarian. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about._

“Shepard’s a legend now too,” he replied after taking another drink. “You could probably learn a thing or two from her.” Garrus was really quite pleased with how calmly he was handling this conversation, despite his increasing annoyance with his turian associate.

“Me? Learn from her? You kidding? Or did you forget how she almost fucked up that covert op with that human girl…Spirits, what was her name?”

“Jenna,” Garrus remembered.

“Yeah, that was it. All human names sound alike.”

Garrus just grunted at that remark. Chellick was still the idiot he remembered. He decided it was better to just try to ignore Chellick rather than feed his stupidity, and he was truly beginning to regret coming out to the bar tonight at all.

“I just don’t believe it, Garrus. No one is ever going to make me believe it. I mean, Nihlus didn’t even beat Saren and he was a _turian_.”

“Shepard fights better than most turians I know. She’s a Spectre for Spirits’ sake, she’s not some pushover. She’s fast, smart, amazingly good with a pistol, and on top of that, she’s a powerful biotic.”

“Whoa, Vakarian, calm down there. Sounds like somebody might have a crush.” Garrus clenched his fists tighter as Chellick chuckled. “Not that I blame you. I’ve seen those hips in action. Did you fuck her? I’ve never fucked a human, but if I were going to, I’d start with Shep– “

That was it. Chellick had gone too far. No one got to talk about his Shepard that way. No one should even be thinking about her that way.

Garrus slammed his drink down on the counter, breaking the glass into pieces. He didn’t care that the whole bar stopped to look at the two turians as Garrus grabbed Chellick by the throat and smashed his fringe into the slab behind him. Chellick’s eyes widened in surprise, and he grasped at Garrus’ hand to try to release the hold, but Garrus held fast.

The blue-eyed turian brought his face close to Chellick’s and said, “No one talks about Shepard that way. You don’t deserve to speak her name, let alone spout such disgusting muck. If I ever – EVER – hear you say something like that again, I will personally rip off your mandibles and feed them to a varren. Understood?”

Chellick nodded as he continued to struggle for air. Garrus narrowed his eyes for a second more so Chellick would know he was serious and finally released him. The ignorant turian gasped for air.

“You…watch…it….Vakarian,” he panted. “I won’t…tell Pallin…this time, but one….more stupid move…and you’ll have …to beg to get back….to the _Normandy_.”

Garrus snorted and turned his back on Chellick, as the latter continued to rub his throat and gulp for air. He brushed past asari, humans, turians, anyone who stood in his way as he exited the bar.

After storming through the Citadel, he flopped down on the couch of his old apartment and kicked himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. But eventually, he relaxed as he stared out the window at the night traffic of the Citadel. He should have come straight home after work anyway.

He had worked out his living arrangements as soon as he knew he was leaving the _Normandy_ , and was happy to find out that his old apartment was vacant. He was relieved. If he was going to leave Shepard, he wanted to be somewhere familiar – somewhere he could sort out the feelings wrenching through his heart without having to simultaneously deal with new surroundings. Even though Garrus loved adventure and the thrill of the chase, at the end of the day, he wanted to come home to something he knew.

His bag lay unpacked on the floor. He hadn’t even taken the time to sort through his belongings after leaving the docking bay. He had reported immediately to C-Sec, ready for duty, ready to move on to the next chapter of his life.

Ready to set his plan in motion and get back to Shepard as soon as possible.

He closed his eyes briefly and pictured his human Commander. His Shepard. His Lizzie.

 _What would she be doing right now?_ He thought. He figured she would be scrolling through some reports on the geth. He knew she was getting sent out on pointless shake-down missions. She would be prepping her team and making assignments. She might have a cup of hot chocolate with her on her bedstand. She liked to drink hot chocolate before going to bed. Her hair would be hanging loose and wavy down her back and she would be wearing her favorite shorts and tank top with her legs curled up underneath her.

He sighed, but refused to open his eyes. He was happier imagining her in front of him than seeing the empty apartment in reality.

A ping on his omni-tool startled him into opening his eyes. In the dark, the message blinked brightly. He sighed, assuming it was something from Pallin about tomorrow’s assignments, and punched in the couple of commands to read the message.

He was pleasantly surprised to find out the message wasn’t from Pallin. It was from Shepard.

_Garrus,_

_Thought you might get homesick on your first night away. And by homesick, I mean,_ Normandy- _sick_. _So I got you something to remember me…us…by. I ordered it before I left and had it delivered to your apartment. Hopefully, they got the number right._

_Enjoy!_

_Lizzie_

Unconsciously, his sad expression had changed dramatically while he read the message. His heart warmed at the thought of her thinking of him at the same time he was daydreaming of her.

 _But where is this present?_ He looked around quickly and found it. There was a box on his kitchen counter. He nearly pounced on it as he bounded across the room to open the container. The box wasn’t labeled. Garrus quickly used his talon to rip it open and spill the contents. Inside, he found another note with a _Citadel Souvenirs_ stamp on the card.

_G-_

_Apparently, our ship became famous over the last week. Don’t know if you like these at all, but my dad and I used to put them together. Thought you might like one._

_-LS_

He put the note on the counter and pulled the rest of the packaging material out of the way. Reaching in, he found another smaller box. He laughed out loud as he realized what it is.

The label on the box said “Model Alliance Ship _Normandy_ – First Human Spectre, Commander Shepard Action Figure Included”.

He ripped open the second box and smiled as he found what he was looking for. A tiny Commander Elizabeth Shepard that fit in the palm of his hand. He clutched the figure tightly to his chest and walked to his bedroom. Flicking on the light, he placed the figure on his bedside table and sat next to it on the edge of his bed.

_2343 GV: It’s perfect. Thank you for thinking of me. I put your gift on my bedside table to remind me to come back to you soon._

_2358 LS: I’m impressed. You put it together already? I know you were good with your hands, but didn’t know you were that good…_

“Oh my hands are good at many things, Shepard…just wait until I get a chance to show you,” he whispered to himself, his mind wandering to the feeling of Shepard in his arms and what she might feel like beneath her uniform. The worst part about his plan to become a Spectre was that he could still only imagine what she really felt like… _Wait, she was talking about something else…_

_0005 GV: Put what together already?_

_0007 LS: The model ship I sent you._

_0010 GV: No. I was talking about the action figure._

_0012 LS: WELL, FUCK ME! THERE’S AN ACTION FIGURE?_

_0015 GV: Yes. It’s not a very good likeness of you really. They didn’t do your hips or waist justice…_

_0020 LS: Damn, Vakarian. You know how to make a girl blush. But really…I just meant to get you the model. Didn’t know there was a mini-me involved. Although, now I really REALLY want one…_

_0026 GV: Uh-huh. Sure, Shepard. Don’t worry, she won’t take your place._

_0030 LS: I should damn well hope not. Hey, shouldn’t you be sleeping, C-Sec Officer Vakarian? Duty calls in the morning?_

_0036 GV: I could say the same thing to you. Don’t you have geth to track down and annihilate?_

_0040 LS: Pft, I can do that in my sleep. Geth Shmeth._

_0043 GV: I don’t know what a “Shmeth” is, but I’m sure you will show it who’s boss._

_0045 LS: You better believe it, Vakarian. Pics when you get that model put together or it didn’t happen._

_0058 GV: As you wish. Good night, Lizzie._

_0100 LS: Good night, Garrus._

Garrus stripped off his armor and turned off the light as he lay down to sleep. He kept his eyes open as long as he could, staring at the tiny version of his favorite human on his bedstand.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

“Hold all my messages,” Shepard yelled at Pressly after entering the airlock. “You guys got a shipment while I was off ship?”

“Yeah,” Pressly looked shocked at his commander’s abrupt manner. “You get any leads on the geth?”

“Not a single fucking one. Mission was a waste of time,” she brushed past Pressly on her way to the stairs. “There was a package for me in the shipment?”

“Sent it to your quarters.”

“Thanks.”

Commander Elizabeth Shepard nearly sprinted to her cabin. She had received a message from Garrus while she was on Omega, scouting out a report of a geth collaborator that proved to be false.

_Lizzie,_

_Didn’t think it was very fair for you to get me something without getting you something in return. I scoured the Citadel until I found what I was looking for. Had it shipped to Omega when you told me you were headed there. Delivery confirmation says you docked, so it should be there._

_Hope you like it._

_Garrus_

Her breath had nearly stopped when she read it. She had never ended a mission so quickly in all her life. It had been over two weeks since she left Garrus on the Citadel and every moment was like a lifetime. She lived for his random messages and updates, but she didn’t dare hope that he would actually send her something.

And there it was. No, there _they_ were. Two small boxes, side by side on her desk. She threw her armor to one side of the room and sat in the chair.

 _Which one should I open first?_ She decided to open the smaller one first. It was only as big as her hand. She ripped open the box impatiently and giggled when she saw what was inside.

_1116 LS: Spirits, Garrus, did you have this specially made or did they make one for each of us?_

_1118 GV: I guess you opened the smaller box first, huh? They’ve actually made action figures of each of us. But mine is definitely the most stylish._

_1119 LS: Oh, of course. This is me rolling my eyes at you from billions of miles away._

_1121 GV: And this is me ignoring that gesture. Did you open the other box yet?_

Shepard put the tiny turian action figure in blue armor on her desk and smiled. It was perfect. _What else could he get me that would be better than that?_

She turned back to the second box. It wasn’t much larger than the first, but it had a “Fragile” sticker on it. She opened this one more carefully and found a card with a note from _Citadel Souvenirs_ , just like she had filled out to accompany Garrus’ present.

_L-_

_I never forgot that night at the club. I hope I get to hear you sing again. Someday soon._

_-GV_

Her heart was racing in her chest. That night seemed so long ago. _I had hoped he had forgotten all about that_.

She carefully reached inside the box and pull out an oddly shaped item wrapped in protective packing material. She peeled the material away and felt tears spring to her eyes.

“Damn it, Shepard, don’t cry!” She gulped back the tears as she placed the tiny music box in the shape of a grand piano on her desk. A music box had no place on an Alliance ship. She would never have gotten this for herself, but she was glad Garrus got it for her.

She flipped the tiny box over and found the switch to wind it up. After giving it a few quick turns, she placed the music box back on her desk.

“Let’s see what song you play,” she whispered quietly as she opened the lid of the tiny piano.

She listened carefully for several moments, but could no longer hold it in. One solitary tear found its way out of the corner of her eye and down her cheek. She didn’t know how Garrus had remembered the words to the song, or how he had known where to find such a trinket, but if she had loved him before, she absolutely adored him now.

The tiny music box pealed the simple notes of an old Earth jazz song. The first song her father ever taught her to play. One of the only songs she still remembered how to play. She sat in silence after the last few notes trailed away and the music box ran out of juice.

She flipped it over and wound it up again and again and again, listening to the notes over and over, before she finally sang the opening lines alone with the light bell-tone sounds from the tiny piano.

“ _Somewhere over the rainbow…”_ she sang, barely above a whisper.

The song finished again, and before she had a chance to rewind the music box, her omni-tool pinged.

_1147 GV: Lizzie?..._

_1148 LS: I’m here, Garrus. Thank you. This is the best gift I’ve ever been given._

_1150 GV: I miss you._

_1152 LS: Miss you too. Are you a Spectre yet?_

_1155 GV: I’m afraid not._

_1158 LS: Fuck. Hurry up and get your ass back on this ship, soldier. I can’t take this much longer._

_1200 GV: Aye, aye, Commander._


	2. Good Luck Charm

Garrus crashed through the doors of his apartment the same way he had every night since returning to the Citadel. He threw his armor on the floor in frustration and headed straight for the kitchen to find a beer.

“Spirits, I need one today. Actually, I need more than one,” he muttered angrily under his breath. “Why did I come back here? Probably the worst decision I’ve ever made.” He popped open the bottle and gulped thirstily. It tasted horrible, but being back on a C-Sec salary meant cheaper alcohol.

Grabbing the entire pack of beer, he dragged himself over to the couch and turned on the news. Flipping through the seemingly infinite channels, he stopped when he heard the announcer pitch, “Stay tuned for the first television broadcast of _Blasto the Jellyfish Stings_ , only on Shared Visions Network, brought to you by This One’s Intimate Apparel – when you need something for that special occasion, Blasto recommends This One’s Intimate Apparel. This One will treat you right.”

“Oh, that’s a terrible line,” Garrus said to the television. “But, hey, I’m hooked. Nothing like drinking alone while watching Blasto.”

He took a deep swig of his beer and settled in for a night of cheap entertainment. But Blasto did nothing to alleviate his frustrations from the day. He had been back at C-Sec for a month and had heard nothing from the Council about how to move forward with Spectre training. He had even made an appointment with Councilor Sparatus that morning to try and figure out what the hold-up was.

“The Councilor will see you now,” Sparatus’ assistant had finally let Garrus in after an hour of waiting outside the embassy office.

“Thank you,” Garrus had said gruffly as he brushed past quickly on his way into the Councilor’s office.

Sparatus was reclining on a couch in his office when Garrus entered. The Councilor didn’t even look up from the datapad he was reading to acknowledge Garrus’ presence. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Garrus coughed slightly to get the Councilor’s attention.

“Yes, Officer Vakarian,” The Councilor said, still not looking up from his datapad. “Please, have a seat.” He motioned to a chair opposite his position on the couch. Garrus quickly moved to the seat and assumed a polite position on the edge of the chair.

“Thank you for seeing me, Councilor. I know you are very busy, but I appreciate your time. I assume you know why I’m –“

“Yes, yes, Vakarian, I know why you are here. And you are very correct. I am extremely busy, so let me cut to the chase,” Sparatus finally put down the datapad on  his coffee table and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and looking at Garrus. “I’m going to be honest with you, Vakarian. I only granted this audience out of respect for your father. He’s an outstanding turian, and I figured it was the least I could do.”

Garrus held back the rumbling in his chest. He wanted to punch Sparatus in the face, but he knew that wouldn’t help anything, so he simply sat and listened.

“I also granted this audience out of respect for Commander Shepard,” Sparatus continued, leaning back against the couch again, spreading his arm out behind him. “She annoys the hell out of me, but she’s a damn fine soldier. There’s something about her. Never quite met anyone like her, let alone a human…” Garrus really didn’t like the look in Sparatus’ eyes as he gazed off to the side and let his sentence trail off. _Don’t even think about it, Sparatus. She’s spoken for._

Sparatus shook his head and looked back at Garrus. “Because of her, you have your future entrance into the Spectre program guaranteed, but that will take some time.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, sir, how much time?” Garrus was having serious trouble keeping his voice and emotions in check.

“I really don’t know, Vakarian. These things do take time, though. And with the mess left from the geth battle, we haven’t had much time to really think about getting you into the Spectre program.”

“I’m sorry, did you say the geth battle? Don’t you mean the Reaper battle?”

“No, Vakarian. I mean the geth battle. There’s no sense in frightening everyone with myths and legends. We all know what really happened. Saren was a lunatic, but that’s beside the point.” Garrus didn’t even know what to make of this conversation now. _They’re not even acknowledging the truth anymore? It’s only been a month and they are worried about plausible deniability?_

“Vakarian, we don’t have time to deal with your request right now. When the time is right, of course, you will be admitted into the program and we will get things up and running. But until then, there are much more pressing matters. You understand, don’t you?”

Garrus was fed up with this conversation and wished he hadn’t come. It was pointless – a waste of his time.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I understand very well.”

“Good!” Sparatus said, standing up and slapping his hands on his thighs. “That was easier than I thought. Thanks for coming by, Vakarian.” Sparatus reached out to shake Garrus’ hand. “We’ll be in touch as soon as we are able, and please, give your father my regards.”

Garrus shook the Councilor’s hand and headed for the door.

“Oh, and Vakarian?” Garrus turned around at the Councilor’s voice. “If you speak with Commander Shepard, tell her…” Sparatus had that strange look in his eye again. Garrus hated him for it. “Tell her I hope she can make time to see me whenever she returns to the Citadel. I think we should be better acquainted. Very interesting human woman, that one…”

“Will that be all, Councilor?” Garrus spoke through gritted teeth. Sparatus waved his hand at the blue-eyed turian dismissively.

“Yes, yes, that will be all. Thank you. Oh, and tell my assistant to cancel my afternoon appointments on the way out. I’m not in the mood for them today.”

Garrus did no such thing. He simply left and headed to his office at C-Sec where he spent the day filling out report after report after report, each one more frustrating than the next.

And now, as Blasto the First Hanar Spectre performed grand feats across his screen, complete with pyrotechnics and visual effects, Garrus downed drink after drink, hoping to forget the day.

Finally, the film ended. Garrus got up to turn off the television, but froze just as the late night news report came on.

It was her. Her face. Lizzie Shepard was on his screen, smiling at him with those bright green eyes. He reached up to touch the screen and sighed as her face was replaced by an asari news reporter.

“Tonight on your late night news update, we will hear from survivors of the geth attack on the Citadel, one month ago tomorrow. How they survived. What they saw. And we will hear more about the heroics of the first human Spectre, Commander Elizabeth Shepard, as well as eye witness accounts of how she and her crew from the Alliance vessel _Normandy_ stopped a full-scale geth invasion.”

_Geth_ , Garrus stopped. _Why isn’t anyone talking about the truth? We didn’t just stop a geth invasion. We stopped the damn Reaper army._

Garrus turned off the television screen in frustration. Cover ups. Dismissals from the turian Councilor. His father’s name getting him an appointment. _This has been a shitty day_ , he thought. He gathered up his empty beer bottles and headed for the kitchen.

After disposing of the bottles, he looked at the box of the model ship on his table. He still hadn’t put it together. He didn’t really know how. He’d never built model ships. The note written in Shepard’s scratchy handwriting was still sitting next to the box on the counter.

_G-_

_Apparently, our ship became famous over the last week. Don’t know if you like these at all, but my dad and I used to put them together. Thought you might like one._

_-LS_

_She put them together with her father_ _,_ he remembered as he read. With new determination, he opened the box and looked to see what tools were inside. He found small bags with labeled parts as well as some model glue and a set of instructions.

_If I can repair the Mako and mod weapons, I can sure as hell put together a model ship._

He set himself to the task. Putting together the model was harder than he expected, especially since he was still a little drunk. He stayed up all night to finish, but he decided to finish it that night.

When he did, it was worth it. It did look just like the Normandy.

Waiting until the glue dried, he slowly picked up his new trinket and took it to the bedroom. He set the model ship down on his nightstand right next to his Commander Elizabeth Shepard action figure. Using his omni-tool, he snapped a quick picture.

_0517 GV: Pics and it did happen._

_[Picture message attached]_

_> >>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< _

Shepard awoke with a start. She checked the time on her omni-tool. _0527_ _,_ she thought, _Why do I always wake up just long enough before my alarm to make it not worth going back to sleep._

She dragged herself out of bed and headed for the shower. But before she left her cabin, she noticed she had a message. She smiled as she read Garrus’ short description and the smile widened when she saw the picture of the model ship next to the tiny action figure that was supposed to look like her.

_0529 LS: You’re right. That action figure does not look like me at all._

_0531 GV: I’m always right. Thought you knew that by now._

_0534 LS: Guess I forgot. Good morning, by the way. One more day down until you’re back, right?_

_0537 GV: Counting down the days now, huh?_

_0540 LS: You kidding? I’m counting down the minutes. Just wish I had something to count down to…_

_0543 GV: You’re telling me. But I’ve been up all night and it’s my day off. Need some rest. Talk to you tonight?_

_0545 LS: You got it, Big Guy._

She showered quickly and tucked the Garrus action figure into her pocket like she had every day since Garrus had sent it to her. He was her good luck charm. She knew everyone, including Garrus, would probably make fun of her for it, but she didn’t care. _Besides,_ she thought, _who would ever know?_

She scrolled through the reports for the day.

_MISSION DIRECTIVE_

_Omega Nebula_

_Planet: Alchera_

_Three ships have disappeared from this location in the last month. Patrol and find any clues as to their disappearance and report any geth activity in the area._

Shepard sighed. Another pointless patrol. She pinged Joker.

“Joker,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am.” Joker replied.

“When will we arrive at Alchera?”

“We should be there in about ten minutes, Commander.”

“Perfect. Go silent when we get there. I doubt there’s anything there to worry about, but just in case.”

“Aye, aye, Commander.”

She was just stepping out of her cabin when the first strike hit.

_Holy shit_ , she thought. _Guess we found something._

But she didn’t let her thoughts show. She couldn’t have the crew see her concern. She suited up quickly as the attack on her ship continued.

Of course Kaidan came to find her. With how she had treated him, she didn’t deserve his kindness, but he came for her nonetheless. Everything was happening so fast. Her ship was on fire. It was falling apart.

“The Alliance won’t abandon us. We just need to hold on. Get everyone onto the escape shuttles!” she ordered Kaidan.

“Joker’s still in the cockpit. He won’t abandon ship!” Kaidan reported.

_Fuck. Joker, you dumbass!_ She quickly regained her composure. _No use getting mad at him. Just have to get him out of there._

“I’m not leaving either!”

_Great, two dumbasses._

“I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. I’ll take care of Joker.”

The ship rocked, throwing her against the wall.

“Commander!” Kaidan yelled.

“Kaidan! Go! Now!”

He looked hesitant for a moment, but always the good soldier, Kaidan finally responded, “Aye, aye.”

Shepard started moving to the cockpit. She breathed a sigh of relief as she heard the escape shuttles ejecting. _At least some people got off this boat in one piece._ As she reached the CIC, she had to keep her fear in check. She had spent all her life on spaceships, but somehow, open space scared the shit out of her. _Have to make it to Joker. Just keep moving._

She slowed her breathing and concentrated on that as she made her way to the cockpit.

She wanted to scream at Joker for his stubbornness, but she couldn’t be too mad at him. If it weren’t for his quick thinking, probably no one would have made it off the ship alive. But when she found herself thrown against the wall by a beam from the enemy ship, she almost didn’t care anymore.

It wasn’t a choice anymore. She knew there was no way she was making it into that evac shuttle. She took a deep breath, punched the button and let go.

_It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok_. She told herself over and over as fear gripped her. She was flying weightless through space. This was, quite possibly, her worst fear. _It’s ok. Just wait it out. The Alliance will come._

And then she heard it.

Air was leaking out of her suit. _That_ was her worst fear.

_No! No! No!_

She was drowning, gasping for air. There was nothing to be done. Panic enveloped her and she grasped frantically at the back of her suit.

_I didn’t want to go out like this! Not like this…_

As she felt the last bits of air leaving her suit, she reached for the lump she could feel through her armor. The lump where she knew her pocket contained the little bit of Garrus she carried with her.

Her lungs burned. Her head screamed in pain. Her skin was on fire.

And then it all went dark.


	3. Do Whatever It Takes to Find Her

“You know who I am. You’ve met me before. Now beat it before I take you in.”

”But I didn’t do anything!” The slime from the Wards in front of him crept back against the wall, cowering before Garrus’ imposing turian form.

“Yet. You didn’t do anything _yet_ ,” Garrus replied. “But we both know what you were planning. Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

The victim of Garrus’ verbal assault nodded and scrambled onto his feet. As he quickly ran away, Chellick walked up behind his turian partner.

“You like pickin’ on the little guy, huh? Make you feel more powerful, Garrus? Beating up on the defenseless?”

“Shove it, Chellick.”

“Oh, don’t get all defensive on me, Garrus. I know what you’re really like. Too bad your Shepard wouldn’t take you back, eh? She got a new main squeeze?”

Garrus just walked away from Chellick and ignored him as much as possible. His “day off” had really meant he was on night shift, and that meant that he and Chellick had to patrol the Wards. And each night they did so, Chellick had been merciless in his taunting. But tonight, Garrus didn’t have the heart to fight him off. The hangover he was nursing only added to the torture of the night.

“Yeah, well, she’s not really so much of a hero anyway,” Chellick didn’t stop. “Heard that the vids got it wrong. I heard that it was just Saren gone crazy with a bunch of geth. Guess you’re not so much of a hero as you thought you were either, eh, Garrus?”

Chellick flinched as Garrus whipped around. Just as Garrus was about to lay Chellick out on the ground with the butt of his rifle, an urgent ping on his omni-tool stopped him mid-swing. He had never received a message marked urgent before, at least not from C-Sec. The message was from Pallin.

_Vakarian,_

_Urgent message for you at headquarters. Stop whatever you are doing and head back now. Chellick can patrol alone for the rest of the shift._

_Pallin_

“Hit me already, Vakarian. I can take it. Just be prepared for the consequences,” Chellick’s provocation had no effect on Garrus now. He was much too interested in whatever could be so urgent as to pull him off his shift when it had only just begun.

“I’m heading back to headquarters. Pallin says you patrol alone the rest of the night.”

“Yeah, right. Just trying to get out of the shift, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not.” Garrus’ eyes flashed at the other turian as he spun around to face him.

“All right, all right. Not like I haven’t patrolled alone before.” But Garrus wasn’t listening. He was already headed for a shuttle back to headquarters.

He had no idea what could be so urgent. He begged the Spirits that it wasn’t his mother. He knew he should go home and visit her, but he hadn’t had the time. His father was in perfect health and nothing his sister was doing would be urgent enough for Pallin to call him in.

_What could it be?_

The shuttle was entirely too slow. Garrus’ heart was beating fast when he finally arrived at headquarters. Pallin was there to greet him.

“Garrus,” He knew something was off when Pallin was using his first name so familiarly. “I’ve got a Dr. T’Soni for you on a secure channel in Interrogation Room 4. Take all the time you need.”

“Liara?” Garrus was so confused.

“Yes, I believe that is her first name. I thought you would want to take the call in private.”

There was something on Pallin’s face that unnerved Garrus. Something akin to pity. Garrus’ felt sick to his stomach. _And Liara is on the line?...What is going on?_

Garrus strode quickly into Room 4 and shut the door behind him, locking it. He programmed in his code and Liara popped up in front of him. He could tell she had been crying, even as a hologram she was distraught.

“Liara, what is wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Oh, Garrus,” Liara placed her head in her hands and sobbed. She looked up again with fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. “I contacted you as soon as I could. I didn’t want you to hear from anyone else.”

“It’s ok, Liara. Whatever it is, just tell me.” Garrus really felt sick now. He reached for a desk that was near him for support. For some reason, his knees felt slightly weak. He had a thought at the back of his mind of what this was about, but dismissed it because it just wasn’t possible. No. Not his girl.

“Garrus, it’s Shepard, she’s…” Liara paused to sob again.

Garrus couldn’t take it anymore. “Spirits, Liara, what is it?” He was gripping the edge of the desk harder now.

“She’s gone, Garrus.”

“Gone? What the hell do you mean, _gone_?!?” He could hear the tones of desperation underlying his voice.

“We were attacked. I don’t know how or by who. Joker wouldn’t evacuate. Shepard went to save him and…” Liara’s body convulsed in tears again.

“No. No. That can’t be true. She must have found a way off the ship in time. She always finds a way out.”

“I’m sorry, Garrus. It’s true. She’s gone.”

Garrus dropped to his knees. He couldn’t hold up the weight of his body anymore. It all felt too heavy. His shoulders drooped. His lungs felt like they would cave in.

“Have they found her body yet?” he asked quietly.

“No. They’re looking, but there isn’t much left, not even of the ship. She was spaced, Garrus. She fell through the atmosphere of a planet. There’s just no way…” And Liara collapsed into tears again.

It was too much. This couldn’t be happening. He had just sent her a message that morning. They were supposed to talk sometime tonight. He had planned on setting up a comm link on his break. Only a few hours from now. This was impossible.

Commander Elizabeth Shepard was dead?

“Liara,” he finally said.

“Yes, Garrus?” she looked at him as he knelt on the floor before her holographic image.

“Do whatever it takes to find her.”

“I plan to.”

Garrus severed the connection and dropped onto his hands. The pain in his chest was unbearable. He had left her to keep her safe, but in doing that, he had failed her again. He should have stayed with her. He should have been there. He should have forced her into an escape shuttle himself instead of letting her run after Joker. He would not have let her die if he had been there.

_Who was there to watch your six, Lizzie?_ He thought. _No one…no one was there. And that’s why you are gone._

He closed his eyes in anger and pain. There was no justice left in the universe.

He didn’t care who heard him. He released his pain in a guttural howl that grew in volume until it shook the chair next to him. When he ran out of air, he hung his head between his arms and stayed there for what felt like forever.

Eventually, he pulled himself up off the floor. He discarded his C-Sec uniform and left Interrogation Room 4 in only his undersuit. He didn’t care who saw him. He didn’t care about anything anymore.

Pallin was waiting for him outside the room.

“Vakarian, I –“ Garrus interrupted Pallin’s sentence.

“I quit,” he said and trudged slowly out of C-Sec and back to his apartment.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

_0234 GV: Lizzie. It’s me. Tell me this isn’t true. Tell me it’s all a lie. Tell me you’re still alive._

_[Server error]: User does not exist._

_0236 GV: Lizzie, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I never told you…I love you, Lizzie._

_[Server error]: User does not exist._


	4. Part of Him Had Died

“I got a new lead for ya.”

Sidonis had a strange look of glee on his face. Garrus was surprised at the high spirits of his comrade. Usually, Sidonis was a bit of a killjoy, but for some reason, today was different. Today, Sidonis seemed down right excited.

“Oh yeah? Let’s have it.” Garrus took the datapad from Sidonis’ hands and scrolled through the information. “Hmmm….just might have something here.” Garrus read the report on the Blood Pack’s gun running operation in the Kenzo District. _It would be nice to strike a hit at the Blood Pack_ , he thought.

But then he sighed deeply. He kept scrolling, but wondered for the millionth time what the point of all this was. No matter how much he tried to do, it was never enough. He and his team could not keep up with all the merc gangs of Omega and he wasn’t sure why he even cared anymore.

He had left C-Sec. He had left the Citadel. He had left everything he knew. He thought that maybe if he left everything familiar behind he would be able to leave himself behind – he could forget everything.

He could forget Shepard.

He could forget the pain he felt at her death.

His sister had tried to cheer him up. When the news hit the rest of the galaxy a few days after Liara’s contact, his sister had been the first one to try to get a hold of him. He had ignored all of Solana’s calls. Eventually she had descended on his apartment like a whirlwind.

“Garrus Vakarian. This is embarrassing,” she had said as she hacked into his apartment and pulled open all the curtains. He had lain in bed for days, only leaving to get another beer or go to the bathroom. He hadn’t showered. He hadn’t eaten.

And the apartment smelled like it.

Solana stormed in and threw back the covers of his bed.

“You can’t live like this. Get up and get in the shower.”

Garrus had reached for the covers to pull them back up. “No.”

“I’m not kidding, Garrus. This is disgusting. I didn’t travel all the way out here to sit in an apartment that smells like this.”

“Solana, I didn’t ask you to come here, and I don’t want to get up.”

“Why not?” she had asked, putting her hands on her hips, feigning ignorance.

It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know how deep his feelings for his former Commander were. All she knew was the _Normandy_ had gone down and his trusted comrade was dead. That he had quit C-Sec and refused to answer any messages.

“There’s no point, Solana.”

“No point to what?” she asked, the same sickeningly sweet smile on her face, still feigning ignorance.

“Living.”

“That’s just bullshit, Garrus. Soldiers die. I know she was your friend, but that’s no reason to –“

“She wasn’t just my friend, Solana. Now please. Leave me alone.”

Solana Vakarian snapped her mouth plates together at that. Now she knew. He didn’t care. What did it matter if his sister knew that he loved Commander Shepard? What did anything matter anymore?

Finally, she said quietly, “I see.”  He noticed she paused to take a more careful look at his bedroom. Her eyes lingered on the model ship and the tiny action figure next to his nightstand, the same place that his eyes rested.

“Oh, I see.” Solana looked around her until she found a chair and pulled it up next to the bed. She reached for her brother’s hand and grasped it tightly in her own. “I had no idea, Garrus. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Garrus sighed. “There was really nothing to tell.”

“Well, obviously that’s not true.”

“Yes. It is. Nothing really….happened. But I love her – loved – her. And now she’s gone. And it’s my fault.”

“How in the galaxy is that your fault?”

He sat upright, pushing the covers down off his chest and releasing his sister’s hand. She jumped back in her chair in surprise.

“Because I should have been there!” he yelled. “I should have been there to protect her. She would still be here if my foolish pride hadn’t gotten in the way. _I_ had to be better. _I_ had to be a Spectre. I couldn’t just settle for what I had. And when she needed me, I _still_ wasn’t there!”

He dropped his head in his hands and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he felt Solana’s hand on his shoulder.

“Garrus, none of this is your fault.” Garrus let his shoulders droop lower. “I mean it. Even if you had been there, there’s no way for you to know if you could have saved her. And in the end, maybe you would have died too.”

Garrus looked up at his sister’s face. “I wish I _had_ died. Life isn’t worth living without her!”

To his chagrin, Solana’s face looked shocked and sad. “What about me, Garrus? Do I mean nothing? I still need a big brother.” Garrus studied his sister’s eyes and felt instantly sorry. But part of him still didn’t care. Part of him felt completely empty. Part of him had died with his human Commander.

Eventually, he had let Solana nurse him back to health and together they had cleaned the apartment. But Garrus had decided that day that he couldn’t stay where he was.

He attempted to leave his old world behind. But it seemed to follow him wherever he went. Sometimes he would see a blonde human in Afterlife and would think it was her. Sometimes he would see Alliance soldiers docked on leave and would listen to their conversations, straining to find out if any of them knew her.

He would never be the same. He was doomed to a lifetime of regret without her.

Sidonis’ voice dragged Garrus out of his memories.

“You know, some of the team has been talking,” he began, clearly uncomfortable.

“Yeah, about what?” Garrus asked.

“We’ve done a good thing, Garrus. Some of them want to be finished. Settle down with their families. Some of them still have something to lose, ya know?” Garrus understood the underpinnings of that statement, but he didn’t begrudge his fellow turian for it. It was no secret that Garrus lived in a way that most would consider reckless and possibly like a death wish.

“You talkin’ for the crew, Sidonis, or yourself?” Garrus raised one eyebrow plate at his fellow turian.

“Well, maybe a little of both,” Sidonis shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“Nobody has to stick around,” Garrus looked back down at the datapad. “Everyone is free to leave if they want to. I’m not their keeper.”

“Yeah, we know, Garrus. Forget I said anything,” Sidonis looked impatiently at a message on his omni-tool. “So, what do you think about that hit?”

“I say we do it,” Garrus handed the datapad back to Sidonis. “I’ll scout out the place after doing some more research. Let you know what I find.”

“Sounds good. Just keep me in the loop, ok?”

“Wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise,” Garrus stood up from his chair and patted Sidonis on the shoulder. “Get some rest. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow. And Sidonis,” Garrus let go of his team member’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “After this, we can tell the team to take a week off or something. They’ve earned a break.”

Sidonis’ face lit up. “I bet they’ll love to hear that.”

Garrus nodded and left the room for his quarters.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

_1733 GV: Hey, Lizzie. Got a new hit planned out today. Takin’ out some Blood Pack mercs. What d’you think?_

_[Server error]: User does not exist._

_1735 GV: Yeah, yeah. I know. You can’t even let me pretend?_

_[Server error]: User does not exist._


	5. Only Gods Are Resurrected

There was something terribly wrong.

This was the place. Of course it was. Sidonis had brought him here and was waiting just outside, watching for any stray Blood Pack mercs. He trusted Sidonis like he trusted all of his teammates. Sidonis would warn him if something was wrong.

But the warehouse was empty. Not a trace of life in the entire, dilapidated building.

“Sidonis,” he whispered over the comm. “There’s nothing here. You sure this is the right place?”

“I’m sure, Vakarian,” Sidonis’ voice replied. “This is it. Check a little further in. The shipment’s gotta be here.”

Garrus crept behind another crate in the abandoned warehouse. There was a door near the back. _Maybe there’s something in there._

“All right, I see one more place to look. I’m going to hack into what looks like a storage room at the back, but if I don’t find anything, we’re getting out of here,” Garrus paused before moving again. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Sidonis.”

“Why, Vakarian? I’ve got your back.”

The words sounded so familiar. Garrus had to smile a bit at the phrase he had so often used to reassure his Commander when she seemed hesitant. Just like he felt now.

“Yeah. All right,” he finally said. “I’m going in.”

Garrus crept silently behind the crates, careful to check for any signs of Blood Pack members. He still didn’t see anything, but it didn’t hurt to be careful. _Always be on the look-out for the enemy_ , his father would say. _Even when you think they’re not there._

He reached the door and quickly hacked the lock. He assumed a defensive position as the door swung open. He strode into the room, weapon raised and took in his surroundings, but just as quickly lowered his weapon. The lights flickered on to reveal another empty room.

“Sidonis, there’s nothing here,” he grumbled. “I’m coming out.”

Garrus retraced his steps to the front of the warehouse. But where was Sidonis? Garrus looked over to the ledge in an adjacent building where he had left Sidonis perched to watch for intruders.

But the other turian was gone.

“Sidonis,” Garrus said over the comm. “Where the hell are you?”

He waited. There was no reply. _What the hell is going on?_ Garrus was concerned now. Maybe this had all been a set up. Maybe Sidonis had been captured. Maybe he was hurt. Garrus quickly entered the building where Sidonis had hidden and looked for signs of the other turian. No weapon left behind. No sign of a struggle. _Where could he be?_

Garrus started into a light jog. If Sidonis was all right, he would rendezvous at the hideout. That’s where Garrus decided to look next.

Even though it was really only a few minutes, the time it took to return to the hideout felt like forever. Garrus was slightly out of breath when he finally arrived, but what he saw as he rounded the corner took the rest of his breath away.

Parts of the lower levels of the hideout were in flames. His face fell along with his heart in his chest. Fear gripped him. Fear of what he would find in that hideout.

 _No use hiding now_ , Garrus thought in agony. _I’ve got to find my team. They were all inside when I left…_

Using an alternate entrance, Garrus climbed into the burning wreckage of the hideout, but what he found turned his fears into reality.

There they were. Sprawled in different positions. Some flat on their faces, others clearly in positions where they had tried to escape.

All of them. Dead. All eleven of them. Garrus counted.

He dropped to his knees to wretch.

 _But wait_ , Garrus realized something as his stomach calmed from its angry flips, his fury flaring in tandem with his fear and anguish. _Not eleven…Only ten. Where is Sidonis?_

No. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t believe it. Not Sidonis – his most trusted friend since Shepard had died. The turian who had helped him decide to put together the team. The turian he had trusted with his life.

He decided to give the comm one more try.

“Sidonis, you bastard, if you are on this comm, you better damn well explain this.” Pure rage evidenced itself in the subharmonics of his voice. He was sure Sidonis could pick up on that.

The line on the comm crackled for a second. Garrus waited.

“I know you’re there, Sidonis. What have you done?” his voice had dropped even lower as his body flushed with wrath.

This time, there was a reply.

“I’m sorry, Garrus. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t –“

“Don’t give me your useless excuses. You killed them! You set them up! You set _me_ up!” Garrus stopped talking when he heard a noise outside the hideout. He looked over the bridge and swore under his breath at the sight of mercs. He couldn’t tell which gang they belonged to, but he was sure they had come to finish the job. No time to deal with Sidonis. He had to worry about survival for now. He grabbed what rations, weapons, and ammo he could and headed for the stairs. After nestling into a perfect sniping spot, he tried the comm one more time.

“So help me, Sidonis. I will find you and you will pay.”

“I know, Garrus. And I know you don’t believe me, but…I am sorry.”

Garrus severed the connection just before putting a bullet into the brain of the first merc that tried to cross the bridge. _It’s going to be a long night_ , he thought, sullenly. _Oh, Lizzie, I wish you were here. If you had been here…well, you wouldn’t have let this happen to_ your _team._

_I failed my team. And I failed you. Again. You've been gone two years, and I still can't get things right..._

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Her hair was the first thing she noticed. Shepard should have known it would be shorter. Why should Cerberus care about accelerating her hair growth so she could resume her normal appearance before Alchera. They didn’t know how attached she was to her long, blonde, wavy locks. All they cared about was that she become their weapon. Their tool.

Their slave.

But her hair… _I guess it’s not ugly_ , she consoled herself as she gazed into a mirror for the first time since her resurrection. _But it’s not pretty, either._ And then she felt foolish for even caring so much, but deep down, she was still just a girl in many ways. To her credit, she hadn’t even thought about what she might look like until everything had died down. Since she had woken up, her life had been filled with nothing but fighting and running and she hadn’t given any thought to her appearance.

But now she had time, and now she thought about it. She brought a hand up to touch what was left of her former favorite physical trait. It was still wavy, just shorter, falling just below her chin.

Then she took stock of the rest of her face. Her joints were still sore from everything Cerberus had done to put her together – she could tell she was not quite a finished product. She popped her jaw a couple of times to feel how her face truly fit together and marveled at the red scars that widened as she did so. _I shine_ , she thought. _There is light radiating out of my face_. _Like a fucking god or something. Well, they did bring me back to life….only gods are resurrected, right?_

She laughed a little at that thought and ran her hands over the new skin that covered her facial features. She was surprised to find that it was soft. For some reason, she figured Cerberus would have had a hard time reproducing skin, but apparently they didn’t. Her skin felt the same – maybe even a little _too_ soft.

Her skin was different in one way. All her scars were gone. She traced a finger over her nose and under her eye where her long scar from the Blitz had been. Completely gone. Not a trace. She had new scars now. Scars that flashed red when she moved.

And then she froze.

 _My NOSE!_ , she screamed in her head. _What the fuck did they do to my nose?!?_

She stormed out of her cabin on the new _Normandy_ and punched the button on the elevator. As she exited on her chosen floor, she saw Cerberus crew members flinch in fear as her infuriated form flew past them to Miranda’s quarters.

She pinged impatiently for permission to enter and let out a breath of hot, irate air when she was granted entrance. She waited for the door to close behind her before unleashing her fury.

“What the fuck is this!?!” pointing at her nose while she screamed at Miranda, whose eyes widened in surprise at the sudden question.

“Excuse me? I don’t know what you are talking about. What the fuck is your _face_?” Miranda replied in kind.

“Miranda, don’t play dumb with me, dammit! What did Cerberus do to my nose?”

Miranda’s eyes flashed understanding as she stood up from behind her desk.

“Ah, I see,” she said as she slowly walked to the side and leaned her hip on the desk. “Actually, Shepard, I thought you would be happy about the change. It’s a much more attractive facial feature after reconstruction than it was before.”

“I said don’t fucking play with me, Miranda! What happened to my _nose_?!” Shepard took a threatening step toward Miranda who only responded by crossing her arms and giving the angry woman in front of her a smile.

“Shepard, just have a seat and I will explain, ok?” Miranda motioned to a chair next to her. Shepard shook her head.

“Fine,” the dark haired woman continued. “Stand if you like. There was no deep, dark plot behind the reconstruction of your nose, Shepard. We simply couldn’t restore it to the state it was before Alchera. The former reconstruction job you had after the Blitz was just that. It wasn’t based off of your actual nose. It was simply fake cartilage added on to give the best appearance possible. “ Miranda pushed off the desk and took a step toward Shepard.

“We restored your nose to its original appearance, because that was simpler. We based the reconstruction off of your bone structure, not some botched Alliance plastic surgery job. You look the way you did before you ever suffered any serious physical trauma. Like I said before, Shepard,” Miranda turned her back on Shepard and returned to her seat at the desk. “I thought you would be pleased.”

“Well, I’m not,” Shepard replied, taking the seat that Miranda offered before. She was still angry, but she realized how utterly foolish she must look. She willed herself to calm down.

“Do you mind if I ask why?” Miranda responded.

Shepard had to think for a minute. She didn’t want to explain to Miranda her reason for caring so much about the new-old nose. That was too much information for this woman she had only known for a day. But she had to say something.

“People won’t recognize me this way,” she finally said, but in her head, she dreaded another thought. _Or some people that I_ don’t _want to recognize me this way_ will _recognize me in ways I don’t want them to remember._

Her thoughts lingered on a certain C-Sec officer she had met over ten years before. _No, over 12 years now. I was just asleep for two of them._

The C-Sec officer who had saved her from Josiah. The C-Sec officer she loved. The C-Sec officer who had apparently disappeared.

Garrus. _Her_ C-Sec officer.

If she found him, and she planned on finding him, she didn’t want him to see her like this. Not with this face. Not with this nose.

 _He would know_ , she thought. _He would recognize me from before and that would ruin everything…_

“I don’t think you will have to worry about that, Shepard,” Miranda said. Shepard had almost forgotten the woman was sitting in front of her. She had been entirely lost in her thoughts. “Besides, if they don’t believe it’s you, all they have to do is look at your records and pull up your old service photo. It’s not that hard. Everything else will match. Your fingerprints, your damn DNA is the same. You are _you_. You just have a better looking nose.”

Miranda flashed a perfect smile. Shepard might have been confused by everything that had just happened, but it almost seemed like Miranda was trying to be _nice_ to her. She stored that bit of information away for further study and decided it was time to make her exit. Her thoughts of Garrus were distracting and she wanted to be alone.

“I – I’m sorry to have bothered you, Miranda. All of this is still so….hard to believe, I guess,” Shepard shrugged her shoulders in resignation.

“It’s no problem, Shepard. Glad I could help. This is a huge adjustment for all of us, especially you. Now if you don’t mind, I have some reports to finish for the Illusive Man.”

“Yeah, sure.” She didn’t need to be told twice. Shepard quickly stood up to leave, but then she remembered.

“Wait, Miranda?”

Miranda didn’t try to hide her annoyance. “Yes?”

“Was there anything….recovered with me when you found my body?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Shepard.”

“Well…I mean, anything found…on my person?”

Miranda shook her head in confusion.

“I kept a…a trinket – a good luck charm –  in my pocket whenever I went out on a mission. Do you know if it was found?”

Then Miranda’s eyes flashed with understanding.

“You mean the little turian figure? Yes, we found it. It was damaged on entry into the atmosphere, but your uniform and undersuit miraculously kept it mostly intact. It seemed to survive the entry better than you did, really. I guess that’s not totally surprising considering it doesn’t have any skin, just metal and plastic.”

Shepard flushed slightly, embarrassed for Miranda to know what it was she kept in her pocket at all times. But she didn’t have to say anything further – Miranda answered her next unspoken question.

“It’s in your cabin. Top draw on the left of your desk. I figured it meant something to you and had it put there.”

“Thank you,” Shepard said breathlessly and left her XO’s quarters. She ran back to her cabin as quickly as possible and opened the drawer.

There he was. Tiny Garrus Vakarian. The visor had melted to his mini-turian face and his rifle had broken off, but Miranda was right. He was still mostly intact.

 _This is the best thing that’s happened to me all day_ , she thought as she put the miniature Garrus back in her pocket, where he belonged.

But she was still flustered. She had to do something to work out all these emotions. Everything was confusing. She had died. She had been dead for two years. Her hair was gone. She looked 20 again. Her team was split up.

The Real Garrus had disappeared.

She shook her head. _Need to hit things_ , she thought as she made her way to the cargo hold. _Hopefully they have some equipment on this ship_.

It took her a while, but she found some, nestled away in a storage closet in the cargo hold. She dragged it out and stretched, enjoying the feeling of her new body reacting to the mild strain. Once she felt warmed up, she began her usual regimen. Punch, kick, jab, block. Over and over and over. She went through her usual patterns and some turian tactics that Nihlus and Garrus had shown her. She lost all sense of time. _Fighting and music_ , she thought, _the two things that make life worth living_. Then she thought of Garrus. _Ok, three. Three things that make life worth living. You’re out there somewhere, Big Guy, aren’t you? You have to be._

That thought made her pause. She checked her omni-tool to see what time is was. _1700 hours?_ _I’ve been doing this for three hours? I don’t even feel out of breath._

“Glad to see you finally taking a break, Shepard.” She whirled around to see Jacob Taylor walking up behind her.

“You know, people have odd habits of sneaking up on me while I’m working out. Apparently dying didn’t change that at all,” she smirked at him. “What can I do for you, Mr. Taylor?”

“Nothing important, Shepard,” he smiled as he stopped a few feet from her while she stretched to unwind. “I had a few potential weapon upgrades that I wanted to run by you, so I asked EDI where you were,” he paused. “That was two hours ago. You haven’t let up the whole time I’ve been down here.”

 _Ok, that’s a little creepy_ , she thought. _He was watching me this whole time?_ She took a good look at her new subordinate. _He sure doesn’t_ look _like a creeper, but who knows._ She shrugged, partially in response to her own thought and partially in response to Jacob’s comment.

“Guess I lost track of time,” she said.

“Seems like the upgrades are working out, then,” Jacob replied.

“Upgrades?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, Cerberus gave you some major upgrades on the operating table. You don’t even look like you broke a sweat. That’s pretty amazing for a three hour workout, don’t you think?”

She didn’t like this. She didn’t like this at all. But Jacob was probably right. The idea of Cerberus upgrading her in ways she didn’t know about frightened her a little, but Miranda had told her that at least they didn’t go so far as to put a chip in her head. _Thank the Spirits for that_ , she sighed.

“Yeah, I guess so. Any other ‘upgrades’ I should know about?”

“I would have figured you noticed some of them on Freedom’s Progress,” Jacob said. “Your biotics were extremely powerful. I’m a biotic too, but I can’t do half of the things you were doing out there.”

She was taken aback by that comment. He was right. Even though she had been asleep for two years, to her, it felt like a matter of weeks since Saren and Sovereign were killed. But somehow, there was still enough loss of awareness that she hadn’t realized how much her biotics had been amplified.

“Huh…good to know. Maybe I’ll have to play around with them some more to find out what I can do,” she smiled. She hated Cerberus for all of this. But if the end result was that she was more powerful physically and biotically, then the situation wasn’t all bad. “Sorry, Mr. Taylor, but it’s been a long day. Can we talk about those upgrades tomorrow morning? I promise to drop by first thing.”

“Sure, Shepard. No problem. And, by the way, ‘Mr. Taylor’ was my dad. It’s just Jacob to you.” She might have been imagining it, but she was fairly certain he had given her the “up-down” before turning and heading for the elevator. _No thanks,_ Jacob _. You are an attractive piece of eye candy, but my heart is spoken for._

She followed him to the elevator, but frowned at the thought of Garrus. She instinctively reached in her pocket to feel for the tiny version of her hero.

_Damn it, Vakarian. Where did the Real You go?_

She let out a sigh as the elevator door closed.  _Can't dwell on it now. Have to move forward with the mission. Duty calls._

"Joker," she pinged as she exited the elevator and entered her cabin.

"Good to hear you callin' again, Shepard." She smiled at his comment.

"Good to be callin', I guess. Let's get going. Set a course for Omega."

"Aye, aye, Commander."


	6. An Odd Feeling of Hope

Almost two days. One day, twenty hours, and thirty-one minutes. That was how long Garrus had been holed up in the hideout, fighting for his life. The time on his omni-tool made him smile slightly, even in the midst of everything, because he had set it to human time long ago and never changed it back – even though his favorite human was gone.

Part of him wasn’t sure why he was fighting anymore. He couldn’t keep this up. It was impossible. He was exhausted. Pushing stims for one day, twenty hours, and thirty-one minutes was not good for anyone. His heart rate was irregular. His breathing was pained. But for some reason, he kept fighting.

One day, twenty hours, and thirty-one minutes with very few breaks and no sleep. He couldn’t afford to rest. But just now, it appeared that the merc gangs were giving him a break. Some of them were retreating back over the bridge.

_Must be running out of sacrificial free-lancers_ , he thought.

Garrus decided to take this moment to try and give his former teammates some dignity. He headed down to the lower level, slowly and carefully. After scouting out the area, he was sure no one had infiltrated his hideout yet. _That damn bridge has kept me alive_.

Painstakingly, he began the task of gathering the bodies. The bodies of men he had worked with. The bodies of men who had followed him. The bodies of men who had trusted him.

And he had failed them. Because of his foolish trust in Sidonis, these men were dead.

He tried to lay the bodies in a way that would retain some of their dignity. It would probably seem pointless to anyone else. Who would come and clean this up after he was dead anyway? No one else would care. They would just burn the bodies of his squad like they burned the bodies of the plague victims. Unceremoniously and in the street.

But Garrus knew his team deserved better than that. They may not have beat the gangs of Omega, but they had made a dent. A dent big enough to piss off every single bit of scum on Omega. _A dent big enough to make the three most powerful gangs on this pisshole combine against us._

If the sight before him wasn’t so grim, he might have chuckled. But the sight _was_ grim as he lined the bodies up and covered them as best he could. One by one.

A sound over the bridge startled him back into reality. He covered the last of his fallen friends and headed back to his perch, scoping out what was happening.

_Spirits,_ he sighed, _they just keep coming._

He couldn’t hold this together much longer. After missing a few of his first shots, he knew the end was near. Garrus Vakarian never missed.

The merc gangs seemed to have endless resources. Even on stims, one turian could only last so long alone.

He made a decision in that moment – the moment where he knew his end was coming. He pushed a few buttons on his omni-tool and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

At first there was silence on the line. And then –

“Hello? Garrus, is that you?” His father’s voice. Garrus regretted that the subharmonics in that voice betrayed worry. He regretted even more that he was actually relieved to hear that his father was worried about him, even after all he had done.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Garrus, I – it’s been so long. We’ve all been worried about you.”

“I’m sorry about that, Dad. I’ve had – urgent matters to take care of.” Garrus expected a lecture from his father. A lecture about duty and honor and family. A lecture about how you don’t abandon the people you care about and not contact them for almost two years.

But to his surprise, his father didn’t lecture him at all.

“I see. Well, it’s good to hear your voice, Son. Your mother and sister…and I…have missed you. Very much.”

Garrus almost fell apart right then. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard such soft words from his father before. But the moment ended sooner than it began when Garrus rose to line up his rifle and knock out three free-lancers as they tried to make their way across the bridge.

Garrus was sure his father had heard the shots over the connection, but Tavius Vakarian said nothing.

“So, Dad, I have something to say.”

“Yes, Son?”

“I – Damn it!” Garrus scoped out two more mercs, fired, and settled back into his perch. “Sorry, Dad. That’s what I wanted to say. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for not listening. I’m sorry for the horrible things I said to you all those years ago.”

Garrus paused and waited for his father to say something, but nothing came over the line.

“You were right, Dad. It doesn’t pay to break the rules. It only gets people hurt.” Garrus saw another group of mercs getting ready to come across the bridge. After he took out that group, his father’s voice piped up again.

“You know, Garrus. I need to apologize as well.” Garrus froze in place. _What is he talking about?_ “I’ve wanted to apologize to you for a long time now. Rules are there for a reason, there’s no doubt about that. But sometimes, when the circumstances are right, it’s ok to break them. If you hadn’t broken the rules and followed Commander Shepard to chase down Saren, who knows what shape the galaxy would be in now?”

Garrus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His father, the turian who had taught him to always mind the red tape, was actually saying it was ok to break the rules.

“I’m just sad that you had to disappear for almost two years for me to tell you that. I also know why you disappeared, Son. Solana told me about her meeting with you after the _Normandy_ went down. Your feelings are a bit….unconventional, but not entirely without merit. And Garrus –”

Garrus took out another free-lancer as he struggled to grasp what his father was saying.

“I’m so proud of what you accomplished with Commander Shepard. She was a worthy and strong companion and friend. But Garrus, my son, life is still worth living. I wish you had given me the chance to tell you that before you disappeared.”

Garrus wasn’t sure he could stand it anymore. These were words he had wanted to hear all his life. And now, in the last few minutes of his mortal existence, he was finally hearing them. It was too late.

“Son, finish up that target practice and come home. Come home to Palaven and we can sort everything out. Your mother misses you. Solana misses you…I miss you. We can help you put the pieces back together.”

Garrus noticed another team preparing to come over the bridge. A much larger team than any of the others, and not only that, but this team looked much better equipped.

But what he saw next convinced him he was going to die.

He was hallucinating. He thought he saw…but no, it couldn’t be. He shook his head and blinked his eyes. No, it was just a blonde, human female merc. _I’ve been on stims too long. This will all be over soon._

But he couldn’t resist. He lifted up his rifle and peered through the scope. Whether she was a hallucination or not, he didn’t care. Maybe she was some sort of angel, coming to take him away from this hell. _I wonder if human heaven is the same as turian heaven…I guess it would make sense that a Shepard-looking angel would show up to take me away from here._

It looked so much like her. But deep down, he knew it was only a mirage in his emotional desert of pain and loneliness. His vision kept tricking him. Not only did the vision look like his Lizzie Shepard, but it was also slightly reminiscent of another blonde human from so long ago – the nameless one. He couldn’t quite put his finger on the reason why, but the last time he saw his Lizzie, he had the same thought. He didn’t think it was a coincidence that both humans looked alike and both had made such an impact on his life.

And he didn’t think it was a coincidence now that this hallucination that showed up to end his life looked like a combination of both of them.

His father’s voice broke him out of his daydream.

“Garrus, are you there, Son?”

“Yeah, Dad, I’m here.”

“So, what do you say?”

Garrus peered back through his scope. What he saw now shocked him awake. This vision of Lizzie Shepard wasn’t coming after him. It was firing on the mercs in front of her.

_This is impossible. She was dead. But just maybe…_

He fired a concussive round that just glanced off her shields.  She took cover quickly, but as she did so, she turned to the side where he could see it. That N7 emblem, blazing like a sun on her arm.

Maybe it was the stims. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. But whatever it was, it made his heart stir with an odd feeling of hope – something he hadn’t felt in two years.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can, Dad. I think the odds just got a lot better.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

A turian vigilante.

Not only that, but a turian vigilante in _blue_ armor.

Hope. Shepard felt hope. She knew it was crazy. What were the chances that only a few days after being resurrected from a two year coma, she would find Garrus here, on Omega? The shithole of all shitholes. But when she heard how the merc gangs talked about this Archangel – his bravery, cunning, and unquenchable thirst for justice – she couldn’t help but think of Garrus. _Sounds like the perfect job for ya, Big Guy._

When Jentha told her Archangel was a turian, her hope rose even more. When she had finally seen Archangel over that ledge, her heart was beating so fast, she thought it would fly away.

Wearing a blue uniform. Holding a sniper rifle just the way her love had held his. It was all too familiar. She thought she might be dreaming.

“Archangel doesn’t have much time,” Jacob said.

“What the hell are we waiting for?” added the newest addition to her team – a person she still couldn’t get a good read on. Shepard didn’t know what to think of Zaeed Massani yet, but she had no time to think about that now.

There was a turian vigilante in blue armor on the other side of that bridge. And maybe, just maybe….

He shot her. A concussive round, but he still shot her. She took cover behind a crate and narrowed her eyes at the mysterious turian. She could tell that Archangel was scoping her out in his rifle, but he didn’t fire again.

“Come on. We’ll give these guys a surprise of our own.”

They moved quickly through the area, killing the mercs ahead of them easily. _They didn’t even stand a chance_ , she thought.

Finally, Shepard and her team reached the door that would lead them to the place where Archangel was camped. Shepard took a deep breath and pushed her way in, weapon still drawn.

“Archangel?”

He raised his hand in a gesture to quiet her. She watched as Archangel scoped out a straggling merc in his sight, and fired. Clean headshot.

She knew a turian who could do that.

She held her breath. Her hands were shaking. She hoped Jacob and Zaeed didn’t notice her shifting nervously from one foot to the other. Archangel slowly stood up and placed his helmet down beside him, as he perched himself onto a seat in front of her.

Shepard nearly dropped to the floor. She had found him. Her hero was here – on the hell that was Omega. Fighting injustice and baddies like he always had. Doing what he did best – protecting the defenseless and standing up for what was right.

Any doubts that she might have had that it was her Garrus, her favorite turian, perched confidently in front of her were allayed when he spoke.

“Shepard.”

It felt like a prayer. He said her name with a softness she wouldn’t have expected. Even after so long, that voice still sent shivers down her spine.

“I thought you were dead.”

She wanted to tackle him. Right then and there. She didn’t care if Zaeed and Jacob were watching. She didn’t care about anything. Garrus was here, and all was right with the world. She could do anything – take down the Collectors, conquer the goddamn Reaper army if she had to.

She could do anything with Garrus by her side.

But somehow, she restrained herself, merely throwing her hands out to the side in an awkward gesture.

He spoke again. Oh, how she _loved_ that voice. It was the most glorious sound she had ever heard.

Garrus sounded so tired. He looked tired as she studied him longer. Not only that, he looked older. _More worn,_ she thought. She wanted to hold him close and fix whatever it was that had brought him here and put him in this awful state. She didn’t know how long he had been holed up in this place, but she had to get him out, and she had to get him out now.

But apparently, Garrus wasn’t too tired to drop a few innuendos that made her blush.

“If I wanted to do more than take down your shields, I’d have done it.”

She bit her lip to hold back a reply.

It was clear that neither of them had a plan. Garrus didn’t know how to get them out of here. She obviously didn’t know either. But she was so overcome with joy that she simply didn’t care. It had felt like an eternity since she had seen her turian hero. And in a way, it _had_ been an eternity.

She _had_ died, after all.

“I’ll stay up here,” he said. “I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point.”

And then he looked at her with that smirk she loved so well.

“You? You can do what you do best.”

_What I do best, huh? You have no idea what I do best. But when we get out of here, I have every intention of –_

“Just like old times, Shepard.”

He sent chills down her spine with that statement. She had missed him – this – so much. As she assumed a position just next to Garrus to fight off more mercs, she felt calmer than she had ever felt in her life.

Cerberus and Reapers be damned. Everything was going to be ok.


	7. The Longest Day of Her Life

Lizzie Shepard gave him a natural high.

He knew it was her. He had no doubt. There was no one in the galaxy who walked, talked, and smelled like Commander Elizabeth Shepard. He didn’t know how she had survived, all he knew was that she was here, fighting at his side again.

Just like old times.

And the day just got better and better. They had taken out Jaroth – one of his biggest problems on Omega. So not only did he have his girl back, but he had taken out one of the most notorious gang leaders on the station.

He stole glances at her whenever he could. Her hair was shorter, but he liked it. Her face looked different….softer somehow, and there was something strange about her nose… She also had interesting new scars that shone like a dying sun, but there would be time to answer all his questions later.

Her eyes were the same – those bright green eyes smiled at him every time she looked over. That was the real reason he knew it was her. No one’s eyes could pierce through him like hers.

But for now, they had to find a way out of here.

The sound of an explosion broke his concentration.

“Damn it! They breached the lower level,” he said. “Well, they had to use their brains eventually.”

He saw Shepard smile out of the corner of his eye. _Humor and style_ , he thought. _Guess I’ve still got it._

“You’d better get down there, Shepard. I’ll keep the bridge clear.” Her smile quickly faded. _What did I say wrong?_

“I didn’t come all this way to let you die. We’ll split up two and two. Keep one of my team here,” she said, and Garrus had to admit she was probably right. He knew his reflexes weren’t great at the moment. With the combination of stims, lack of nourishment and sleep, and the natural high standing in front of him, he was a mess. But he still didn’t like the idea of sending her off with only one back up.

“You sure? Who knows what you’ll find down there.”

“Zaeed, stay with Garrus. Keep him alive.”

Garrus wasn’t familiar with this Zaeed person, but he looked like he could handle himself. Then Garrus realized who was going with Shepard – the muscly human man she had called Jacob.

Now he _really_ didn’t like the idea of leaving her with only one back up. Garrus may have been distracted by the presence and smell of Lizzie Shepard near him again, but he hadn’t missed the way this Jacob was stealing glances at her out of the corner of _his_ eye too.

Nope. Garrus didn’t like it one bit.

But then he scolded himself for feeling so possessive. After all, she had been gone for two years. Who knew what had happened to her. Maybe she had moved on, started a new life. Maybe this Jacob was part of that new life…

Garrus hated that thought, but he hated the next one even more. _And what have I done for the last two years? Got my team killed. Almost got_ myself _killed, multiple times, including this one. Maybe she’s better off with this muscle-bound human. I’m just a failure who doesn’t deserve her…_

The former C-Sec officer shook his head. _We’re in the middle of a fight for our lives_ , he thought. _No time to think about that now._

He quickly gave her directions and then she was gone, with the strong Jacob right behind her.

He and Zaeed managed to hold off the mercs, but just barely. Garrus felt so helpless, so useless. He felt like a child having to call to his parent for help as he said over the comm, “You better get back here Shepard. They’re coming in through the doors.” He would have died without her. Again and again, she had to keep saving him.

And she always came through. She never failed. Unlike him – he seemed to fail at everything he tried.

He took his frustration out on the first companion of Garm that he saw, placing a headshot cleanly between his eyes.

“Nice shot, _Archangel_ ,” the strange human with the different colored eyes sighed next to him. “Managed to piss him off.”

“Believe me,” Garrus said as he reloaded his rifle. “He was already pissed off.”

But before he had even finished his sentence, there she was again, coming to his rescue. She fought her way back up to his position, where they had another moment’s respite. She proposed they try and fight their way out. He agreed with the idea.

“I think you’re right. Tarak’s got the toughest group, but nothing we haven’t faced before. Besides, he won’t be expecting us to meet him head on –“ Garrus froze as he heard whirring sounds outside the window to his left.

“Heads up!” he heard Shepard yell.

“Damn it!” Garrus took cover quickly. “I thought I took that thing out already.”

Zaeed took cover next to him and Jacob took cover near Shepard. They quickly fought through the mercs that dropped in through the window and then continued to take out those that came down the sidewall. He saw Shepard run down to take care of some of the hostiles on the lower level. _Don’t get too far from me, Lizzie. I’m not letting you out of my sight again._

But just as he thought it, she came back up after finishing off the last of the intruders. _Now where the hell did that gunship go? You can’t just hide something like that…_

He crept out of cover and looked around. _Where are you going to pop up next….come on out, coward._

And then the gunship showed its face.

“Archangel! You think you can screw with the Blue Suns?!?”

A shower of bullets pelted him, mostly deflected by his shields. He dropped into cover as quickly as he could. He turned to look over his shoulder and started to dart for new cover.

“This ends NOW!”

All he knew was searing pain down his face. And darkness.

***********************

He woke with a jolt. The pain was still there. It was almost unbearable. He was sure that the stims were probably numbing most of it, but it still hurt like hell.

He couldn’t move. He was having trouble breathing. He could barely think.

“Garrus!”

He heard her voice. If it didn’t hurt so much, he would smile. _Maybe she really was an angel sent to take me away. Just an illusion…this has all been a dream. I’m going to die…_

She was there. Leaning over him and looking into his eyes. Those bright, green eyes. There wasn’t much else he would choose to be the last image he would see while alive.

Her face looked so worried. So real.

“We’re getting you out of here, Garrus. Just hold on.”

He heard the muscly human say something else, and Shepard told him to radio Joker, but Garrus wouldn’t be coherent for much longer. Not that he was really coherent now.

But just before he passed out again, he saw her lean over and touch her forehead to his, smearing blue blood on her face.

“Please hold on, Garrus,” he heard her whisper. “I can’t do this without you.”

Then the blackness enveloped him again.

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

_“Elizabeth, sit down. Pacing the room isn’t going to make the surgeons work any faster.”_

_“I can’t sit, Mom. They’ve had him in there for ten hours. I’ve sat for nine of them. I’m done fucking sitting.” Elizabeth Shepard continued to pace up and down the waiting room of the half-bombed out shelter-turned-hospital on Elysium._

_“Watch your language, young lady.”_

_“No one cares if I drop a goddamn curse word. I’m sure they’ve all heard it before.”_

_Whether out of spite or out of pity, her mother didn’t say another word. Shepard continued to pace._

_They waited another thirty minutes. Forty minutes. An hour. Each minute felt like forever._

_“Elizabeth, please. Will you come sit by me?” She actually turned to look at her mother. There was something in her voice that was different. For all their disagreements and differences, Elizabeth Shepard loved her mother. She quickly found the seat next to the older woman and reached for her hand._

_“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m just so scared…”_

_“I know, Baby Girl. I know,” Hannah Shepard patted her daughter’s hand while grasping it with her other one. “I’m scared too.”_

_Elizabeth leaned against her mother’s shoulder and sighed. This had been the longest day of her life._

_She was supposed to be on leave, enjoying this rare moment of time that she had with both her parents. She didn’t serve on the same ship, but they met up when they could. They had been having a movie night, watching some stupid_ Blasto _movie – one of her dad’s favorites, he was always a sucker for cheesy films and heroics. Then the sirens had sounded and their lives changed completely._

_Hannah Shepard had been separated from her husband and Elizabeth. The latter pair had fought their way to help the colonists however they could. They found the colonists in complete chaos and disarray._

_“Lizzie, we’ve got to split up and try and rally some of these people. If those ships are what I think they are, we don’t stand a chance if we don’t get some of these folks to defend themselves.”_

_“Ok, so what’s your plan?”_

_“You head east. I’ll head west. Meet up in the middle and we’ll see who we’ve got to help create some sort of barricade.”_

_She nodded and headed off to her right. She gathered what people she could get – anyone who looked like they could hold a gun – and showed them where the weapon crates were. She met her father at the designated meeting point._

_Of course he had found more than her. She had smiled, beaming proudly._ That’s my dad, _she thought_. Best soldier in the universe.

_With the help of the colonists, they had moved as many storage crates and barriers as they could, piling them up on the main route into the colony._

_“All right,” Adam Shepard had said. “Let’s see how we did.”_

_They placed the colonists in key positions to hold off the incoming waves of batarian slavers, but it wasn’t enough. More and more seemed to keep coming. But eventually, they caught a break. Elizabeth had heard her father trying to make contact with any Alliance ships in the sector. They had, of course, sent the distress signal as soon as the sirens blew, but they hadn’t heard a reply from anyone. Eventually, there came a point where all hope seemed lost, and Elizabeth was sure they would be overwhelmed._

_“Shepard!” a voice crackled over the comm. “Is that you?”_

_“Pressly?” Her dad had replied. “I’ve never been so glad to hear your voice.”_

_“I bet. Hang on down there, we’re coming in to take out as many ships as we can.”_

_“Thank God!” Elizabeth chimed in._

_“Who’s that?” Pressly’s voice said._

_“That’s my daughter, Pressly. Pride and joy.” Elizabeth beamed at the praise._

_“She holdin’ the line down there with you, Shep?”_

_“Sure is. Now hurry up and get us out of this mess.”_

_“You got it.”_

_And then everything had gone horribly wrong. A small group of batarians had crept around to the side of the barricade and were raining down bullets at the colonists trying to defend. Elizabeth saw it too late, but her father didn’t miss it. He ran to reinforce the defenses, but he lost cover on the way._

_And as he fell to the ground, just a few paces away from her, Elizabeth Shepard’s heart broke. She ran to his side and cupped his head in her hands._

_“Dad! Dad, no!”_

_“Lizzie Baby. It’ll be ok,_ ” he gasped. _“I promise. You have to help them…” And he had closed his eyes. Panicked, grief-stricken, furious, she had defended the colonists with all her might, as her father had commanded, until the reinforcements came._

_And now, in the hospital waiting room with her mother, she sat, helpless, weaponless, defenseless, waiting for the hospital staff to tell them if he would be ok. She hadn’t eaten or slept since before the attack. She was tired, but there was no way she would miss any news of her father’s condition._

_Finally, the door to the operating room hissed open. She could tell by the look on the doctor’s face that it wasn’t good news._

_She stood up to meet him. Hannah Shepard remained sitting, looking at the floor, hands folded neatly in her lap._

_“Doc?” Elizabeth said._

_“I’m sorry,” the doctor began. Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief._

_“No, don’t say it! Don’t tell me he’s not coming out of that room!”_

_“I’m so sorry, Lieutenant. We did all we could. His heart – we couldn’t repair the damage.”_

_She fell to the floor. Her mother didn’t approve of tears, but Elizabeth Shepard couldn’t hold them back any longer._

_She knelt on the floor and wept._

_Days later, they had the nerve to give her a medal for it._

***************************

It all felt too familiar. She was barely holding together. Jacob had watched her pace the communications room over and over and over. _At least he doesn’t try to get me to sit and hold his hand_ , she thought.

“Just….go check on him,” she said, waving her hand dismissively.

“Commander, I just checked five min –“

“Just do it!” she yelled. He didn’t question her again.

She paced up and down, back and forth, around the holographic image of the _Normandy_ that floated in the middle of the room.

“Spirits, please let him live.”

She fumbled in her pocket for the mini turian hiding there. She dragged it out to look at it and smiled. “ _Just like old times, Shepard,”_ he had said.

“Come on, Garrus,” she said outloud. “We’ve got so much more to live for than the old times. We need to make some _new_ times.”

The door hissed open again and Jacob returned. Shepard quickly replaced her charm in her pocked. Jacob placed both hands on the table and said, “Commander, we’ve done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit.” She let her head fall between her shoulders.

_No,_ she thought. _Not again, I can’t handle this again._

“The doctors corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics.”

_What?!?_ She thought about jumping over the table and punching Jacob Taylor in his jaw. How dare he scare her like that.

“Best we can tell, he’ll have full functionality, but –“

The door slid open yet again and there he stood. _Garrus Vakarian_ , she thought. _You are the biggest bad ass in the galaxy, you know that?_

She couldn’t hide the smile that filled her whole face.

“Shepard,” her turian said.

“Tough son of a bitch,” Jacob laughed. “Didn’t think he’d be up yet.”

She felt nothing but relief – an emotional overload of happiness that she had found Garrus, and now he was safe and sound, back on the _Normandy_ with her. Where he belonged. Where she had told him he belonged over two years ago.

He still looked tired and worn. And there was something else that was different about him. Something hardened. Something that made her worry. Something she couldn’t quite figure out…

_What happened to you, Garrus?_ She wondered. _What happened while I was away?_

They exchanged small talk, even after Jacob left the room, Shepard thought Garrus seemed a little…distant. He didn’t walk up to her. He didn’t try to touch her. _What is wrong?_ She thought.

But she decided it was best to give him time. This was a big adjustment for everyone. After all, he had thought she was dead for the past two years. Obviously, he had moved on with his life. _If you can call becoming a vigilante on Omega moving on…_ And he had almost died today.

But when the doors slid closed behind her turian hero, leaving her alone again, the same feelings she had before washed over her again. The fear. The stress. The absolute panic that she would lose another person she loved.

Commander Elizabeth Shepard didn’t cry. But she had no control anymore. The emotions inside her were too strong.

She dropped to her knees and wept on the floor of the communications room. But this time, they were tears of joy and relief.


	8. Uncomfortable in the Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because sometimes silence leads to amazing results...

_Where the hell am I?_ was Garrus’ first thought upon waking in the Main Battery. After only a few seconds, his memory slowly returned.

_The gunship. Cerberus. Shepard…_

Grunting, he sat up on the side of his cot and looked around at his tight surroundings. He trusted Shepard. He trusted her with everything that he had, including his life, but he didn’t trust Cerberus. He had no intention of sleeping in the crews’ quarters with a bunch of Cerberus employees. So after talking with Shepard and checking out the Main Battery, he decided to make it his own private quarters.

He liked the quietness of the space, and had dragged a cot from the crews’ quarters to his new home. Gardner, the Mess Sergeant, had helped him the last bit of the trek.

“It’s good to have you on board, Officer Vakarian,” the enthusiastic man had said. “Commander Shepard speaks highly of you.”

“Really? I mean…thanks,” Garrus replied as the Battery doors slid open, allowing the two of them entrance.

“Yeah, I mean, she didn’t really say a lot, but she was really upset when you were hurt. You shoulda seen her. Pacing up and down outside the medbay. Eventually, Mr. Taylor suggested she take her pacing into the comm room.” Garrus bristled at the mention of the strapping human man. “But while she was out here, I fixed her a cup of hot chocolate. She seems to like that stuff a lot – calms her down – and she told me all sorts of things about your time with her before she left the mess.”

“What sort of things”? Garrus asked, as the two men pushed the cot into the corner, taking the place of the crate that had been there previously. Garrus was extremely curious about what Shepard would have thought to tell her Mess Sergeant about him while he lay on an operating table.

“Oh, just stuff. Like the time she met you when you were saving some doctor on the Citadel.” Garrus remembered that and smiled. She had rebuked him for his reckless actions then and he thought she was naïve. “And the way you saved her from a group of husks she didn’t even notice while fighting the Thorian.” He remembered that day as well, and the fallout afterwards, how responsible she had felt for the death of the colonists she tried so hard to save. “She said you always tried to help people – that of all the people in the galaxy, she could depend on you.”

_Does she know I feel the same way?_ Gardner straightened up from the last effort of trying to straighten out the cot in the corner. “I don’t think this thing is going to fit entirely in this corner, Officer Vakarian. You sure this is where you want to sleep? It’s awfully cramped in here.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Not big on company.”

“Suit yourself,” the human said with a shrug as he headed out the Battery doors. “Oh, and Officer Vakarian?” Garrus raised his eyebrow plates at Gardiner as he turned around.  “She was real messed up over you getting hurt. I don’t know how they did it, but they brought her back. She’s probably going through a lot and it’s good for her to have a friendly face around here.”

Garrus nodded at the man as he finally left and the doors slid shut. He had thought hard about the rambling human’s words since then and he thought about them now as he lay awake in the eerie red light of the Main Battery, replaying the events of the last few days.

_Did she really worry that much? Is she really happy to see me?_ Garrus’ stomach clenched at the thought of Jacob and Shepard. His feelings for her hadn’t changed one bit, but if hers had and if she wanted this human…. _maybe something closer to home would be better for her…._

He shook his head and sat up, pushing the covers down and swinging his legs to the side of the cot. _You can’t sit here all day feeling sorry for yourself, Vakarian_ , he thought. _But speaking of something closer to home…_

His call with his father had ended so abruptly. Garrus felt suddenly guilty for not contacting his family yet and he decided to do just that. He turned on his omni-tool and sent a tentative message.

_0746 GV: Solana, is this still you?_

_0748 SV: Spirits, Garrus, is that you? We have been so worried. Dad said he talked to you and when we didn’t hear from you, we all feared the worst! What the hell happened to you?_

_0750 GV: Yes. It’s me. Tell Mom and Dad I’m alive. I need to see them – and you._

_0756 SV: Garrus, we have waited so long to hear from you, they will jump at the chance to see you. But we don’t know where you are._

_0800 GV: Does Dad have time to leave work?_

_0802 SV: Dad quit not long after you disappeared. I know he’s a pretty harsh guy most of the time, but your disappearance hit him really hard. He took a position as an Advisor to the Primarch back home. We’re all back on Palaven._

That surprised Garrus. He was never sure his father cared about him at all. His father had quit his job? Moved back home to Palaven? This was a brave new world.

But Solana had raised an interesting point. Where could they meet? Would they have time to meet? Then he had an idea.

_0805 GV: Could you make it to the Citadel?_

_0806 SV: Sure, Garrus. Just give us a couple of days’ notice and I’m sure Mom and Dad will make it a priority to be there. It would really do Mom some good to see you._

_0808 GV: I will let you know as soon as I can._

He needed to talk to Shepard. He quickly pulled on his armor and went to message his Commander, but was interrupted as the blue orb that represented the ship’s AI flashed into existence

“Can I assist you with something, Officer Vakarian?” the female voice said.

“Uh, sure. I just need to know where Commander Shepard is.” He was unsure how to properly address an AI.

“Commander Shepard is currently in her quarters. However, she has expressed that you, Ms. Lawson, and Mr. Taylor are allowed to visit her whenever you would like.”

“I see,” Garrus grunted. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Mr. Taylor having access to his Lizzie’s quarters. “I guess I will just head up there, then. Thanks…EDI, is it?”

“That is correct.” And then the orb was gone.

Garrus quickly gathered himself together and headed for the elevator. He paused outside Shepard’s door, feeling suddenly nervous before requesting entrance, but he signaled for permission anyway.

“Enter.”

He stepped in the cabin and took a second to look around the room. Cerberus definitely provided much nicer accommodations for their ships’ captains than the Alliance did. Garrus was particularly impressed with the water tank. _Seems like a waste of money, but it’s their money, I guess._

“Garrus!” He looked over to find Shepard exactly where he expected to see her – sitting on the bed in her favorite tank top and shorts, scrolling through a data pad with her legs tucked up underneath her. Garrus sighed silently, grateful she was alive and he was here to see it. Each time he saw her, he remembered how beautiful she was. She had clearly not been awake very long – her hair was still tousled and her eyes drooped slightly with sleep. But he admired her figure, even as she sat on the bed – hips flaring out perfectly beneath her waist and long, strong legs that flexed as she stretched them. He even got the added bonus of seeing her smile at him – the smile he used to tell himself was just for him.

“Shepard. I – came to ask you a favor,” he began.

“Oh perfect,” she replied, putting her datapad aside and standing up meet him. She motioned for him to sit on the couch while she moved to sit at the desk. “Because I have a favor to ask of you too.” She smiled and all he could think was how much he had missed her face. But he obliged, stepping carefully down the steps and sitting on the couch next to her. He was only a few feet away and he could still smell her, the sweet smell of the chemicals she used to wash her hair almost covering the slight scent of her skin underneath, but each of them distinctly Shepard.

Yep, she was real.

“Well, uh…you go first, _Commander_ ,” he smiled as he used the old title that made Shepard roll her eyes at him.

“Spirits, Garrus, I thought we dispensed with that title a long time ago. Besides, I’m not Alliance anymore. I’m dead, remember?” She smirked at him, but he was slightly taken aback by one word she had used. _Spirits? Since when did she start swearing like a turian?_ He filed that piece of information away for further reflection.

“But ok, I’ll go first. I know you said you were fit for duty yesterday, but I want to make sure you really feel that way. I could use your help with our first stop and I want to make sure you feel that you are truly ready for active duty.” She was studying his face, looking for something, he wasn’t sure what.

“I meant what I said, Shepard,” he replied. “I’m ready to be out in the field when you are ready to have me there.”

She nodded, but she still looked worried. She didn’t say anything more, she just kept looking at him with that searching look. Garrus felt uncomfortable in the silence. _What does she think is wrong?_ And then he remembered the second conversation he had with Shepard the day before. The one where she had come down to the Main Battery, not more than an hour after he left her in the comm room, to talk to him about his team and what happened on Omega. _Is she worried about my psychological readiness? Is that what this is about?_

“Shepard, is this about Sidonis?” Then her face softened a bit. He seemed to have struck a chord. “Because if you think my feelings about what happened on Omega will impair my ability to perform, you’re wrong. I am fully capable of putting them aside and doing what has to be done.”

She leaned back in her chair and smiled at him, but he could tell there was still some concern behind her green eyes. Shepard couldn’t hide much from him. He had learned to read her face too well – despite whatever Cerberus had done to her nose…

“Ok then. You’re on the ground team for the Citadel. It’s more a political mission than anything else, but I need you there,” Garrus sat up straight when she mentioned the Citadel. _We’re going to the Citadel? She’s making things too easy for me._ “I’m afraid I will have a hard time convincing the Council I am who I say I am. It will be much more believable with you next to me.”

He nodded at her. “Just like old times,” he said quietly. She laughed softly.

“Yeah, just like old times.” Shepard took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. He wasn’t sure why she did that, but she opened them just as he began to wonder if he had said something wrong. “But you said you needed to ask a favor of me as well.”

“Actually, Shepard,” he stood up, “you took care of my favor simply by asking me to the Citadel. All I need to know is if it would be possible for me to have a little….personal time while we are there? I have some business to attend to.”

She gave him a quizzical look, raising one of her eyebrows at him, but then she just shook her head.

“Anything for you, Garrus.”

With that one simple phrase, his mind flashed back to another time she had said those exact words. A time before her death, before their farewells. A time when he was so happy, he could burst. But the same fears that had kept him from her then kept him from her now. He was unfit for her then, and he was still unfit now. The same failed C-Sec Officer he had always been – nothing had changed.

And yet everything had changed. Not only did Garrus feel undeserving, but he wasn’t sure where he and Shepard stood. She would say “Anything for you” and smile at him in the way he thought was always meant for him, but then he would find her alone with Jacob Taylor in the comm room….He didn’t know what was going on.

He couldn’t sort these feelings out here. It was time to leave.

“Thanks, Shepard.” He could have sworn she flinched slightly when he said her name. _What’s that about?_ He stood up to leave. Shepard didn’t stand up or say a word to stop him.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She didn’t know what to say to him. She felt awkward and confused and worried as hell.

Garrus had told Shepard yesterday about what happened on Omega, but she was sure she wasn’t getting the whole picture. Why did he go there in the first place? What drove him to put together a team take down the merc gangs of Omega? So many pieces didn’t fit.

But she had tried to put her fears aside and simply enjoy the fact that Garrus was alive and here with her on the new _Normandy_.

She was absolutely overjoyed to have him come visit her. She didn’t think he would. He rarely took the chance on the old _Normandy_. She made sure to tell EDI he was allowed, but she didn’t want to pressure Garrus, so she hadn’t told him herself. Clearly, he was dealing with some demons and the last thing she wanted to do was push him. She was terrified that pushing him back into her arms would really push him farther away and that was a fate she didn’t even want to imagine.

Then he had shown up at her door, but he was calling her things like “Commander” and “Shepard” when she positively ached for him to call her by her real name. Her nickname. The name she had given him, and only him, permission to use.

But he refused to use it. For whatever reason, he was still distant with her. The whole conversation was damn awkward.

And then it was over and he stood up to leave. She wanted so badly to tell him to stop, to grab him and hold him to her, just like that addle-brained yeoman had said she wanted to do. _Tell me what is wrong, Garrus. Please!_ She screamed in her head, but Garrus couldn’t hear her.

Just as her favorite turian was about to make it to the door, leaving her alone in her cabin once more, he stopped dead in his tracks. He was looking to his left at something on her desk.

_What is he looking at?_ she wondered. But she didn’t have to wonder long, because eventually Garrus spoke.

“You kept it,” he said softly, his voice giving her goosebumps. She still wasn’t sure what he was talking about and he hadn’t moved. He was still standing there, facing the door with his head turned to her desk. She rose from her seat and walked up the stairs to see what he was looking at.

Then she saw what he was talking about. Her tiny Garrus Vakarian, propped proudly on her desk. She had taken it out of her pocket when she showered and didn’t have a pocket to replace it in her shorts, so she had left it there.

She flushed hotly. “Yeah. I did,” she said. She took a step over to her desk and picked up the action figure in her hand, turning back around to look at Garrus. He was still frozen, and she was uncomfortable in the silence. She looked back at the tiny version of the real turian standing in front of her.

“I kept it. I always carried it with me, actually. Always in my pocket,” she looked back up at him, smiling. He still hadn’t moved, but he had that strange look in his eye. The look she had just started to recognize before they had been cruelly separated. The one he gave her before he was about to do something completely unexpected.

“He was even with me on Alchera. Miranda said that somehow my suit and shields kept him mostly together, but, you can see.” She pointed at the tiny visor. She knew she was rambling, but Garrus still wasn’t talking. “Here, he got a little melted. But somehow he survived.”

She could tell Garrus was breathing heavily. _Should I go on? Is he mad at me or happy? I can’t really tell…_ But the look in his eye had always meant good things before she died. Why wouldn’t it mean the same thing now? So she continued.

“I missed you, Garrus. Of course, I kept it. It was one of the only pieces of you I had left. And when the _Normandy_ went down,” she felt moisture pooling in her tear ducts, but willed it back down, “the last thing I remember before my lungs burning and collapsing in a vacuum was you, because this little guy,” she held up the tiny turian, “was with me the whole time. I never –“

She didn’t get to finish her last sentence, because Garrus had taken one step toward her and grasped her around the waist in the same swift movement. She nearly melted, but Garrus’ strong grip kept her from falling. She almost dropped the tiny action figure in her hand, but with his other hand, Garrus gripped the hand that held it and pulled it to his chest.

She couldn’t breathe. She had waited for two years, most of the time dead, for this to happen – for her turian to return to her and sweep her off her feet. The last two days had been the longest of those two years, because it had taken all of her self-control not to push Garrus faster than he wanted to go. But now, it was finally happening. They were here, together, bodies pressed in a warm embrace.

And only a tiny turian action figure separated them.

His eyes met hers, his breath hot on her face. Then, slowly, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers.

She wrapped her free arm around his neck, leaning into his gesture, returning the sign of affection with all the heart she had to give.

“Lizzie,” he whispered. She muffled a sob as he said her name, the one she so desperately wanted him to call her, and gripped his neck tighter. “I missed you too,” he concluded.

He didn’t pull away immediately, he held her there for several moments and Lizzie Shepard reveled in the pleasure of the feeling – his hand on the small of her back, his face pressed against hers, his heart beating against her chest. But eventually, his armor started to press in uncomfortable ways against her bare skin.

“Uh, Garrus? Your armor…” His eyes quickly fluttered open and he pulled back, looking slightly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie,” he looked down at their hands, still clasped together with tiny Garrus Vakarian in between. She watched his face grow back into a turian smile.

“Don’t be sorry, Garrus. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He raised his eyes to meet hers again and she lifted her hand to gently cup the good side of his face. “I’m just relieved to hear you say my name that way again.”

His smile dissipated just slightly as she spoke. _What is_ wrong _, Garrus? Why won’t you tell me what happened to you? I’m not an idiot…_

She could tell he was still holding back from her, even with his gesture before. She decided she had to know. It was time to take Ashley’s advice, and Tali’s advice, and Liara’s advice. Time to go for it.

“Garrus, look,” she began, releasing his hand and putting the action figure back on the desk. “Nothing changed for me. I was dead, sure. I guess that was a change,” she shrugged and smiled, but quickly stopped when she noticed Garrus wasn’t smiling. _Note to self, my death is not funny to other people yet._ “But when it comes to you and me? I still feel the same way I did before I died.” _That was an interesting sentence,_ she thought. _Don’t know how many people get to say “before I died.”_

“But, Garrus,” she continued, her heart slowly sinking in fear at what his answer might be to this revelation. “I know life moved on for you. Two years….that’s a long time. And if you moved on, if you don’t feel the same way about me…well, just tell me, and I will find a way to move on, too.”

She waited with baited breath, unable to move, unable to think. She was terrified. _What will I say if he doesn’t want me anymore? Yeah, so we turian-forehead-bumped, or whatever the hell it’s called. I was his friend…it could have been a sign of respect, it doesn’t necessarily mean love…_

But he finally spoke and interrupted her rambling thoughts.

“Nothing changed for me either, Lizzie. And yet, everything changed. But when it comes to how I feel about you.” He raised one of his three-fingered hands to brush a stray hair out of her face. She closed her eyes and shuddered at his light touch on her cheek. “I don’t think that will ever change.”

And he smiled at her. But apparently he wasn’t finished, because he spoke again. “But a lot of things did happen while you were gone. I need to – figure some things out.”

She wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. _What does he mean by “figure some things out”?_

“Can you be patient with me, Lizzie?” he asked quietly, reaching for her hand and grasping it in his own again. “I don’t want to rush anything, and I need to – put some things in order. But I promise you –“

And then he was pulling her close to him again. Her heart fluttered in her chest.

“I’m not going anywhere this time.”

She could deal with that. If Garrus Vakarian promised not to leave her side again, she could wait. She could be patient. So she said it out loud – again.

“Anything for you, Garrus.” And then she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to her face, and placed her lips gently on the uninjured side of his face.

She released him from her grasp, but kept her arms resting lightly inside his cowl as he pulled back to look at her.

“What was that?” he asked, a confused expression gracing his plates.

“It’s called a kiss, Garrus,” she smiled. “Humans like them. Maybe you should do some research.”


	9. Just Ask Ashley Williams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was influenced in part by feedback from monster. Thanks for the comments and suggestions!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy it! :)

The Council never surprised him. Same tactics. Same feet dragging in the mud. Same old bullshit.

Shepard had her Spectre status reinstated, but that was all the Council would give her. Garrus’ presence didn’t seem to influence the Council at all, but he still felt happy at her side, defending her every word and movement, even if it was simply by standing behind her. _This is where I belong_ , he thought. _I should never have left her._

And now he stood by the door, watching her closely as she spoke quietly with Anderson, looking out over the Citadel. He was startled by a ping on his omni-tool.

 

_Garrus,_

_We have reserved a room for the night and will be ready for your arrival this evening at the normal time. Solana mentioned that you have returned with Commander Shepard. I don’t quite know how this is possible, but if it is so, and if what Solana told me about your relationship with the Commander two years ago is true, I believe it is time we met her._

_If she would be so obliged, please invite the Commander to join us. We must make our determination._

_Your mother and I are very glad you are safe. We look forward to seeing you tonight._

_Dad_

 

Garrus loved and hated the message from his father. Always so formal, but thick with hidden meanings. It was perhaps the longest message his father had ever sent him. And they wanted to invite Shepard to dinner?

He looked at his girl across the room, still engaged in quiet conversation with the Captain. Garrus knew what his father meant. By telling Solana that he loved Elizabeth Shepard two years ago, Garrus had opened the door to a long held tradition – the one where his family had a say in whether he could continue to court the female of his choice or not. Most turian families didn’t care about the formalities anymore – remnants of a dying age – but of course Tavius Vakarian cared, possibly the most traditional turian of them all. Frankly, Garrus was surprised that his father was even open to the idea of his only son courting a human. His father hadn’t much cared for the last girl he had brought home, but she was at least of the same species. But he was clearly open to this option, as evidenced by the invitation to dinner his father had just extended to Shepard.

 _We must make our determination_.

Garrus shuddered slightly at the thought of his father rejecting Shepard. What would he do then? Garrus didn’t even want to think about it. And would Shepard even be interested in coming? Or would she just laugh at him and say that it was too soon? Or would she laugh at all? Maybe she would push him away because of it.

But then she turned around from the ledge and met his gaze, as if she could tell he was worried about something. She flashed her teeth in that smile that he still believed was just for him and he had no doubt. She would come if he asked her.

Now he just had to ask her.

Eventually, the Captain and Commander quit talking and Shepard moved for the door.

“Of course, Shepard,” Anderson said. “I understand. I wish I could do more to help you, but if you ever want to talk, I’ll be here. Just do me a favor and be careful. You can’t trust Cerberus.”

Shepard nodded and turned her back on the Captain. Garrus turned his back on Anderson and was about to follow her out the door when the voice behind him stopped them.

“Shepard,” Anderson continued. “Do you mind if I talk to Officer Vakarian for a moment?”

Shepard looked as surprised as Garrus felt at the question. Anderson had never asked to speak to him before. But she nodded at the Captain and left the office with Zaeed.

Garrus turned to face the Captain as soon as the door shut.

“I know this is a little unconventional, Vakarian, but I just wanted to put in a special request,” Anderson began to pace in front of Garrus, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I know you care a great deal about the Commander. I care for her too, much like a father would, since her own father is gone.” Garrus shifted nervously from one foot to the other. _How in the world would the Captain know how I feel about Shepard? Or does he know anything at all? Am I reading too much into this?_

“I just want you to promise me that you will do everything you can to keep her safe,” Anderson stopped pacing and stood in front of Garrus. “I don’t like this. I don’t like it one bit. Cerberus and the Reapers. It all scares the hell out of me. And Shepard’s in the thick of it. But if there’s one person I know she can count on, that’s you, Vakarian, and I want you to take care of her.”

“I will do my best, sir. All of us try to look out for her. She’s good to her crew and we try to repay her in kind,” Garrus replied carefully, trying not to reveal anything.

“Vakarian, there’s more to it, and you know it. I know it. Do you think the Alliance didn’t screen her messages after she disappeared?” Garrus had a sinking feeling now. How many messages had he sent her after she died? Dozens? Hundreds? He didn’t know. The Captain must have picked up on his uneasiness, because he said, “Don’t worry, Garrus, only high ranking personnel saw them. That means me and only me. I didn’t pass them on to anyone, but those messages are the reason I know you will look after her. And so help me, if anything happens to her, I –“

Anderson turned and placed both hands on a nearby desk, seemingly overcome with emotion. This wasn’t the Anderson Garrus remembered. The last two years of stress must have really taken their toll on the man. Then Garrus had another sinking thought.

“Do you intend to show Commander Shepard the messages, sir?”

To Garrus’ relief, Anderson shook his head. “Not at all, Vakarian. I just thought you should know I’ve seen them and I wanted to make sure you kneow that I expect you to take good care of her.”

Garrus nodded at that, still uncomfortable, but resigned to the fact that he could do nothing to take back the messages now.

“You have my word, Captain. I would lay down my life if it would save hers.”

Anderson seemed relieved. “Thank you, Officer Vakarian. That will be all.”

Garrus turned and exited the office, ignoring Shepard’s questioning look when he saw her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

“EDI, let the crew know they are officially on leave for 24 hours.”

“Of course, Commander.”

Shepard flopped on her bed and stared out the skylight at the dim colors of the docking bay. A ping at her door startled her into sitting up.

“Enter.”

Her favorite turian strode into her cabin. “Hey, Garrus,” she stood up to greet him. “You’ve got that day of leave you asked for.” She was rewarded with a smile as he stepped down the stairs and reached for her. She let him gather her up in his arms, but was surprised when he picked her up and put her on the couch. He assumed the seat next to her and reached for her hand. _What’s all this about?_ , she wondered.

“Thanks. Look, I should tell you a bit more about why I needed the time off,” he said, avoiding her gaze and staring down at her tiny fingers laced with his own. She noticed he was talking very fast. _Do I make you nervous, Vakarian?_ She smiled slightly at the thought, repressing a girlish giggle.

“I haven’t seen my family in over two years. And my Dad, well….he and I don’t always get along very well, but he wants to see me. I arranged for them to meet me here on the Citadel, so I’m going to see them tonight,” Garrus concluded quickly.

“Garrus, that’s fantastic!” she reached for his other hand and gripped it excitedly. “I’m glad the timing worked out so well. They will be so happy to see you!”

But for some reason, Garrus still wasn’t smiling.

“Yeah…that’s not all. They don’t just want to see me,” he raised his face and looked into her eyes, nervously. “They want to meet you.”

She was dumbstruck. _Me? They want to meet me? What the hell for?_

“Um…ok…”

“Great! Dinner is at 1900 hours and I’ll send you the hotel room number.” He quickly released her hands and started heading for the door.

“Wait, hold it right there, Vakarian,” she stood up, placing her hands on her hips. “I said ‘ok’ as in ‘I don’t know what the hell is going on’. It wasn’t an acceptance.”

She couldn’t stand the crestfallen look that graced Garrus’ face, so she quickly added. “Oh all right, of course I’ll be there, but what is this for exactly?”

He still looked like he was hiding something from her, but she was sure she wasn’t going to get it all out of him. “They’ve just….heard a lot about you. You’re famous, Lizzie. You’re going to have to get used to it.” She knew there was more to it, but she would let it go for now.

“Ok, Garrus. I will be there, but I may be a little late. I have some….business to attend to on the Citadel as well.”

He nodded, but before exiting turned around and said, “Thank you for doing this. It means a lot to me.”

She smiled and gave him her standard Garrus answer.

“Anything for you, Garrus.”

Then he was gone.

She had no sooner flopped back on her bed to reflect on what had just happened and what she had agreed to doing than there was another ping at her door.

More exasperated this time, she said, “Enter.”

Dark brown, wavy locks and a perfect body in a tight white uniform walked through the door.

“Miranda,” Shepard sat up on the edge of the bed and motioned for Miranda to have a seat. “What can I do for you?”

Before she even got down the steps, Miranda was lecturing Shepard.

“What is this about?” said the dark-haired woman.

“What is what about?”

“This 24 hour leave.”

“Look, Miranda. I haven’t had a fucking break since you woke me up on the goddamn operating table. I figured I could use one and so could the crew. If you don’t like the way I do things, find yourself another Commander Shepard.” She was not in the mood for this from Miranda right now. She had to figure out what was going on with Garrus and his family. And what to wear.

“Commander, we are on a mission of utmost importance. We don’t have time for breaks.”

“Yeah, we do, Miranda. And like I said, if you don’t like it, fire me. I’m completely ok with that. I didn’t ask for this job anyway.”

“This is about Garrus, isn’t it?”

That caught her off guard. _What is she talking about? What does she know that she’s not letting on?_

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I saw him leaving your cabin very quickly just as I got off the elevator to come in. You were talking to him and you gave 24 hour leave. You don’t have to be Mordin Solus to put two and two together there.”

What was she supposed to say? Tell Miranda everything? Tell her anything?

“What do you want from me, Miranda? What if I did give 24 hour leave for Garrus, so what? I didn’t, but what if I did? Does it matter? I’ll still get the job done.”

“Will you, Shepard? Really? Because that’s what I’m concerned about. I need to know if your relationship with Garrus Vakarian is going to get in the way of this mission.”

So that was it. Somehow Miranda knew and she was concerned Shepard wouldn’t do her job. Shepard sighed. Honestly, she couldn’t blame Miranda for being worried, but somehow she had to reassure the other woman that there wouldn’t be any problems and get her off her back.

“Nothing is going to get in the way of the mission, Miranda.”

“Shepard, I know more than you might think. I probably know more about you and Officer Vakarian than anyone else in the galaxy, including him. So I need to know for certain – can you handle this mission with him around or not?”

Shepard still wasn’t sure how she was supposed to answer that question. Miranda was putting her in an awfully uncomfortable position, but she did the best she could to respond.

“What is it you think you know?”

Miranda stood up impatiently and began pacing the room. “Shepard, I spent the last two years learning everything there was to know about you – not just about how to reconstruct your body, but _everything_. Let’s just say that I found a few C-Sec security vids that showed a younger Commander Shepard being rescued from four unruly young men in an alley on the Citadel. And let’s just say I know who the rescuer was.”

Miranda turned to face Shepard and crossed her arms. _Wow_ , Shepard thought. _Why is she telling me this_? And she asked Miranda just that.

“Why are you telling me this, Miranda?”

“Because, I know how you feel about the turian. And I need to know that you are not letting your feelings about him guide your actions on this mission. Stopping the Collectors is so much more important than your decade old obsession with Garrus Vakarian.”

Shepard let the words roll over her for a minute, considering how to respond. Miranda just stood there, hands still crossed over her chest, studying her commanding officer. Finally, Shepard stood to face the white-clad woman.

“Miranda, Garrus Vakarian has been with me on this mission since the very beginning. We have fought together. We have laughed together. We have watched soldiers die together. We have served on the same crew and he has served under my command a lot longer than you. He obeys my orders without question. I don’t let my personal feelings get in the way of my objectives, and if you don’t believe that, just ask Ashley Williams. Oh wait, you can’t because she’s _DEAD_! Because I put my feelings aside _for my friend_ , and sentenced her to death because it was the right choice in a terrible situation!”

Shepard was angry now. Invoking Ashley’s memory had reawakened a passion in her that she had not tapped since coming to on the operating table. She took another step toward Miranda as her voice rose. “I do what has to be done for the good of the mission and the good of the galaxy. Yeah, so I love Garrus Vakarian. Yeah, so I’ve loved him for a long time. Yeah, so you found out. La-dee-fucking-dah for you! My feelings have never gotten in the way of my work before. I stopped Saren with Garrus on my team and I will stop the Collectors with him on my team as well. The only thing that is standing in my way right now is you!”

She had reached Miranda’s space and was standing only a foot in front of her, breath coming rapidly. “So what’s it gonna be, Miranda? Are you trying to blackmail me? Are you done playing your little game? Because I’m not going to play. I _will_ defeat the Collectors and nothing, you hear me, _nothing_ , not even my feelings for Garrus, will get in the way!”

She panted heavily, waiting for Miranda to respond.

Miranda said nothing, simply turned and headed for the door. Spinning around, she said, “That’s all I needed to know, Shepard. I’m glad we got that straightened out.” She turned back to the door, but tilted her head sideways for one more remark before leaving. “So Garrus didn’t say anything about your nose yet, did he? That’s a shame. I thought he would like it.”

After Miranda left, the realization hit her.

_She did it on purpose. Miranda – you raging bitch!_


	10. I Call Her Lizzie

Garrus paused before the door and straightened his civvies. He shouldn’t be nervous to see his own family, but somehow he was.

He hadn’t seen his father and sister in two years. Tavius Vakarian had not spoken to Garrus when he heard his son left C-Sec in the middle of a night shift – until, of course, Garrus had called him from Omega. And Solana….well, she had helped him get out of bed, but he disappeared soon after that. It had been even longer since he had seen his mother, who had been in treatment on Palaven when he left. He hadn’t been back to his home planet in so long. Garrus didn’t even want to think about the shame he felt in neglecting his mother…

But here he stood, outside the hotel door where his sister had told him they would be, trying to prepare for what he was sure would be one of the most awkward dinners they ever had together as a family.

Because Shepard was coming.

Garrus understood the reason his parents wanted Shepard to come to dinner, but he wasn’t sure that Shepard was ready for that kind of invasion into her life. And that was the main reason Garrus was nervous.

He keyed in his code and the door slid open. Stepping inside, he let his eyes adjust to the different light, but he didn’t have much time to do so before his sister came barreling towards him from the living room, nearly tackling him as she gripped his shoulders and pressed her forehead against her older brothers.

“Garrus!” she shouted in excitement. “You really _are_ alive!”

She was smiling up at him with the same smile she had given him since she was a baby. He lifted his arms to grip hers in return and repaid her affectionate gesture.

“I sure am,” he said quietly. Then he looked past Solana’s shoulder to see his mother sitting quietly on a couch with his father standing next to her. Garrus briefly locked eyes with his sister again, who nodded to him and said, “You’re lucky. She’s having a good day today. I think the news that you were alive helped.”

Livia Vakarian smiled at Garrus from her seat next to his father and Garrus took long strides across the room and bent down to kneel at her feet.

“Hi, Mom,” he whispered. His mother just continued to smile at him as she touched her forehead to his.

“Hello, Garrus,” she replied as she pulled back, still smiling at him. “Where did you go, Son? We were so worried about you.”

Garrus’ heart ached at the thought of his mother worrying about him. Somehow he had managed to shut that image out of his heart and mind while he was on Omega, but with his sweet mother directly in front of him, it was no longer possible.

“I…” He looked into his mother’s eyes, but he didn’t have the strength to tell her. “It’s a long story, Mom.” She nodded as if to say she wouldn’t push him any further.

He stood up, gazing at his mother, purposely avoiding the look of his father, but he knew eventually it was inevitable. Shifting his face, he made eye contact with his father and took a step toward him. His father’s stoic expression was unreadable. Garrus wasn’t sure what to do or say – he wasn’t sure he could make anything right and he most definitely wasn’t sure how he should behave in this situation. He wanted his father to forgive him. He wanted all of his family to forgive him, most especially his father, but he wasn’t sure he deserved their forgiveness.

Fortunately, his father didn’t make him wait too long. He gripped his Son firmly by the forearms and repeated the gesture that had been performed already by his sister and mother.

Garrus was stunned. He did not expect such a warm welcome from his father, even after his desperate phone call. Garrus felt a surge of happiness like he had never felt before. His father was actually _happy_ to see him. _Maybe I should disappear for two years more often_ , he thought.

“Garrus,” his father finally said, looking at him while still holding his arms. “Welcome home, Son. Well – I know this isn’t home, but welcome back to your family.” And then his father smiled at him. _Smiled_. A smile like Garrus had never seen before. He looked down at his mother for brief reassurance, as if he didn’t believe this was _his_ father standing in front of him. His mother was still smiling at him and nodded briefly.

“It’s good to be home, Dad. I’m glad you all could make it.”

“Well, working for the Primarch does have certain advantages. More freedom and discretion with my time is one of them.” His father chuckled.

Garrus laughed softly in reply. “I guess that makes sense. But still, I’m really glad you are all here.” He took a second to appreciate the moment, looking briefly at the faces of his mother, sister, and father, all of them smiling happily back at him.

Finally, Solana broke the silence.

“All right, then. Are we all just going to sit here gawking at each other or are we going to eat something. I’m absolutely _famished_!”

Garrus and his father laughed at the younger turian’s eagerness.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were a teenager,” Garrus teased.

“And if I didn’t know any better, I would think you were krogan with whatever happened to your face. I hope you explain that to us, Garrus, but can we do it over some food? I really am starving,” Solana pleaded. Garrus looked to his father who nodded and began to help his wife over to the dining room.

“You know, Solana,” Tavius said as he helped his wife to the seat next to him at the table. “You could be starving because you’ve been the one dealing with the food.” He turned to Garrus and said, “Your sister worked all day to prepare this meal. I told her we could order something in, but she insisted. She wanted tonight to be special.”

Garrus cocked his head to the side and gave his sister a grateful smile. “Thanks, Sol. But you didn’t have to go to all this trouble for me.”

“Oh, I didn’t do it for you!” Solana teased as she brought in the food she had prepared from the kitchen. “I did it for Commander Shepard! Not only is she a celebrity, but she comes back from the dead! Having her over for dinner is a special occasion. Although, I will admit Garrus, I’m not sure I will believe she’s alive until I see her.”

Garrus’ heart fluttered at the reminder that Shepard was coming. He had almost forgotten with all the excitement of seeing his family again.

“Well, you won’t be disappointed, Solana,” Garrus said quietly. “She is very much alive.”

“Speaking of which,” his mother piped up when Solana returned to the kitchen to bring more food in. “When will the Commander arrive? After everything I have heard about her, I’m very excited to meet her.”

“I’m not really sure,” Garrus answered, not a little uncomfortably. “She said she had some quick business to attend to and she would be here as soon as she could. We don’t have to wait for her, though. I’m sure she won’t be long.”

Garrus didn’t miss the glances exchanged between his parents and sister, which made him even more nervous. _What if they don’t like her? Would I forsake my family for her?_ Could _I do such a thing?_ Should _I do such a thing?_

He hoped he didn’t have to make that choice.

“Mom, Dad, Sol, I just have one favor to ask,” Garrus cleared his throat as Solana finished bringing in the food and finally took a seat to his right. “Commander Shepard…doesn’t really know why you invited her here. I haven’t explained any of this to her. She thinks you are merely interested in meeting her because of our – work.”

He didn’t have to say anything more, because his father was already nodding his head in agreement.

“We understand, Garrus. We have no intentions of scaring her, however, this is important to us. Family is important to us. And because we don’t know where you are gallivanting off to next or when we will see you again, this is our only chance to meet her. We hope that there will be more chances, but I’m sure whatever you are doing now, it would be pointless to try and change your mind to abandon your new project,” Tavius took a break from his speech to look his son in the eye. “I may not approve of all the things you do, Garrus, but if I learned anything in the last two years, it’s that I would rather use the time I have with you to be your father and not waste any of it.”

Some of the feelings Garrus had when he called his father from Omega returned. He couldn’t believe everything he was hearing. He knew his father would not approve at all of what he was doing now, chasing after the Collectors on a quest with an unknown termination date and possibly no return. But his father wasn’t going to ask. His father just wanted to be his dad for a bit – and Garrus was completely fine with that.

Garrus nodded in appreciation and began to enjoy the food Solana had prepared.

“This is delicious, Sol. Absolutely wonderful,” his mother said from across the table.

“Yes, Sol. I haven’t had food this good in…” Garrus had to think. “I don’t even know how long it’s been.” He gave his little sister a smile and a pat on the hand.

“Thanks! I’m not much of a cook really, but I thought I would give this a shot. I’m glad it turned out well!”

Then Garrus had a paralyzing thought. “Wait, Sol, you did remember that Shepard can’t eat this stuff, right?” His sister rolled her eyes at him.

“What do you think I am, Garrus, an idiot? Of course I know that. I ordered something separate for the Commander. I wasn’t going to try cooking something levo for the first time with company.”

“Oh good,” he sat back in his chair, relieved. But he didn’t get to maintain that position for long, because someone at the door pinged for permission to enter.

“Oh, that must be her!” Solana said, jumping out of her seat. “I’ll get it!”

“No! Sol, please,” Garrus jumped up just as quickly. “Let me get it, ok?”

Solana pouted at him.

“Two years later and you’re still no fun, Garrus.”

“Two years later and you’re still annoying,” her pout deepened at that, and Garrus felt slightly guilty, so he added, “but adorable.” With a smile. Solana nodded as if pleased with her brother’s assessment and reluctantly returned to her seat.

Garrus turned his back on his family and went to get the door. _Spirits, please let this go well._

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She was nervous. She had never had to do anything like this. _Meeting the parents already? Shit, I haven’t even slept with him yet…_

But this had seemed important to Garrus, and if it was important to him, it was important to her. And from what Garrus had told her, it seemed that his family just wanted to meet her because of her title and deeds, not because of any secret relationship she may or may not be having with her turian officer.

She told Garrus she was going to be late because she had business to attend to, but the truth was she didn’t have any idea what to wear. Usually she would have worn her Alliance Blues to a formal dinner, but she didn’t have those anymore. She didn’t want to be caught dead on the Citadel in the formal Cerberus outfit in her closet. _Hell, I don’t even know if this_ is _a formal thing. I don’t know what this is at all!_ But her mother always told her it was better to be overdressed than under, so she was attempting to find the perfect little black dress to wear to meet Garrus’ family.

In the end, she admitted that she was a lost cause in the dress department and let the asari store clerk find something appropriate for her.

“What kind of dinner is it?”

“A family one,” Shepard replied.

“Oh, your family?” the store clerk said, “Or someone else’s,” she smiled and added with a wink.

“Uh…someone else’s, I guess.”

“Oh I see. So you need something sensible, yet appealing, sleek, yet conservative. I think I have just the thing!”

And Shepard had to admit that the dress the clerk returned with did seem to be the right fit. It was long sleeved and crossed over in the front, forming a slight V-neck that accentuated her neck and shoulders, but not too much. It fell just above her knees, letting her long, thin legs show off their length, but again, not too much. The dress hugged her waist in just the right places, to highlight her slimness and the flare of her hips below. Shepard was pleased with that bit – her experiences with Nihlus had taught her that turians loved thin waists and perfectly shaped hips, both of which, at least from Nihlus’ suggestions, she had.

“Actually,” she asked the store clerk, thinking about Garrus’ armor and markings. “Do you have it in blue?”

She purchased a blue version of the dress and wore it out of the store, hurrying to find the hotel room where Garrus had said his family was staying. She wasn’t sure exactly what was expected of her, but she hated being late. She pinged for entrance as soon as she got to the room, refusing to let her nerves get the better of her. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief when it was Garrus who let her in. She smiled at him, but her smile quickly faded when she noticed he wasn’t moving.

“Garrus? Is everything all right?” she asked quietly, hoping his family in the next room couldn’t hear. He just continued to stare at her. “Garrus, what’s wrong? Is it the dress? I didn’t know what to wear, I’m sorry, I –“

He stopped her mid-sentence and grabbed her waist, just as he had in her cabin two days before. She sighed in relief as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Everything’s fine, Lizzie. The dress is perfect. You look…” he pulled back, looking her up and down while searching for a word. “Exquisite.” She felt the color rising up her neck and tinting her cheeks a light shade of pink, but smiled at Garrus, thanking him for the compliment.

He led her into the room and around the corner where his family was sitting, waiting. As she rounded the corner, she saw his mother, sister, and father’s faces all turned toward her. Garrus’ father was standing when she came into view, and he stepped away from the table to greet her.

Shaking her hand, he said, “Welcome, Commander Shepard, we are glad you could join us. I’m sure whatever mission you are on is very important, but I’m grateful you could spare us the time.”

Shepard smiled and shook Tavius Vakarian’s hand in return.

“Thank you, sir. It’s an honor to meet you, all of you, as well,” she moved her gaze to take in Garrus’ mother and sister who were still seated at the table. “Garrus tells me you took a promotion to work for the Primarch. Congratulations on your new position.”

Tavius Vakarian released her hand and nodded his acceptance of the greeting. She turned to look at Garrus for approval, but he just smiled at her, so she assumed she was doing well so far.

Garrus’ father returned to his seat and Garrus motioned for her to take the seat next to him. As she sat down, Garrus said, “Shepard, this is my sister, Solana.” He motioned to the younger female on his left. “And my mother, Livia.”

Shepard nodded and said, “You have such beautiful names. Thank you for inviting me. It’s nice to have a break from work.” Garrus beamed at her again. _All right, Big Guy, I’m 2 and 0 so far. Hopefully I can keep this up_. She smiled back at him, still nervous.

Then she looked down at the plate in front of her. Her mouth began to water and she had to stop herself from shouting in excitement, but she didn’t contain herself completely.

“Oh. My. Gods. Where did you find this??” she asked in amazement. Garrus gave her a surprised look. She wasn’t sure she had ever reacted to food this way in front of him before, but she hadn’t seen this type of food since her dad was alive. Solana, looking shy suddenly, answered her question.

“I…took care of the food arrangements, Commander Shepard,” she began slowly. “I wasn’t really sure what humans like, but Garrus said you were from a place called Cheekahgo? So I found a human chef on the Citadel who knew what that meant. He said you would like this. I hope he was right.”

Shepard’s heart warmed at how careful Garrus’ sister had been to find something she liked.

“Well, whoever you spoke to was exactly right. I haven’t had pizza in ages. My Dad used to love it. Took me out for it every time we made it back to Earth,” she stopped herself, because she was afraid she would ramble on forever about her dad and Chicago pizza. She noticed everyone at the table was looking at her and smiling. She looked down briefly at the personal size pizza on her plate. _I must look like an idiot._ She calmed herself and turned back to Solana. “Thank you so much, Solana. It’s perfect.”

With that, it appeared the ice had been broken. The conversation stayed fairly light most of the evening. She noticed everyone avoided the subject of the last two years for both Garrus and herself, and she was grateful for that. Instead, the Vakarian family seemed to want to know more about her time in the Alliance before becoming a Spectre, her parents, her memories of Earth – all things she was happy to talk about. She tried to be polite and ask similar questions of them, speaking to Tavius about his work at C-Sec and asking them about Palaven.

“Oh Palaven is beautiful,” Solana had said when Shepard asked her what the country was like. “Don’t listen to what people tell you. Yes, you would probably need an enviro-suit as a human, but it’s not so bad. It’s lush and beautiful, just….shinier than most other worlds, I guess.”

Shepard laughed at that. “Shinier” was an apt description.

“Yes, I remember that,” she said. “I actually traveled to Palaven once, but I only saw your capital city. It was beautiful, and ‘shiny’ is definitely a word I would use to describe it.” She chuckled as she thought of her first impressions of the turian homeworld.

Garrus glanced at her with a surprised expression and said, “You traveled to Palaven?” he asked. “When was this?”

“Oh, it was just before Eden Prime hit. I traveled to Palaven to meet with a few members of your Hierarchy. They were part of the process that made me a Spectre. That was when I met Nihlus. He was –“ Then she stopped. Everyone had quit eating and was listening to her carefully. _Did I say something wrong?_ She was worried. _Everything was going so well…what did I say?_

Then she remembered. Garrus had told her back on the old _Normandy_ that his father didn’t like Spectres – didn’t like people who broke the rules. They had all been so careful to avoid any conversation dealing with Spectres or her role as one.

She had just broken the unspoken rules.

_Shit._

The silence was horrible and awkward. Finally, the patriarch of the family cleared his throat.

“Nihlus was a good turian. He is an example of what a turian should be, from what I know of him,” Tavius Vakarian said, somewhat to Shepard’s surprise. “And you were in good company if you knew Nihlus, Commander. You accomplished many great things as a Spectre. Both you and Nihlus behaved as I think Spectres should.”

 _Apparently Garrus’ dad didn’t hear about that time I stole the fanciest ship the Alliance had and took it across the galaxy_ …, she thought.

Then Tavius Vakarian did something that Shepard never expected. He raised his glass in the air and said, “I’ve worked with enough humans in C-Sec and otherwise to know that they have a tradition of raising their glass in honor of someone they hold in esteem. Tonight, I raise my glass in honor of Commander Shepard and her crew for their deeds in defending our galaxy from Saren and the geth threat.”

Shepard was stunned. A toast? From Garrus’ father? This was a day for the memory books. Never mind that even Garrus’ father was in denial about the Reapers. She must have done something right if Tavius Vakarian was toasting her.

Garrus was a quick study and followed his father’s lead, raising his glass. Solana and Garrus’ mother followed in kind, looking unsure as to what the proper procedure was, but when Garrus and his father touched glasses, his sister and mother did the same while Shepard sat blushing in her seat. She felt like she should do or say something in return, but she didn’t know what.

In the end, all she could say was, “Thank you.” And Tavius Vakarian nodded at her from across the table as he looked at her over his glass. She glanced up at Garrus next to her to find him also studying his father’s face, very intently. Was that a look of concern? Worry? Confusion? She wasn’t sure from the side, but there was something significant happening between the two turians.

Solana broke the awkward silence with a cheerful, “So! Who’s ready for dessert?”

Garrus interrupted his staring contest with a cheerful, “I am, Sol! Sounds great!”

Solana bounced out of her chair and headed for the kitchen.

“Sol?” Shepard turned an inquisitive face to Garrus as she whispered quietly. “As in, short for Solana? I thought you told me turians don’t have nicknames…” She smirked at her turian hero as Solana returned, remembering a time when he had claimed just such a thing. Now she wondered if he had feigned ignorance just so she would tell him her nickname.

“I said no such thing,” he whispered back.

“Oh yes you did, Vakarian, don’t lie.” She was still smirking at him.

“I don’t think I said it in that many words...what I meant was that I didn’t know what a ‘nickname’ was because we don’t call them the same thing.”

“Oh really. So your translator glitched on the word, huh? Not sure I believe that one, Garrus.”

“It’s true! We don’t have a word that translates for what you call a ‘nickname.’ We just call them family names, because our family and close friends use them.”

“I still think you pulled a fast one on me, Vakarian.” She took a sip of her drink, pleased with herself that she had won the teasing contest, but then wiped the grin off her face as she realized that Garrus’ mother and father were paying close attention to their exchange. Was Livia Vakarian smiling or smirking? Shepard wasn’t sure.

“Uh, not that I minded, of course. It wasn’t really that big of a deal anyway…” _Oh, now I’m just making it worse._

Solana had been listening too. Shepard wasn’t sure if she loved the girl or hated her for what she said next.

“So, do you know Commander Shepard’s family name, Garrus?”

Boom. Such a loaded question. Shepard knew it. Garrus knew it. Shepard knew that Garrus’ parents knew it as they sat in silence on the other end of the table, judging – judging what exactly? She wasn’t sure, but she definitely felt judged. _All this about a name…I should have kept my damn mouth shut. I really do have diarrhea of the mouth…_

Garrus slowly looked at his commander, but she didn’t know what to say. _What’s the proper protocol here, Garrus? Do you want your family to know we are on such familiar terms or not? I’ll go along with whatever you want, but I don’t know what that is._

She didn’t know what response he wanted, but he seemed to be asking her permission. She shrugged. She didn’t know what to do.

This time, it was Garrus’ mother who saved her from the awkward silence.

“Commander Shepard, dear, Solana didn’t mean to be rude. If you are uncomfortable, I apologize. She means well, but she’s still young.”

“Mom, I’m 22. Not that young anymore,” Solana pouted as she dished up something Shepard had never seen before for Garrus and his parents and passed Shepard a bowl of chocolate ice cream. _Oh….chocolate always makes things better. Solana Vakarian, you may make awkward conversation, but you know how to keep this human happy anyway._

“Actually, I really don’t mind, Mrs. Vakarian,” she took a chance and reached for Garrus’ hand under the table. He gripped her fingers tightly in response. “My first name is Elizabeth, in case you didn’t know. I do have a shorter version of my name that my family and close friends call me, and I have allowed Garrus to use it.”

“Do you allow other members of your crew to use it?” Tavius Vakarian asked her blankly. Shepard gave Garrus’ hand another squeeze and he returned it, seeming to allow her to continue.

“No, Mr. Vakarian. Only Garrus.”

Tavius stared at her intently again. She still wasn’t sure what judgment was going on, but she seemed to pass as Garrus’ father finally took his eyes off her and nodded at Garrus. Taking that as a good sign, she started to eat her ice cream. _Oh, ice cream._ She marveled at the fantastic sensation going on in her mouth despite the uncomfortable situation going on around her. _Help me forget about how horrible all of this is._

“So, Garrus, what’s the shorter name? The ‘nickname’ as the humans call it?” Shepard nearly dropped her spoon into her bowl. _Solana definitely doesn’t give up does she?_

Shepard really didn’t care at all if Garrus’ family knew her nickname. It wasn’t a big hairy deal to her, but she could tell that the turians were very formal and that this meant something to them. She simply waited and eventually Garrus looked over at her. She shrugged her shoulders at him. _Do what you want, Big Guy. I’m in confusing territory here. You know the ropes._

“Lizzie,” Garrus said quietly, not taking his eyes off of her. “I call her Lizzie.”

Shepard nearly melted into her ice cream bowl, but not before she looked over to see Tavius Vakarian smiling.


	11. A Sexy Secret Agent

Garrus was deep in the middle of coding a firing algorithm when he heard the Battery doors slide open behind him. Before he could even turn around, he heard her voice.

“Vakarian.”

He heard the door slide shut behind her. She sounded a little off, so he spun to look at her with one eyebrow plate raised. He stopped mid-turn as he saw what she was wearing. A black leather dress that fell mid-thigh and a scooping neckline that accentuated those breasts of hers. Turian women didn’t have breasts, but many turians, Garrus now included, found them intriguing and somehow attractive. _So many turian-asari couples_ , Garrus thought, _and all because of breasts_. Shepard didn’t often show hers off, but this dress with the plunging neckline and the shorter length was making him itch.

The dress hugged her tightly – tighter than the blue dress she had worn to dinner just a few nights ago. He wasn’t really sure he’d seen her in anything quite so…suggestive. Even when she wore her favorite tank and shorts, she seemed more covered than she did in this dress. The tank and shorts were loose-fitting. This dress, most definitely, was not.

But he liked it. And Shepard obviously could tell that he liked it.

“Shepard,” he returned her use of his last name with her own, but he could hear his voice slightly wavering. He had hoped she didn’t pick up on it, but the smirk she gave him said otherwise.

She took a couple steps to her right and placed one high-heeled shoe on the edge of his cot, hiking up the skirt even further. He couldn’t stop the hitch in his breath that he was sure was audible, even across the room.

“The name’s Gunn. Allison Gunn.”

Garrus gave her a confused look. _Who is Allison Gunn and what has she done with my girl? Not that I’m complaining…_

“Gunn? And what’s the occasion for the dress, _Ms. Gunn_?” he asked.

“Yep. Gunn.” And then she laughed and shook her head, dropping her foot and walking over to him, perilously close. “And I just got back from a party, _Officer_ Vakarian.” She was close enough to him that he could feel her breath on his face. He could smell it too. _Ah, that’s what’s going on_ , he thought as a grin spread across his face. _She’s drunk._

“Oh really?” he said, deciding to play along. He gripped her around the waist and pulled her against him in the way he was learning she liked, if her vital signs every time he did it were any indication. “And is there some reason I didn’t hear about this party? I must say, it can’t have been a very good party if the most stylish member of the crew wasn’t invited.”

She giggled. She positively giggled. He absolutely adored that sound.

“Yes, but I can’t tell you,” she brought her index finger to her lip and said, “Shhhh. Kasumi said it was a secret – just between me and her.” Then she giggled again.

Kasumi Goto. Garrus didn’t know the thief very well. In fact, Shepard had brought a couple of interesting characters on board already that he wasn’t sure about. Zaeed Massani was one. Kasumi Goto was the other.

“But, Vakarian,” Shepard had now put on a faux-serious face, which was even more amusing to Garrus because she was so drunk. “I can tell _you_ , because you’re….” Garrus felt a little self-conscious as she took a step back, releasing herself from his grasp and giving him a long look from top to bottom. “Special.”

“Special, huh? That’s the best you can do?”

She threw her head back in a haughty laugh. “That’s all you’re going to get out of me in _that_ regard, Vakarian. _I_ was a very important person tonight.” And then she giggled again as she walked over to the workbench and leaned back against it, spreading her arms behind her in a way that accentuated those beautiful human female pieces of anatomy that Garrus had to continually tell himself not to stare at.

“You want to tell me about it?” He said, crossing his arms and giving her his best smoldering glance. _I should practice these seductive looks while she’s drunk and won’t remember them_ , he thought. _Genius._

“Oh, I see what you’re trying to do, Vakarian,” she wiggled a finger at him. “And it…. will probably work, because I might be a little drunk. I may have had a little something to drink with Kasumi to celebrate.”

“You don’t say.”

“Yep. I know it’s hard to tell with how well I keep myself put together, and how fucking good I look in this dress, but I think I’m a little drunk.”

“Well, why don’t you start at the beginning, Ms. Gunn.”

“No, no, no. Don’t be naughty, Officer Vakarian. You may be a sexy son of a bitch, but I’m no push over.”

 _Sexy, huh?_ He grinned at her use of the word. _You don’t know the half of it_.

“You came to see me. Clearly you want to tell me something.”

“Oh, you’re smart,” she said. “Sexy and smart. That’s a dangerous combination. Sexy and smart and strong and brave and….sexy. Yep.”

Garrus just stood there and smiled. _I will have to give her so much shit once she’s not drunk_. _And_ that _will be fun._

“Well, _Officer_ Vakarian. If you must know, I was a secret agent tonight. A sexy secret agent. Sexy like you, but secret. Because you’re not very secret…or sneaky really.”

“And just how do you think I dealt with merc gangs on Omega if I wasn’t sneaky,” he teased.

“Shhhh, you’re ruining my story!” She gave him the most scolding face she could, but then burst into giggles again before she continued.

“So Kasumi had a boyfriend. A partner. She _loved_ him,” Garrus noticed Shepard’s face got soft as she described whoever this person was for Kasumi. “And this _asshole_ killed her boyfriend. Isn’t that horrible? I mean. I know how she felt really. I was going to kill every damn merc on Omega if you died. But you didn’t die, did you, you sexy smarty turian you?”

“No, Lizzie. I didn’t die,” he said softly.

“Oh, I love it when you call me that,” she smiled, and then her face quickly turned sour. “Wait! No! Gunn! You have to call me that when I wear this dress, ok? That’s the game. I pretend to be Ms. Gunn and then I steal stuff!”

Garrus uncrossed his arms and stood up straight. _Kasumi is having her steal things? What type of things? Weapons? Armor? Data? What the hell? And why didn’t Shepard tell me before? I’m supposed to watch her back._

“What are you talking about? What did Kasumi make you do?”

“Oh, Garrus, don’t be such a buzzkill. Nothing _bad_. Just her boyfriend’s memories.”

Now Garrus was really confused.

“Kasumi’s…boyfriend’s…memories?”

“Yep. That’s what we stole. I pranced around in this dress, _incognito_ ,” she accented each syllable, pleased with herself. “And we cracked into the vault and took back her boyfriend’s memories.”

She pushed off the worktable and walked over to him again.

“He stole some secret code or something. Put them into this encrypted file along with all his memories of Kasumi. And she wanted them back.”

Shepard reached out with her hand and touched his uninjured cheekplate, and he wrapped his arms around her again as she leaned into him.

“She called it a graybox. What would your graybox have in it, Garrus?” she asked it so quickly – out of nowhere. Garrus’ mandibles fluttered in surprise. “If you had one, would it be full of me? Or would I find a bunch of beautiful turian women in it?”

Then her eyes seemed sad. “And if you saw my graybox, would it scare you away?” she said, almost a whisper.

Garrus knew that none of what Shepard said was possible. He didn’t even know what this “graybox” was that Shepard was talking about. And she was very drunk – _she_ probably didn’t even know what she was talking about. But something on this unknown mission she had completed with Kasumi had obviously bothered her.

“Lizzie, even if you had this ‘graybox’ and I could see your memories of me, there’s nothing in them that would scare me away.”

“Oh yeah, Garrus? I’m not so sure. My memories might not be what you think…” Shepard’s eyes glazed over slightly, as if looking at something far away.

 _What a strange comment. I’m just going to chalk that one up to the alcohol as well_. But part of him was troubled by her last statement. _What does she mean? What type of memories does she think would ever push me away from her?_

“Garrus?” she looked up into his eyes sweetly, but still very inebriated. He looked down at her and smiled back.

And then she did the strangest thing. She stood on her toes and put her soft, pink lips on his mouth plates.

Garrus wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but he held her close and let her do whatever it was she was trying to do. _What was it she called this type of thing?_ He tried to remember. _A “kiss”? I really need to do some research._

Then, he felt something even stranger. Her tongue lightly slipped into his mouth and twirled around gently, as if searching for something. It tasted slightly of alcohol, but sweet at the same time. Garrus enjoyed the sensation and reciprocated by following her lead and meeting her tongue with his. To his utter delight, the woman in his arms let out a quiet moan. He felt the blood rush to his groin at the sound. _Spirits, I have to stop this before it gets out of hand_ , he thought.

But he couldn’t stop it. Her hands reached up to wrap around his neck and one of her sets of nimble fingers began to lightly stroke the base of his fringe. He pulled her closer to him and released a deep growl of his own which caused Shepard to moan again and push her body against his chest. And the whole time, her tiny, pink tongue was doing crazy things inside his mouth. He had to consciously watch his reactions so he could protect her squishy tongue from his sharp teeth, but he didn’t want her to stop. He wanted this sensation to continue forever. He had been dreaming of holding her close for years. He had never dreamed of “kissing” since he had not known much about it before, but nonetheless, this moment was something he had wanted for a very long time.

He let his hands wander slightly, reaching one behind her back and slowly dragging his talons down the line of her dress until it rested just above the curve below her waist. Shepard could tell exactly what he was doing and she didn’t hesitate. Never stopping her ministrations in his mouth, she reached behind her with one hand and placed his hand directly where she wanted it – or possibly where he wanted it, Garrus wasn’t entirely sure the two were different in that moment – right on her ass. He squeezed gently and pulled her closer to him. That elicited another moan from her and more furious attentions to his tongue.

_Turian women could never do this. Humans may be squishy, but this part of their evolution is absolutely divine. Lips. Amazing idea._

But just as soon as Garrus thought he was getting the idea of kissing while grabbing ass, Shepard pulled back, smiling at him, and Garrus growled slightly at the loss of her lips on his and the pressure of her breasts against his chest.

“Garrus, are you going to help me out of this dress?” she asked, giggling again as she started to fiddle with a small, concealed zipper at the back. He looked at the beautiful woman in front of him and frowned. He wanted her. He wanted her more than he could explain. But as he held her facing him, his hands placed firmly on her waist, he knew this couldn’t happen tonight.

“No, Lizzie. I’m not.”

The smile quickly faded from her face and Garrus thought she looked almost angry.

“What the fuck, Vakarian? You don’t just turn a girl down like that.”

“I’m not _turning you down_ ,” he began, daring to release her with one hand and using that hand to push her wavy hair behind her ear. “But when this happens – and I do want it to happen, believe me – but when it does, I don’t want it to be like this.”

“What do you mean, ‘like this’?” she said, not quite as angry as before, but still visibly upset. His touch on her face had calmed her slightly.

“I mean….I want you to be able to remember it in the morning.”

Her cheeks flushed. She looked down at his chest and frowned. “You sure that’s the only reason, Garrus? Do I make you uncomfortable?”

He chuckled. “No, Lizzie. You never make me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes, but never uncomfortable.” He pulled her close to him again. “And you may not remember this in the morning either, but you should know. You are absolutely my favorite human in the galaxy.”

She smiled a sleepy, drunk, half-smile at that. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, in that case, you’re my favorite sexy, smarty turian in the galaxy too. And believe me, I’ve known my share of turians. But none of them have a voice like yours…”

That surprised him. _My voice, huh? Good to know. Maybe I should get you drunk more often…I learn all sorts of things when you’re drunk…_

“Hmmmm,” he purred quietly, using his new knowledge to his advantage. Shepard shuddered against him. “And I’ve never met a human in the galaxy who has a waist or an ass as nice as yours.”

She pulled away from him and smiled as she turned to the door, stepping slightly to the side in her tipsy state. “Well, enjoy the view, because if it’s not gettin’ any, this ass is headed to bed.”

And while it was a little silly, since she couldn’t quite walk straight, Garrus Vakarian _did_ enjoy the view. Her hips swayed just perfectly as Commander Shepard, Hero of the Skyllian Blitz and Battle of the Citadel, left the Main Battery while swinging her hips for her turian – a failed C-Sec officer on a mission of vengeance and justice. Garrus shook his head slightly in disbelief of the whole situation as he watched those hips disappear around the elevator.

_Guess those firing algorithms will have to wait until tomorrow. I need a cold shower._

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She was mortified.

There was no other word for it. She couldn’t quite remember all the details, but she had made an absolute idiot of herself the night before – she at least knew that.

The mission with Kasumi had gone well and Shepard had fun. She found it a little strange that she had fun dressing up, crashing a party, and helping a thief, but even so, it was still fun. Shepard liked Kasumi. A lot. She was just the right amount of vixen and villain, but yet still human with emotions – another woman who had secrets and understood love.

And when they had arrived back at the _Normandy_ , Shepard had accompanied Kasumi back to the Port Observation Deck and let Kasumi talk about Keiji as much as she wanted to, or at least as much as she was willing to share. Part of Shepard liked to hear about a love story gone right – two people who found each other in the galaxy and fell in love. But she did feel part of Kasumi’s heartache at the loss of her lover. Shepard’s heart clinched as she remember how she felt when she thought Garrus might die while listening to Kasumi talk about her feelings of loss after Keiji’s death.

Before she knew it, she was drunk. She wasn't sure how many mixed drinks she had, but Shepard hadn’t had a single drink since waking up on the operating table. Apparently, her new body didn’t quite hold liquor the same way her old body did. Eventually, she became tired of wearing her armor as well, and because she had gone straight to the Observation Deck, she hadn’t grabbed a change of clothes. Shepard had put the dress back on and Kasumi had made another admiring comment.

“It really does look good on you, Shep. Too bad you don’t have a boy to show it off to.”

“And what if I do?” Shepard had giggled. Kasumi’s face looked surprised under her hood.

“Jacob Taylor, huh? I would go for him too if I were you. That’s a handsome man if I ever saw one. I have already snuck into the armory to watch him work, just to enjoy the view…”

“Jacob? Ew, no. He’s just a bunch of muscle. Not much else there.”

Kasumi’s expression changed significantly.

“Oh, Shepard, I didn’t know you swung that way. I’m assuming you’re not into Zaeed…he’s….interesting…”

“Huh? Swung what way?” Shepard had plopped down on a couch and was gazing out the window.

“You know…so you and Miranda, huh? She is beautiful, that’s for sure.”

“What? No! I mean, not that I have a problem with that, but I’m into men. I like my partners to have… a penis.”

Kasumi giggled as Shepard’s drunk tongue slurred out the word “penis.”

“Laugh all you want, Kasumi. Let’s see what happens next time you need a favor.”

But Kasumi’s face was still curious.

“So, you swing _another_ way then?”

Suddenly, Shepard realized she was blabbing about some of her deepest secrets to an almost stranger. Somehow, though, it didn’t seem that awkward. She got the feeling that Kasumi was good at keeping secrets.

“Yeah, I guess you could put it that way.”

“Hmmm….” Kasumi said thoughtfully. “Garrus Vakarian is handsome, for a turian. I’m not surprised you would go for him.”

“How did you know?” Shepard asked, disbelieving.

“Shepard, the only other option was Mordin Solus, and salarians aren’t known for their sex drives. I get the feeling you are a woman who wants more interaction than quick conversations about the respiratory system of a volus.”

“Hey! Be nice to Mordin! I like him. He’s very funny.” Shepard felt the alcohol messing with her tongue and mind as she tried to find words to describe her salarian friend.

“Oh, for sure, Shepard, but still, Garrus is the only option.”

“Yeah, he sure is…” Shepard was dazing out the window again. She could hear Kasumi chuckling again, but ignored her.

“I have an idea, Shep. Why don’t you go show him your new dress? See what he thinks?”

And Shepard had thought that was a marvelous idea.

 _That’s what alcohol will do to you_ , she thought regretfully. _I need to watch how much I drink around Kasumi, otherwise, I think it will be like a 12 year old girl’s slumber party on steroids every time I do._

But Shepard still had to deal with the ramifications of what she had done. However, there was one part of the previous night that she didn’t regret. She remembered quite clearly that Garrus Vakarian had made out with her. And grabbed her ass.

She remembered that part quite well.

She shivered slightly as she recalled the feeling of his talons tracing down her back and his tongue twining with hers. And then she remembered him turning her away. _A little old school_ , she thought. Most men would take advantage of a drunk girl. But not Garrus – he was a gentleman – gentleturian? – if there ever was one.

 _How am I going to handle this one?_ she thought as she let the water of the shower race over her body, washing away the events of the previous night. She toweled herself off and decided to test the waters.

_Play it cool, Shepard. Play it cool._

_0908 ES: Ground team for the Okeer mission? You down?_

_0910 GV: Of course, Ms. Gunn. When will we arrive?_

_Well, shit_ , she thought. _So much for hoping he would let it go…_

_0913 ES: Tomorrow morning. About 1000 hours._

_0916 GV: Anything in particular I should attend to until then, Ms. Gunn?_

_0920 ES: You could do some of that research you keep telling me you need to do, Officer Vakarian._

_0921 GV: Apparently I do quite well without the research – or so it seemed last night._

_0925 ES: I don’t know, Officer Vakarian. I think you could use a little more practice._

_0926 GV: Definitely._


	12. A Big Ass Baby Krogan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Faithful readers: You get TWO chapters tonight! Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Shepard hadn’t come down to see him in days.

Granted, Garrus’ favorite human had been very busy. The Okeer mission had gone relatively well, no casualties and some new information as well as a “baby krogan” in the Port Cargo, but Garrus still worried that there was something wrong. Had he taken the teasing too far? Had he missed some subtle human cue that teasing about certain matters was not acceptable? She seemed to return all his teasing in kind, but still…

They were supposed to arrive at Purgatory in a couple of days and check on the last dossier that the Illusive Man had given Shepard. This “Jack” person was another character that Garrus wasn’t happy about.

 _Cerberus sure knows how to pick questionable crewmembers_ , he thought. _A thief, a bounty hunter, a criminal biotic, a mad salarian scientist, a failed C-Sec officer turned vigilante…_ Then he chuckled. _Maybe I fit in better than I think_. He still didn’t like the idea of releasing a criminal from custody, however, even if it was to chase down the Collectors.

 _I still haven’t received any details on the mission._ He checked his messages again to make sure Shepard had assigned him to the ground team. She hardly ever left him behind, but maybe he had missed something. _Nope, still on the ground team._

That settled it. He decided that was a good enough reason to head to her cabin to talk to her. Maybe he could even get a little more out of her than information about the mission. Maybe she would explain why she hadn’t come to see him since the night he met Allison Gunn. _Or maybe I’ll get a little more practice…_

Garrus shook his head to rid himself of the distraction. He still couldn’t quite believe what had happened just a few nights ago, right here, in the Main Battery. He had waited for an opportunity to repeat it, but he hadn’t seen much of Shepard since that night besides the ground mission to find Okeer and mealtimes when they were surrounded by people in the mess. He still hadn’t received word from his father and perhaps that was for the best. He wasn’t sure he deserved Lizzie Shepard’s affection at all. What had he done with his life, really? He had failed C-Sec, failed his Omega team, and failed to enact revenge for their deaths. His father’s approval or disapproval wouldn’t change any of that.

Besides, if nothing else, Garrus needed to figure out how human bodies worked. He still hadn’t done that research he wanted to, and Garrus Vakarian did not want to look like a blithering idiot once he finally attempted to go further than a short petting session. His last intimate encounter with Shepard had made him realize how little he really knew about human physiology and he intended to correct that.

Garrus interrupted his firing sequence, too distracted to continue for the moment, and turned around, abruptly heading out of the Battery. He nodded at Gardner in his usual station and a couple of Cerberus employees enjoying a meal at a table, but then stopped as something caught his eye to the left. What he saw through the windows of the medbay made his pulse involuntarily rise and his mandibles flare in distress. He quickly changed course and headed for the medbay.

As soon as the doors opened, he shouted, “What the hell happened, Shepard?!?”

Dr. Chakwas, Miranda, and Elizabeth Shepard all turned to look at him with surprised looks on their faces. Shepard was seated on one of the beds with Dr. Chakwas ministering to some injury he couldn’t see on her back while Miranda watched the doctor work. Garrus couldn’t tell what type of injury Shepard had suffered, but he could see serious bruising on her neck and upper chest. _What the hell did she go and do without me?_ Eventually, it was Miranda who recovered first from Garrus’ outburst.

“Commander Shepard decided she should single-handedly take on the baby krogan,” Miranda said, one hand on her hip with an annoyed look on her face that seemed to be directed more at Shepard than Garrus. Garrus looked from Miranda’s face to Shepard’s.

“Are you fucking kidding?” he asked, incredulously.

Dr. Chakwas piped up from her position attending to Shepard’s back. “I’m afraid it’s true, Garrus. She’s quite alright, some minor bruising and a few scratches. She was lucky. Maybe you can talk some sense into her. She never listens to me.”

Garrus continued to stare at Shepard, grateful that she couldn’t pick up on the subharmonic sounds emanating from his chest at that moment. Anger, frustration…and maybe a little hurt. _Why didn’t she come get me? If she was going to unleash that krogan experiment, she could have at least had me there to protect her._

Shepard just shrugged her shoulders and sighed.

“Karin, Miranda, am I patched up enough to go?”

“Sure, Commander,” Miranda answered. “Just try not to get into another fight with a krogan when you’re not wearing your armor. I don’t want to waste another two years of my life patching together your broken pieces.” Miranda strode out of the medbay quickly, not even bothering to look at Garrus as she passed him. Dr. Chakwas returned to her usual seat while Shepard pulled the straps of her brown overalls back over her shoulders.

Garrus was watching her closely with narrowed eyes. He saw her wince as she rolled her shoulders to test their range of motion. He relaxed slightly when she smiled at him from beneath her tangle of blonde locks and said, “Good as new.” She hopped off the table and turned to the doctor. “Thanks, Karin.”

“Just doing my job, Commander. I know your new implants make you feel invincible, but that’s no reason to be reckless.”

“I’ll be more careful, doc. Thanks.”

Shepard began to walk past Garrus. He couldn’t quite believe it. _And now she’s ignoring me? What is going on?_

“Shepard,” he growled just after she passed him.

“Not here, Garrus,” she said, sounding upset as well. “Meet me in the cargo bay in five.” The doors of the med bay closed behind her. Garrus turned to the doctor for support.

“Dr. Chakwas? What was that all about?”

“Beats me, Garrus. But if there’s anyone on this ship who can talk some sense into her, it would be you. However, I wouldn’t keep her waiting.” And with that, the doctor turned back to her work.

Garrus strode quickly to the elevator and made his way down to the cargo bay. There were a few Cerberus employees at work, but Garrus’ impatient mood and one word command of “Out!” scattered them toward the elevator.

He waited impatiently, arms folded across his chest. Finally, the elevator doors slid open and there she was, dressed in a set of workout clothes.

“Strip,” was all she said. While a couple of hours earlier, Garrus would have made some suggestive comment, her demeanor and his own feelings of hurt and anger impeded his sense of humor. He quickly threw off his armor and turned around in his undersuit to find Shepard moving her workout mats to the middle of the room.

“Let’s go, Vakarian.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“Not joking.”

“You just got attacked by a krogan, Shepard. I saw you in the medbay. I’m not fighting you right now.”

“Yes, you are. Now get over here.”

Garrus didn’t like it, but he complied. Assuming a defensive position, he waited, not wanting to throw the first blow – not really wanting to throw a blow at all. He was furious with her, no doubt about it. He couldn’t believe she would open that potential death tank in nothing but her civvies and no one around to protect her – especially without _him_ to protect her. But he still didn’t want to hurt her.

She did jab first, with her left arm. He didn’t expect that since she was right handed, but he jumped back just in time. She kicked next. He dodged again. She continued to throw punches and kicks, but none of them landed.

“Come on, Shepard. You’re just playing. Land one.”

“Act like a fucking soldier, Vakarian. Fight back.”

He made a fake jab at her head at that comment, but he had no real intention of hitting her. She dodged and used the opportunity to punch him in the side. He flinched slightly, but jumped back.

“I mean it, Garrus.”

“What is the point of this, Shepard?”

“Does there have to be a point?” She threw another missed punch.

“Just wondering what got your panties in a bunch?” He said, slightly enjoying this now. It seemed she was just as upset as he was about something. Maybe he could get it out of her if he goaded her on enough.

“Someone’s been hanging out with Joker too much and picking up on _stupid_ ,” punch, “ _human_ ,” jab, “ _phrases_.” Kick. Garrus dodged them all.

_She must be really angry. She doesn’t usually miss this many attacks. But what is she angry about?_

That thought brought him down. She used his distraction and kicked his legs out from under him, careful not to catch his spurs, and then she was on top of him. The situation seemed familiar, but usually Garrus won when they sparred. This was a new position for him with Shepard on top.

“What happened, Vakarian?” she panted.

“I’ve been trying to ask you the same thing all day,” he replied. She growled and pushed off of him, standing up.

“Again,” she said, teeth clenched.

He humored her for another fifteen minutes, but he started to lose patience. _This isn’t going anywhere_ , he thought. _Need to make this end._

Acting quickly and exploiting Shepard’s weakness with her left jabs, he managed to twist an arm around her waist as she threw a punch, catching her with one arm and pushing her to the ground with the other. She lay flat on her stomach as he put his knee in her back. She struggled for a few seconds. He could see her biotics beginning to flare in anger and for a moment, he thought about releasing her. But finally she said, “I yield.”

But Garrus wasn’t finished. He didn’t release her. He needed to know what was going on. As if she were no lighter than a doll, he flipped her over onto her back and held her down, pinning her shoulders to the mat and forcing her to look at him.

“What the fuck is going on, Lizzie?” He used her first name in the hopes of softening her and getting her to talk to him.

“That’s what I’ve been wondering, Garrus,” she said, still panting but with her eyebrows drawn together in a scowl.

“We’re going in circles. I have no idea what is going on here,” Garrus gave her a confused look as he held her to the floor, “You’ve been avoiding me and then you decide to take on the krogan tank by yourself? No armor? No protection? What happened to me watching your six? Do you not need me on this ship anymore, because if that’s the case, I’ll go!” He could hear his voice rising, but he didn’t care. He was angry and he wanted her to know it. He thought they were getting somewhere, but then everything had stopped. He wanted – no, he _needed_ – to understand why.

“Is that what you think happened? Because it seems like _you’ve_ been avoiding _me_ ,” she pushed him off her in frustration and stood up. “Fuck, Garrus. I’m sorry. I know I acted like an idiot. I was drunk, ok?” His eyes widened and he stood up straight as she continued to yell at him.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry if I screwed everything up, but just tell me I screwed it all up. Don’t drag this out and make me wait. Just fucking tell me!” She paused, panting.

 “I don’t have anything to tell you,” he said quietly, finally realizing what had kept her away.

“What do you mean you don’t have anything to tell me?” Somehow his comment had not calmed her.

“I mean,” he said, daring to take a step toward her and reach for her arm. “That I don’t have anything to tell you, because you didn’t mess up anything.” She let him touch her skin and find her fingers, lacing them with his own. He felt her shiver at his touch. “I thought _I_ had breached some sort of human etiquette. I had my hands all over you and teased you mercilessly afterwards. I’ve felt horrible about it, especially since you haven’t visited me much in the past few days…”

He was trying to pull her closer to him now. She seemed to be relaxing slightly at his words.  Something was still off. Something was wrong. He didn’t know how to fix it – or her – but he would sure as hell try.

She sighed as he finally was close enough to hold her with both his arms.

“I acted like a teenager who couldn’t hold her booze,” she said, dropping her gaze. “I pushed myself on you and…” she trailed off, but brought her eyes back to meet his. “I wasn’t sure if you were ready for that. It seemed like you weren’t…”

“Lizzie, please don’t avoid me. It’s hard enough that I lost you for two years. Don’t make me lose you again over something stupid.”

“You don’t think I’m an idiot?”

“Only a little.” She raised an eyebrow at him and he quickly smiled back at her. “You did open that krogan tank alone. Not the smartest move ever.”

“Yeah…about that….I didn’t really think he would be so violent fresh out of the tank.”

“He’s a krogan.”

“A _baby_ krogan.”

“That’s a big ass baby krogan, Lizzie.”

“Yeah. He kind of is. But he’s _our_ big ass baby krogan.”

She was smiling now at her own joke. He looked down adoringly at the woman he had finally managed to wrap in his arms. He couldn’t resist. Slowly, he brought his face down and touched his “lips” to her softer ones. He positively purred as she immediately returned his kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and stroking the spot she found the last time. Garrus couldn’t believe the sensations he felt now for a second time. It was even better this time, because he had a better sense of what he was doing.

Suddenly, she pulled back. “Don’t think this gets you out of trouble, Vakarian. You don’t avoid a woman after she throws herself at you. I’m still mad.”

“Why don’t you show me how mad you are?” he snarled as he forced her to kiss him again.

After several minutes, he was having trouble controlling his arousal, and before he could say or do anything about it, she pulled on his neck and jumped. Garrus had to check his balance as he realized she was wrapping her legs around his waist. He grabbed the soft, squishy orbs below her waist with both hands to support her and pulled back in surprise to look at her as she locked her ankles behind his back. She was smiling at him and he gave her a questioning look.

“How much longer do I have to be patient, Garrus?”

For a moment, he thought about telling her the truth. He thought about telling her about his father and about Sidonis and about his fears for the past two years – how he blamed himself for her death and felt like an absolute failure. But the reality of the green eyes staring up at him and the ache in his lower abdomen overcame that thought.

Growling, he took a few steps, continuing to support the woman in his arms, and slammed her back against the wall, pressing himself against her. She winced and suddenly Garrus remembered the injuries on her back.

“Shit, Lizzie, I’m sorry, I forgot.”

But she just smiled at him and said, “Just fucking kiss me, Garrus.”

So he did and forgot about everything else. Her fingers were winding their way through his fringe, testing different places to gauge his sensitivity. She was _enjoying_ teasing him and Garrus couldn’t say he minded it much either. He was sure she could feel the spot where his plates had loosened and he pressed against her core, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t sure he could contain this much longer. He had wanted her for so long…

He pulled back slightly for a short breath of air.

“Spirits, where did you learn to do these things?” Garrus felt his eyes roll back in his head as Lizzie nibble lightly down his neck. “You’re driving this turian crazy…”

Shepard giggled softly in his arms.

“Well, you know, Garrus,” she broke off her attentions to his neck for a moment to look at him with a smirk. “You’re not exactly the first turian I’ve had the hots for.”

Garrus was struck by that comment. He had completely forgotten about Nihlus, Shepard’s first turian lover. He had forgotten how sad she looked when she spoke about the former Spectre and their time together – how she had chased Saren across the damn galaxy partly as retribution for the traitor killing her red-plated turian.

And suddenly, all Garrus’ insecurities about his own physical intimacy with Shepard came rushing back. Nihlus had shown her the ropes. Nihlus had known his away around a human body, Garrus was sure of it. After all of the Spectre’s travels around the galaxy, surely he had bedded a few asari or humans before.

And Garrus had been with neither.

 _Fuck_.

This was Commander Elizabeth Shepard. A hero of the galaxy before she was defamed. To Garrus, she was still a hero.

And she had had a former turian lover who had known how to please her. Garrus knew nothing of the sort.

He realized that Lizzie Shepard had dropped her legs from behind his back and was standing on her own two feet now, looking at him with concern.

“Garrus? You ok?” she said quietly.

“Yeah. Definitely,” he said awkwardly, releasing her from his hold slightly. “I just forgot that I left a firing sequence running on the Thanix. Have to check those calibrations.” He released her completely and started to turn away, feeling suddenly very small.

He turned back to face Shepard briefly before walking toward the elevator. “I guess we’ll have to continue this later.” She smiled briefly at that, but the concerned look still overrode the short look of happiness.

He took long strides as he headed for the elevator – embarrassed, confused, and alone.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Shepard watched her favorite turian leave the Cargo Bay. She didn’t follow. Clearly, he wanted to be alone, and she didn’t know what to do.

After she was sure Garrus was in the elevator, she put the work out equipment away and headed for her cabin. As soon as she entered her private space, she headed straight for the bed and flopped face down into the pillows.

“Diarrhea of the mouth,” she groaned.

It was too late for her to take back the slip about Nihlus. If she was completely honest with herself, she wasn’t sure why Garrus was that upset anyway. After all, they weren’t teenagers. It wasn’t like she expected Garrus to be a fucking virgin if they finally managed to get each other’s clothes off. Why would he expect anything else from her?

Then it dawned on her. _Maybe Garrus has never been with a human before. He may not be a virgin, but he’s a human-virgin. And I just reminded him that I’m not a turian-virgin._ She sat up slowly and put her head in her hands. _Well, shit._

Garrus knew about Nihlus. She had let that information slip on the old _Normandy_ , but she hadn’t brought him up for a long time, let alone allude to the fact that she had slept with the red turian long before Garrus expressed any interest in her. And not only did she remind Garrus she had been with a turian before, Nihlus was not just any turian – he was a Spectre, a famous and exemplary turian. Even Tavius Vakarian had complimented the late Nihlus Kryik on his racial representation to the rest of the galaxy.

 _But bringing him up in the heat of passion wasn’t your best idea yet, Elizabeth_ , she scolded herself. She hadn’t meant anything by it. It just….came out. _Actually, the worst part is that it’s not even true. Garrus_ was _the first turian I had the hots for…but he doesn’t know that._

“Goddammit. Now what do I do? If it’s not one thing, it’s another,” she voiced her frustrations aloud.

“Can I be of service, Commander?” The blue orb in the corner piped up at Shepard’s distressed voice. Shepard sighed.

“No, I don’t think so, EDI.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.”

“But you seem distressed.”

“I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”

“Logging you out, Shepard.”

Shepard lay back on the bed and stared blankly at the stars and space dust through the window overhead.

“Actually, EDI, maybe you can help me out.”

“Yes, Shepard?” The blue orb popped back into view.

“What is Officer Vakarian doing right now?”

“You want me to report the actions of the crew to you, Shepard?”

“Just answer the damn question, EDI.”

“He is calibrating the Thanix Cannon.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of mood does he seem to be in?”

“That is a question better directed to Yeoman Chambers, but he seems distracted and slightly distressed. The probable cause of his current distress is the encounter the two of you had in the Cargo Bay less than an hour ago.”

“Yes, I know that, EDI. Will you inform me if he takes a break from the Thanix at some point? And tell me immediately? I want to go talk to him when he isn’t busy.”

“Of course, Shepard. Is that all?”

“Yes.”

“Logging you out, Shepard.”

She wasn’t sure what she would say to Garrus, but she had to say something. After a few moments, Shepard realized she was surprisingly tired – the stars and dust floating past her eyes in the window mesmerizing her into sleep. Opening a baby krogan tank, sparring with a turian hand-to-hand combat specialist, and the disaster in the Cargo Bay had made for a long day.

“EDI, wake me up if Garrus takes a break.”

“Of course, Shepard.”


	13. Good Enough for Me

Purgatory. The mission directive arrived on Garrus’ omni-tool with a ping. He paused to scroll briefly through the information Shepard had sent him.

_It’s been a long two days_ , he thought. Since the intimate disaster in the Cargo Bay, Garrus had holed himself up in the Main Battery, only leaving to grab food or take care of other bodily necessities and only taking a break from the Thanix to eat or sleep. He had purposely made himself unavailable. He had no desire to talk to anyone, and hours computing firing algorithms had kept his mind off of his embarrassment at his last encounter with Shepard.

_Have I made a fool of myself already? A poor lover I would make. I don’t know the first thing about human anatomy,_ he thought as he recalled what happened, but shook his head. _This is why I’ve been working like crazy. I don’t want to think about it._

His thoughts were thankfully interrupted by an unexpected message.

 

_Garrus,_

_I apologize for not sending this sooner. Your mother, sister, and I stayed on the Citadel longer than originally intended to attend to some business for the Primarch. I had a chance to converse with Councilor Sparatus. Despite being unable to tell me more about what you are doing, he seemed impressed with both of you._

_But now, we have all arrived back on Palaven. Your mother will enter her new treatment next week and Solana will be returning to the military academy soon. She has done exceptionally well in the tech programs. We are all very proud of her._

_I wish we had had more time to spend with you, Garrus, but I know you are very busy. I thought you should know that your mother and I deem Commander Shepard a suitable companion for you. However, despite our approval, you know what this will mean for you with the Hierarchy should you pursue a relationship with her further. Ultimately, that is your choice, and we will not make it for you, but no matter what the Hierarchy says, your mother and I are simply glad that you are alive._

_Stay safe and keep in touch as much as you can._

_Dad_

 

The message left Garrus speechless and a little sad. It couldn’t come at a worse time. The strange approval of his parents seemed like a slap in the face when Garrus wasn’t sure he even had a “relationship” with the human he loved at the moment. After all, he had walked out on her in the middle of a romantic interlude.

Sighing, Garrus turned back to work on his calibrations some more, but was interrupted yet again by a ping on his omni-tool.

_0814 SV: Garrus! You are the worst big brother ever._

_0815 GV: Great. Just what I needed today. What did I do now?_

_0818 SV: Didn’t you get Dad’s message?_

_0820 GV: Just got it._

_0821 SV: AND?!?....You didn’t think to thank me?_

_0823 GV: What should I be thanking you for, Sol?_

_0825 SV: Oh, I may have told him to stop holding out on you and send it. For some reason, he had been holding on to that message for days._

_0828 GV: And how do you know that?_

_0830 SV: I may or may not have hacked his account to see if he said anything about Commander Shepard to you. I was_ dying _to know what they thought._

_0835 GV: And what do you think of her, Sol?_

_0838 SV: Spirits, Garrus, you have to ask? I_ love _her! She’s perfect for you – just enough fun to counteract how boring you are._

_0840 GV: Well, I’m glad you approve, I guess._

_0842 SV: You guess? What the hell? I go to all this trouble to get you some happy news, and all you can say is “I guess”?_

Garrus stopped for a minute and considered what he was about to tell his sister. He had been a horrible brother. He had abandoned his family for two years, and in a way, he felt like he was abandoning them again. Even now, his sister was worried about him and his happiness while he sat there feeling sorry for himself.

Solana must have picked up on some of his distress when he didn’t reply right away, because she sent him another message.

_0855 SV: Garrus, is everything ok between you and Commander Shepard?_

He was really uncomfortable sharing his feelings with his sister, but he needed help. There was no one else he could turn to, and she was his sister – she only wanted to help him, right?

_0859 GV: I don’t know, Sol. I think I screwed up._

_0901 SV: Whatever the fuck you did, Garrus, fix it._

_0903 GV: Such strong language. Why do you care so much about it?_

_0908 SV: Well, platehead, first of all, you’re my brother and I want you to be happy. I know you care about her, and I’m pretty sure she would accomplish that. Second, Commander Shepard is_ amazing _and I want her to be my sister-in-law. So straighten up, soldier, and fix whatever the hell you did wrong!_

_0910 GV: I’m not sure I know how, Sol._

_0912 SV: Garrus Vakarian. Do you love her?_

_0914 GV: Of course I do._

_0915 SV: Then apologize. I don’t care what race she is, women like apologies. Go apologize and let her tell you what you need to do to fix it._

Garrus smiled as he thought about the look that was probably on his sister’s face that very moment –  the “I can’t believe how stupid you are” look.

_0919 GV: Sol, you know I love you, too, right? Even though I’m not around very much?_

_0921 SV: Yeah, I know, Garrus. You may be a shit big brother, but you are_ my _shit big brother. Just don’t go off the grid for two years again and that will be a step in the right direction, ok?_

_0923 GV: Ok._

Garrus sat down on his cot and sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

_0925 SV: Did you go talk to her yet?_

_0926 GV: Of course not, I’m still talking to you._

_0927 SV: Just do it. Do it now. If I know you, you’ll lose your nerve unless you go now. So go, or I will tell Dad exactly what a mess you were when I found you on the Citadel over two years ago…._ that _would be embarrassing for him to find out._

_0930 GV: Ok, Sol._

_0931 SV: Promise?_

_0932 GV: Promise._

_0933 SV: Report back when the mission is complete, soldier._

Solana knew him too well. He _would_ lose his nerve unless he did something right now. So he got up off his cot and said, “EDI, where is Commander Shepard?”

“She is in her cabin, Officer Vakarian.”

“Thanks.”

“Logging you out.”

For the first time in two days, Garrus left the Main Battery in search of something other than food or a restroom. He didn’t pause at the elevator or Shepard’s door. He knew he would just turn around if he did. But when he heard her voice say “Enter” and stepped into her spacious cabin, he wasn’t quite sure what to say to Shepard.

She was in her usual place. Legs tucked up underneath her, datapad in hand, typical black shorts and tank top adorning her petite, but long, figure. What hair she could fit into a ponytail was tied at the back of her head, with smaller pieces framing her face.

He just stared at her. She didn’t move, but she did speak.

“Hey, Garrus. Come on in.” Tentatively, he stepped down the stairs and stood in the middle of the bedroom portion of her quarters. When he still didn’t speak, she coughed and continued. “Everything ok?”

_I have to say something. What did Sol say to do? Oh yeah…._

“I’m sorry, Shepard.” He was rewarded with a half-smile.

“Sorry for what, Garrus?”

“For leaving you in the Cargo Bay like I did,” he continued. “I don’t know what came over me.” Shepard swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, walking slowly to where he stood in the middle of the room. He could smell the sweet aroma of her hair and the slight hint of sleep still lingering on her skin.

“I know what came over you,” she said, looking up at him with her big green eyes. “And for that, I’m sorry, too.” She was standing directly in front of him now.

“Lizzie, you don’t have to be sorry. It’s my own damn fault,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I shouldn’t have gotten so uptight at the mention of….you know…I just want everything to be perfect. I want something to go right, especially this.” He reached out and cupped her face in his hand. She leaned in to him and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to mess this up, too.”

Her eyes flew back open. “Garrus, you couldn’t mess this up. Look, this is stupid. We’re both so worried about whether the other person is upset with us or not or if we are good enough for the other one.” She stopped and placed both her arms around his neck. He dropped his hand and placed both of them around her deliciously thin waist.

“Garrus Vakarian, you are more than good enough for me. You don’t even know the half of it. Will you stop worrying about it, please?” He loved that smile. Garrus was slowly learning that he was hard-pressed to resist it, and in fact, he didn’t try.

He scooped her up in his arms and pressed his forehead against hers. She returned the pressure, but leaned in further and began the delicious ritual he was now becoming familiar with. Teeth, tongue, lips. He loved them all, and before he knew it, her soft fleshy ones were all over his mouthplates, his mandibles, his jaw, his neck. He didn’t want her to stop.

But he still didn’t know what to do with his own hands or tongue.

Finally, he decided to stop being afraid. He pulled away slowly and said, “Lizzie….show me.”

That got another slow smile from his human girl. Releasing her hold on his neck, she applied pressure to his chest with one hand, until he realized she was pushing him backwards. Eventually, his spurs hit the edge of the couch and she pushed him down. His heart raced as he sat and realized what she was doing.

She brought one leg up on his left and leaned on it while she brought her other leg up on his right. She settled onto his lap, straddling him and pressing her body against his own while returning her hands to the base of his fringe. He let out an involuntarily growl as he felt her warmth, but kept his arms to the side, waiting.

“All right, Vakarian. I’ll show you a few things.”

She reached for one of his hands and took off his glove.

“Filed?” she asked.

“Always,” he said. “At least…since you….you know…”

She chuckled at him as she placed the hand she held on one of the mounds on her chest. His eyes flew back up to her face and she nodded at him.

“Human women, me included, love it if you play with these,” she said with a smirk.

“Play?”

“You know…like this.” Slowly, she brought her free hand up to her other breast and began squeezing and massaging in small patterns. Garrus mimicked her movement as best he could and as he did so, he noticed her breath hitch and her pulse rise. He felt his own excitement grow as he watched this striking woman moan lightly beneath his touch.

Suddenly, she stopped rubbing her own breast and reached for his free hand. Taking off his other glove, she said, “Now use the other one, too.” Garrus could do nothing but oblige and he marveled at the feeling of her soft, supple orbs beneath his long fingers. He almost pulled back in surprise as he felt the centers of them harden.

“Lizzie?...”

She giggled and shook her head. “They’re supposed to do that,” she said. Then she leaned in closer to him and whispered. “It means you’ve got me all hot and bothered, Vakarian.”

Garrus didn’t know what “hot and bothered” meant, but judging from the tone of her voice, it sounded good.

“Now, you keep doing that, and we’ll see if you can master that skill.” _No complaining here,_ Garrus thought. “While I pay a little attention to you.”

Garrus nearly yelped as she latched onto one of his mandibles with her hot, little mouth, her hands reaching up behind him to massage his fringe and the back of his neck. His senses were on overload between his hands on his human commander’s breasts and her lips and fingers attending to some of his most sensitive areas.

After a few moments of bliss, Garrus decided to improvise, remembering that the first night they had done something like this, he had enjoyed the feeling of her ass in his hands. He maintained his ministrations to one of her breasts but dropped his other hand to grip the soft flesh below her waist. He was rewarded with a groan from the woman on his lap and a shift in her movements so that her mouth was pressed on his again. Her tongue invaded his mouth and he returned her advance with his own, pulling her body closer to him while learning more about the feel of a human tongue.

Garrus couldn’t think. He was completely lost in the sensations and feelings coursing through him. He was ready. He wanted her. He didn’t care if he didn’t know what he was doing. He needed this – needed her.

Slowly, he released the hold he had with both hands and reached for the bottom of her flimsy tank top. He had wondered for years what human skin felt like beneath their layers of clothing. He was about to find out. Without interrupting her kiss, Shepard noticed what he was doing and reached down to guide his hands under the hem of her shirt. The brief touch of her skin under his fingers as he started to pull the material up made him shudder with pleasure. _Spirits, so soft…_

“Commander?”

Shepard broke the kiss suddenly, cheeks flushed and hot, breath coming in short pants. Garrus growled at the pilot’s voice.

“What, Joker?” she asked, clearly annoyed.

“Thirty minutes until we dock on Purgatory.”

“Fuck,” she said, pulling back from Garrus’ grasp as he dropped the tank top back down over her stomach.

“Sorry, Commander. Am I interrupting something?”

“No. Just forgot we were that close.”

“Uh-huh. Close to what?” Even Garrus chuckled at that, irritated as he was.

“So help me, Joker, if were listening in earlier, I will strap you in that seat and make you watch EDI pilot the ship.”

“Ooooo, I’m scared.”

“Shut the fuck up, Joker, and get off this channel.”

“All right, Commander, but just remember, I will turn this ship around if you two don’t behave.”

The channel went silent and Shepard shrugged. She still straddled his lap although she was leaning back now.

“Can I get a raincheck, Officer Vakarian?” She twisted her mouth into a half-smile.

“What’s a ‘raincheck’?” He asked.

“You know…a ‘save it for later’?” Her cheeks turned pink again.

“Hmmm…I don’t know. How long until ‘later’?” He teased.

“Fuck, Garrus, hopefully as soon as we get off this damn prison ship with our new friend.”

“In that case, definitely.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

“Interesting choice, Vakarian.”

Shepard was taken aback by the Warden’s comment. He had looked as if he was going to leave them standing by the entrance of the prison ship, but had turned around after only a few paces.

“I don’t think I introduced my crew to you, Warden Kuril,” she said slowly.

“No, you didn’t,” the Warden replied. “But you didn’t have to. I know a Vakarian when I see one.” Then the Warden turned to Garrus and gave him a scathing, almost mocking, glance. Garrus returned the glance with a scornful look of his own.

“What exactly are you harassing my crewmember about?” she said, taking a step in between the two turians.

“Oh, he knows what I’m talking about,” Warden Kuril said. “Don’t you, Vakarian? Well, I guess your choice is your choice. That will knock one more person in line for the Primacy of Palaven off the list. Not that I care really, I just enjoy watching _supposed_ great families fall. Enjoy your tour of the ship. As I said, see you later, Shepard.” This time, the other turian really did walk away.

Shepard looked up into Garrus’ face. He seemed oddly distressed underneath his angry expression.

“What the hell was that about, Garrus?”

“Nothing, Shepard,” Garrus replied shortly.

“Yeah, I don’t believe that.” Garrus turned to face her as she stepped in front of him. He shot a quick glance at Big-Ass-Baby-Krogan-Grunt who was watching the exchange earnestly, as if trying to figure out a riddle. Garrus sighed and turned back to Shepard.

“Let’s just say he could smell something on me. On us.”

Shepard studied his face for a minute, not understanding. “What do you mean he could _smell_ something?”

“Ah!” Grunt’s face lit up as he spoke. “So _that_ is what the smell is! Thank you, turian. Now I understand. Although why you would want to mate with something as squishy as the human, I will not understand.”

Shepard was the last to realize what the exchange was all about. When she did, her face broke into a look of embarrassment.

“Grunt, so help me,” Garrus began as he turned to the krogan. “If you say a word to anyone, I will end you. You’re not the first krogan to be able to pick up on that tidbit of information, but you will be the last if you start talking to people on the ship.”

“Who would I talk to, turian? I do not think that many people on the ship will choose to visit me in the Port Cargo,” Grunt replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Besides, I am finding this mission more entertaining by the minute. I wouldn’t want to ruin that…” The baby krogan almost looked like he would laugh and then added. “There was another krogan on this crew before?”

Shepard finally spoke again, trying to shrug off her embarrassment at the idea that she emitted some sort of scent to alien races when aroused. “A long time ago. His name is Urdnot Wrex. Friend of ours.” Turning back to Garrus, she said, “Wrex?”

“Yeah, he knew.”

“Shit.”

“Who is this Wrex?” Grunt said. “I would like to meet him.”

Shepard decided to change the subject.

“So, anything else you can tell me about that guy? Like how he knows your family and stuff?”

“The colony markings are a dead giveaway, Shepard,” Garrus replied.

“Yeah, but aren’t there tons of turians from your colony?”

“A number of them, I guess. And actually, my markings don’t designate a colony per se. The Vakarian family is one of the oldest families still able to claim Palaven as their original home. I’m sure it didn’t take much for Kuril to put two and two together that my markings plus my association with the first human Spectre made me the Garrus Vakarian he’s heard about on the news vids.”

“So, is your family like hot shit on Palaven or something?”

“Is now really a good time to get into a discussion of turian politics, Shepard?” His look was serious but his voice teased. She acquiesced to his judgment.

“All right, then. So nothing else you can tell me about him? He seemed to be able to figure out so much about us in a short amount of time.”

“Yeah. Don’t trust him.” Shepard turned to her turian officer with a questioning look.

“That’s all you’re gonna give me?” she asked.

“He’s barefaced, Shepard.”

When Garrus didn’t explain that last comment, she motioned for him to explain. “And that means…what exactly?”

“It means he has no markings. No family. No colony. Nothing to identify him.” He stepped closer to her, and even though they were on a mission, she could hardly repress the shudder at his closeness when combined with her unfulfilled desires from only thirty minutes earlier.

Grunt decided to join the conversation. “No clan. I can understand that. It makes one feel very…angry.” Shepard held back a smile as she thought, _Awww, only a few days and big ass baby krogan is learning new things. He’s growing up so fast._

“You encountered another turian who was barefaced. I’m surprised you forgot,” Garrus added.

“Oh yeah? Who was that?” she asked.

“Saren.”

That made her uncomfortable. She rolled her shoulders to shrug off the memories.

“Ok then,” she said, taking a step forward. “Don’t trust Warden Kuril. Got it.”

*******************

Thanks to Garrus’ warning, she wasn’t entirely surprised when Kuril turned on them. Grunt had entirely too much fun with his first chance to be violent.

“The Baby Krogan learns fast, Shepard,” Garrus said to her while they crouched in cover together.

“Guess we’re good parents, huh?” She flashed a smile at him.

“You know, I never really pictured us starting off a family by adopting a krogan. Sounds like that would cause some sort of intergalactic incident.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. We’ll start with a batarian baby first. That’s a good way to go.”

“Very funny, Shepard.”

Grunt joined in. “You two pyjaks doing anything, or am I doing all the work? Pyjak….interesting word. It comes from Okeer. What does it mean?”

Shepard rolled her eyes at Garrus as she threw a warp at a Blue Suns merc. “It’s an insult, Grunt. Good job. You just disrespected your commanding officer.”

They fought their way through the prison and eventually caught up to Jack. Shepard wasn’t sure how she felt about the barely clad woman with the crazy body art and thirst for violence, but Cerberus wanted her on the team. But she was happy to let Jack have access to Cerberus’ databases.

“Let me know if you find anything,” she told the new addition, and she meant it. _Maybe she’ll find something about me in there…_

After exiting the airlock back on the _Normandy_ , Shepard grabbed Garrus’ arm and pulled him to the side where no one could hear.

“Meet me in my cabin for that raincheck?” She winked at him. She could have sworn he growled as he nodded at her. But all her plans for some time alone with Garrus were interrupted when Kelly Chambers stopped her.

“The Illusive Man wants to speak with you in the Briefing Room, Commander.”

_Shit_.

She hated the Illusive Man. _He needs a damn name. I’m gonna start calling him Bob. It’s a good enough name._

“Shepard. I think we have them! Horizon – one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems – just went silent.”

_Perfect timing as always, Bob_. But she refrained from rolling her eyes. Not that she wasn’t happy to try and help a human colony, but right now was not a good time.

“One of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko, is stationed on Horizon.”

Now that got her attention.

“Last I knew, Kaidan was Alliance. Why is he out in the Terminus Systems?” she asked.

“Officially, it’s an outreach program to improve Alliance relations with the colonies. But they’re up to something. And if they sent Commander Alenko, it must be big. I suggest you take it up with him.”

_Commander Alenko? Since when is Kaidan a Commander?_ But another thought tugged at the back of Shepard’s brain.

“The Collectors just happen to pick a colony with one of my former crew?” she said. “I don’t buy it.”

She listened to more bullshit from Bob about not notifying the Alliance. Finally, he said, “This is the most warning we’ve ever had, Shepard. Good luck.” And he was gone.

_Sorry, Garrus_ , she thought. _That raincheck will have to wait a little longer…_


	14. Honesty and Trust

“ _Meet me in my cabin for that raincheck_?” she had said.

And Garrus did exactly that. He didn’t waste any time. But apparently, the Illusive Man had a lot to say to Shepard, because it seemed to Garrus that he had been waiting in her cabin forever.

EDI had let him in without hesitation. Garrus took that as an interesting, but very good, sign. _Either EDI thinks Shepard would let me in without her being here, or Shepard has given her permission to do so. Both are fine with me._ Garrus’ chest puffed a little with pride as he thought of his human commander giving him free access to her quarters.

_How many humans in the galaxy would love to be here right now_ , he thought. _Hell, how many members of any species_ period _would love to be here right now._ Disgraced by the Alliance and the Council in news reports or not, Shepard was still a legend, and everyone knew it.

And Elizabeth Shepard gave Garrus Vakarian access to her private cabin.

But Garrus didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He didn’t even know where to sit. He tried the couch, but sitting there just reminded him of being there earlier that morning and fondling Lizzie Shepard’s soft, beautiful breasts. He didn’t think it appropriate for him to sit on the bed. Eventually, he decided to sit at her desk by the door. It seemed harmless enough.

Just as he sat in the chair and was about to lean back with his fingers locked behind his head, his foot struck something – a small, green, metal box tucked just underneath the desk. Curious, he picked up the box. It wasn’t very big. In fact, Garrus could hold it with one hand.

He reached to put the box back under the desk and unwittingly caught a finger on the latch. To his surprise, the catch flew open and the box top lifted up slightly. Garrus again reached for the box, intending to close it, but as his fingers reached to press the latch in place, an almost irresistible urge to look at its contents overcame him.

“EDI, where is Commander Shepard right now?” he asked.

“Commander Shepard is still speaking with the Illusive Man in the Briefing Room.”

“Will you alert me if she moves from there?”

“Of course, Officer Vakarian.”

The orb disappeared and Garrus was again left with the box in his hands. With slightly shaking fingers, he pushed the lid open and peered inside. The first thing he saw was a note signed by Miranda Lawson.

 

_Shepard,_

_Along with the item we found in your uniform, Cerberus recovered this from the wreckage of your ship. Most items didn’t seem that important, but this box seemed quite personal. I recovered it in my efforts to learn all I could about you and I return them to you now._

_Miranda Lawson_

Garrus looked beneath the note. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but what he did see was still a surprise. In the box were letters. Real, paper letters. Not handwritten letters, but printed copies of messages sent through the extranet and occasional printouts of instant messages. It was a slightly odd thing to find paper letters. _These seem important to her…maybe I should write her a letter – a real letter…Fuck it, I’m such a dunce with women._

Garrus reached for the first letter in the stack.

 

_Hey Lizzie,_

_I’ve only been in basic for a week and I already miss you like crazy. I had no idea how hard it would be to be this far from you. All I can think about when I’m not getting raked over the coals is our last night together. I miss you. Hope you’re doing ok._

_Love,  
Thad_

 

Garrus felt a slight pang of jealousy at the thought of his Lizzie in the arms of someone else, but shook his head. He had just recovered from his lack of confidence over the whole Nihlus issue and he wasn’t going to let a relationship that was clearly over get to him now. He’d had plenty of relationships of his own – he couldn’t fault Shepard for having hers.

But Garrus remembered that name. _That was the name of the man we met at the bar that night. Hmmm….interesting. I guess it makes sense he was an old flame of hers. I wonder how it ended…clearly it didn’t end well…_

 

Garrus picked up another note.

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_Your father and I are so proud of your graduation from basic training. We will arrive on Thursday next for your ceremony._

_Mom_

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_Congratulations on your promotion. Your father is positively beaming with pride. I’m sure he will send you his own message, but congratulations from me as well. We are so pleased with your accomplishments._

_Mom_

_Lizzie Baby,_

_Ignore your mom’s stiff notes. She doesn’t know how to express herself. She’s amazingly proud of you but can’t get that Alliance stick out of her ass long enough to tell you. But she’s beautiful, and smart, and funny when she wants to be, so I love her anyway._

_However, about you, my darling little girl, you are so grown up and have made a good name for yourself. Not only am I proud of your new rank, but of the stunning and intelligent woman you have become._

_Don’t forget how much we love you, sweetheart. We will see you on Elysium soon to celebrate!_

_Love,  
Dad_

“Officer Vakarian?” The blue orb startled Garrus, who was smiling at the way Shepard’s father called her “Lizzie Baby”.

“Yes, EDI?”

“Commander Shepard has moved to the Engineering Deck.”

“What’s she doing there?”

“I believe she is following up with our new addition, Jack.”

“Ah, yeah, that sounds like her. Let me know if she leaves there.”

“Of course, Officer Vakarian.”

Garrus turned back to the letters and sighed. He still felt like he was intruding, but part of him didn’t care. _I love you, Lizzie. You may not know that yet, but it’s true. But sometimes, I feel like I hardly know you at all._ He knew this wasn’t the proper way to get to know more about the woman he wanted so much to call his own, but would this really hurt? Shepard never talked about her family – or at least very rarely, and when she did it was usually to complain about her mother. She never talked about her father.

_She did talk about him once…that night at the club._ Garrus’ eyes glazed over as he remembered the night he gave himself over to the feelings he had tried to hide for so long. Watching her play that interesting human instrument and listening to her use her voice in a way he had never heard before had rendered him completely lost.

She had left with Kaidan that night. But she was with him now.

Garrus smiled at the thought. He turned back to the box again and picked up the next item. It was different from the others. In this day and age of digital everything, he had rarely seen one of these in print, but there it was in his hand.

A picture. A real, printed picture. There were three figures in the picture in front of what looked like a large body of water behind them. The girl in the middle was clearly Elizabeth Shepard, but long before she became Commander Elizabeth Shepard. He looked closely at the faded image. There was something different about her. Something in her face that looked strange and not quite familiar, but somehow made him think of someone else – a girl in a Citadel bar from so many years ago.

Garrus shook his head. He needed to stop comparing his Lizzie to that girl from so long ago. They were not alike at all - the nose maybe, but not otherwise - and the more he thought of the Nameless One, the more he felt guilty for giving into the stereotype that all humans looked alike. He turned his attention away from his memories and back to the details of the picture.

She was in a pair of low-cut jeans with a tight-fitting T-shirt that didn’t quite cover all of her stomach. Her hair was long and wavy in the picture, some of it falling around her face, but most of it draped back behind her shoulders. Her arms were extended and wrapped around the two people on her left and right. Garrus assumed they were her parents. The woman on her right was a strikingly beautiful woman with light brown hair and pale, blue eyes. Her smile was muted, but it was there.

However, Garrus was struck by the resemblance between Elizabeth Shepard and the man on her left. She might as well be a female carbon copy of the man Garrus assumed was her father. The same color hair, the same texture even. The bright green eyes of both of them smiling up from the picture as Garrus couldn’t help but smile back.

He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Shepard look as happy as she did in this picture in his hand.

“Officer Vakarian?” EDI popped up again, making Garrus jolt and slam the box shut in alarm.

“Yes, EDI?”

“Commander Shepard is on her way in the elevator.”

“Good. Thank you.” Garrus hurriedly tucked everything back into the box and carefully returned it to its former position. Just as he did so, the cabin doors slid open. He spun around in the chair to see the bright eyes of his Commander, but this time staring at him for real, not from a photograph.

_So much I still want to know about you, Lizzie. I hope we have the time to figure all of that out._

“I see you made yourself at home in my quarters, Vakarian,” she was smiling at him with one hand on her hip.

“Cerberus must not think too much of you, Shepard. This chair is definitely not comfortable.” He smiled back. But for some reason the smile left her face.

“Yeah….Cerberus…about them.” She walked over to him and pushed her legs in between his own, spreading his apart. Not sure what she was doing, he just followed her lead, but all she did was plant herself on his leg and wrap her right arm around his neck inside his cowl. He brought his left hand up to steady her back and closed his eyes briefly at her touch. He looked back at her face to see what she needed. “Bob is sending us somewhere right away, and I need you to prep for the ground team. We have a serious problem.”

“Bob?” he asked quizzically, finding himself absent-mindedly running his free hand over her legs as she sat in his lap. “Who the hell is Bob?”

“The Illusive Man.”

“You learned his name?”

“No, just made one up. I think I’ll call him Patsy tomorrow. Suits him – he’s acting like a Patsy, sending us places he doesn’t want to go. Damn coward.” Garrus thought Shepard was absolutely adorable as she bit her lip post-rant about the Illusive Man.

Smiling at her, he simply said, “All right, where are we headed?”

“Horizon,” she said, suddenly very serious.

“A human colony?”

“Yeah, apparently they just went dark. Patsy-Bob is hoping that we make some sort of contact with the Collectors there.” Even though she was finished speaking, she continued to look at him. He knew her face well enough to know there was more she wasn’t saying.

“Ok, when will we arrive?”

“I already had Joker set a course. Should just be a matter of hours.”

“Wow, no rest today, huh?” Garrus couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. He was hoping for that alone time with Shepard that they hadn’t finished before. But obviously, this mission was more important.

“No, I’m afraid not.” She was looking down now and biting her lip. _There’s still more. What isn’t she telling me?_

“Lizzie,” he reached for her face and turned it to look at his own. “What else is wrong?”

She looked into his eyes searchingly for a few moments, as if she was pondering what to tell him. Finally, she said, “Kaidan is there.”

Garrus thought about that for a moment. That wasn’t a huge surprise. Horizon _was_ a human colony. What was the bigger surprise to him was why Shepard was so hesitant to tell him about the fact. He knew that Alenko had been sweet on the Commander on the old _Normandy_ , but he didn’t think anything had come of it. Garrus was pretty sure he had nipped that possible romance in the bud after Ilos with his winning physique and witty one-liners. _She’s probably just worried about him. That’s understandable. He was one of our crew. If the Collectors are already there he could be – Nope. Better not to think about it._

“Don’t worry. We’ll get there in time,” Garrus said reassuringly, giving his girl his best comforting smile. She smiled back, but he saw a flash of worry pass over her face again.

“Yeah,” she said, not meeting his gaze. “I’m sure you’re right, Garrus.” He was still at a loss for words. Finally, he opted for distraction.

“Hey, let’s go visit Mordin and see how he’s doing with those bugs. He better have something ready for us or we’ll be completely screwed if the Collectors are actually there, right?” Garrus knew that Shepard had a soft spot for the salarian. She spent a lot of time in the Tech Lab just listening to Mordin talk about his research. Garrus often walked past the doors to hear the light peals of her laughter at something Mordin had said. And he was right – her face did brighten slightly at the mention of Mordin.

“Yeah. And he’s accompanying us on the ground team too. That way he’ll be just as screwed as us if he doesn’t find a way to stop the swarms.” She hopped up off Garrus’ lap and bent down briefly to kiss him lightly on his good cheek. As they headed for the elevator, Garrus could think of nothing but the tiny mark of warmth she left there and he laced his fingers with her own until the doors opened on the CIC.

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

_Her first hickey._

_Elizabeth Shepard was slightly proud of the mark of passage into young adulthood. She was a little behind some of the other girls her age. The boys didn’t tend to like her much because she kicked their asses at everything. That didn’t get you very many male admirers._

_But Thad was different. She might only be fifteen, but she swore she knew what love was._

_She was admiring her new rite of passage in the mirror when her mother came barging into the bathroom unannounced. Elizabeth was so surprised, she didn’t have time to hide what she was doing._

_“Elizabeth Lyra Shepard! What is that on your neck?!?” her mother said._

_Elizabeth sighed._

_“It’s a hickey, mom. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you,” she said, rolling her eyes._

_“No, I most definitely did not, but you stay right there, young lady. Adam!” Hannah Shepard had left the bathroom and moved to their cramped quarters they kept on the ship. “You need to come to the bathroom right now.”_

_She heard her father’s footsteps approaching at the call of his wife and Elizabeth suddenly felt guilty. She didn’t really care if her mother was mad at her for making out with her first boyfriend, but she cared what her dad thought of it._

_Adam Shepard’s face poked around the bathroom door jam and met Elizabeth’s eyes in the mirror._

_“Hey, Lizzie. Your mom tells me you got a hickey.” He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t laughing. But he didn’t look angry either._

_Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders._

_“Adam, do something about this! She’s fifteen. She’s hormonal. There are plenty of horny teenage boys on this ship. I think we should put in for a transfer – “Adam Shepard turned to touch his wife on the shoulder._

_“Hannah, it’s really not that serious. They’re not going to court martial her and she’s not going to get pregnant from a little necking. I will handle this and while I do, why don’t you make us a couple of drinks and remember what it was like to be fifteen, ok?” He flashed his wife a winning smile, and even though she was clearly frustrated, Hannah Shepard seemed to relax. She nodded and left, leaving Elizabeth’s father alone with her in the bathroom._

_“So,” her dad said, taking a step toward her and standing behind her, looking in the mirror at his daughter’s worried expression. “Who’s the lucky guy, eh?”_

_She rolled her eyes at her father. “Dad, you know who he is. You don’t need me to tell you.”_

_“Yeah, you’re right. Thad always seemed like a nice kid. I liked him a lot until today…” Elizabeth looked into her father’s eyes in the mirror to see if he was kidding. He was smiling at her, so she knew he wasn’t serious._

_“Look, I’m sorry, Dad. No – I’m not sorry. I love him! He’s the only person who’s ever been kind to me on any of your assignments. He loves me too, I know it – I –“_

_“Lizzie, stop. You don’t have to explain any of that to me. I’m not really that mad. And your mother, well…she’ll get over it. I just need to make sure you remember one thing.” He stopped then and grabbed his daughter by the shoulders, turning her around. “Will you promise me you will always be careful?” Adam Shepard was looking very seriously into Elizabeth’s eyes now. She could play dumb, but she knew exactly what her father was talking about._

_“Dad, it didn’t even go that far, I promise – “_

_“Honestly, Lizzie, I don’t care if it did. Well, I do, but in the end, if it has gone that far, there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can encourage you to wait until you’re older, but in the end, you’re a big girl and will make your own choices. I just want you to promise me you will be careful.”_

_She loved her dad, so much. He always understood her and never judged her. Elizabeth Shepard would never do anything to disappoint him if she could help it._

_“Dad, I promise I’ll be careful, but I’ll go even further than that,” she smiled up at him. “I can promise you that you won’t have to worry about that for a while. I’m not ready anyway.”_

_She knew in a way she was being manipulated – that her dad was using her adoration for him to get what he ultimately wanted, but she didn’t care. If it was that important to her dad, then it was that important to her._

_“All right then,” he said, letting go of her shoulders. “So tell me about him.”_

_“There’s really not much to tell. He listens to me. He lets me spar with him without complaining about me kicking the shit out of him –“_

_“You know your mother hates that word.”_

_“Yeah, I know. Whatever. I don’t know, Dad. He’s been my best friend since he got on this ship. Please don’t let mom get us reassigned again. I don’t want to leave.”_

_Adam Shepard looked down at his daughter’s pleading face and said, “We’re not going anywhere, Lizzie. Not unless the Alliance says we have to.”_

_Her face brightened at that, and she started to move for the door, mumbling her thanks and hoping to end the conversation._

_“Lizzie, I just have one more piece of advice for you. And it has nothing to do with sex.”_

_She turned around and faced him at that. Briefly, she thought how awkward this conversation was in the tiny, cramped bathroom of their ship’s cabin, talking with her Dad about her first boyfriend. Hell, her dad had just said the word “sex,” as if that wasn’t awkward…_

_But if Thad was her best friend, her dad was that times one hundred. She raised her eyebrows to signal she was listening._

_“In any relationship you ever get into, whether it’s with Thad or someone else someday when you’re older –“ Adam Shepard must have seen the look on his daughter’s face change, because he quickly added, “Not that I think you two will have problems any time soon, but sometimes life happens. But in any relationship, the most important thing to remember is to be honest.”_

_“What would I have to lie about, Dad? He’s lived on this ship with us for almost two years now. He’s the only person I talk to. There isn’t much he doesn’t know about me.”_

_“Take it for what you will, Lizzie. Let me just say that the reason your mother and I have been able to make our marriage work after all these years, and the reason we still love each other even with all our differences, is because we are always painfully, brutally honest with each other. Without honesty and trust, it’s hard to love someone and to let them love you.”_

 

Garrus always knew exactly how to cheer her up. They visited Mordin who claimed he was ready for whatever lay waiting for them on Horizon, and before she knew it, Joker said they would be arriving in thirty minutes.

“All right, suit up, Mordin. You’re going groundside with us,” she had said to him on her way out the door with Garrus right behind her.

“Excellent. Opportunity to test shields on seeker swarms first hand. Very exciting.”

But she didn’t head straight for her locker to suit up. Instead, she took the elevator down to the Crew’s Quarters. Garrus followed her without comment. She always felt better with him around. Unfortunately at the moment, she also felt like she was hiding things from him. Her father’s words were playing over and over in her head.

_“Without honesty and trust, it’s hard to love someone and to let them love you.”_

_Shit, Dad_ , she thought. _What would you think of me now?_

She headed straight for the port observation lounge as soon as the elevator doors slid open. Kasumi looked up in surprise to see Shepard and Garrus barge through the door, but simply remained in her seat and smiled. Shepard walked straight for the bar and poured herself a drink.

“Drinking before we land, huh?” Garrus walked up next to her and leaned against the bar. _Spirits, you are sexy as hell, Garrus, and you don't even know it,_ she thought as she looked at his form leaning to her right. She quickly downed the drink in her hand and he spoke again. “Never known you to drink before a mission, Shepard.” His voice was quieter with a hint of concern in the rumble from his chest.

“Yeah, well –“ she began, not sure what to say. “Guess there’s a first for everything. You want one?” She reached for a bottle of something dextro, but Garrus put up his hand and shook his head.

“One of us has to be sober down there,” he smirked. But then his face softened again. “You sure you’re ok, Shepard?”

She wanted to tell him so badly. Her heart was pounding and ached in her chest. She was sure he could pick up on her distressed vitals in his visor, but he didn’t let on. Her father’s voice was in her head again. _Tell him the truth. Even if nothing happens, he deserves to know._

Finally, she made a deal with herself and her father’s voice in her head. _I will tell him when we get back from this mission. No need to go upsetting things right now. But I promise, dad, I_ will _tell him._

In her mind’s eye, she saw her father nodding, but giving her a warning look.

“Yeah, Garrus, I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

She nodded at Kasumi who ignored them as they left the lounge and headed for the cargo bay.


	15. I'm in the Middle of Some Calibrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horizon: Where Shepard reaps the consequences of what she sowed so long ago....
> 
> For those who like warm fuzzies, the warm fuzzies are to come.....but in this chapter I live up to my new title of "Master of Angst."

“Take that, you son of a bitch!” he heard Shepard yell triumphantly when the Praetorian finally dropped to the ground in an explosion of blue electricity. Smiling, she turned to find Garrus. He shook his head at her, but smiled in reply, relieved that the fight was over and they were all in one piece. Garrus blamed Shepard’s impromptu drink for the particular form of recklessness he had watched on this mission, but regardless, he would always protect her with everything he had. _I’ll give her a piece of my mind later_ , he thought _, but not now. Now we clean up this mess…_

“No! Don’t let them get away!”

The voice sounded familiar to Garrus. He scoffed when he saw the cowardly mechanic they had met earlier running helplessly after the departing Collector vessel. If he was on his own, he might have made a biting remark, but Shepard stepped in to stop him.

“There’s nothing we can do. They’re gone,” she said. Garrus felt warm as he realized that even though she was reckless on the field today, she still had room for compassion. Just another reason he loved her, even if she drove him absolutely crazy at the same time.

“Half the colony's in there! They took Egan and Sam and... and Lilith! Do something!” Garrus shared another look with Mordin who appeared similarly annoyed by the mechanic’s ignorance, but Shepard responded kindly.

 “I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could.” Her voice seemed to shake slightly. Garrus wanted to reach out and comfort her. He could hear the pain in her voice – she hated losing people. But all he could do was reassure her with words.

“More than most, Shepard.” She tossed Garrus a grateful smile.

“Shepard?” the mechanic continued. “Wait…I know that name…Sure, I remember you. You’re some type of big Alliance hero.”

Garrus wanted to pummel the guy. _I think Shepard would call him a….”prick”?_ But Garrus was not entirely prepared for the voice he heard next.

“Commander Shepard. Captain of the _Normandy_. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel.”

Kaidan Alenko. He was alive and he really _was_ here on Horizon. Patsy-Bob was right. Garrus looked to Shepard for her reaction. He figured she would be happy – she had been so worried about finding him in time. But Garrus knew Elizabeth Shepard’s body language well enough and his visor agreed with what he thought he was seeing. Shepard tensed as soon as Kaidan came into view and shifted nervously from one foot to the other as Alenko spouted her accolades.

“You’re in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost.”

Garrus didn’t like Kaidan’s tone. He didn’t sound particularly….happy to see the Commander. Garrus tuned out the conversation as he watched the form of his commander become more and more defensive. Her pulse rose and she clenched and released her fists several times. Garrus almost stepped forward to get in between them. _Something is clearly upsetting her._

“I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did.”

Garrus didn’t like what Alenko did next, especially because it looked to Garrus like Shepard had tried to take a step back from Kaidan before it happened. Garrus wasn’t usually the jealous or possessive type, but before he knew what was happening, Kaidan Alenko was gripping his girl in a tender embrace.

Garrus’ eyes narrowed as he watched Shepard’s vital signs spike again. _Get off her, Alenko, or so help me…_

But Garrus knew Shepard could handle herself. She pulled back quickly and said, “You don't sound too happy to see me. Something bothering you, Kaidan?”

Kaidan’s expression changed dramatically with that comment. “Yeah, something's bothering me. I spent the past two years believing you were dead!”

 _She_ was _dead, you ass_ , Garrus thought. He still wasn’t sure why Shepard seemed so upset by the whole exchange, but anyone who attacked her, whether it was with words or weapons, would have to deal with his wrath. Unfortunately, Kaidan wasn’t done talking.

“I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I... I loved you.”

That was a new development. Garrus was aware of Kaidan’s feelings when they served on the same ship. Hell, everyone on the _Normandy_ knew that Kaidan was enamored with their Commander. But when he thought about it, who wasn’t, in one way or another? She was their leader, their friend, the person who listened to each of them and found a way to keep them all together – perhaps the only person who could have turned humans, a turian, a quarian, an asari, and a krogan into friends who fought side by side against an enemy they didn’t understand but managed to triumph over anyway.

But love…love was something different than a crush….something different from the hero worship Garrus was sure the entire crew felt for Commander Elizabeth Shepard.

 _Just because Kaidan says he loved Shepard doesn’t mean she reciprocated those feelings at all_ , Garrus comforted himself as he tried to pull himself out of his head and back to reality. He had been tuning out the conversation again, distracted by worry over Kaidan’s sudden revelation. Love wasn’t something people admitted to, especially not in front of other people, if they didn’t think the feelings were returned in some way. Garrus shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Unfortunately, Shepard’s replies to Kaidan did nothing to quell his fears.

“So much time has passed. You've moved on. I don't want to reopen old wounds.” Garrus didn’t like that Shepard implied Kaidan had anything to “move on” from. _Maybe she just means from her crew…Kaidan clearly moved on with his career. That would have nothing to do with any feelings he had for her…_

“I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus,” Kaidan replied. Garrus couldn’t stand this conversation anymore. Especially not after that comment.

“Reports?” he said, struggling to control the frustration in his voice. “You mean you already knew?”

The turian took closer stock of the human man in front of him as he watched the exchange. Kaidan had always been strong for a human. From conversations he had overheard between Shepard and Ashley, Garrus gathered that Kaidan was considered a very attractive human male. Garrus didn’t know how to gauge male attractiveness in humans, but Ashley had admired Kaidan very much.

_Stop worrying, Vakarian. Lizzie wasn’t in Kaidan’s lap showing him how to touch her this morning. That was you. Have some faith in her…_

He shook his head and paid closer attention to the conversation. From what he could tell, Kaidan was still rambling on about Cerberus and Shepard and how she was working for them. He even went so far as to insinuate that Cerberus was in league with the Collectors. _That’s just insane…_

“Dammit, Kaidan. You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat.” Garrus wanted to tackle Kaidan to the ground and stomp on him, but as always, Lizzie was more patient with the human than he deserved.

There was no reasoning with Kaidan. He was blind to the situation – brainwashed with Alliance propaganda. Thankfully, the conversation seemed to be winding down, and while Garrus’ fears weren’t completely allayed, Shepard didn’t seem to have any inclination to allow Kaidan on board. Her vitals were still high and Garrus was fairly certain she would be just as happy as he would be to see Kaidan gone.

Kaidan turned his back on them and started to walk away. To his surprise, even after the barrage of verbal attacks on her reputation, character, and integrity that she had just received from Kaidan, Shepard quietly bid Kaidan goodbye.

“So long, Kaidan.”

Kaidan turned around briefly and replied, “Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful.”

The sigh that escaped Shepard’s lips was clearly audible. She reached her hand up to her ear as if to signal Joker, but mid-movement, Garrus saw her eyes widen as she looked ahead of her.

Kaidan wasn’t leaving. In fact, he had turned back to face them and was returning at a quick pace.

“Bullshit, Shepard. After everything – that’s all you have to say to me?!?” Garrus resisted every impulse he had to step in and stop whatever was happening, but he knew it wasn’t his place. Whatever was going on here, no matter how much he cared for Shepard, it was between her and Kaidan Alenko.

“Two years! Two fucking years I hear nothing! And now all you can say is ‘so long’?!!” Kaidan was fuming. Shepard was leaning back slightly as if injured by the man’s words. Garrus noticed her hands were slightly shaking.

“Did the night before Ilos mean nothing to you?! I know it didn’t exactly end well, but we were all under a lot of stress. But that night – It meant EVERYTHING to me! EVERYTHING!” Kaidan’s chest was heaving and his arms gestured frantically while he spoke, but Shepard just stood there, not saying or doing a thing.

Garrus was finding it hard to breathe now. His fears from before came rushing back. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. Anger? Frustration? Hurt? Betrayal? Maybe all of them at once?

Something _had_ happened between Kaidan and his Lizzie. Something the night before Ilos – the night he had lain awake worried about Shepard and wondering if he had ruined everything by failing to explain a harmless gesture from his quarian friend. The night before Shepard had made her feelings for Garrus quite clear. This wasn’t just any old fling from Shepard’s past. This “fling” had happened the night before everything in Garrus’ world changed – the night before he realized that maybe his human commander might really care for him as much as he cared for her.

But Elizabeth Shepard had decided he didn’t need to know about it. And that was the worst part.

So what was he, Garrus Vakarian, to Shepard? Was he just a substitute for the man she couldn’t find? Had he simply filled a void for the human man since he wasn’t there when she woke up? He tried to tell himself that didn’t exactly make sense because of all the correspondence between them that month before she died – the messages, gifts, and occasional vid conversations – but now he found himself questioning all of that. _If whatever happened with Kaidan didn’t mean anything to her, what the hell do I mean to her?_

Now his anger was aimed not only at the human man in front of him, but the woman as well. After all they had been through – after all they had seen together – he thought they were past this. _I don’t really know you at all, Shepard, do I?...._

“Kaidan,” he heard her voice, shuddering quietly. “Please, I –“

“No! No, Shepard! You don’t get to just act like nothing happened. It happened. And I don’t give a fuck if Garrus and your new salarian friend know about it. Maybe they’ll see you for who you really are – a selfish, thoughtless, spineless BITCH!”

Garrus watched Shepard’s shoulders droop lower and lower. He was angry with her too, but there was no way he was going to let this verbal abuse go on any longer. For some reason, she was tolerating Kaidan’s words, not making a move to stop him – as if she believed she deserved them. No matter what she had done, she didn’t deserve this treatment.

Garrus stepped forward, placing himself between Kaidan and Shepard.

“Kaidan, enough. Just leave,” he said. Kaidan gave him a challenging look, but adopting his most intimidating stance, Garrus concluded, “Now.”

Kaidan took a step back and glared from Garrus’ face to Shepard’s and back again. Finally, Kaidan settled his irate stare on Shepard and said, “All right, I’ll go. I guess I got my answer anyway.”

He turned and began walking away again. Without turning around, he said over his shoulder, “So long, _Commander_.” The way Kaidan let the word roll off his tongue reeked of contempt. “Good luck.”

Garrus could feel Shepard’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t meet her gaze. It was all too much. It didn’t take a genius to understand what had just occurred. Commander Elizabeth Shepard had clearly slept with Kaidan Alenko the night before Ilos. And she had decided that piece of information was something Garrus didn’t need to know.

Suddenly, her hesitation over the mission and Kaidan’s presence on Horizon all made sense. Garrus didn’t know what to feel, but he didn’t want to look at her right now.

“Garrus, I –“ she began, but he cut her off.

“Not now, Shepard,” he said, and walked back to stand by Mordin whose expression evidenced more concern than Garrus would have expected on the salarian doctor’s face.

Shepard was quiet for a few moments. Garrus didn’t look at her, but he could still feel her eyes on his back. Part of him felt awful for the way he was treating her, but part of him also felt justified. Garrus' feelings for Elizabeth Shepard hadn't changed, but today's events had certainly complicated things. She had lied to him. And even if she didn’t see it that way, she had hidden something from him – something he felt was important enough that it shouldn’t have been hidden.

Finally, he heard her sigh in defeat. “Joker -- send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<< 

He wouldn’t look at her. He wouldn’t talk to her. He refused to sit by her in the shuttle like he usually did. He just sat there next to Mordin and looked anywhere but at her. As usual, Kaidan ruined everything – and just when she thought her relationship with Garrus was getting somewhere.

No. She wasn’t going to let this happen. Not now. Not when she was this close to happiness.

She reached up to her ear and said, “Who’s piloting this shuttle?”

“Watkins, ma’am.”

“Watkins, whatever you do, do NOT dock this shuttle until I tell you, ok?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

With that, she silenced the channel and looked at Garrus who was finally looking at her now. _At least that got his attention…All right, Elizabeth, deep breaths…_

“I’m sorry, Garrus,” she said. He said nothing, but he didn’t look away from her. Those blue eyes burned through her almost painfully, but she didn’t give up. “I should have told you.” He still didn’t respond. She fidgeted nervously, hands twined together in her lap. “It didn’t mean anything. It was –“

“You really want to do this now, Shepard? Here? In front of Mordin?” Finally he spoke. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or afraid.

“Don’t mind me. Currently analyzing data from shields on planet. Not listening.” Mordin made himself look busy on his omni-tool. Shepard silently thanked her salarian friend and then turned back to Garrus.

“If you’re not going to look at me or talk to me, then yeah, I guess we’ll do it here. If the only way I can get you to listen is by forcing you to sit on this shuttle with me, then so be it.”

“So you’re going to abuse your rank and force me to listen to you?”

“I didn’t mean it that way –“

“Then how did you mean it? Because that’s what it seems like to me.”

His words stung. More than any of her mother’s scathing criticisms. More than Kaidan’s explosion. More than anything.

She had lost Garrus’ respect, and she deserved it. He was staring her down, his piercing eyes making her feel small and insignificant. She felt like she did that night so long ago when he had saved her from Josiah – like a failure, a pathetic wreck. And after more than a decade of loving Garrus Vakarian, not even knowing his name for most of that time, she had finally found him. But she deserved him even less now than she did then. Then, she was just a foolish kid. But now….Now, her knight in shining blue armor was hurt – and it was her fault.

Apparently, he couldn’t stand the silence either, because he spoke next.

“Did you sleep with him?”

She didn’t expect that question. She thought Kaidan had been fairly obvious on the planet, but maybe she was wrong. And even though she regretted hurting Garrus in any way, she saw a flicker of something other than anger pass over his face as he asked. That brief flash gave her hope.

“I thought it was pretty clear down there –“

“I know what it sounded like, Shepard,” he interrupted her. “But I want to hear it from you.” He spoke very slowly when he asked, “Did you sleep with him the night before Ilos?”

She could lie. Who would know really? She could just say that Kaidan was delusional and that he wanted something she never gave him.

But no. She couldn’t do that.

“ _Without honesty and trust, it’s hard to love someone and to let them love you.”_

She raised her chin, her bottom lip quivering slightly. She was sure Garrus could see, but his expression remained stoic. The softer look from earlier had completely disappeared.

“Yes.”

He searched her face, she wasn’t sure for what. Then he nodded and looked out the window again.

“I need some time, Shepard,” he said quietly. That was fair. Her heart was breaking, but she couldn’t force him to forgive her, to understand her – to love her. She didn’t like it, but holding Garrus Vakarian hostage in the shuttle wasn’t going to change anything.

Feeling completely lost, she pinged Watkins and said, “Go ahead and dock.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am.”

***************************

She didn’t go see him all that day, or the next. Mordin was busy analyzing data from Horizon, and Shepard decided to do some planet scanning for the upgrades her crewmembers had proposed to her.

It took her two days, but she finally got the courage to head down to the Main Battery.

When the door slid open, Garrus was exactly where he always was – standing at the work bench, furiously programming code into the Thanix. But she knew he heard her come in. He didn’t keep her waiting. He paused and turned to look at her.

“Shepard,” he said. “Need me for something?”

Her heart was pounding. This had seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago when she was alone in her cabin, but now – now he was in front of her and didn’t show any signs of wanting to see her at all.

“Have you got a minute?” was all she could manage between breaths.

“Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

So that was it. He still didn’t want to talk to her. Not that she blamed him, but she had hoped…No. She didn’t deserve hope. Not after what she had done.

“Talk to you later, Garrus.”

He turned his back on her and she slowly slipped out the door. She stifled back a sob as the doors clicked shut behind her. _No crying, Shepard_ , she told herself.

She ran back to the safety of her cabin where she finally let herself dissolve into tears. Three times in her life that she had let herself cry. She didn’t cry when she said goodbye to Thad or her parents for basic training. She didn’t cry when she caught Thad cheating.

She cried when her father died.

She cried when she thought Garrus was dead.

And she cried now – when she thought she might have lost Garrus forever over one night of stupidity and a cover up.

Eventually, her tears were interrupted by a ping from Kelly Chambers.

“Uh, Commander? I’m sorry to bother you, but –“

“Kelly, this really isn’t a good time.”

“I know, Commander. I mean, I can tell, but an Admiral Hackett has been trying to reach you ever since you returned from Horizon. I didn’t want to intrude, because you’ve seemed very upset, but he hasn’t quit attempting to reach you. I can patch him through to your quarters.”

Shepard sat up in alarm. _Admiral Hackett??? What the hell does he want?_

“You can put him through up here, Kelly. I will take it in just a minute.” She sprung from her bed and washed her face quickly in the bathroom, attempting to remove the splotchiness from crying.

She was surprised at how happy she was to see the Admiral’s face on her vid screen, but her surprise quickly grew to alarm as he told her why he was contacting her. _A deep cover operative captured by batarians with evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion? Sounds like a crazy sci-fi vid…_

And then Hackett said he wanted her to save this operative, but save her alone. Shepard played that idea over in her head. Usually she would balk at the idea of a solo op. She had always been a team player, but then she thought of who would usually be on her team…

_Garrus says he needs time, huh? Well, I can do better than that. I’ll give him time and space…a covert solo mission sounds just like the perfect excuse to get off this ship for a while…And maybe he’ll be done with those fucking calibrations when I get back…_


	16. Tell Me Something Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always loved Joker. I hope you love him too and enjoy the chapter!
> 
> As always thanks for reading!

Sometimes Garrus missed the Citadel. On nights like tonight he did. No matter where you were, no matter how secluded you thought your apartment or corner of the giant station was, you were never really alone and it was never quiet. But aboard the new _Normandy_ with its Cerberus crew, you could feel very alone, and when Garrus awoke slowly to the red light of the Main Battery, the quiet nearly suffocated him.

Checking the time, he dropped his head back onto his pillow with an exasperated sigh – too early to get up, but too late to go back to sleep. He had no desire to move. He had calibrated the damn Thanix for five days straight, avoiding the mess or any other part of the ship where Shepard might be. Occasionally, he had seen her in passing. She seemed to be avoiding him as well, giving him the “time” he had asked for, except for the evening a few days ago when she had come down to see him and he had sent her away…

Garrus reached up to run a hand over his face and rub the sleep out of his eyes. His angry feelings over the Horizon ordeal were beginning to fade, but the feelings of confusion remained. For the past five days, Garrus had analyzed and re-analyzed how he felt about Elizabeth Shepard, his human commander. He replayed the day when they arrived at Ilos countless numbers of times – literally. He had pulled up the vid on his visor to catch the look in her eye when she had turned to him in the Mako and said, _“Got your seatbelt buckled, Vakarian? I think we’re in for a wild ride.”_

Over and over again. And each time, he caught the unmistakable gleam that screamed she wanted him. Even Wrex had noticed it. But each time he replayed that day’s events, Garrus felt sick when he realized that would only have been a matter of hours since she had been with Kaidan and let him –

No. Garrus shook his head and crawled out from under the sheet that covered him. He didn’t want to let his mind go there. He dressed quickly, attempting to shake the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him, but not wanting to engage in his daily routine with the Thanix yet, he decided to take a brief trip up to the flight deck. Figuring no one would be awake yet, and since Shepard hadn’t sent him any mission reports for a few days, this would be a perfect time for him to check where they were and what was going on without anyone knowing any better.

He stopped briefly in the mess to fix himself something strong enough to rid his eyes of their lingering propensity to close and headed for the CIC, which he found gloriously empty. He stopped briefly at one of the navigator terminals to find the ship’s location, sipping slowly from his morning beverage.

But as he read the latest navigation report, he did a double-take and read it again. _Aratoht? Why the hell are we all the way out here?_ And then he read the report closer. _For two days? We haven’t moved for two days?_

“Can’t sleep without the Commander to keep you warm, eh, Garrus?”

Garrus nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Joker’s voice coming from the pilot’s seat. He hadn’t seen the human there earlier, but the seat had blocked his view.

“Not sure if I like what you’re implying, Joker,” Garrus coughed uncomfortably as he began to walk toward the nose of the ship. “But now I know for certain that you have an unhealthy relationship with this ship – you can’t even leave the pilot’s seat to go to bed?” Garrus had reached the pilot’s side by now, but as he looked down at his human friend’s face, he didn’t see the usual jovial smirk he expected.

“Yeah, well, it’s been a long couple of days,” was all Joker said, turning back to look out the window at the motionless stars.

“About that – any reason that we’ve been parked near Aratoht for two days? That’s a batarian planet, isn’t it?” Garrus took another sip from his mug.

“Yeah. Weird assignment,” Joker said again, tight-lipped. Garrus looked at the pilot out of the corner of his eye, noticing the slight rise in pulse at the mention of Aratoht. Something was definitely wrong.

“So…” Garrus began, “What the hell are we doing on Aratoht?”

“You mean she didn’t tell you?” Joker looked up at the turian in surprise. Garrus shook his head in response. “Huh. I figured Shepard told you everything.”

“Apparently, she decided not to tell me about this,” Garrus said quietly, trying to remember when it was he had actually seen Shepard last. _Two days ago? Really? Had it been that long? No…even longer. I haven’t seen her for three days – dinner in the mess –_

“Well, don’t feel too left out,” Joker interrupted his thoughts. “She didn’t really tell me anything about why we’re here either. Just took off and left all on her own.”

Now that was something Garrus didn’t like hearing. On her own? He could understand if she didn’t want to take him on a mission right now. They weren’t exactly on the best of terms, but alone? _No one_ was with her?

“You’re kidding, right?” he finally asked.

“Nope,” was Joker’s reply, a little too quick. “Two days ago. Just went planet-side by herself.”

“I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” Garrus didn’t mean to say it out loud, but in the wee hours of the morning with only half of his dextro-coffee to wake him up so far, his faculties were not as well controlled.

“Meh, I wouldn’t worry,” Joker shrugged. “She’s a big girl. She can handle herself.”

EDI’s blue orb surprised both turian and human when it popped into existence next to them.

“Mr. Moreau is understating his concern, Officer Vakarian,” the AI’s voice said. “He has refused to move from this seat since Shepard left two days ago, except to relieve himself and to acquire food.”

Even with the worry that was beginning to clench Garrus’ chest, he still chuckled at EDI’s sudden interjection.

“Is that true, Joker?” he asked. Joker shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“No, of course not – I took that break yesterday for a nap!”

“If by a nap, you mean you fell asleep in the men’s washroom for an hour from exhaustion,” EDI continued, “then that is a true statement.”

“Nobody likes a snitch, EDI. Shut up!” Joker said, face turning a bright shade of red, but Garrus wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, he was starting to share Joker’s concern.

“Have you heard from her since she left?” the turian asked.

“No,” Joker pouted, still fuming at the blue orb beside him. “And yeah, I might be a little worried. I mean – I know she can take care of herself, but still –“ he paused and turned to look at Garrus, real concern in his face. “I couldn’t stand it if something happened to her again. Not while I’m piloting this ship.” Garrus could definitely understand that sentiment.

Joker turned back to stare out the window as EDI’s orb disappeared. “So when she calls, and she _will_ call, I will have this ship ready to pick her up.”

Garrus mulled all this new information and Joker’s comment over in his head for a few minutes in silence. Two days. Two days and she hadn’t made contact with the ship – and she went down to that planet alone? That was ballsy, even for her. And what if something happened to her? What if she were hurt or captured or – Garrus didn’t even want to think about other possibilities. Luckily, Joker spoke up again.

“Look, Garrus, don’t tell her I said anything when she gets back. It would ruin my reputation.”

Garrus nodded. “Your secret’s safe with me, Joker.”

“I still can’t believe she didn’t tell you about this. You’re not only her best friend in the entire damn galaxy, but she totally wants to jump your bones. I didn’t think she kept anything from you.”

Garrus knew Joker well enough to know what he meant by “jump your bones” and he shifted nervously in his stance.

“Not sure why you would think that, Joker.”

“You don’t have to play coy with me, Garrus. I may not eavesdrop as much as people assume I do on this ship, but I listen in on most of the ground mission comms – I won’t hide that. She’s wanted to get in your pants since we picked you up on the damn Citadel over two years ago, and you were too dense to notice.”

“I’m not sure Shepard would want you spreading rumors like that around the ship.”

“Don’t worry, Garrus. If my secret’s safe with you, then yours is safe with me, too. To be honest, I don’t really know what she sees in you – all business, no fun, but whatever. It’s her life. It’s still really weird she didn’t tell you about this.”

Garrus thought back to the night Shepard had wandered into the Main Battery, just a few days before. _I know why she didn’t tell me_ , he thought ruefully. _I pushed her away._ _And she’s been gone for two days with no contact. Two days…_ He kept saying the words over and over in his head. He still felt like he and his commander had a lot of issues to work through, but he hadn’t stopped caring for her – loving her. And now she had disappeared on a hostile planet and hadn’t made contact for two days. _Spirits, Lizzie, if something happens to you down there…_

Suddenly, Garrus was back on the Citadel the night that Liara had contacted his office to tell him of Shepard’s death. He remembered the gut-wrenching pain he had felt and the emptiness that had pierced his heart when she had died before. _What have I done?_ He thought. _I’ve pushed her away on a solo mission with no one to watch her six. So she slept with Kaidan. Yeah, that hurts. And she didn’t tell me about it. Yeah, that hurts even more. But if she dies…_

Garrus hung his head in shame. He had let his anger rule his actions and now he might never see his Lizzie again – might never have a chance to tell her how he felt.

He understood why Joker was standing watch.

“Mind if I keep you company while you wait, Joker?” he said.

“Not at all, Garrus,” Joker sighed and leaned back in his seat. “Not at all.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She was exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted.

Even now, after sleeping off the events of the past two days and debriefing with Hackett, she still felt like she could sleep for days. Resigned to her fatigue, she returned to the med bay bed where she had woken earlier and sat on the edge, legs dangling over the side.

Garrus had been there, oddly enough, when she boarded the ship. She had brushed past him quickly to tell Joker to get them out of the system, but she hadn’t missed the look of concern on his face. _I need to talk to him_ , she thought. _But I don’t even know where to start. And if he was mad at me for sleeping with Kaidan, just wait until he hears what I’ve done now._

Shepard leaned over and placed her head in her hands. She looked up in surprise when the med bay doors slid open again, sighing in relief when she saw it was just Karin.

“Shepard, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked.

“Like a train wreck, but thanks for asking,” he replied, trying to give her friend a smile. Karin smiled in return, but her smile was laced with worry.

“I know you’ve had a rough couple of days, Shepard, but I promised him I would ask you. Garrus is just outside the med bay and wants to see you. I told him you have had quite the ordeal and that I wouldn’t allow him to see you until I was sure you were ready.” Shepard looked to her right. There he was. She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t noticed him before, but he was watching her through the med bay window, tensely standing at attention. She flashed him a pathetic excuse for a smile as she turned back to the doctor. “I know you’re not really hurt anymore, but if you’re not ready to talk to people yet, I can cover for you –“ Shepard waved her hand at Chakwas.

“That’s not necessary, Karin. I’m fine. A little tired, but fine. You can send Garrus in, but I would prefer we have some privacy.”

Karin turned to leave and said, “Of course, Commander.”

Shepard watched as the doors opened for Karin who motioned to Garrus that he could come inside. As the doors closed behind her turian officer, the doctor closed the shutters on the med bay windows. _Shit, maybe I’m not ready for this_. Her palms were suddenly sweaty and her heart was racing. She cursed Garrus’ visor under her breath for being able to read everything about her physical reactions. _Such an unfair advantage_.

He took a few steps toward her, but stopped in the middle of the room. _So who’s gonna break the ice first, Big Guy?_ She didn’t feel like she could – or should – since Garrus was the one who hadn’t wanted to talk to her before she left. So she just sat there in silence, sweaty palms and all, watching his face for whatever came next.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

She sat up straight. That wasn’t exactly what she had figured he would say first.

“Come again?” she said.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Garrus repeated.

“I’m not really sure how to answer that, Garrus. I was just –“

“You were just what? Acting foolish? Irresponsible?” Shepard was stunned to see Garrus pacing the room in front of her. This was definitely not the reaction she expected. “I’d like to know. What in the universe possessed you to go off on a solo mission to a hostile batarian planet? You didn’t feel like filling me in before you left, so why don’t you fill me in now?”

She was so astonished at the current conversation that she took a minute to decide how to respond.

“I was following orders,” she finally said.

“Orders from who? Hackett? The damn Alliance? Because I’m pretty sure you’re not Alliance anymore, Shepard. They don’t have any control over you. That’s no excuse for what you did.”

She hung her head. _No, Garrus, it isn’t an excuse. You don’t even know the half of it. 305,000 batarians do though…_

“So tell me. The real reason. Why the fuck did you go off by yourself like that?” She looked up at him. He was truly upset. Part of her felt guilty for making him worry, but part of her was relieved that he even cared. Maybe there was hope for them after all…But she quickly struck that thought from her mind, feeling selfish for even thinking about that in the face of what she had just done.

Garrus clearly was impatient, because when she didn’t reply right away, he continued – his pacing getting closer and closer to her seat on the edge of the med bay bed.

“You disappear for two days. You don’t tell anyone where you’re going. You don’t tell _me_ where you’re going. I had to find out from fucking _Joker_ that you had been planet-side for two days. So tell me something true, Shepard. Tell me something real.” He was standing just in front of her now, his breath hot on her face, but hands still at his side.

“I’ll tell you something real,” he said, voice unexpectedly quiet as he leaned toward her, placing both hands on either side of her on the bed. “Two years ago, I lost you, and it nearly destroyed me. Want to know why I ended up on Omega, Shepard? Because I couldn’t handle the fact that you were dead! I lost myself in vengeance – trying to find a way to cope with the pain your death left behind!” He pushed away from her with that final exclamation.

Shepard wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. To tell him she was sorry and how much he meant to her, but he wasn’t done. Garrus fell back into the chair next to her bed, looking tired and hurt. He briefly placed his head in his hands, but a few moments later looked back up at her.

“You slept with Kaidan. You lied to me about it. It’s hard to take. But nothing is so hard to take as your death. So tell me, Lizzie. Tell me the truth this time. I need to hear something real, and I need to hear it from you.” His blue eyes were so pleading, so pained, and she knew she had put that pain there. _Spirits, Garrus, if you only knew how much I love you…_

He kept staring at her. She didn’t know how to respond. She could say something about Kaidan. She could apologize for covering up her mistakes. She could tell him that she really was acquiescing to Hackett’s request, and Alliance or not, she still bled blue.

But none of that seemed to matter at the moment. There was only one thing she could think of that truly seemed real.

“I just sentenced 305,000 batarians to death.”

That was all she could say. Garrus’ browplates rose and his eyes widened. What would he think of her? What would he say? _He wanted something real. I’ll give him real. No holds barred, Garrus Vakarian. You will get the whole Lizzie Shepard and see if you still want her at all._

“That’s not even the worst part,” she continued softly, not letting her eyes drop from his. “I think I did it for my mother.” She could feel herself gripping the edge of the bed and staring at Garrus’ face. His look of astonishment and confusion had changed to real agony. He wasn’t sure if it was for her or if he was disgusted with what she was telling him, but if he wanted something real, she definitely had something real to tell him.

“Have I ever told you how I got that Star of Terra? Probably the first time you ever heard my name, although at the time I bet you didn’t pay much attention to human news.” Garrus was just sitting there, watching her, his facial expression now blank. She could hear her voice quivering slightly, but she was too far gone now. _Can’t stop this train_ , she thought. She popped up from her seat and now she was the one pacing the middle of the room. She watched as Garrus’ face followed her from one end to the other.

“I was on leave with my parents. It wasn’t an ideal vacation spot, but we met up on Elysium. Both my parents are Alliance – were Alliance. Married before joining up, so they got away with the non-fraternization thing.” Willing herself to stop pacing for a moment, she met Garrus’ gaze again and continued.

“I’m sure you remember some of the story. The colony was attacked – yada yada yada – and the great Commander Shepard, then a Lieutenant Shepard, saved the colony, right? Gathered up a whole bunch of civilians, gave them weapons and told them to ‘hold the line’ as Kirrahe would say.” She chuckled as she remembered the salarian’s speech on Virmire, but her chuckle slowly faded as she recalled the dark history of that day as well.

“Mom got separated from dad and me. It was my dad’s idea really. He said we should rally the colonists and help them defend as best we could. So I helped him and it worked. We set up a barricade and managed to hold the batarians off until the Alliance rolled in like goddamn heroes and saved everyone.” She stepped just in front of him, staring intently into his face. Trying to gauge any reaction to her narrative. She still couldn’t read what was going on behind those eyes, so she took a deep breath and continued.

“Not really everyone. There were a few casualties. A few civilians didn’t make it and one soldier. My dad. He rushed off to try and help with a weak point in the barricade and –“ she could feel the tears rising again. _Damn it. Maybe this is a little_ too _real._ “They gunned him down. Fucking batarian slavers. I tried to help him, but he told me to help the colonists, so I did. They lived and he died.”

“The Alliance gave me a fucking medal for it. My mother hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m pretty sure she wishes I had died and my father had lived.” She returned to the bed and leaned against it, hands shaking as she folded them across her chest. “You wanted something real? I just killed 305,000 batarians. I can claim that I did it to stop a Reaper invasion. That’s a good enough reason, I guess. But the truth?”

Her knees suddenly felt weak. She slid down until she was sitting on the floor in front of the one being in the galaxy she had ever confided so much in and looked up into his blue eyes, still watching her. “The truth is I did it for my mother. So maybe, just maybe, she would forgive me for being alive instead of my father.”

She finally released Garrus from her watch as she tucked her legs underneath her, body shuddering, hands clasped together to keep them from trembling. She had no idea what he would say or what he was thinking, but part of Shepard felt more free than she had felt in years. She had completely bared her soul to her hero and best friend. The burden she had been carrying for so many years somehow felt lighter.

And then she felt Garrus’ fingers. He wasn’t wearing any gloves, and his talons were still filed to blunt ends so he wouldn’t scratch her. He had touched her forehead and was gently running his fingers through her short, messy hair, stroking gently. She looked up tentatively, scared of what she would see. But all she saw was a soft look of understanding on her turian’s face.

“No, you didn’t, Lizzie.” His subvocals rumbled through her as he spoke softly, but she didn’t comprehend his meaning. She shook her head to demonstrate her confusion.

“I know my girl,” he explained, continuing his soft strokes through her hair. “And I know you did what you did for the right reasons. You always do. You can make yourself feel guilty all you want, but that guilt isn’t real.” He stopped running his fingers through her hair then and cupped her chin in one of his strong hands.

“You want to know what’s real, Lizzie?” he asked. All she could do was stare with astonishment into the eyes of her confessor, balking at his forgiveness. “This,” he gestured at the air in between them with his other hand. “This is real.”

Whatever weight was left over from her original confession was lifted. The look in Garrus’ eyes told her that the weight she had carried for so many years – Elysium, her mother, her father – added to the weight of Aratoht, was one she didn’t have to carry alone. Her entire body flooded with relief.

She didn’t try to hold back her release any longer. Leaning forward, she rested her forehead on Garrus’ knee, allowing him to return to the light touch of his fingers through her hair, and let the tears fall.


	17. Just Garrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapters were so dark and heavy, I needed to write some fluff. So here it is. Pure, unapologetic Shakarian fluff. :)

Garrus couldn’t sleep. It had been a long day as he had waited outside the med bay for Dr. Chakwas’ clearance to visit Shepard, and Shepard’s disclosure about Aratoht and her past with batarians had made the day even longer.

But Garrus was so very glad she had told him. He could forgive her for not telling him about Kaidan, and looking back, he felt rather foolish for being so upset. So she didn’t want to tell him about a one-night stand she had before she openly professed her feelings for him. Yeah…he probably would have done the same thing.

Now he knew she was safe. She was alive and back on the _Normandy_ with him – where she belonged. He had taken her to her cabin just thirty minutes earlier. Once she had stopped crying on his knee, he had used the leathery skin of his fingers and hands to wipe her tears away and she had gone into her quarters alone. Just before she passed through the doors, she had turned and planted one of those human kisses on his face again, but this time on the scarred side. He was beginning to love this human sign of affection. He reached up quickly to his face, swearing he could still feel her lips there and sighed. Even though he knew exactly where she was, Garrus still couldn’t get rid of the day’s jitters and fears.

 _That settles it_ , he thought as he threw off his sheet and swung his legs over the side of his cot. _I’m going up there. She’s probably not asleep yet. I only left her a little while ago, and I’m not ready to be away from her yet – I just got her back…in more ways than one._

He reached in the dark for a light weight tunic and pulled it swiftly over his head. He stood up but glanced down briefly at what he was wearing. _I’m not sure she’s ever seen me look so informal_ , he chuckled as he pulled on some light boots and glanced at his figure in his light weight shirt and loose fitting civ pants. _And I’m not sure I care._

Summoning up his courage, he charged out of the Main Battery and into the light of the mess. He nodded at a couple of Cerberus crew enjoying a late dinner and ignored their strange glances as he walked past. _They’ve never seen me informal at all. Guess now they know what a turian looks like without his armor…_ He refrained from winking incorrigibly at the female who had clearly given him “the up-down” as Shepard would call it as soon as he realized it was Kelly Chambers. _I’d never hear the end of that if Lizzie found out…Hell, I’d never hear the end of it if_ anyone _found out._

The elevator always seemed to take forever, but eventually he arrived at the Captain’s quarters. Luckily, he didn’t even have to ask for entrance, because the doors automatically slid open for him. He peered curiously into the cabin, but didn’t see Shepard anywhere. Just at the moment when he was becoming alarmed, he heard the noise of the shower in the bathroom and relaxed. _At least I know I won’t be waking her up. Now the question is, do I go in and wait for her or come back in a few minutes?..._ Garrus opted for the former, figuring that if EDI let him in, then he was allowed in period, whether Shepard was in the shower or not.

Stepping as quietly as he could into the confines of the cabin, Garrus decided to perch on the couch while he waited. Shepard had several data pads spread across the table. He picked one up and scrolled through the information. _More dossiers?_ _How many more crewmembers does Patsy-Bob think we need?_ Garrus chuckled as he recalled Shepard’s new name for the Illusive Man, but then he frowned as he read the name on one of the dossiers. _Tali?_ _We’re gonna drag Tali into this mess? It would be nice to have another familiar face on board, but still –_

His thoughts were interrupted by the _swoosh_ of the bathroom door. He looked up to see Shepard absent-mindedly towel drying her hair. She had a small towel wrapped around her mid-section that just barely covered her backside and drooped slightly over those bundles on her chest that he had found surprisingly appealing the last time he encountered them. As she came around the corner and started down the stairs, she finally noticed him and stopped mid-step, eyes wide.

“Uh, hi?” she said with a note of surprise, but she nevertheless sounded pleased to see him. Garrus did his best to look suave. Putting down the data pad in his hand, he draped his arm over the back of the couch and propped his right ankle on his left knee, careful not to catch his leg spurs on the edge, and leaned back.

“Hey…” he let his subvocals rumble loosely on purpose, remembering how Shepard had said she liked his voice the night he met Allison Gunn. “I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d see if you were suffering the same fate.” He tossed her the best debonair turian smile he could muster. _Spirits, I’m attempting to flirt. Vakarian, you’ve been out of this game for way too long. Is it even appropriate to flirt with her after what happened over the last few days?_

But he was reassured when Lizzie continued to towel dry her hair and smiled at him. “Well, I’m glad you came up. I’m sure I won’t be going to bed any time soon tonight. I’m exhausted, but being alone right now…” her voice trailed off and her eyes went distant. Just when Garrus was about to say something to comfort her, she snapped back and looked at him. “It would be nice to have some company, especially yours. Just let me find some clothes, ok? Not sure we’re quite at the part of our relationship yet where I’m comfortable just walking around naked in front of you.” She flashed him another smile before she turned to grab some clothes and headed back to the bathroom with them.

 _Yet. She said yet – implying someday she_ would _be comfortable. And relationship. She said that too, and in the same sentence. I’m completely ok with that._ He settled back into the couch, again trying to look calm and not nervous. After a few moments, she emerged from the bathroom in the outfit he expected her to be in – her favorite tank top and shorts.

“Don’t you ever wear anything else when you’re not in uniform?” he teased. She smiled back at him, recognizing his tone.

“Yes, but only lucky turians named Garrus Vakarian get to see me like this. I would think you’d feel privileged. No one else gets to see Commander Fucking Shepard in her pajamas.”

She was next to him now, plopping down on the couch and curling up into his outstretched arm still draped over the back. Instinctively, he dropped his hand and caressed her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. He placed his chin on the top of her head as she pulled her knees up and burrowed into his chest, like she had always belonged there. And Garrus had to admit, despite the significant physical differences between their species, she did really fit as if she had always belonged right there, coiled up in the space between his arm and chest, her  head resting comfortably at the base of his cowl, one of her tiny hands clinging to the soft fabric of his shirt.

And she smelled absolutely marvelous. He had never been this close to her after she had showered – never felt her slightly damp hair on the part of his chest that was uncovered by his shirt. He quickly learned that wet hair was cold, but he breathed in the smell of it – flowers of some sort, mixed with the soft smell that was always distinctly Shepard underneath.

After taking in the splendid overload into his senses – the feeling of Shepard’s body huddled against him and the almost overwhelming smell of her clean hair and body, he muttered softly, “Only lucky turians named Garrus Vakarian, huh? Good thing I’m the only one of those I know of, otherwise I might get jealous.”

She pulled back suddenly, a surprising look of distress on her face and her eyes flitted down to where her hand still held his shirt between her fingers. “I’m so sorry, Garrus. I really should have told you. I was hoping you’d never find out about Kaidan, but I should have known not to hide it. Hell, I tried to forget about him completely myself. It didn’t mean _anything_. I swear – I was so upset after I saw you and Tali and I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with my life and then he just _had_ to show up on Horizon and –“ Garrus stopped her by raising a hand and cupping her cheek. She shuddered as his fingers touched her skin and looked up at him with her bright green eyes.

“Lizzie, it’s ok. I understand. And I’m sorry I pushed you away. That was foolish of me. So please stop worrying. It’s my job to watch your six, not the other way around, remember?” He thought his words would reassure her, but her frown deepened.

“No, that’s not quite right, Garrus. We watch out for each other or this will never work.” And he knew she was right, even though he had never really thought of it that way. He watched out for her. Somehow it had never dawned on him that she might watch out for him too.

“All right. I’ll give you that,” he replied with a quick spread of his mandibles. “But don’t let anyone else on the crew know that I let you watch my six. You’ll ruin my reputation for being a bad ass.”

She giggled and he reveled in the sound. “Don’t worry, Bruce Wayne. I won’t let anyone know what a softy you really are.” She leaned in and gave him a light kiss just below his mandible on his neck. He released an involuntary purr and she cast him a knowing smile.

“Bruce Wayne? Anything like Patsy-Bob? You and nicknames…” he said with a smirk.

“Absolutely _nothing_ like Patsy-Bob. Go look him up sometime. You would like him,” but to Garrus’ dismay, she stood up, leaving the space where she had been leaning on his chest feeling suddenly cold. “So, why did you really come up here, Garrus, because I have a feeling it has absolutely nothing to do with letting me have my way with you.” She placed her hands on her hips and twisted her mouth into a half-smile.

“And why would you think that?” he returned.

“Because for some reason you’re holding out on me. I don’t know what that reason is, but I respect that you have one.”

Spirits, she was beautiful. She didn’t even question why he was hesitant to take their relationship to the next physical level. _I really need to explain that to her at some point, but now does not seem the right time…too soon…_

“Really, Lizzie, I just wanted to be near you,” he said, admitting the truth. “Everything has been moving so fast between leaving Omega, chasing the Collectors, and…” he paused to lock eyes with his Commander, “us…I realized that in all honesty, we don’t really know much about each other besides the fact that we’re both kick ass in battle. I, of course, am slightly more kick ass and definitely more stylish, but you’re not too bad yourself.” She reached down to punch him lightly on the shoulder and pouted. He rubbed the spot where she had touched him and smiled up at her.

“Can we do that? Act like two normal turians,” he paused remembering she wasn’t turian and not sure what the proper terminology for their “relationship” was, and continued, “uh…humans – uh, whatever – pretend we’re not on a potential suicide mission across the galaxy and just enjoy each other’s company in between the moments of greatness?”

To his relief, Shepard’s smile widened as Garrus spoke. When he concluded, she was bounding up the stairs to her desk. She winked at him as her head disappeared below the edge of it and reached for a small green box that he already knew was there. When she came back down the stairs she said, “Well, we are headed off on an assignment to help Zaeed in the morning. But until that ‘moment of greatness’ happens, I guess that’s a fair request. I’ve met your family, and this is really all I have left of mine. I know I dumped a lot on you today,” her smile faded for a second as he was sure she was thinking of the memories she had shared with him earlier. For a moment, he mentally scolded himself for asking her to share more with him after the day’s events, but then her face perked back up and she jumped back to her spot on the couch next to him.

“But actually, I have a lot of good memories of my parents – both of them, even mom. I was pretty lucky, actually. Until Elysium, I think I could probably say my life was pretty perfect.” She was fiddling with the broken latch on her box now and popped it open, moving the top note from Miranda out of the way. “I had my normal teenage angst issues, but nothing too out of the ordinary besides the biotic abilities that made it so I didn’t have a ton of friends my own age –“

She stopped suddenly and looked up into his eyes. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?” she said with a slight look of concern. He smiled and brushed a loose hair out of her face.

“I like it when you ramble,” he said.

Blush. He had looked up what it was called. That was what humans called the pink tint that covered Shepard’s cheeks, neck, and ears at the moment, and he loved it as her eyes fluttered back to the contents of the box. She reached for the picture he knew was already there and pulled it out.

“Ok, well, I’m a sentimental sap, I guess,” she said, clearly trying to shake off the redness of her skin and gently caressing the picture in her hands. “I keep this box of real printouts of stuff – messages, pictures and the like. People would probably think I’m weird, but I don’t know…something about holding a picture or the words of someone you love in your hands – it’s different from a digital image somehow.” She looked up at his face for reassurance again. He was positively beaming at her and he couldn’t hide it. With each passing second he loved her more and more – the more he learned about the person she was off the battlefield, the more he realized how lucky he was to have her next to him, confessing her best-kept secrets.

She held the picture out to him – the one of Shepard and her parents – and he grabbed it with his free hand.

“My family,” she said softly. “That was actually taken on Elysium – a couple of days before the attack. The last time we were all together.” Garrus thought this might be a difficult subject for her, but she sounded happy, as if she somehow enjoyed talking about this aspect of her history. “My dad – he was my hero. Still is, I guess. Always looking out for other people, trying to do what he could to keep people safe. You know, you remind me a lot of him –“

She stopped suddenly and Garrus raised his eyes from the picture to look at her. She was staring at him now with a frightened look. “Sorry,” she said quietly, “I was just rambling again…”

Garrus put the picture in his hand back in the green box and picked the green box out of Shepard’s hands, placing it on the table next to them. With both hands free, he placed one hand under Shepard’s legs, drawing a surprised gasp from her as he used the other hand behind her back to pick her up, as if she weighed nothing, and put her directly on his lap. Placing his left hand behind her head, he pulled her face down to his and pressed her forehead against his own, letting his flange resound his contentment through both their chests. Shepard responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and closing her eyes.

“Lizzie,” he said, pulling back gently. “If your dad meant that much to you, then that’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.” Her face brightened and Garrus wrapped his arms around Commander Elizabeth Shepard’s waist, pulling her face back to his, but this time placing his mouthplates on her softer, human lips. He felt her grip tighten around his neck and a soft moan escape her mouth, tickling his teeth and tongue as they came in contact with hers.

He drank in the sensations that he had missed for days and simply rejoiced in the knowledge that she was safe and here – in his lap and kissing him. He softly stroked her hair with one hand and pulled her flesh against him with the other. Shepard stroked the sensitive spot just below his fringe, but he could tell she was doing it in such a way as to minimize his arousal, knowing exactly how far she should or should not go to do so. It was still difficult for him to keep himself in check. Even with her skilled hands avoiding his most sensitive areas he could still feel the gentle pressure behind his plates that threatened to push its way out. He actually thanked Nihlus quietly in his mind for teaching Shepard the subtleties of that instead of being jealous of her former turian lover. _I really need to explain to her why I’m holding back, but not yet –_

“Garrus?” Shepard was the one who stopped the session prematurely this time and was looking intently into his eyes.

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

She said it so softly, he almost didn’t hear her. When he realized what she said, he stayed silent for a moment. He didn’t know how to answer her. _No…I can’t tell her yet._

“I don’t mean – what I mean is –“ she looked obviously uncomfortable, so he gave her arm a reassuring squeeze that seemed to relax her. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight. We don’t have to do anything…I really –“ She hung her head and finished in a whisper. “Please stay. You’re the only thing that silences the 300,000 voices I’m hearing in my head.”

His heart gave way. He would give anything to make that pain leave her. He quickly responded, “I’ll stay.”

She collapsed in his arms, placing her head just inside his cowl and sighed. He held her there for a minute, but then asked, “Think you can sleep now?”

She sat up in his lap and smiled. “Actually, yes.” She stood up slowly and made her way over to the bed with Garrus in tow. She wriggled under the covers and smiled up at him as he sat down beside her on the edge of the bed. “I remember you telling me once that turians don’t need as much sleep as humans, but if you’re tired, I would say you could join me in here,” she motioned to the empty space next to her, “but I think I know the response to that already.”

He smiled at her as he stroked her hair again. He was becoming very attached to this human feature – hair, who knew? Hair and kissing. And breasts. _Oh…breasts_ … He had to stop himself.

“You remember correctly. I don’t need as much sleep as you, but if I could have access to a terminal, I could get some work done.”

“You’re going to calibrate the damn gun from up here?” she asked, a look of feigned exasperation on her face.

“Have to do something to keep myself from crawling into this bed and ravishing this amazing body of yours,” he teased. “You need some sleep.”

“I don’t know, Vakarian. I could go for some ravishing right about now…” Her voice was tired even while she joked. “You ever gonna let me in on what’s keeping you from doing that?”

He paused his ministrations to her soft hair and looked at her seriously. “Yes. I will. But just like you said you’re not ready to prance around naked in front of me, I’m not quite ready to explain that either.”

“All right, Garrus, as long as you promise I get let in on the secret someday…” she paused and her eyes flew open. “EDI? Give Garrus full access to my personal terminal. He’s going to work from up here tonight.”

“Acknowledged, Commander,” came the digital voice.

“There you go, Garrus. All yours,” she said sleepily, closing her eyes again and nestling into the pillow under her head.

Garrus wasn’t sure how to do this. He really needed to do some research into human customs and signs of affection, but he decided to follow Shepard’s example. Leaning down, he placed his mouthplates gently on her forehead and applied what pressure he could, attempting to imitate the kisses she had left on his cheek on previous occasions. She rewarded him with a smile.

He stood up to head to the terminal at her desk, but stopped just at the foot of her bed when he heard her say, “Thank you” in a hushed whisper.

Looking down at her in the bed, she looked so tiny and almost helpless, but he knew that Commander Elizabeth Shepard was anything but. Such raw power, courage, and strength in her small human body. Smiling, he turned around the phrase that she so often used on him.

“Anything for you, Lizzie.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

A sound awoke her from her slumber. Shepard had been sleeping much better than she would have expected, considering the last few days’ events. She was sure it was because her subconscious reminded her that Garrus was there – watching over her.

But the sound that had awakened her was Garrus. Keeping one eye shut, she attempted to peek out throw the narrowed eyelid of the other to see what he was doing.

She watched him run a hand over his tired face as he shut off her terminal and stood up from the desk. Even with one eye shut and the other barely open, her heart still fluttered at how attractive he looked in his loose-fitting tunic and pants. She’d never seen him look so comfortable – so…Garrus. Not C-Sec officer Garrus. Not merc-hunting Garrus. Not Garrus on the battlefield who sniped enemies. Just Garrus. She wanted to see him this way always. But as he stood over her desk, she held back a frown so she wouldn’t give away the fact that she was awake. _He’s going to leave…well, I guess he stayed until I was asleep. It’s not his fault I’m awake again…I can’t ask for much more than that._

But he didn’t head for the door as she expected. Instead, he walked down the stairs and headed for her side of the bed. She quickly shut the eye she was using to spy on him and waited. She could feel him standing over her and willed herself to stay calm so her vitals wouldn’t spike in a way his visor would pick up. Then she felt his fingers in her hair again, gently stroking through the now dry strands and pushing the loose ones behind her ear. He leaned down and repeated his imitation of a kiss from earlier. It was all she could do to hold perfectly still as she felt the warm pressure of his mouth on her skin.

As she felt him move away from her, she almost sighed, thinking he really would leave now. But he surprised her again. She heard him tip-toe around the bed and felt a slight change in the air behind her as he picked up the spare pillow from the other side. Daring to peek underneath one eyelid again, she watched as her favorite turian made his way over to the couch and threw the pillow lightly into the corner. He took the visor off his eye and laid it on the coffee table as he sat down on the couch and removed his light-weight leather boots. She heard him sigh softly as he laid down on his side, propping the pillow underneath his head with his arm. After a few moments, she could hear his rhythmic breathing. Smiling and closing her eyes, she quickly followed him into sleep, knowing she was safe under his watch.


	18. A Long Time to Hold a Grudge

The first thing to pierce Garrus’ conscious was the pitter-patter of human feet. At first, he was annoyed, wondering what was so important that Shepard had come all the way down to the Main Battery just to wake him up at this hour, but then he remembered.

_She didn’t come down to meet me. I’m on her couch._ As the fog of sleep gradually lifted from his mind, he remembered the previous night – holding her, kissing her, putting her to bed, watching her sleep from his perch at her personal terminal, keeping watch while she snored lightly. His heart warmed at how much she trusted him, and he vowed to always live up to that trust.

Garrus slowly peeked with one eye half-open to verify his surroundings. Yep. Still in Lizzie’s cabin. She had the lights dimmed, clearly trying not to wake him. But then he felt his breath catch in his throat and hoped she didn’t hear him as he caught sight of her.

She was standing by her armor locker, pulling something out, but what caught Garrus’ eye was what she was wearing now. He nearly flinched as she turned around to face him and started putting on her black undersuit over the flimsy pieces of cloth that covered her most sensitive places. _Underwear. That’s what it’s called_ , he thought. And in the dim light of the cabin, with one eye closed and one barely open, his mind drifted back to the blonde human Lizzie sometimes reminded him of and how that other one had looked in just her undergarments, standing next to an Alliance ship.

The similarities were uncanny.

But he quickly put those thoughts aside and enjoyed the view for as long as he could. She was absolutely stunning. He didn’t really know what humans found attractive when evaluating their own species, but he knew what _he_ found attractive and Elizabeth Shepard was it. His one eye roved longingly over her waist and hips that were clearly displayed for him. He’d never seen her so scantily clad before and he wanted to jump up, reach out, and touch her skin, just to see what it felt like. Her breasts were also surprisingly bare – not completely bare, but whatever she was wearing to cover them up was a lot less than what her usual tank top covered and the sight caused an uncomfortable knot to begin growing in Garrus’ lower abdomen.

But all too quickly, she covered up her lovely skin with the undersuit and almost before he could react, she was headed for his spot on the couch. He quickly closed his voyeuristic eye and pretended to sleep again. He could feel her bend over him and gently touch the scarred side of his face. He released an involuntary purr.

“Hey, Sleepy Head,” she said, just above a whisper. “You have to get up. I need you on the ground in thirty.”

He let his eyes fly open and meet hers. She was smiling and still lightly caressing his face with her hand. He sat up quickly and pulled her down onto his lap in one swift motion. She let out a high-pitched yelp of surprise, but she was smiling at him. He held her tightly in his arms and said, “Good morning” with a flutter of his mandibles.

“Good morning,” she replied and placed a deep kiss on his mouth. He returned her action and thought, _I could definitely get used to this every morning…_

But eventually, he pulled away. “Thirty minutes? What exactly are we doing in thirty minutes?”

“I told you last night. We’re helping Zaeed real quick before we pick up some new recruits. I’m sure Suzy can spare us one day of helping out a team member.” She popped up off his lap and extended her hand to pull him up. He let her help him rise but took the bait and asked, “Suzy?”

“That’s the Illusive Man’s name today. Possibly Suzy-Q if I’m feeling particularly friendly.”

“You and your names, Lizzie. Not sure I can keep up,” he smiled at her, but then felt suddenly self-conscious as she gave him a long look from his bare feet to his fringe.

“Oh, you can keep up, Vakarian. I have no doubt about that.” But then she turned and headed for her desk, turning on her terminal. Garrus watched her move, willing himself to control the uncomfortable feelings in his groin that accompanied his waking and were accentuated by this entire situation. _Hopefully I have time for a cold shower before suiting up…_

“All right then. Can I ask what exactly we’re doing for Zaeed?” He bent down to put his boots on.

“We’re taking out some merc rival of his or something, I think. I’m not exactly sure. He said he’d explain more of what’s going on when we get planet-side. Should be right up your ally, _Archangel_ ,” she smiled at him as she accentuated the last word, but then looked distractedly at her screen. _Hmph_ , he thought as he strode up the stairs. _Not fair for you to put me out of sorts this morning without some payback_.

He crept up behind her and lowered his face to her ear, breathing hotly on her neck.

“Guess I’ll see you in the Cargo Bay in thirty,” he let his voice rumble in the way he knew made her shiver and briefly brushed his mandible along her cheek. He grinned as he watched his actions take their desired effect. Her cheeks and ears began to flush and her heart beat slowly rose. “Took some time to do a little research while you were asleep last night, so now I can say that _this_ Bruce Wayne has to go get suited up to take down some bad guys. Maybe save a damsel in distress. Who knows what else might be on this super hero’s agenda today? But whatever it is, it will be very bad ass and _you_ will have to watch.”

He added extra effect by nipping lightly at her neck and enjoying the way she positively shuddered. He smirked at her reaction as he passed through her cabin doors, but chuckled softly as he heard her trembling voice just before they closed behind him.

“Holy _shit_ , Vakarian…”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

“Oooo! Look! A monkey!”

She watched Garrus and Zaeed share a surprised glance as they both tried not to laugh at their leader. She didn’t care. _That was a fucking monkey!!!_ She smiled with excitement.

“Shepard, we’re on a bloody mission and you’re excited to see a monkey?” Zaeed said, not a little impatiently. Shepard watched Garrus’ smile grow wider.

“Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, Vakarian. Look at him! He’s so cute!” she pointed with her weapon as the monkey-like creature scurried into some bushes to the left of the path.

“Are you talking about me or the monkey?” Garrus teased.

“The monkey! Just look at him. I’ve never seen a real monkey before!”

Garrus laughed out loud. Both Shepard and Zaeed turned to look at him, Shepard’s face a glare while Zaeed’s evidenced utter bewilderment.

“You laughing, Garrus?” she said with a smirk. “I’ll show you something to laugh about when we get back on the ship.” She didn’t miss the quick flash of desire that she was beginning to be able to recognize on Garrus’ face, which made her briefly wonder why he was still holding out on her. Shrugging off the thought, she started down the path.

She heard a tiny click on the comm. Assuming either Zaeed or Garrus had muted the channel, she slowed her pace, but kept a slight distance between the human and turian behind her, pretending she couldn’t hear them.

“So, the Commander’s into turians, eh? Wouldn’t have figured that out without a little help,” she heard Zaeed say to Garrus. The ex-merc continued. “Guess I’ll have to try for Jack then. I get the feeling that Miranda would tan my hide if I tried anything with her. Then again, I like fight in a woman.” _I wouldn’t wish that dirty bastard on anyone, not even Miranda_ , Shepard smirked.

She heard Garrus reply. “I’m not sure the Commander would want you thinking about any of her extra-curricular activities, Massani, whoever they may or may not be with,” he grumbled, clearly trying to keep from divulging any privileged information and attempting to maintain a low enough tone that Shepard wouldn’t hear them from up ahead.

“So, you’re saying she’s on the market? Well, that’s good news. The destructive little bitch in the cargo hold is a nice piece of ass, but Shepard is definitely a nicer one.” Shepard felt like retching at the thought of Zaeed thinking of her that way, but she continued to pretend she wasn’t hearing anything, just to see how Garrus handled the situation.

“Don’t even think about it, Massani,” Garrus breathed threateningly. “Besides, she’d never even look your way.”

“I’m not so sure about that. I know how to handle a woman – had plenty of practice in my day. And Shepard’s a woman like any other.”

“She’s not,” Garrus sounded about to lose it now. “And if you ever try to put your hands on her, I will –“

“Ahem.” Garrus stood up straight as he almost ran into Shepard. She had decided to put a stop to this conversation, not wanting to hear anymore about Zaeed’s “exploits” or the dirty things he thought about her. “There a problem here?”

“Not at all, Commander,” Zaeed said, smiling. “Just testing your boyfriend’s limits. He’s quite composed, really. I’m impressed.”

Suddenly, Shepard heard gunshots and ducked for cover.

“There we go!” she heard Garrus yell as he found cover next to her. She muted the comm and cast a sideways glance at her favorite turian. He smirked back at her and sniped a merc ahead of them. Turning to her, he said with a grin, “Scoped and dropped!”

“You talkin’ about the merc or me?” she asked as she popped up to toss a Singularity field toward a couple of mercs headed their way.

“Yes.” Garrus replied, as she watched him enter his breathing trance and fire another headshot.

“I see,” she chuckled, turning to fire over the barricade that blocked enemy bullets. “Well if Zaeed’s going to start calling you my boyfriend,” she took a second to reload her weapon, “maybe I should, too.”

She watched Garrus’ mandibles flare in response. “I have absolutely no problem with that,” Garrus said. “Especially if it means he will keep his greasy, filthy hands and thoughts off my girl.” He turned to face her and she couldn’t hide the way her face beamed back at him. She turned the comm back on to contact Zaeed, who was firing from a spot ahead of them.

“Move forward, Massani. Garrus and I are right behind you.”

They moved as one. Shepard was surprised at how well Garrus and Zaeed worked together, despite their obvious dislike for each other. After disposing of several sets of mercs, they finally reached a retracted bridge.

She listened as Zaeed explained his past with Vido Santiago. “Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge.” But even as she said it, she regretted her own words. _Am I really any different?_ She thought. _I may not have held a grudge for twenty years yet, but I don’t think what happened on Elysium will fade from memory any time soon…_

Zaeed began to invade her personal space as he became more and more animated with his story. Shepard saw Garrus stand up from his perch behind the ex-mercenary, as if he would step in to stop the conversation from going any further, but she quickly gave him a look to stand down. She could tell he didn’t like it, but as he always did, Garrus followed orders – even unspoken ones. When Zaeed finally finished ranting, they moved forward in silence.

_The years have sure been kinder to Vido than Zaeed_ , she thought upon seeing Vido Santiago on the platform overlooking their position. She tried to remain calm as Zaeed fired uncontrollably at his former partner, causing an explosion to erupt from the refinery pipes. But then as the situation continued to escalate, she just about shot Zaeed herself.

“What the hell are you doing?” she half-whispered from cover as Zaeed began to strike his weapon against the gas valve in front of him. As the other human broke off the valve and caused a further explosion, she cringed, exchanging a quick look with Garrus who simply returned her stare of disbelief.

“Opening the gate.” Zaeed replied when she looked back at him.

“We don’t sacrifice lives for the sake of the mission,” she said. “There’s always a better way.” But as she said it, she felt sick. _Is there really always a better way? I just sacrificed 300,000 batarians. Was there a better way that I didn’t take?..._

Her thoughts were interrupted by Massani’s continuing banter. Whether she had her own demons to work out or not, what he had just done was unacceptable. _My crew follows orders, you bastard._

She knocked him hard in the jaw with her right fist. She almost smiled when she heard Garrus grunt with satisfaction behind her.

“You’re endangering lives – and the mission – for your own selfish revenge.” She tried to fight back her own fears as she heard the words escape her mouth. Her voice sounded distant – disconnected. She knew what she was supposed to say, she knew the _right_ thing to say. But it didn’t sound like it was coming from her. She felt like a damned hypocrite. _Selfish revenge…Dad….300,000 batarians…_

She shook her head again to rid her tired brain of the destructive doubt that clouded out any logic.

“You really want to do this, Shepard?” Zaeed said.

“I ought to knock you the hell out. But thanks to you, we have a burning refinery to save.”

“Let these people burn. Vido dies, whatever the cost!”

She ignored Zaeed’s last comment, and after making their way through parts of the wreckage, Shepard turned at the cry of a refinery worker above the party. It seemed Zaeed had a particular penchant for making her life hell today.

“We stop to help these people, Vido gets away. And if he gets away, I’m blaming you.” She wanted to punch him again, but punch him hard enough that he didn’t get up from the ground. She wanted to leave him there with the people he was so willing to sacrifice to get to one person.

She turned to look at Garrus. His expression didn’t show a lot of emotion, but he was watching her intently. He didn’t even have to say anything. _I’ve got your back_ , his face said.

_My fucking knight in shining armor,_ she thought, resisting the ill-timed urge to smile. _Getting the baddies and saving the damsel in distress, indeed._

With renewed strength, she turned back to Zaeed.

“We’re here to free these people. We’re going in.”

********************

She felt like she understood Zaeed better than anyone. She understood his thirst for vengeance – for payback – for revenge. She knew what it felt to have so much pent up anger inside and no outlet.

Which was why she winced when she heard Massani’s pained howl as Vido’s shuttle took off and left them behind on the platform.

She watched the shuttle fly away and almost took her own weapon out to fire in tandem with Zaeed, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good. Her thoughts of pity and empathy were completely displaced when the beam fell and trapped the ex-merc beneath it. She heard her own voice again. Saying the things she knew she was supposed to say – the right things. But her heart wasn’t in it.

She was no better than Zaeed Massani – for all her medals and awards and accolades – for all the good that was ascribed to her by anyone. She was just as full of malice, hatred, and revenge as this older, experienced, and bitter man in front of her.

Self-disgust rose from her stomach to her throat, filling her nostrils and mouth with the taste of bile.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Massani grunted.

_Couldn’t agree more_ , she thought grimly as they made their way to the shuttle.


	19. Good and Evil

Shepard was quiet on the shuttle ride back. Too quiet.

Garrus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Zaeed was a crazy son of a bitch. Garrus had taken silent pleasure in Shepard’s physical way of dealing with the ex-merc – in fact, it was a good thing Lizzie had punched the man herself, otherwise Garrus would have done it for her. Massani had gone too far today. Luckily, his Lizzie kept her head on her shoulders and did what had to be done. But when they got back on the _Normandy_ , Kelly Chambers didn’t seem to notice or care what mood the Commander was in.

“The Illusive Man wants to speak to you in the Briefing Room, Commander.”

“Shit” was all Garrus heard his girl say under her breath as she changed directions and headed for the requested meeting. He made his way to the elevator and avoided making eye contact with Zaeed, who was, to Garrus’ dismay, moving in the same direction. Garrus hit the showers to clean the day’s grime off and then retreated to the Main Battery to clean his armor. He wanted to talk to Shepard, make sure she was ok. Something was off, but he wasn’t sure what it was.

 _Give her a bit more time_ , he thought as he scrubbed and polished the edges of his beat up breastplate. _She’ll send you a message when she wants to talk_.

But she didn’t. Hours passed. Garrus finished cleaning his armor and moved to his usual position at the workbench, checking the fine-tuned numbers and algorithms that he knew so well. But he couldn’t think about algorithms or firing sequences. It wasn’t unusual for a period of time this long to pass before he heard from Shepard, but it _was_ unusual for her to not come see him after a mission – especially one that seemed to have bothered her so much.

“EDI, where is Commander Shepard?” he said.

“Commander Shepard is on the Port Observation deck,” said the blue orb behind him. He turned quickly and said, “Thank you.” The blue orb disappeared and Garrus headed out of the Main Battery. To his delight, he saw Kasumi enjoying a meal with Taylor in the mess on his way. He nodded briefly at them as he passed. _What’s that human phrase?_ He thought. _Kill two fledglings with one rock? Kasumi is_ not _in the lounge with Shepard_ and _Jacob Taylor might just stop giving Lizzie those looks he thinks no one notices…_

When the door to the Port Observation deck slid open, Garrus stepped inside and looked around. Space dust and stars floated past the window, but Garrus turned as soon as he saw Shepard slumped over the bar, still in her armor and covered in grime and dirt.

“Hey, Lizzie,” he said as soon as the door slid shut behind him. She didn’t turn around. Just raised the glass in her hand and gave him an unenthusiastic, “Hey.”

“So…” he began as he sidled over to her and took the seat to her right. “Come here often?” He tried to give her a sideways grin, but she still didn’t look up.

“A little too often,” she replied. Reaching over the counter, she continued, “You want something to drink?” Garrus thought about turning her down, but now didn’t seem the time.

“Sure. What have we got on this ship anyway?”

“A whole lotta nothin’”, she said, and Garrus was relieved to see a small smile grace her lips. “But I did see some dextro beer right…” she fumbled in the shelf just below the counter top. “Here.” She handed him a bottle and he popped off the cap, taking a swig.

“Oh that’s….”

“Tastes like ass. I know. Mine does too.” She actually chuckled as she took another drink of whatever was in her glass and reached to fill it up again. Garrus stopped her and put a hand on her wrist.

“Let me,” he said, softly. She finally looked up at him and nodded. He motioned to the drinks in front of her and she answered his wordless query. “Both. A little more than half of the stronger stuff.” He did as she bid and handed her the glass, half-filled as it had been when he came in. She gulped it down in one pass, made a quick face, and then relaxed into her seat again.

Garrus wasn’t sure what to do or say. He spun around on his bar stool slowly and switched his gaze to the passing stars and dust, sitting next to his favorite human and feeling helpless. Next to him, she filled her glass again, but to Garrus’ surprise, she stood up. She walked determinedly towards the window and stood there for several moments, just staring. He was especially shocked when she didn’t waver in her step, considering how much he was sure she had been drinking before he got there. Garrus watched her carefully from his seat at the bar, feeling selfish for admiring her beautiful shape, even with her armor covering it. He thought back to this morning, when he had seen her almost completely bare and his heart stirred yet again with the trust she put in him.

 _I hope she knows I feel the same_ …

“My whole life, I’ve had one fear,” she said suddenly, shocking Garrus out of his meditations. He didn’t say anything in reply. Shepard’s tone was clear – she had something to say.

“One fear. Ever since I was a little girl.” She took a step closer to the glass now, almost close enough that her breath could fog her reflection. “I grew up on starships. I was never afraid of being on ships. It was part of life. The ships kept you safe, protected you from everything else. But I was afraid of one thing.” She reached out with her free hand and touched the glass now, placing her palm flat on the surface.

“Space. Space scared me. Still does. Scares the fucking shit out of me. Probably sounds a little weird, coming from someone who has lived their whole life flying through it, but it’s true. I loved ships because they kept the space at bay. You could look out into it, admire its beauty, but the ship kept you away from its dangers.” She dropped the hand that was touching the glass back down to her side. “How ironic,” she paused, a mocking smile passing over her face. “that my one fear actually did kill me in the end.”

Garrus’ stomach flipped as Shepard mentioned her death. It was something he tried hard not to think about, but when she mentioned it, images of Shepard fighting to breathe and the fear that must have gripped her in those moments flashed through his mind. He pushed the thoughts down as Shepard continued, still staring into the vacuum beyond the glass.

“I thought maybe I had a purpose. Maybe I was brought back for a reason. I don’t believe in a god or gods or some unimaginable, uncaring, all-knowing being that watches us from above, but I do believe in order and balance. There has to be balance in the universe somehow, right? Light and dark. Pain and pleasure. Protons and electrons. Matter and anti-matter. Good and evil. I wanted to believe that maybe I was a good force, brought back to even out the scales and make some sort of difference. It’s been one of the only thoughts that kept me from going crazy since I woke up on that damn operating table.” It was at this point in her speech that Shepard decided to down the rest of the beverage in her hand, and Garrus noticed that the drink was shaking slightly. The shaking quickly subsided as she gripped the glass with both hands.

Garrus got up from his seat and began to walk towards her. He wasn’t sure what had brought this on, but he didn’t want her to suffer through this alone.

“But it was a lie – a lie I told myself to feel better – but a lie, all the same. Because, in the end, if I was brought back for any purpose, it wasn’t for good. I’m on the dark side of the universe – the side of revenge and hatred. The side that Zaeed’s on – the one that can’t see beyond blind rage. He and I are the same except for one thing.” She turned to face Garrus, who was at her side now. Her eyes were wet, but no tears fell.

“It wasn’t exactly 300,000 batarians. Even when I mention their deaths, I discount their existence. I short change them 4,942 lives. That crazy bastard of a merc is better than me, because he’s not a mass murderer. I am. I killed exactly 304,942 batarians. I think I will see that number in front of my eyes every day for the rest of my pathetic existence.”

“Spirits, Lizzie, just stop.” Garrus couldn’t take anymore. He pulled her into his chest, pulling her as tight as he could with both of them wearing armor. She didn’t cry, but he could hear her ragged breathing and he tried to pull her even closer. “Zaeed is a madman. For you to think you are anything like him is just…” He couldn’t find the right words. “Well, it’s wrong. Just dead wrong.” He gripped her by the shoulders and pulled her back from him, regretting the loss of her small body covered in filthy armor against his chest, but he wanted her to look at him.

“I know you and if your theory is correct and there is some sort of order to the universe, then you are on the side of right. I have no doubt about that. This turian vigilante with a thirst for justice would not have followed you if you were evil. And even if you started to go astray…” He must have said something that struck a chord within her, because she rewarded him with a tight-lipped smile, but still a smile, nonetheless. “I wouldn’t let you stray that far.”

“I don’t know, Garrus. I’ve been told by many admirers that these hips are irresistible. You might have come along just for the view.” Garrus couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Well, that might be one of the perks of the job,” he growled as he pulled her back into him and smiled as her little fingers curled around the damaged piece of his breastplate. “But believe me, you are most definitely one of the good guys, _delicia_.”

She pulled back to look at him again. “Did you just call me delicious?” she gave him a quizzical look. “I think my translator glitched.”

“Delicious?” He replied, equally surprised. “No. But maybe there isn’t a good translation for it.” He looked upward as he tried to find other words to explain. “ _Delicia_ means something like… ‘little favorite’.”

Almost instantly, the sad look on Lizzie Shepard’s face lightened and was replaced with a more relaxed smile. “Little favorite,” she whispered. “I like it. You can call me that all the time.” She nestled back into his embrace and he wrapped his arms tighter around her shoulders. “Oh wait,” she said, pulling back again. “Not on missions. That could be distracting for um…you know….the crew.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he snickered.

“But I don’t have a nickname for you,” she looked up and to the right, pondering her latest problem. “Garrus….I think I’ll just call you Garrus.”

“Well, that’s not very original,” he teased, brushing a stray hair out of her face as she met his eyes again.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she replied, but her eyes softened. “But when there’s nothing else in the universe that can compare to you, it’s hard to give you a nickname.” Her cheeks flushed with heat and she looked down at his chest. “So…have you noticed that I say stupid things when I have a little too much to drink?”

Garrus reached down with one finger under Shepard’s chin and tipped her face up to look at him. Her long eyelashes fluttered as he smiled down at her.

“I think,” he said quietly, “that you say some of the very best things when you are a little drunk, Ms. Gunn.”

He could tell she wanted to come up with some witty retort, but Garrus silenced her embarrassed protest by pressing his mouth on hers.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She slept the sleep of the dead after the previous evening's drinking bout. When the morning came, Shepard had to decide what course to take next. While nursing her hangover, she poured over the information on her datapad dozens of times, weighing her options. Finally, she made a decision. With determination in her step, she headed for the Main Battery.

“We’re going to get Tali.” Shepard didn’t even ask Garrus if he was free to talk. She just barged in, plopped on Garrus’ cot, leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and demanded his attention. To her relief, Garrus simply stopped what he was doing, turned to lean sideways against the workbench and crossed his arms to look at her.

“Sounds good to me,” he said. “It would be nice to have another friendly face around here.”

“Yeah. I miss her,” Shepard said truthfully. “I miss all of them. Tali, Wrex, Ash….” She trailed off and looked down at her feet. “Dammit, I need some fucking friends on this crew. I don’t trust a single one of these people. Besides you, of course.” Shepard shrugged and looked back up at her favorite turian. “Well, Joker and Karin, but those two will never be ground-side with us. But other than that, I don’t trust a single one of these Cerberus flunkies.”

When Garrus didn’t say anything, she continued. “I don’t think Tali will join us though.”

“Why do you say that?” Garrus asked.

“Let’s just say I’ve seen her once since I was….rebuilt.” Garrus raised his eyebrow plates. “Yeah. She was not very happy about me being with Cerberus. She wasn’t quite as forceful as Kaidan,” Shepard shuddered at the memory of Horizon, “but she let me know she did not approve.”

“Tali’s nothing like Kaidan,” Garrus replied, walking over to the cot and sitting next to Shepard. “I think she will at least listen to you. She understands the real threat, and you, my _delicia_ , are not the threat. She’ll follow you.”

Shepard hoped Garrus was right, but part of her was a little nervous at his staunch defense of their quarian friend. Shepard loved Tali. They had been like sisters on the SR-1, but she knew how Tali felt about Garrus and she was pretty sure Garrus knew about Tali’s feelings as well. It wasn’t that hard to figure out. Shepard hadn’t really thought about the dynamic that Tali’s presence might bring on the ship if the quarian came back, even if she was one of Shepard’s best friends.

But “You think so?” was all she said out loud.

“Yeah, definitely.” Garrus said as he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Let’s go get Tali. Have a little faith in your old friends.” He smiled at her and gently leaned in, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She pushed back against his mouth and sighed. Unfortunately, Garrus stood up and pulled her to a standing position with him.

“However, I’m afraid that I need to get back to these calibrations. How about I bring you up some dinner later?” He gave her one of his charming smiles and her heart flapped against her ribcage. _What was I worried about again?_ She felt foolish for even thinking about Garrus and Tali. She had been completely mistaken before. She didn’t want to make the same mistake again.

“That would be nice.” She turned to leave, but just before the doors slid open, she said, “And don’t wear the damn armor to the loft. It’s not very romantic.” Garrus looked at her, feigning offense.

“But I thought the hole in my armor made you weak in the knees.”

“It’s the _scars_ , Garrus. Not the armor. The _scars_ are the turn on.” She turned again, but stopped to add one more comment. “It’s also not very comfortable to straddle you while you’re wearing it.”

She watched with delight as Garrus’ mandibles flickered nervously.

“Duly noted,” he drawled. “I’ll wear something more…comfortable.”

She winked at him as the door slid open, moving out into the corridor.

“You do that.”

She felt his eyes on her until the door slid shut behind her.


	20. Honor Her Child's Legacy

“Now _this_ is just like old times!”

Shepard popped her head around the cover she had taken in front of him to give Garrus an incredulous look.

“Seriously, Garrus?” she said, although he detected a hint of teasing in her tone. “You’re excited to be fighting off swarms of geth,” Garrus watched as Shepard popped up to throw a Warp at the Geth Prime whose shields he had just overloaded, “on this creepy ass station with a bunch of dead bodies,” Shepard motioned to Tali to move forward. Garrus followed with a grin. “ _And_ there’s some sort of VI that’s controlling everything? _This_ makes you happy?!”

Garrus sprinted to Shepard’s side and crouched in cover next to her. He didn’t miss the smile on her face when their eyes locked.

“Yep. Especially since I’m ahead on the kill count.”

Shepard shook her head, but she was still smiling.

“Well, I’m glad you two are happy to be here,” Tali said. “But we’ve got more important things to worry about at the moment.”

“Missed you too, Tali.” Garrus could almost hear Tali rolling her eyes as he grinned mischievously in her direction.

It was true. Maybe this had been an odd moment to express it, but he was happier than he had been for a while. The last week had been a whirlwind. Just before heading off to get Tali, the Illusive Man had sent Shepard and the _Normandy_ straight into a trap. Shepard was already on edge with Cerberus and the Illusive Man, i.e. “Peaches”, so none of them were surprised to find out they’d been set up. All the mission had done was set them back a few more days than Shepard had wanted before they could find Tali.

They found their quarian friend just in time, and Garrus was relieved that he had predicted Tali would listen. He had been concerned about what would happen to Shepard’s confidence and focus if another one of her former friends turned away from her, but luckily, that didn’t happen. And now, Garrus was not ashamed to admit that he was enjoying being on a ground mission with two of his favorite people and two of the best soldiers he had ever known. Peace was wonderful and it was what they all fought for, but this – these battlefield moments where he watched the woman he loved and the quarian friend who reminded him of his only sister glide and slice through their enemies – this was just plain fun.

He could have been dead – maybe he _should_ have been dead after Omega. Shepard _had been_ dead. Tali had become an important person in her own society, it seemed. Each of them could have gone their separate ways and never seen each other again. But now they were back together as a team, and Garrus was going to enjoy it as much as he could while it lasted.

“Hey, while you’re daydreaming over there, Vakarian, I just single-handedly took out three geth troopers _and_ a support strut for this damn dish. Want to try to even the score?” Shepard was grinning as she ran past him to head for the next capacitor.

“You’re on,” he replied.

He followed his girl and took up the position opposite Tali so they could both pick off stragglers to give Shepard access to the capacitor. When another Prime came around the corner, Garrus swore under his breath and sprinted to new cover a little closer.

“You two got that Prime taken care of?” he heard Shepard ask as she fired on the capacitor, causing the dish to shake as the second strut came undone.

“You know I’ve got you covered, Shepard.” He was rewarded with a blush rising up the back of her neck as she turned around. He noticed that Tali didn’t miss his tone, either. The quarian was giving Garrus a long look from behind her faceplate after deploying a decoy to distract the prime.

“If you spent more time shooting and less time flirting, this Prime would be down by now,” Tali teased him.

Before Garrus could reply, Shepard chimed in. “She has a point, Garrus. Stay on target, soldier.” But she winked at him as she dropped into cover to help take down the Prime.

“I’m on target. I’m just able to multi-task better than some,” he retorted.

“That may be,” Tali chuckled at him as they followed Shepard to the next capacitor. “But just think how much more effective you would be at killing geth if you stopped staring at Shepard’s ass.”

“I wasn’t staring!” He faced Tali with a look of hurt.

“Bullshit,” Tali laughed. “I think even _I_ have topped your kills on this mission, Garrus.” She laughed again as she dropped into cover and took aim at more approaching geth. Garrus smiled as he dropped into cover next to her.

After taking a few more shots, this time under full concentration, he topped the kill count not only for Tali, but Shepard as well. Garrus turned to his friend and said, “A little rusty, Tali? When I’m actually _trying_ , I –“

But he didn’t get to finish his retort. Shepard had taken out the last capacitor and the surface beneath them shook threateningly.

“You’ve got to be kidding…” Garrus heard Shepard mutter under her breath. She turned to Garrus and Tali and yelled. “Move! The whole thing’s giving way!”

They ran. Garrus’ heart almost stopped as he watched Shepard take a flying leap off the edge and he followed right behind her. He was relieved as they both tumbled to the walkway below.

“Dammit, Shepard,” he panted, but he lightly brushed his gloved hand over hers as they crawled up onto their knees. “When will you stop taking the most dangerous option? Can’t we ever just have a good old fashioned firefight that doesn’t end with things exploding?” He smiled at her briefly as they both made it to their feet. Before Shepard could reply, Garrus heard Dr. Archer’s voice.

“Over here!”

Shepard turned to see the human man running at them.

“What the hell is going on around here?” she asked.

Dr. Archer’s voice became quiet. “Man’s reach exceeding his grasp. Come on, I’ll explain.”

**********************

“So, it seems that you and Shepard finally stopped being bosh’tets.”

Garrus chuckled to himself as he scrolled through some information on Project Overlord on a datapad he had picked up. Yep. It really was good to have Tali back.

He and Tali were waiting while Shepard questioned Dr. Archer on the project. Even though Garrus couldn’t hear what his Commander and the doctor were saying to each other, he could tell from the look on Shepard’s face and the arm gestures she was making that it wasn’t pretty.

A conversation with Tali was a welcome distraction from the death toll they had found on the station.

“I don’t recall being a bosh’tet in the first place,” he replied.

“You can play dumb all you want, Garrus, but I’m relieved you two are finally together.” Garrus could tell Tali was smiling at him. Her voice really did sound genuinely happy.

“There’s no reason to hide it from you, Tali, so…thanks, I think.” He put the datapad down and looked at his friend.

“Are you two always this obvious about what’s happening off-duty?” she teased.

“No, of course not.” Garrus looked over Tali’s shoulder at Shepard through the glass and smiled. “You should know her better than that. And me, too, for that matter. We’re just…more comfortable with you around, I guess.”

Tali shook her head in agreement. “I know how you _used_ to be, Garrus,” she said. “Honestly, I was afraid you two would never get over your irrational fears of what the other person thought, but clearly you have. So much has changed since the last time we saw each other. And Shepard is working with Cerberus now…” This time it was Tali who looked behind her to glance at Shepard. She shook her head and turned back to Garrus. “I trust her. And I trust you, Garrus – with my life. That doesn’t mean I have to like any of this.”

“That’s understandable, Tali. I hope you believe me when I say that Shepard is just as uncomfortable with Cerberus as you are.”

“No, I don’t think she is, but I do understand why she’s doing this. There are some things that are more important than holding grudges. If Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about the Collectors and the Reapers, then this is exactly what I – we – should be doing.” She turned and looked off into the distance. “I just hope we’re not too late.”

Garrus studied his friend carefully for a few moments. She was still the same Tali he remembered – funny, intelligent, resourceful. He loved her. He loved her in a way totally different from the way he loved Shepard, but he still loved her. In that moment, as he watched Tali, he felt a pang of regret.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Tali. I know that Shepard is, too. But if she and I were too familiar out there with you around, I apologize for that. I didn’t mean to be an insensitive –“

“Garrus Vakarian,” she interrupted him and turned, a smile hinting in her voice. “Your ego is entirely too big. I got over you a long time ago. In fact, if you remember, _I_ was the one that tried to get you and Shepard to talk two years ago. Besides,” she turned back to look out over the scenic view in front of them. “there’s someone out there waiting for me now, too.”

Now _that_ was something Garrus could definitely smile at. He even had an idea of who this “someone” might be. He coughed and decided to take a stab.

“Well, Kal’Reegar is one lucky quarian marine,” he said.

Tali spun to face him again. “How did you know?” Garrus silently congratulated himself for the correct guess.

“Oh, he _is_ a good soldier, I’ll give him that,” Garrus began, crossing his arms behind his back. “But he was _more_ than just devoted to the cause, Tali. He was devoted to _you_.”

Tali just stared at him for several moments. Finally, she said, “There’s the answer to your question, Garrus. You and Shepard can flirt all you want on ground missions with me. I wish Kal could have come with us, but –“ Tali’s voice wavered and she looked down, seemingly trying to regain her composure. “I managed to pull a lot of strings so he was usually part of the team assigned to protect me on any of my assignments. It allowed us to be together more often than not, but…I still miss him.”

Tali turned back to look at Shepard, still speaking animatedly with the doctor. “So enjoy being with her, Garrus. She’s my best friend and you – you are like my brother. I have wanted to see you two together for over two years. It gives me hope for life after this fight is over – reminds me what we’re fighting for.” She tipped her head back up to look at Garrus. “Besides, it also gives me a chance to beat you in kills if you are that distracted by a pretty waist.”

“Just you wait, Tali. Next mission, clean slate. We’ll see who’s slacking off then. And hold on –“ Garrus paused. “Just how do you know about …um, waists?”

He could tell Tali was smiling at him again. “Let’s just say that a couple of years ago, before I knew Shepard was interested in her turian officer, I did a little research of my own. Learned a few things about turian customs and….preferences.”

Garrus was shocked. _Women. I really_ am _a lost cause when it comes to women._ He would never have known that Tali had been interested in him if he hadn’t been told. He definitely had no idea she was interested enough that she had done “a little research.” He cleared his throat and shifted nervously.

“I see,” he said quietly, not sure how to respond.

“Which makes me wonder…” Tali said, a playful tone to her voice. “Just how serious _is_ this relationship you appear to be having with my best friend? It doesn’t seem she has any family to speak for her, and I doubt she knows much about turian marriage – wait, what do you call it?”

“Partnership,” Garrus said, slightly gritting his teeth. He wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with this conversation.

“Ah yes, turian partnerships. I will admit that I like what you turians call it. Partnership – much more equal sounding than ‘marriage’ or the salarians’ ‘reproductive contract.’ So…how’s all that going? As Shepard’s surrogate family, I believe I have a right to know of your intentions,” Tali giggled lightly. “Because if I know anything about Garrus Vakarian, he doesn’t commit to something unless he intends to commit to it fully.”

Garrus took a moment to take stock of the situation. He hadn’t told Shepard anything about what Tali was trying to discuss with him. Truthfully, Shepard hadn’t asked, but then again, she wouldn’t know what to ask. If Garrus was honest with himself, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about his dilemma. It had been bothering him ever since he had received his father’s message, and if there was anyone that Garrus trusted in this matter, it was Tali.

Apparently, he had been silent longer than intended, because Tali spoke again. “So, it’s gone over that well with your family, has it?” Garrus cleared his head to reply.

“Is this really the time to discuss this?” he asked. “We’re in the middle of a mission right now…”

“Maybe not. But if the last two years have taught me anything, it’s to not waste time with the people you care about. We could all die tomorrow. Besides,” Tali motioned back to Shepard behind the glass. “We’re just waiting for Shepard to be done talking to the doctor. So tell me, Garrus, what did your family say?”

“Actually,” Garrus said quietly. “They approve.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised,” Tali nodded. “Shepard is amazing, even if she is human. Quite a catch, regardless of the species.” But she didn’t stop there. “So have you told her that?” she asked, gesturing to Shepard again.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Bullshit. It _is_ that simple.”

Garrus stared Tali down. “If you _really_ did your research,” he replied slowly, “then I’m sure you know that it’s quite complicated.”

“Actually, Garrus, it’s not complicated at all. It’s idiotic and primitive, but it’s not complicated.”

“Primitive?” He raised his eyebrows at his friend, slightly perturbed.

“Yes, primitive. For all the accolades and advances that the turian race claims, it can’t seem to get beyond its primitive _and_ idiotic meritocracy procedures. If the quarians followed your culture’s sort of dogma, we would never have any children.” “I’m not sure that the Quarian Fleet is one to judge the Turian Hierarchy on their legal procedures.”

“Maybe not,” Tali said, completely facing him now. “But at least my government doesn’t get in the way of me marrying the person I love, regardless of race.”

Garrus nearly jumped when he heard Shepard’s voice as she exited the station. “This day just gets better and better,” she said sarcastically as she approached her team. “Let’s move out. I’ll explain as we go.”

Garrus nodded as he and Tali followed the commander.

“Don’t think that this lets you off the hook, Garrus,” Tali whispered as they headed for the Hammerhead. “We’ll just have to continue this discussion later.”

Silently hoping that Tali would let it go, Garrus nodded and fell in step behind Shepard.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Liara didn’t call her a traitor.

That single thought had put a smile on Shepard’s face. After cleaning up Project Overlord, they had made the jump to Illium - to Liara. She was so relieved when Liara had hugged her, she thought she might burst, but all she did was offer to help Liara with her work. She desperately wanted another friend on board the _Normandy_ , but she understood if Liara couldn’t come. She wouldn’t pressure her friends to join her. In the end, she was simply glad that she could still _call_ Liara a friend.

 _Garrus is right. They’re not all like Kaidan._ The thought had given Shepard a new outlook on the mission. People believed in her and the work she was doing – not everyone who knew her looked at her as a traitor, the way Kaidan saw her now. That small bit of information was surprisingly assuring in the face of impossible odds.

She should have known better than to think that feeling would last.

“ _Captain Hannah Shepherd has apparently turned down an admiral star and will remain in command of the Orizaba.”_

Shepard stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at the galactic news screen to her right. She had vaguely been listening Tali and Garrus’s debate behind her – something about a mod that Tali wanted from one of the kiosks they had passed. But now, she was completely still and stared as the news bit continued.

“ _The captain deemed her promotion to admiral a political ploy and said that she could best honor her child’s legacy by captaining a ship._ ”

Honor her child’s legacy.

Shepard continued to stare as the news story changed. She was frozen – unable to move. Her hands were slightly shaking and her knees felt like they would buckle underneath her. Just when she thought she might literally collapse on the ground, she felt Garrus’ strong arm grip hers, holding her up.

“Shepard,” he whispered in her ear, his breath tickling her neck slightly. “Everything alright?”

She didn’t reply right away. It took her a few moments to find her voice.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, leaning into Garrus’ grip slightly. “I just – I think we should call it a day. We can help Liara more in the morning, after a good night’s rest.”

Garrus released her arm as she turned to look up at him. The concern was evident on his face. Tali’s posture demonstrated a similar emotion.

“Really, I’m fine. It’s just been a long couple of days. Why don’t we head back to the ship and get an early start on all of this in the morning?”

“Of course, Shepard,” Tali nodded.

Releasing a long breath, Shepard began the trek back to the _Normandy_. But she couldn’t get the words out of her head.

_Honor her child’s legacy. Honor her child’s legacy. Honor her child’s legacy._

**********************

“Shepard. This is a pleasant surprise.” Captain Anderson’s face beamed at her from the screen over her desk.

“It’s good to see your face, too, sir,” she said. A shower had helped Shepard clear her head a little when she arrived back on the ship, but the words of the news clip continued to haunt her. Anderson was one of the few people she felt comfortable contacting about what she had heard – with the added bonus that he knew Hannah Shepard personally. Dressing in a simple T-Shirt and slacks, she had sat in front of her personal terminal immediately after exiting the bathroom and placed a call to the Captain. But as his face loomed over her, smiling down at her, she was beginning to regret her decision. _Too late now_ …

“So what can I do for you, Shepard?” The Captain crossed his arms behind his back as he often did. Shepard smiled briefly at the familiar posture before her. She missed the Alliance. She missed being a marine. But she might miss Captain Anderson more than anything else.

“I, um….need some information….sir.” The Captain’s face turned serious.

“You know I can’t give you classified information.”

“This isn’t classified,” she replied, perhaps a little too quickly. She didn’t mean to sound like she was frustrated with Anderson. He was the last person she was upset with.

“Then what type of information do you need?”

“My mother,” Shepard blurted, looking down from the screen, avoiding Anderson’s piercing stare. “Where is my mother? That’s not classified, is it?”

“No, your mother’s current assignment is not classified. She is currently Captain of the SSV Orizaba. She has been deployed almost non-stop since your….disappearance.” Shepard looked back up at the face in front of her.

“That’s quite a promotion from her last position, isn’t it?” Shepard asked, fiddling with the hem of her shirt below the Captain’s view.

“Yes, it is, but it’s not half the promotion she turned down.”

Her breath was coming quicker now. Part of her had wondered if it was really true. Had her  mother really turned down a promotion to admiral, because she thought it would honor her daughter? The daughter she hadn’t spoken to in nearly nine years? It was almost beyond belief. Shepard had thought her mother hated her for almost a decade – the news report just had to be wrong. But now Anderson seemed to confirm what she thought was bad reporting, a speculative rumor, or something that made more sense than her mother actually _caring_ about her, and in her own way, mourning her death.

“So, it’s true then,” she finally said, quietly.

“What’s true?” Anderson asked.

“My mother turned down a promotion for Admiral to captain a ship?”

“Yes, Shepard. She did.”

“Why did she do it, sir?”

“It seems you already know something about this,” Anderson said, raising an eyebrow at her. “You must have heard why she did it.”

“I heard it on a goddamn news reel, Anderson!” She didn’t mean to shout, but it was getting harder and harder to control her voice.

“I see,” Anderson replied patiently. He was always so patient with her. Just like Dad had been. “Shepard, I know you and your mother don’t get along. Hell, for almost as long as I’ve known you, you haven’t spoken to her. But she was really broken up when you died.”

Shepard laughed at that. She couldn’t help it. None of this sounded real. That wasn’t her mother. Her mother wouldn’t have blinked an eye if she died.  When she died…

“It’s true, Shepard. I tried not to bring her up to you, but your mother is a friend of mine. She’s an amazing soldier, but she also cares for you. She took the hit pretty hard when news about Alchera made it through the ranks.”

Shepard was silent. She didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know what to think or feel.

“Does she know I’m alive?” she asked.

“I’m sure she’s heard rumors, but the Alliance has not released an official statement about your…reappearance. I would guess she figured any rumors she heard were just that. Rumors.” Anderson was being very diplomatic – trying not to take sides. Shepard sighed. This feud wasn’t his fault. But he _was_ friends with her mother and he _was_ someone she trusted herself.

“Do you think she would be happy to hear I’m alive?”

“I’m really not sure how you expect me to respond to that, Shepard. She’s your mother. I have no reason to doubt she would be happy you are alive.”

 _You have no idea_ , she thought.

“Then would you tell her, officially, that I am alive?”

She wasn’t sure why she was doing this. She wasn’t sure what the point was. But something about the news clip made her think maybe things were not what she thought they were.

“I can do that, Shepard. Is that all?” Anderson looked more relaxed now.

“Yeah, that’s it. We’re taking care of some business out here, but we’ll be back on the Citadel soon,” she said, trying to regain a business-like posture. “It would be nice to see you.”

“I look forward to it. And I look forward to seeing you again, Officer Vakarian. I’m glad to see you’re a man of your word.”

The hair stood up on the back of Shepard’s neck as she spun around in her chair to see Garrus nonchalantly leaning against the wall by the door. He nodded at the screen and said, “Of course, sir.”

“Anderson out.” The screen went black, but Shepard wasn’t looking at the screen. She was on her feet now, standing in front of Garrus.

“What the hell, Garrus? How long were you standing there?”

“Long enough,” he replied, his voice low. “I came up to see if you were ok. You were just getting out of the shower. You didn’t even notice me, just sat down and called up Anderson.”

“You could have at least told me you were there,” she said, a little annoyed, but she knew it wouldn’t last long.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie.”

“And what the hell did he mean about you being ‘a man of your word.’?”

Garrus’ mandibles pulled a little tighter to his face, but he replied with a low voice, “He made me promise to take good care of you.”

Nope. The annoyance didn’t last long at all. That voice was irresistible. She couldn’t be too mad at him – after all, she had given him clearance to her cabin. It was her own fault she didn’t notice him.

And the way her favorite turian said that he had promised the one father figure she had left in her life that he would take care of her – well that was just damn sexy. Before he could say anything else, Shepard had wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her face inside his cowl.

“My mom…” she mumbled into the softer skin of Garrus’ neck.

“I heard,” he said. “You want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it. Even remembering what she had just asked Anderson to do – to tell her mother she was alive – made her stomach do flips.

“Well, then,” he continued, pulling back to look at her and running his talons through her hair as he spoke in soothing tones. “Want to join Tali, Kasumi, and me for a game of Skyllian Five? Tali and Kasumi have hit it off surprisingly well, and a relaxing evening could get your mind off things for a bit. Then we can get back to business in the morning.”

Shepard smiled. _Spirits, you are perfect_ , she thought. _You always know just what I need_ …

“Actually, that sounds really great. Except you know Kasumi cheats.”

“Yes, but Tali doesn’t know that,” Garrus smirked. He smiled at her and linked his fingers through her own as they headed for the elevator.


	21. Almost More Than We Could Bear

Garrus respected the newest addition to their team. He had been impressed with the assassin's sniping ability before they even met. The clean headshots with minimal collateral damage throughout the Dantius Towers was more than impressive - it was downright virtuosic. 

However, respect did not necessarily transfer to friendship or even comfort with Thane Krios’s presence. In fact, over the course of the past day, Garrus was slightly on edge around the assassin. Mostly because of the way he interacted with Shepard.

 

" _I spent the last two years here,”_   _Thane had said, overlooking the open terrace on Illium. “I had a purpose, a goal. Now that I've accomplished it, something occurs to me. In all that time, I never took the opportunity to look at the horizon.”_

_Garrus had stood behind Shepard, as he always did. Thane followed suit to his left, but as Garrus looked out the corner of his eye, he saw Thane’s gaze shift to the back of Shepard’s head as her hair flitted lightly in the breeze. “It is… spectacular."_

 

Garrus did smile a little, recalling that Shepard had been too oblivious to notice the assassin carefully watching her then and throughout their recruitment of the asari justicar, Samara. But his frown quickly faded.  _He_  had noticed, whether Shepard did or not. Garrus willed himself not to be a jealous lover, but he didn’t have to be completely at ease when he saw another man take notice of his girl, did he?

A ping on his omni-tool interrupted his thoughts.

 

_I did what you asked. Put out a few feelers. Actually may have scored a hit. Some guy named Fade may have the information you want. I attached what I found to this message. If you head back to the Citadel to check it out, why don’t you give me a call? For old times’ sake._

_Good luck with whatever you’re doing and be safe._

_T._

 

Garrus eagerly scrolled through the data his contact, Trynix, had sent him. A familiar grin crept over his face.  _Thank you, Trynix. You never did disappoint me – not even now._

Any feelings of jealousy he had a few moments before had dissipated. This was more important than whether Thane Krios’ admiration of Shepard was purely based on her abilities as a soldier or not. Garrus quickly made his way to the elevator to look for Shepard. He barged into her quarters, expecting to ask her for her help immediately, but upon entering, he found her surprisingly absent. Just as quickly, he retreated and headed for the CIC. Shepard wasn’t there either.

Kelly must have noticed the frantic look in his eyes, because she stopped him just as he was about to head back to the Main Battery.

“Officer Vakarian, is there something I can do for you?” she asked sweetly.

“Yes. Could you tell me where Commander Shepard is?” he replied.

“Of course. I believe she went to check in with our two new arrivals – Samara and Thane.”

Garrus clenched his fists.  _Don’t be a jealous asshole_ , he thought. _Shepard checks in with everyone_. He realized he was mostly frustrated because this information was so important to him, and he wanted to talk to Shepard right away. But part of him didn’t care that his feelings were irrational. What Sidonis had done was irrational and Garrus now had the chance to make the traitorous bastard pay. He didn’t want to waste a second.

“Tell her to come see me as soon as she is available,” he said, not waiting for a reply.

**************************

He heard the door slide open behind him and turned around sharply. She had taken longer than he thought she would to come see him, and his frustration had only grown. Not only was it important to tell her about his new information, but why the hell did she need to talk to the drell for so long?

He became more agitated as soon as Shepard plopped on his cot and started to talk, not letting him get a single word out.

“So, it’s been an interesting day, hasn’t it?” she said, smiling up at him, apparently not noticing his hostile demeanor as he crossed his arms to look at her. “Samara is fascinating, and Thane is pretty amazing, don’t you think? I mean, the way he handles a sniper rifle…Even  _you_  said it was impressive.”

Garrus harrumphed and repressed a growl as Shepard, still unaware of his mood, continued with her praise of the assassin. “He had a family, you know. A wife and a son. His wife died and he speaks so reverently of her.” Garrus didn’t need to look at Shepard to hear how her eyes were glazing over as she thought of the assassin mourning his dead wife. His muscles tightened angrily beneath his armor.

“He has this spiritual side. I’ve never known anyone quite like him…He’s dying and doing this mission on the house. Can you believe that? He’s willing to sacrifice what time he might have left to help me – us – on our mission.”

Garrus couldn’t take any more of this.

“We’re all here to help, Shepard,” he said abruptly. “We’ve all taken the same risks. Krios isn’t taking any more of a risk than the rest of us,” he pushed off the worktable behind him and uncrossed his arms, pacing in front of her. “And I highly doubt his training with a rifle would match my own. I’m sure I could show him a thing or two.”

He stopped pacing and tossed Shepard an angry look when he heard her giggle.  _Giggle!_  At a time like this?

“What the hell is so funny?” he asked.

“Why, Garrus Vakarian. It sounds like you might be jealous,” she said, standing up and walking toward him. She placed her hand on his waist, and even through his armor, the warmth made him hiss. “Don’t worry, Big Guy. I only have room for one sniper rifle in my...” She paused and winked at him, “life.” He caught the innuendo, but the gesture did nothing to change his temperament.

_Damn her_ , he thought.  _It’s not fair she knows so much about turian erogenous zones._  He brushed her hand off his waist and grunted under his breath, moving to the other end of the Battery. The look on her face made him feel a slight pang of guilt, but this was not the time for cheap flirtations. He needed to take care of Sidonis, and this conversation was a waste of time.

She wouldn’t be standing in his way if she understood that part of the reason he needed to take care of this so quickly was for her – his betrayal and failure on Omega was one of the things standing between them. He needed some kind of closure, some kind of… _redemption_  for what he had allowed to happen before he felt worthy of the woman who had stopped Saren and come back from the dead to save  _him_  as well.

But he wasn’t ready to tell her that.

“Look, Shepard,” he ran his hand over his eyes and turned back to face her. He had clearly injured her feelings by pushing her away, but he had a more pressing problem. “I’m glad you came by. I’ve got something. I may need your help.”

He shifted his weight and continued. “You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team? I’ve found a lead on him.” She didn’t interrupt him, so he relayed the information Trynix had sent him. Occasionally, Shepard piped in with a question, but other than that, the rest of the conversation was strictly business. She was clearly still hurt from the way he had brushed her off, but he would worry about that later.

Without voicing her own pain, she simply agreed to help him. Sidonis would be top priority once they finished on Illium.

“Thanks, Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to help me.” He turned and headed back to the worktable. He could feel her still standing there, watching him for a moment more, but he didn’t want to talk anymore. He had to pull himself together, make a plan, and prepare to take down the turian who had nearly destroyed him. Sidonis would pay. He and his team would be redeemed. He would have his vengeance, and so would the ten stalwart friends he was unable to save.

And then maybe, just maybe, he would finally feel ready to ask Shepard for something more.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She had only meant to hand over the data to Liara and be done with it, but as Liara spoke about Feron and her dealings with the Shadow Broker, Shepard realized this was not just Liara’s fight, but hers as well. Now she understood why Liara didn’t question Shepard’s motives in allying with Cerberus – Liara had put her there in the first place. But Shepard was grateful. If Liara and her friend Feron hadn’t been involved, she would be dead – or worse, she would have been used by the Collectors.

“You kept me out of the Collectors’ hands. Without you, I couldn’t have come back.” This mission was trying and difficult, but Shepard was still glad to have a second chance – a second chance to stop the Reapers, a second chance to help her friends…a second chance with Garrus. Liara had given her that.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

Liara briefly explained more about Feron and the Shadow Broker, but Shepard could tell her friend was clearly distracted. After Liara suddenly left, agreeing to meet at her apartment later, Shepard turned to Garrus and Tali behind her.

“So…” she said, looking from Garrus’s face to Tali’s and back to Garrus again. “Any thoughts?”

Tali spoke first. “I’m worried about her. Liara seemed…very agitated by all of this. She didn’t seem like herself.”

Garrus nodded and added, “I think we should go see her sooner rather than later. Besides, if her friend is still alive, who knows how much time we might have to save him.”

Shepard took a minute to study Garrus’s face for any hidden meaning. She had been concerned about him since he told her about his new information on Sidonis. She knew that he wanted to head that direction as soon as possible. And something had seemed off between the two of them as well, but she couldn’t put her finger on it…He had been so curt with her when she came to see him in the Main Battery. That was odd, especially for him…unless something was wrong.

“This may delay us for a bit if we help her now,” Shepard said carefully, watching Garrus’s reaction.

He nodded, seeming to understand what she was trying to say.

“I know, Shepard, but Liara and this Feron person are the reason you are alive and came back to us.” Shepard noticed Garrus’s eyes soften for the first time since he had mentioned Sidonis to her earlier. “And Liara is also our friend. We need to help her first and we need to do so before we run out of time.”

Tali nodded in agreement and Shepard shrugged.

“All right then. Let’s head back to the _Normandy_ , restock quickly, and head to Liara’s as soon as we can.”

************************

This day had been worse than a nightmare. One disaster had happened after another. A friend in trouble. Fear that Liara was dead. A Spectre traitor. And now, Shepard stood face to face with the Shadow Broker, a towering monster of an alien who had just knocked Garrus out with a single throw.

_No! Garrus!_

But Shepard couldn’t let this beast know what Garrus meant to her. Her turian lay there, vulnerable and unconscious on the ground. No, she had to protect him and she had to kill this abomination in front of her.

The fight lasted longer than Shepard would have liked. Her heart pounded and her head ached with a dull throbbing. She was extremely impressed with Liara, however. Her asari friend had definitely changed over the last two years. Shepard wasn’t entirely sure she liked all the changes – Liara was much colder and more calculating than she was two years ago. But she was also resourceful, fast, and her biotic skills were amazingly powerful now, as evidenced by the dramatic explosion Liara caused that eventually took out the brute in front of them.

When it was finally over, Liara helped Shepard stand and their eyes met. Shepard wanted to reach out and hold her friend close. There was something terribly wrong.

_What happened to you, Liara? How can I fix it?_ Liara’s eyes told a story of fear, grief, anger. She looked as if she would say something, but just as her mouth opened, both of them turned to see Garrus pulling himself up off the ground.

Shepard ran to him quickly and crouched next to him.

“Garrus!” she said, relieved. “How ya feelin’, Big Guy?” She smiled at him, trying to see if he was ok.

“Ohhh…” he groaned, grabbing his head with one of his hands. “Let’s just say I’ve had less painful hangovers after a night of ryncol with Wrex.” She laughed a little and helped her turian onto his feet. He leaned into her gratefully as he regained his footing.

“How’s Liara?” Garrus asked, nodding in the asari’s direction.

“I don’t know, Garrus,” she looked over at her friend. “She’s…changed somehow. She’s harder. Fiercer. Stronger, but at the same time….” Shepard turned back to look at Garrus. “At the same time, it feels like she might just topple over if the wind blows too hard.”

Garrus’s piercing blue eyes met hers with a look she couldn’t read. It was one of his uncomfortable looks – the kind he gave her when she knew he was hiding something. His next words didn’t make her feel any better.

“I think I know how she feels,” he said. Then his voice turned so soft, Shepard almost couldn’t hear him. “The last two years changed all of us who were close to you, Shepard. The loss was almost more than we could bear.”

Without thinking, she reached for his hand and gripped it with her own. He weakly returned her grip, but both of them snapped to look at Liara as they heard her speak.

“This is the Shadow Broker. The situation is under control.”

_What the hell, Liara…What are you doing?_

She walked over to the console, regretting the loss of Garrus’s hand as she moved away from him. She stood in stunned silence as Liara continued to speak as though she were the Shadow Broker. A noise to her left made her turn – Feron came barging through the door, gun drawn. _Well, at least one good thing happened on this nightmare of a day_ , she thought. _We actually saved someone._

When Liara finally turned around, Shepard asked, “Is taking over as the new Shadow Broker really a good idea?”

As Liara spoke, Shepard could see tears welling up in her friend’s eyes. She turned to Garrus and nodded toward the door. Garrus understood her perfectly, nodded in return, and headed out the corridor with Feron.

When the door slid closed behind them, Liara finally let the tears fall. Shepard’s heart ached for her friend, but there was nothing she could do. All she could offer was her continued friendship and hope that her support helped Liara with whatever pain she was carrying.

It seemed to help. Liara stopped crying and appeared to take some comfort in Shepard’s reassuring words, but the time grew late.

“Liara, I need to get back to the _Normandy_ and check on Garrus. Are you sure you will be alright here?”

“Yes, Shepard. Of course. As I said earlier, it feels almost as if I belong here. I can use all this information to help you. To stop the Reapers,” Liara said eagerly. But her face dramatically changed a second later. “But if you could come by again soon, I’m sure it would be nice to see a friendly face again.”

Shepard nodded. “It’s been a long day. I’m just going to make sure Garrus is ok and get some rest. I’ll check in with you in the morning before we ship out. Sound good?”

Liara’s face brightened and her smile twisted the tear stains on her cheeks. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you, Shepard.”

Shepard took one last look before she left the Shadow Broker’s lair to see the asari bent over the console, reading feverishly and smiling.


	22. She Is His

Garrus groaned inwardly as the door of the Battery slid open and he stepped into the light of the corridor. The mess was not empty as he had hoped. Thane Krios was sitting at a table by himself with a mug of something in front of him and a tray of food. Garrus had hoped to eat alone tonight, purposely waiting until the humans’ day shift was over, but apparently, he hadn’t waited long enough.

He could eat later, but Garrus was starving. He had spent the day alone in the Main Battery, waiting for Shepard to explain why they weren’t headed for the Citadel yet, reading the information Trynix had sent him over and over until he had it memorized. Shepard had checked in with him as soon as she had left Liara on the Shadow Broker’s ship the day before. Chakwas had patched him up and made sure there were no serious internal injuries from being knocked out. Once he had been cleared, he had retreated to the Battery and Shepard had not followed. Part of him wanted to talk to her, but part of him needed his space. She would cloud his judgment and his focus if she were around him. Right now, he needed to concentrate on Sidonis and make sure he was ready to take the traitor down.

“Ah, Officer Vakarian,” Garrus cringed as he heard Thane’s greeting and reached in the cupboard for some food to warm up. “I am happy for some company if you care to join me at this hour.”

He reached in the cupboard for a mug and some food he could quickly warm up. Finding what he wanted, he turned to face the drell and replied, “Of course.” He tapped his finger rapidly on the counter while he waited the few minutes it took to quickly heat up the prepared dextro plate of mush Gardner had left for him. It was disgusting, but it was food.

Thane spoke as soon as Garrus sat down across from him. “I am grateful for this opportunity to meet with you,” he began. “Commander Shepard said that you have some spare mods that I might be able to use on my rifle.”

Garrus resisted the urge to clench his fists. So Shepard was volunteering his stash of equipment to the drell, was she? He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. But out loud, he simply said, “Of course. Come by anytime and you can take your pick. I have my rifle modded the way I like it right now. Anything in the pile is something I don’t need at the moment.”

“Thank you,” Thane inclined his head briefly. “That is kind of you.”

Garrus took a bite of his food, but was soon uncomfortable with the silence. The drell was just watching him – observing him, studying him as if he were one of his targets.

“So, how are you adjusting to the _Normandy_?” Garrus asked.

Thane briefly smiled and said, “Very well, I think. Life Support is a quiet area and I am able to perform my meditations there in peace. I appreciate that Commander Shepard let me have that spot to myself. I know not every member of the crew gets their own space.”

Garrus involuntarily grunted as he took a bite of his food. Shepard hadn’t given _him_ a space. Garrus had simply taken one. He shoved the jealous feelings back down and told himself that it meant nothing. He knew that if he had asked for a space, she would have given him one as well.

“Are the crewmembers treating you well?” Garrus continued with the small talk as he took another bite.

“I am not sure how to answer that,” Thane said, cocking his head slightly to the side. “I haven’t had much time to interact with the crew as I have only been aboard for a few short days.”

“Very true,” Garrus nodded. “Well, if anyone does give you trouble, just let Shepard know and she will take care of it.”

“Should I anticipate trouble?” Thane looked slightly concerned. Garrus shook his head.

“No. The crew has always been very generous to me. I’m sure they will show you the same courtesy.”

Thane’s face softened and he nodded. “That is good to know. However, you are very close to the Commander. Perhaps the crew will not be as accepting of me.”

Garrus looked up from his food to study the assassin. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“It is clear that you and the Commander are good friends. She trusts you unequivocally,” Thane explained. “The crew may show you a certain amount of… esteem because of that close friendship. I do not have that advantage and being a drell on a Cerberus ship will not automatically engender the respect of the crew.”

“And how do you know all this? As you said, you’ve only been on this ship a few days.” Garrus hoped his vocal inflection did not evidence his annoyance.

“You are correct. I have not had much time to watch the two of you interact,” Thane nodded. “But she speaks very highly of you.”

Garrus put his food down abruptly and looked up at the drell across from him. “When has she spoken of –“

But he was cut off as Thane’s eyes darkened and he seemed to be staring at something that Garrus couldn’t see. His voice changed dramatically and the drell spoke as if in a trance.

“ _She comes to visit me again. I smile and take in her light colored hair falling softly around her face. Bright green eyes like the sea in a storm. She asks if I need anything. I tell her I could use some new equipment. Teeth flash white as she mentions the turian. Her eyes glaze as she tells me to speak with him. My heart sinks within my chest. She is his. I will remain alone.”_

Garrus sat speechless, his food turning cold as Thane returned to himself and met the stare of the person across from him. He had heard that the drell had perfect memory, but Garrus had never experienced this kind of thing first hand. The whole situation was mildly disturbing. Garrus felt like an intruder into Thane’s mind and simultaneously embarrassed that he had doubted his Lizzie for even a second. He should have known better than to think she would leave him for Thane. But he was also surprised at how easily others picked up on Shepard’s feelings for him. He silently cursed himself again for being so awkward with women, but overall, he was relieved. He had enough on his plate – Sidonis, the Collectors, the Reapers. Possibly losing the woman he loved to someone he had to work with was something he now knew he need not fear.

It was Thane who eventually broke the silence. “As I said, she speaks very highly of you, Officer Vakarian. Your… _friendship_ …is clear to anyone who is watching. And I hope this will not hinder your ability to work with me. I assure you, I will not attempt to interfere with your relationship. However, I will admit,” Thane’s face turned more serious and he leaned in to Garrus, lowering his voice. “I envy you. Commander Shepard is…a remarkable and talented woman who has seen and done much. It would be an honor to be at her side, as you are.”

“Believe me,” Garrus replied, warmth filling his chest. “I know what an honor it is. I am doing what I can to deserve her.”

Thane seemed pleased with that response as he nodded and sat back in his chair. Garrus looked down at the plate in front of him. The mush was tolerable at best when it was hot, but lukewarm or cold, it was not worth trying to shove it down.

“If you will excuse me, it is late and this meal does not seem as …appetizing as it did before.” Garrus stood up with his tray in hand. As he moved to deposit the dish in the sink, he turned back and extended his hand to the assassin. “Thank you for the conversation,” he said. “It has been….enlightening and I look forward to working with you.”

“Likewise,” Thane replied as he too stood up from his seat. “In fact, Shepard has sent me a report and assigned me to help with your personal mission. I look forward to helping you track down this Sidonis.”

Thirty minutes before, Garrus would have been livid with Shepard for asking Thane to help them on the Citadel. But after their conversation, it seemed fitting to have Thane accompany him. The mission called for stealth and Thane was definitely a professional. He also seemed the perfect person to assist without judging.

“I look forward to that as well,” Garrus replied and released the assassin’s hand to head back to the Main Battery.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

“I brought you something,” Liara said as she handed Shepard a rectangular object. “It took some digging, but I recovered your tags.”

Emotion overwhelmed Shepard as she realized what she was holding in her hands. A flood of memories came rushing back to her – initiation into basic training, her father’s proud face when she graduated and was promoted time and time again, even her mother’s approval as she moved up the ranks. She was an Alliance brat and she always would be. Earth may not have been the place Shepard grew up and called home, but she was proud to be a human and she had always been proud to serve and represent humanity as a marine.

She looked up at Liara and said, “I thought I’d never see these again.” She placed the tags on her desk and looked at them longingly. Shepard had given Liara a day to settle in as the new Shadow Broker, but was reluctant to leave her friend alone with her new responsibility so soon. She hadn’t hesitated to invite Liara to take a break and catch up on the _Normandy_ before they left for the Citadel.

And now they were here, in Shepard’s cabin, and Liara had presented her with this strange token of the past. Behind her, Liara continued to explain how she had acquired the tags and something about Admiral Hackett, but Shepard wasn’t really paying attention. As she stared at Liara’s gift on her desk, her heart ached to return to the Alliance. Being a soldier – that had meant something to her. Being the pawn of Cerberus was empty in comparison.

She and Liara talked briefly about the mission. Shepard was relieved to be able to spend some time with Liara. She had missed her friend more than she realized. Liara’s soothing voice and comforting words were just the thing she needed right now. But suddenly, the conversation took a sharp turn.

“So tell me what you want,” Liara said. “What are you fighting for? A chance to give Garrus some peace?”

Shepard was shocked. She hadn’t expected this line of questioning. The mission, the Collectors, the Reapers, even Liara’s new information as Shadow Broker had all been topics Shepard had considered. But Garrus? Not that Shepard minded. Liara knew her better than anyone. She had seen inside Shepard’s mind, shared her emotions, and even shared some of her memories inadvertently. Liara knew all about Garrus, and more importantly, the memories they had shared had given Liara particular insight into the origins of Shepard’s admiration for her turian officer – a memory over a decade old of a young C-Sec officer who had been in just the right place at just the right time.

So Shepard sat on the edge of her bed and thought about that question for a moment. What _was_ she fighting for?

“He’s been hurt, betrayed. He deserves something better,” she said softly and smiled. “I never thought I’d find peace in the arms of a turian, but…”

“Why not?” Liara asked. “Humans seem to have no trouble finding asari attractive.”

Shepard leaned on her knee and smiled at her friend. “Everyone finds asari attractive.” She might have been mistaken, but she thought Liara turned a slightly darker shade of blue for just a second.

“I hope the two of you find some happiness, Shepard. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yes,” Shepard said. “It sure has.”

“You seem…closer than before,” Liara said hesitantly.

“I don’t mind telling you, Liara. I thought things were going really well. Garrus wanted to take things slowly, but I don’t really mind. Rushing into a relationship is not a good idea,” she paused and looked carefully at her friend. “Especially since he still has no idea how deep my feelings really go.”

“Do you ever plan on telling him about – that night?” Liara asked, concern on her face.

“Yes. I do, actually. When the time is right. But something seems…off.” Shepard shrugged and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know what it is, but I get the feeling that something else is keeping Garrus from getting closer to me. Something besides his desire to take things slowly. It might be his history with Sidonis, but I think there’s something more than that. Something he’s not telling me…”

She trailed off and stared at the blue of the fish tank. She barely noticed Liara take a seat next to her on the edge of the bed.

“There may be something –“ Liara’s voice interrupted Shepard’s meditations on the fish. She turned to look at her friend. “How much do you understand about turian culture, Shepard?”

Shepard grunted. “Pretty much nothing. I know their government is some sort of meritocracy, but I don’t know much about how it works.”

Liara smiled. “Well then let me ask you another question. Has it been possible for you to meet Garrus’s family yet?”

Shepard’s brows creased together in confusion. What was Liara getting at?

“Yes, actually. I met them for dinner on the Citadel, not long after we picked him up on Omega.”

Liara’s face spread into a huge smile. Shepard was entirely confused. What was this all about? Turian culture and government, Garrus’s family…Shepard couldn’t put together the pieces.

“Well, then. I would say that Garrus is probably quite serious about you. I am curious, however,” Liara paused and reached for her friend’s hand. “How serious are you about him?”

“I would think you wouldn’t have to ask that Liara. You know how I feel about him. You’ve known it for over two years.”

Liara nodded. “I know, Shepard. I feel these are things Garrus should explain to you himself, but I wouldn’t be concerned. Just give him time.”

Shepard was still puzzled, but she bobbed her head in agreement. “Thanks, Liara. I don’t want to push him, but it has been confusing. One minute, I think he cares for me and the next…he pushes me away.”

“Truly, Shepard,” Liara squeezed Shepard’s hand. “I’ve only seen him with you a few times since you’ve been back, but anyone would be blind if they missed the way he looks at you.”

Shepard felt herself blushing, but Liara didn’t see the color change as she rose from her seat next to Shepard.

“I should get back to my base,” she said, turning around slowly. “But thanks for inviting me up, Shepard.”

Shepard stood up and embraced her friend warmly, silently wishing that Liara didn’t have to go. She watched her friend leave, but resumed her seat on the bed, surprisingly exhausted.

“Come back soon,” she whispered to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to stray just a bit from the timing of the canon for part of Liara's conversation. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I welcome feedback! :)


	23. She Blocked My Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I take some canon conversations, throw them in a blender, and hit "puree."
> 
> Also, long chapter is long, but there is happy fluff cake at the end for those of you who make it.

Garrus tipped his head back and cringed as the burning liquid traced down his throat and into his stomach. Ryncol. Strong stuff, but just what he needed right now.

He wasn’t sure what to make of the feelings coursing through him. His heart went from hurt and betrayal to understanding and love so fast his head was spinning. If it had been anyone else who had stood between him and Sidonis, Garrus wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. But it hadn’t been just anyone who had blocked his shot. It had been her – Elizabeth Shepard, the human who had somehow worked her way into his heart and turned him soft.

Garrus slammed down his empty glass at the thought and the bartender quickly poured him another drink. He didn’t know whether to be angry with her or grateful. When it had happened, he was so livid, he didn’t even know what to do with his rage. He struggled not to take it out on her. She hadn’t pushed him, didn’t force him to talk to her, just as he had asked her not to. She had simply let him go.

He knew she had other business to attend to on the Citadel. They would be here for a few days at least, so Garrus had retreated to a dark corner of Flux and proceeded to drown his feelings with alcohol. He had a menacing presence, enough to keep his corner of the bar fairly empty for the last hour, but suddenly, he felt someone take a seat next to him. He turned to give the intruder an intimidating look and scare whoever it was away, but his eyes widened and he nearly fell off his barstool when he saw who it was sitting beside him.

“Well hello, Garrus,” the female turian said, motioning for the bartender to get her a drink. “It’s been a long time.” She smiled at him as she sipped from the beverage the bartender brought her. It took Garrus a moment to find his voice.

“Trynix,” was all he managed to croak. She laughed at him, and her voice sent Garrus back years.

“You don’t sound happy to see me,” she continued, her throaty laughter underlying her words. “I would think you could at least be grateful for the information I passed on. Although, judging by your presence here in the bar, I’m guessing whatever you were hoping for didn’t pan out the way you wanted.”

Garrus grunted and turned back to his drink. “That’s an understatement.” Trynix’s expression changed as she considered him carefully. Garrus couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed under her penetrating gaze. He was older now. More experienced in the ways of the galaxy, but clearly, so was she. And his once handsome face was horribly scarred, half covered by bandages. He had always been considered a well-built and attractive turian – long fringe, broad cowl, thin and sturdy waist, the proud markings of Palaven gracing his face. Trynix had known him as such, but now…

“Looks like you’ve seen better days, Garrus,” Trynix said quietly. Garrus looked up to meet her eyes.

“That’s also an understatement, Trynix,” he replied, sipping from his drink. “And it looks like the opposite is true for you. Done well for yourself, I see.” He didn’t miss the smile that his flattery brought to her face.

She laughed and replied, “Well, working as an information broker has its perks. So tell me about you, Garrus. What have you been up to? I know you helped take down Saren – everyone knows that. Spirits, you’re a damn celebrity, but until you contacted me for help with your mission, no one knew where you were. I even contacted your family. You just….disappeared.”

Garrus studied the figure next to him. They had been close once – so close that she was the only other person Garrus had ever taken to meet his family. Things just…hadn’t worked out. Garrus’s life went one way, Trynix’s another and they would never have made it as a couple. But he had cared for her, very much, and if she had contacted his family looking for him, she must have truly cared for him too…

“Oh, you know me. I was always a sucker for a lost cause.” He flashed his ex-girlfriend a smile and returned his attention to the drink in his hand. But Trynix didn’t laugh. She kept watching him, studying him. Garrus was uncomfortable, so he said, “How’d you know I was here anyway?”

“Well, I knew you were going to be on the Citadel at some point,” she explained. “Had my contacts keep an eye out for your name. I was busy all day, but thought I’d try to find you this evening. Can’t say I’m surprised to find you here. This was our old haunt, remember?”

He remembered. He remembered very well – nights with Trynix and his friends when he was a young C-Sec Officer. He would finally be off duty, they would head out to the bar, have some drinks, make fun of the humans or asari dancing on the floor. Then he and Trynix would head back to his apartment and –

“Yeah,” Garrus downed the last of his drink, pushing the memories back. “I remember.”

“We had some good times here,” Trynix chuckled as she continued. “Remember that one time we were here and a crazy human threw another guy up against the glass with her biotics? What was his name? You said he was a creep –“

“Josiah,” Garrus grumbled. What an odd memory for her to bring up right now. Remembering that night made him feel more himself. He remembered watching the little blonde human sit not far from where he sat now. He remembered how impressive that biotic display had been. He remembered how pale and tragic the girl had looked standing in her underwear in the docking bay. And even though he knew they were completely different, the other human made him remember Shepard. But remembering Shepard forced him to think about Sidonis and he growled under his breath.

“That’s right. Josiah. You got all flustered, wanted to help that human girl when you saw him follow her out of the bar. You always had to be the hero.” She laughed again, her laughter transporting him back to that time – a time that felt so long ago.

But suddenly, Trynix’s voice became lower and she leaned toward Garrus. “You know, we had some good times other places too. You ever wonder if we could go back? Have a second chance?” Garrus knew exactly what Trynix was implying and he shifted nervously in his seat. This was not a good time for this. He was not himself. His heart and his head were not speaking to each other – his emotions all a jumble of confusion.

“I never forgot you, Garrus.” Trynix placed her hand over one of his, gripping it lightly through his glove. “We could get out of here. I’ve done well for myself since the last time you saw me – why don’t you come up and see for yourself?”

Garrus turned to look at the turian next to him. Trynix was beautiful. She was everything a turian female should be. Sharp gray eyes, tiny waist, perfectly shaped hips. He had loved her once. But as he looked into the eyes of the turian he had loved so long ago, all he could think of was a pair of green eyes – foreign, human, green eyes that lit up when they saw him. Eyes he had longed to see for two years and now they were back and he could see them every day.

But not if he screwed up now. He was still mad at Shepard and hurt by her sudden betrayal, but deep down, he knew she was right. She was always right, and even when she doubted herself as she had after Aratoht, she still did the right thing. She had stopped Garrus before he made a terrible mistake, just like she had with Dr. Saleon years ago. Shepard was always looking out for him, and as he looked into the gray turian eyes in front of him, he realized just how right she was and how much he loved her. She knew him better than he knew himself, apparently. It must have been extremely difficult for her to stand in the way of his shot, and in that moment, he knew that that was the exact reason why he would send Trynix away and return to be with the human waiting for him on the _Normandy_.

“I’m sorry, Trynix,” he said, pulling his hand away. “I can’t.”

He watched as hurt and anger flashed in Trynix’s stormy eyes, but he remained stalwart in his decision. He wouldn’t let one bad day and a large amount of ryncol ruin what chance he had with the woman he loved more than he had loved anyone before.

“I see,” Trynix said slowly, standing up from her stool. “Well, it was good to see you, Garrus. Good luck with…whatever it is you’re doing.”

And with that, she was gone.

Only moments later, he felt, more than he saw, another presence next to him.

“How long were you watching?” Garrus asked as he took a sip from the new drink the bartender had brought him after Trynix’s departure.

“Long enough,” came the quiet reply from the drell next to him.

“So, you’re spying on me now?” Garrus asked. “Waiting for me to slip up so you can pounce?” Garrus regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“Not at all,” Thane’s response was cool and collected. “On the contrary, I was concerned for you. You seemed very…distraught when you left.”

Garrus just grunted in reply.

“I would like to share a small piece of knowledge that might help you.”

Garrus wasn’t sure he wanted any of Thane’s _knowledge_. Just one more thing the drell had over him. After their conversation in the mess, they could be civil, but Garrus wasn’t sure they were friends yet.

“Oh yeah? And just what is that?” Garrus downed the remainder of the drink in his hand.

“I wanted to tell you how I met my wife,” Thane replied. Garrus turned to look at the person next to him. What an odd choice for conversation. _How he met his wife_?

Garrus motioned for Thane to continue. “By all means,” he said. “Enlighten me on the nuances of drell courtship.” He knew he was being harsher than he meant to be. _I’ll blame the ryncol_ , he thought and turned back to stare at his empty glass.

“I met her on an assignment,” the drell began slowly. “She blocked my shot. She…woke me…from my sleep. I was always grateful to her for doing so. In fact, I loved her for it.”

Garrus didn’t have to think hard to connect the dots and realize why Thane had decided to tell him this story. But just as Garrus thought of something to say in reply, he turned to find the drell’s stool empty.

While turned in that direction, Garrus took a second to look over the bar. The usual crowd was there – humans, turians, asari, a few volus. He thought back to the night Trynix had mentioned earlier and stared at the exact barstool where the little blonde human had sat so long ago. Even with all the alcohol he had consumed, a part of him remembered how it had felt to do something good. That had been his drive all his life – to do good, to help people, to right wrongs. It had been the reason he followed that human out of the bar and stopped Josiah from violating her. It had been the reason he followed Shepard years later and tracked down Saren. It had been the reason he had formed a team on Omega. And it was the reason he followed Shepard again now.

But there was so much more to it. Life was more complicated than it was back then. Age and experience…and love…had changed him.

He loved Shepard for so many reasons, but maybe most of all because she had the same drive he did. She wanted to do good and protect people. She traveled all over the galaxy righting wrongs and helping those in need. She helped _him_ when he didn’t even know he needed help.

Garrus stood up and paid his tab. _It’s time to tell her_ , he thought as he strode past the sliding doors of Flux.

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<< 

Shepard had left Garrus alone for a couple of days. He hadn’t been as angry as she thought he might be, but he clearly had needed some space. She went back and forth in her mind, one moment thinking she did the right thing and the next doubting whether she should have stopped Garrus from killing the traitor he had worked so hard to track down. In the end, she still felt it was the right decision to intervene – she just hoped Garrus could forgive her for it.

They were ready to ship off to Tuchanka. She had given the crew a little leave after helping Garrus and Thane, and she wanted to see Wrex. Grunt and Mordin had business on the krogan homeworld as well, so they would accomplish much on this next mission. But she needed Garrus on her ground team. She wasn’t sure exactly what they would encounter on Tuchanka, and she needed her turian at her six.

The door to the Main Battery swung open and she took a deep breath, plunging into the strange red light, heart fluttering as Garrus turned around to greet her.

“Shepard. Need me for something?” he asked.

_Damn it, Garrus. If you say anything about calibrations…_

“Have you got a minute?”

“Sure. Just killing time, anyway.”

That was not the response she expected. Garrus seemed oddly chipper, especially after what had happened with Sidonis.

“I wanted to thank you again for your help with Sidonis,” he continued. Shepard was stunned. She had expected anger, frustration, a brush off maybe. Not this. Not kindness. Not forgiveness. Not understanding. She wasn’t complaining, but this was weird…

Garrus was still talking. Something about the Collectors or Reapers, but Shepard was so confused, she wasn’t hearing much of anything. So all she managed to get out was a relieved, “I couldn’t do this without you, Garrus.”

And she meant it. She couldn’t. She breathed a sigh as she began to realize that Garrus wasn’t mad at her anymore and perhaps they could pick up right where they left off…

“Sure you could,” he replied with a smile. “Not as stylishly, of course.”

She laughed and shook her head, finding a seat on the cot in the corner.

“It’s strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship,” Garrus continued. “Your people don’t prepare for high risk operations the way turians do.”

“I thought you’d be used to high risk operations on human ships. I mean, think about tracking Saren to Ilos,” she said.

“Sure, but that was quick. We raced out, landed, blew up some geth, and saved the galaxy. This time we’ve got Miranda and Cerberus and that AI all telling us what we’re up against. I think I preferred blind optimism.”

Shepard wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but she took the bait. “How do turian crews get ready for high risk missions?”

Garrus proceeded to explain turian preparations – exercise and full-combat sparring. Although the idea of soldiers sparring with each other and potentially injuring themselves before a mission came off as strange to her, Shepard could understand the need to blow off steam before a stressful assignment. But then Garrus’ story took a bizarre turn as he spoke about an old rivalry with a recon scout.

“It was brutal,” he began. “After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room.” Shepard didn’t miss that Garrus was avoiding looking at her as he continued. “We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”

_What_? Shepard’s heart sank. Was this Garrus’s twisted way of telling her he wasn’t interested anymore, by telling her a story about an ex-lover? Someone he had _actually_ taken to bed when he would barely touch her. Teasing her, taunting her…it seemed cruel. It didn’t seem like the Garrus she knew, but then again, the Garrus she knew wouldn’t have wanted to kill Sidonis in the first place.

She shook her head, unsure of what to say. Maybe she didn’t really know Garrus at all.

“Look, Garrus,” she stood up slowly, wiping her sweaty palms on her legs. “If you didn’t want me anymore, all you had to do was say so.” She couldn’t meet his eyes although she could feel him watching her. “You didn’t have to go out of your way to hurt me. I’m sorry about Sidonis, but I had to stop you. You’re better than that. I couldn’t let you stoop to that level. I care about you too much, but I understand if that was it for you. I should go.”

She turned for the door, but felt Garrus grab her arm almost before she took a step.

“What!? No, Shepard. What are you talking about?” She gazed up at Garrus’s face and saw an honest look of confusion. “I meant what I said about Sidonis. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what happened, and you were right. Eventually, I would have regretted killing him.”

_This makes no sense_ , she thought as she turned to face him, his hand not leaving her arm as she did so.

“Then why the hell are you telling me about some girl you fucked? Because all that does is make me jealous. Damn it, Garrus, I’ve been waiting patiently for you to figure out what is going on. How much longer do I have to wait? Do you want me or not?” She was breathing hard. Her heart was beating fast in her chest. Her feelings were all over the place – confusion, hurt, jealousy. But Garrus looked just as baffled as she felt.

“Spirits, Lizzie,” she softened a little as Garrus said her name, his arm raised to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean – I wanted to – Fuck! It was supposed to be a come on, damn it!”

Her breath still burning in her lungs, her heart threatening to burst out of her chest, Shepard stared into the blue eyes of Garrus Vakarian for several seconds.

Then suddenly, she burst out laughing. She laughed and laughed and laughed until tears welled up in the corners of her eyes and she doubled over in pain from laughing so hard. Garrus just stared at her.

“I don’t see what’s so funny,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

“Oh, Garrus,” she said. “You are…you are so damn cute when you try to be seductive. I’m sorry…” she keeled over in laughter again and realized, she wasn’t just laughing at the situation, she was laughing because she was relieved. She tried to explain that to Garrus as well.

“And I was so worried. So worried you hated me,” she breathed between bouts of giggling. “I’m just so relieved you don’t hate me.” She finally gathered herself together enough to notice Garrus was smiling at her again.

“I have always been bad with women,” he said as he pulled her toward him and wrapped both his strong arms around her shoulders, placing a kiss lightly on the top of her head.

“You can say that again,” she sighed into his chest with a smile, but pulled back as she said, “You know, you don’t have to try so hard. That was supposed to be flirting, huh?”

He grunted under his breath.

“Well, if that was flirting,” she said, “and if I had picked up on it, I would have said something like this.”

She stepped back from him and gave him her best smolder. “It sounds like you’re carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it.”

Garrus’s face reflected confusion at first, but then he seemed to take the hint and played along.

“I, ah, didn’t think you’d feel like sparring, Commander,” he said matter-of-factly.

She shook her head at him and said, “What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach…and my flexibility.” She leaned her back against his worktable, displacing Garrus, but she recognized the look of desire in his eyes. He quickly replaced it with faux shock and embarrassment.

“Oh, I didn’t…Huh. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.” He winked as she smiled at his pretend awkwardness. “Well, why the hell not? There’s nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. If we can figure out a way to make it work, then…yeah. Definitely.”

She sauntered over to him and whispered, “This is the part where I would make some sort of dramatic exit.”

He mirrored her movements and leaned in closer. “So, if you stay, does that mean we’re done acting? I’m not really very good at this.”

To answer him, she grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back into the Main Battery, letting the doors slide shut next to them. “Oh, I’m staying, Vakarian. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She grinned at him as she wrapped her hands around his neck. He returned the gesture and placed his hands on her waist.

“So what happens now?” he asked.

“I think this is a good time for you to kiss me,” she replied.

“Right. Got it.”

It had been too many days since she had felt his mouth on hers. She had almost forgotten how surprisingly warm and comforting it was to kiss her favorite turian. He seemed to have missed her too, as she could feel the gentle subharmonics emanating from his chest – the ones she was starting to recognize he released whenever he was content and happy in her arms.

She broke away to take a breath and asked, “So when should I book the room?”

Garrus didn’t flinch or pull away. He simply pulled her tighter to him with his hands while he looked at her and said, “I’d wait, if you’re okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible…and take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me.” He reached up to brush a stray hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. She shivered slightly at the gentleness of his touch. “I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink.”

She didn’t have to say a word. She just raised her eyebrows and giggled.

“Wait,” he said. “That metaphor just went somewhere horrible.”

She spoke quickly to relieve him of his discomfort. “Doesn’t sound horrible to me, Big Guy. You can pop my heat sink anytime you want.”

“I take it we’re not playing the flirting game anymore?” he asked, eyebrow plates raised. She shook her head. “Good,” Garrus continued, “because there’s something else I wanted to tell you.”

This time it was Shepard who raised her eyebrows, but she didn’t release her hold on his neck and he didn’t let go of her waist either.

“I, uh…told you I did a lot of thinking about what happened with Sidonis. I did a lot of thinking about us, too,” he began, not taking his eyes off of her. For some reason, Shepard’s heart started beating faster again. “And I decided I need to tell you something.”

Slowly, Garrus brought his forehead down to touch hers. With a sigh, Shepard returned the pressure of the familiar gesture and closed her eyes, but she was not prepared for what Garrus said next.

“I love you, Lizzie Shepard.”

Shepard pulled back in astonishment. _Love? He loves me?_

“I needed to tell you, because I hope it explains why I’ve taken this so slowly,” Garrus looked nervous. _Nervous!_ Cool, confident, _stylish_ Garrus Vakarian was nervous. “We can joke about popping heat sinks and tiebreakers in your quarters, but this means something to me. _You_ mean something to me. More than I ever would have imagined and more than anyone before. I don’t know if you feel the same about me, but after what happened with Sidonis, I think you might. I don’t know anyone else who would stand up to me the way you did and for all the right reasons. And I needed you to know what that means to me. What _you_ mean to me.”

He stopped. Lizzie Shepard was speechless. She had longed to hear those words from Garrus for so long. Her heart sang a song that resonated with something deep inside her – she had loved Garrus for years. Before she even knew his name she had loved him, or at least the idea of him. And since she had found him on the Citadel, there was no other person, asari, turian, krogan, or any other living being in the galaxy that she wanted to ever hear those words from.

She hadn’t let go of Garrus and he hadn’t let go of her, but his face showed clear distress. She hadn’t meant to leave him hanging.

“I love you too, Garrus,” she finally said, breathlessly. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

The look on her turian’s face was priceless. No words could describe the relief, happiness, and _love_ that shone out of those adoring blue eyes.

“I’ve never considered cross-species intercourse…at least not until you. And damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty and clinical.”

All Shepard could think while Garrus was talking was how adorable he was and how much she wanted to jump him, right then and there.

“Look, Shepard,” he continued. “I know you can find something a little closer to home.”

Shepard shook her head fiercely. “Are you kidding? I thought you knew by now, I don’t want something closer to home,” she said and reached up to touch the scarred side of Garrus’s face. “I want you. I want someone I can trust.”

“Glad to hear it. I’ll do some, uh, research, and figure out how to…you know. It’ll either be a night to treasure, or a horrible interspecies-awkwardness thing.”

Shepard had enough knowledge of turian anatomy to show him what to do, but she also understood what he was trying to tell her. He loved her. He wanted this to be more than just a one-night fling. He wanted it to be something special. She could let him do this his way – after all, she was the Commander and got everything else the way she wanted it. If she was going to share her bedroom with someone, however, she wasn’t the Commander there and the person she shared it with could have his say. In fact, she thought it would be rather wonderful to let someone else take charge for once.

She was so happy, she thought she might be floating. In fact, she looked down to make sure her feet were still on the ground. She was almost shocked to see that they were. Then she smiled at him and stepped back.

“I’ll let you get back to work,” she teased.

“Right. ‘Cause I’m in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now.”


	24. Time to Do Some Research

It had all seemed so easy until he stood outside of Mordin’s lab.

Garrus had done a lot of “research” over the past few days. Nothing very helpful had turned up. All he ended up with after a few hours of extranet searches using phrases like “turian-human relations” and “how to please a human woman” were some clearly exaggerated pictures from Fornax, some embarrassingly awful human porn, and a headache.

Human medical texts weren’t much help either. All they explained to him was how the female human reproductive system worked, and while Garrus found the similarities and differences between his own species and humans fascinating, it didn’t teach him much about how and where to touch and satisfy the woman he loved. Garrus didn’t just want his first time with Shepard to be ok. He didn’t want it to be good, either. He wanted it to be amazing – Garrus Vakarian never did anything half-assed.

At first, he was afraid this was really just about his ego and he felt very selfish. Even Garrus would admit that he took a certain amount of pride in everything he did, from the way he moved in formation on ground missions to the way he cleaned his favorite rifle. And although Garrus told himself he really was over the fact that Shepard had been with Nihlus and knew much more about turian anatomy than he knew about human anatomy, he was still a little intimidated by the fact that she would not be flying blind like he would their first time together. Garrus most definitely did not want to look like a fool once he and Shepard finally had a few moments to themselves.

 

_“Um…Garrus?”_

_“Yeah?” Garrus grunted, perturbed by the interruption. This was not the time for conversation – he needed to concentrate._

_“It doesn’t quite work that way…”_

_Garrus pulled his hand away and raised his eyebrows at Viatrix, who was turned and giving him a slightly pained look._

_“Oh, yeah…sorry.”_

_Garrus had been waiting months to get Viatrix alone. All the other first year cadets had been fucking all over the place – behind the barracks, in the showers, even on the training fields if they could find a secluded enough place and a moment alone. Getting away from home and family was perhaps a little too much freedom for hormonal fifteen year old recruits in the turian military. But Garrus had been selective. He didn’t want his first time to be with just anyone. He wanted Viatrix – the girl he had had his eye on since the first day he arrived at training._

_She had been three turians ahead of him in line. Perfect waist, exquisitely decorative fringe, and a voice that could have come from the spirit realm. He wanted her from the moment he saw her. But so had every other turian with eyes in training. Even some of the Prefects seemed to notice her._

_But Garrus had a few things in his favor. His proud family markings for one – being a member of an original Palaven family had a special distinction, an automatic boost in the Hierarchy even. And Garrus was good-looking himself. He hadn’t failed to notice that he was just about as sought after by the females in basic as Viatrix was by the males._

_So he waited patiently, and finally had seized the opportunity to get Viatrix alone, but now, as they breathily tried to maneuver in the tiny washroom after hours, Garrus was wishing he had paid more attention when his dad explained some of this to him – or that he had done some research of his own. He felt completely embarrassed, but tried to sound composed and experienced._

_“You know, Garrus,” Viatrix’s deep, husky voice whispered in the dark, “This isn’t my first time. Why don’t you let me take charge and I’ll show you a few things.”_

_So he had let her, slightly mortified that she had been able to tell it was his first time. And while the sex had been good for him considering he had nothing to compare it to at the time, Garrus was pretty sure that it was only mediocre for his companion. Fumbling in the dark with clasps and “ouch, not there” and “whoa, hang on a minute, not quite ready for that yet” was one of the more mortifying experiences of Garrus’s young life._

 

It was that memory that had driven Garrus to where he stood now, outside the lab door, looking for insight from someone hopefully more knowledgeable than him. He had come a long way since his first time with Viatrix, but that was with turian females. He needed help with a _human_ female.

He had thought of going to Joker, but he knew the kind of advice that would bring, as well as the jokes that would soon follow. Then he considered asking Dr. Chakwas, but although he knew Lizzie trusted Chakwas more than most people, he wasn’t sure that the friendship between the two human women went so far that Lizzie would be ready for the good doctor to know of her relationship with a turian. The only other choice left to him was Mordin, who Garrus was certain would be emotionally disconnected enough that Garrus’s embarrassment would be minimal and confidentiality would be maintained.

But as Garrus stood frozen outside the lab door, he reminded himself it truly wasn’t his ego or a fear of embarrassment that was pushing him to find a way to please Elizabeth Shepard. It was something different altogether.

He loved her. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. He lost her once and he had nearly gone crazy and killed half of Omega because of it. They were on a mission that they quite possibly wouldn’t come back from, and Garrus was determined to give both of them, especially Shepard, a night that was just about them – a long-awaited and well-deserved respite from the cares of the galaxy.

With that thought, he found the courage to motion for entrance into the lab. Turning, he saw Mordin in his usual place – bending over some experiment on his worktable and quietly humming to himself.

“Mordin,” Garrus said as he approached.

“Ah, Vakarian. Good to see you. Been meaning to talk to you,” Mordin replied, not looking up from his work.

“You have?” Garrus asked, surprised.

“Yes. Medical matters.”

Garrus didn’t reply. He simply raised his eyebrow plates and watched as Mordin disengaged from his project and moved around the table.

“Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress,” the salarian continued.

Garrus spoke up at that. “Very true. But what does that have to do with me? And a medical issue? I’m in perfect health. My injury has healed nicely…minus the scars, of course.”

“Yes, yes,” Mordin nodded. “All true. Not object of conversation. Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing.”

Garrus was frozen. _How in the hell did Mordin know about us? Have we been too obvious?_

“Uh, yes, of course,” he finally choked. “But Mordin –“

“How did I know?” Garrus nodded at the question. “Not hard to figure out if looking for signals. You and Shepard – very close. You watch Shepard. She watches you. More than the rest of the crew.”

Mordin turned and began to walk back toward his workstation. “Also, watch Shepard closely. If salarian emotions ran deeper, would say she is like a daughter. Must be on the lookout for potential boyfriend or…male who could break her heart.”

Garrus wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be grateful for Mordin’s care and candor. Either way, he shook his head in disbelief until he realized that Mordin was giving him a very stern glare. Garrus automatically stood up straighter and assumed a serious, soldier-like pose.

“I see. Well, I actually came to see if you could give me some advice, Mordin. It’s a bit awkward for me, but I’m afraid…” Garrus paused, not sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. No matter what, it would be uncomfortable, so he decided to just spit it out. “I don’t know much about the female human body…”

Mordin nodded in understanding and simply pulled up his omni-tool interface.

“Anticipated that,” the doctor said. “Would like to help. Would make Shepard happy. Humans based on levo-amino acids. Ingestion of human tissue could provoke allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don’t, uh…ingest. However, can provide injection that would neutralize any negative effects for short time. Easy to create. Come by later and will have some ready for you.”

Garrus simply stood in shock and embarrassed amusement as Mordin continued.

“Also forwarding advice booklet to you. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overviews. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary…Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort and possible chafing.”

“Chafing? Me?”

“No, Vakarian. For Shepard – softer skin against plates could cause chafing on human skin.”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

Mordin must have sensed Garrus’s embarrassment, because he quickly said, “Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible, Vakarian.”

Mordin then turned back to his research and seemingly dismissed Garrus from the lab. Garrus took the hint and decided to retreat from the awkward situation as soon as possible, but just before the door opened to the corridor, he heard Mordin’s voice one more time.

“One more thing. Should something happen to hurt Shepard…emotionally…can think of 237 possible ways to kill without weapons or contact.”

Garrus replied without turning around. “Nothing to worry about, Mordin. I have no intention of hurting her.”

“Intentions good, but unintentional harm sometimes caused by carelessness.”

“I promise to be careful, Mordin.” Garrus turned around to make eye contact with the salarian who was staring him down. After Garrus’s last comment, the doctor nodded, apparently satisfied and returned to his work. Garrus let out a sigh as the doors slid open and made his way back to the red light of the Main Battery.

_Time to do some research_.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Although Shepard was more than ready to move to the next level of their relationship, in a way, she was grateful that Garrus wanted to do some “research”. Her conversation with Liara made her realize that she had some research of her own to do. Something had finally clicked for Garrus. Clearly, he was ready to move forward, but Shepard still felt like she owed it to her favorite turian to understand him better – his culture, his family, his people. Garrus always claimed to be a bad turian, but why?

Shepard wanted to understand, so as soon as they wrapped up on Tuchanka, she took a few of her precious downtime hours while in transit to their next destination to research the type of civilization that Garrus Vakarian came from. After only a couple of hours, however, she was thoroughly frustrated. She couldn’t find much, but then again, she didn’t really know what to search for. She searched for things like “turian government” and “Turian Hierarchy”, but all she got were generic articles that stated the same things over and over again.

The Hierarchy was a meritocracy, but she already knew that. There were broad references to the 27 citizenship tiers, but not even a list of what those were. The only named rank she could find was that of Primarch – those who rule a colony. Clearly, there was some sort of ranking of colonies as well, Palaven as the homeworld being the most respected because it was not a colony at all. She knew Garrus was from Palaven and even claimed original Palaven facial markings, so she assumed this meant his family was much respected in the Hierarchy. She also remembered that Garrus’s father had recently taken a position as an Advisor to the Primarch.

_That means his family is not just respected – they’re probably very high ranking. I’m sure you don’t just get a job as the Advisor to the Primarch if you’re a regular joe-blow citizen at tier three. But none of this helps me with understanding why Garrus has been waiting so long to make a move…_

She almost threw the datapad down in defeat until something caught her eye.

“ _All turians, male and female, are expected to serve in the turian military beginning at age 15. Each turian receives a year of basic training, after which, he or she is assigned to a field unit. If turians desire to serve as officers, they must train for several more years. The amount of time necessary to become an officer is determined by superior officers and is based on the skill level of the individual turian.”_

Most of that was not new to Shepard, but the next sentence confused her. It seemed to conflict with what she thought she knew about Garrus.

“ _Regardless of the track, most turians serve in the military until the age of 30. Upon reaching that age, they become members of the Reserves to be called on only in time of dire need.”_

That was a surprisingly juicy little tidbit of information. Shepard threw the datapad onto her bed and quickly found a pair of pants to throw on over her shorts. Stepping into her shoes, she jogged to the elevator and had to control her speed so as not to alarm the crewmembers she passed in the mess on her way to the Main Battery.

The doors slid shut behind her and Garrus turned around with a surprised look on his face.

“Lizzie…didn’t expect to see you before we docked at the quarian fleet.” Shepard took a moment to study Garrus’s face. He looked happy to see her, yes, but there was something hiding behind those gorgeous blue eyes.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Garrus replied, quickly turning off the interface of his omni-tool. “I was just reviewing some, uh…files. What can I do for you?”

“I just came to talk for a bit,” she said, leaning on the console as she looked up at him with a smile.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked as he snaked one arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

She couldn’t resist. She stood on her tip-toes and planted a light kiss on his mouth, but she didn’t want to be distracted. She’d come down here for a reason.

“I dunno, Vakarian, can you handle being this close to me and having a serious conversation? Or are these hips too irresistible to keep your hands off for a few minutes?”

“You may be right. It could be difficult to maintain a real conversation with such a beautiful woman so close,” he grinned, releasing her slightly, but not letting her get too far away. “So what interrogation tactics are you using on me today? Physical torment? Psychological trauma? Sexual torture? I might not object to the last one…” He pulled her back to him again and nuzzled her neck.

Shepard giggled, but pushed away from him. “You are such a tease!” she spun back and found a seat on his cot. He leaned against his worktable and smirked at her as he crossed his arms. _Dammit, Vakarian. You better pop the heat sink soon_ , she thought as she admired his strong form before her, imagining what it looked like underneath all that armor.

“I know you’re not going to do anything about it,” she smiled. “Not until we have that ‘moment just for us’, right?”

His smile faded a little as he nodded. She worried that she might have made him feel bad, so she tried to make up for it by flashing him a huge grin of her own. “Truly, I just wanted to talk to you because I had a thought today and –“

“That’s scary. You were thinking? I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

“Oh, shut up, Garrus!” She laughed and she continued. “It’s nothing that serious really. I was just wondering…how old you are.”

Shepard could tell he was surprised by the question when his mandibles fluttered almost imperceptibly.

“Are you afraid I’m too young for you, Shepard?” he asked quietly, the smirk returning to his face.

“Not at all. I, personally, have no problem with robbing the proverbial turian cradle, if you know what I mean…”

“I don’t actually, but I –“

“Come on. You know how old I am. I’m 31 – if you count the two years I was dead. So how about you, Big Guy? What’s the age? I think I should at least know how old my boyfriend is.”

“I’m 30. In fact, I had a birthday not long before you found me on Omega.”

“There, that wasn’t so hard was it? So…I _am_ robbing the cradle, then, aren’t I?” she smiled at him, but she felt sick to her stomach. She hoped her vital signs weren’t changing dramatically so Garrus’s visor couldn’t pick up on her distress.

_He’s 30 now? I met him on the Citadel over 12 years ago…that would have made him 18 then…He should have been in the military still._

She looked up into Garrus’s piercing eyes. She didn’t care about how old he was. She was not concerned about his age, but about the logical chain of conclusions that followed his response. She had expected to find out that Garrus was simply older than she thought. That was no big deal, but lying about his age? That was unexpected.

_Why would he lie?_

“You’ve said that twice now. I’m not sure what that expression means,” he said slowly, bringing her out of her thoughts.

“It means I’m dating a younger man, Vakarian.”

“How do you figure?” he asked, the familiar smirk of her hero returning.

“Don’t play dumb, Garrus, you know how old I am. And if you forgot, I just reminded you.”

“Yes, I do know how old you are,” he was smiling at her now. “But technically, I’m still older than you.”

“Oh yeah?” she challenged. “Honestly, Garrus, I don’t care if I’m older than you. I was just curious.”

“I don’t care either, but since you brought it up, you’re measuring in human years. I’m not.”

That made her pause. She had totally forgotten about that. Leave it to Garrus, her resident calibration, algorithm, tech, and math expert to remind her that they were from different planets with different year-lengths.

Garrus continued. “Humans measure in Earth-years. Turians measure in Palaven-years. The calculations are still a bit off, because a day on Palaven is longer than an Earth day, but close enough for our purposes.”

“Ooo, I like Professor Vakarian,” she mused, leaning on her hands and arching her back, attempting to accentuate the lines of her waist as she did so. She was rewarded with an approving glance from Garrus. “I might have paid better attention in class if my teachers had been as sexy as you.”

“Right,” Garrus coughed, clearing his throat and continuing his lecture. “As I was saying, I’m 30 in Palaven years, not Earth years. A Palaven year is roughly 1.2 Earth years.”

“While I could listen to that voice all day, you’re losing me here, Professor. Let’s cut to the chase. How old would you be in Earth years?”

Garrus flicked on his omni-tool and punched a few buttons. “Apparently, I’m old on Earth. I’m 36. So, who’s ‘robbing the cradle’ now?” He flashed her a grin. Then Shepard had a thought.

“Ooo, so how old would I be in Palaven years?”

Garrus punched some buttons again and said, “You’d be just shy of 26.”

“So, you really _are_ robbin’ the cradle.”

“It appears so.”

“Hmmm…that’s kind of hot. Also,” Shepard added as she stood up and walked toward Garrus. “I like the idea of being 26 again. I think we should always measure in Palaven years.”

“Fine with me,” Garrus rumbled into her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck and collapsed into his cowl.

“So, that leads me to another question,” she said, looking up at him again. Now they would finally get to the meat of why she had come down here in the first place. “You must have been really young when you joined C-Sec.”

Garrus looked confused for a moment. “I’m not sure I ever told you how long I was with C-Sec,” he said slowly.

_Shit_ , Shepard screamed in her head. _Shit, shit, shit. Find a way to cover._

“Oh…well….let’s just say that Liara has some interesting information on all the members of the crew in her little collection of dossiers. Did you know Miranda has been using an extranet dating service? And Grunt is fascinated with Earth dinosaurs, apparently.”

Garrus chuckled at that and Shepard relaxed a little. _Looks like he bought it. I really need to be more careful when I open my mouth. Will I ever learn?_ “So…I read in there somewhere that you joined C-Sec long before I met you.”

Garrus nodded and released her, but ran his talons absent-mindedly through her hair. “It sounds like I should drop by Liara’s and read some of this information myself. Find out if there are any juicy tidbits about you in there,” he said with a wink. “But you’re right. I joined C-Sec when I was 20. In Palaven years.”

His story was starting to sound more plausible now. _Maybe he wasn’t lying about his age…but how did he get out of the military so early?_

“So how old would I have been?” she asked. He stopped playing with her hair long enough to do the math on his omni-tool again.

“You would have been 19, I think.”

_So, Big Guy_ , she thought. _You were a brand new C-Sec officer at the same time I was a spankin’ new marine…_

“But don’t turians usually serve in the military for a lot longer than that?” she asked.

Garrus cocked his head at her. It was clear that he was confused by her convoluted line of questioning, but she had finally made it to her whole purpose for coming down here. Somehow, Garrus had bypassed the red tape of turian culture and left the military early. She wanted to know why.

“Sounds like someone’s been doing a little research,” he teased.

“Am I that transparent?” She smiled innocently at him.

“Only a little,” he smiled back. “But you’re right. I, uh…did leave the military earlier than most.”

“So, what happened?”

“Huh. It’s kind of a long story. Longer than I have time to explain right now. I’m sure we would reach the flotilla before I could finish, but I can try to summarize…” Garrus began pacing in front of her. Shepard leaned on the worktable and watched. “I went for officer training. Figured that would help me get on the Spectre track. Stayed in training longer than most in the military – about three years, but that was just because I wanted to be an officer. I was actually one of the youngest officer training graduates the military had ever seen.” Shepard couldn’t help but smile as Garrus’s chest puffed a little with pride. She didn’t mind stroking her turian’s ego once in a while. Hell, she knew how amazing he was. It was nice to hear that others recognized the same qualities she saw in him.

“I’m not surprised, Garrus,” she said softly. He gave her a grateful smile. She loved that smile and made a mental note to flatter him more often. He deserved it.

“When I turned 18, I was in charge of my own field unit for a couple of years, doing simple recon and shake-down missions. But when I turned 20, I wanted to apply for Spectre training.” Garrus stopped pacing and faced her again, his expression serious and maybe a little sad. “My father would have none of it. He was pretty high up in C-Sec, and offered me a position there instead. The military let me go, because…well, let’s just say my father pulls a lot of respect. I was willing to take the position, because I thought being on the Citadel would get me closer to being a Spectre. I wasn’t dishonorably discharged or anything like that. I simply thought I was moving forward with the career I wanted, it just didn’t work out that way.”

It wasn’t exactly the answer she was looking for, but it was something. It was clear that Garrus’s family was important somehow in the turian government – important enough that Garrus had been free to circumvent usual military requirements and embark on his own career aspirations. Shepard was relieved that Garrus hadn’t lied to her earlier, but she also felt like she was on the precipice of something important, as if she were only a step or two away from understanding Garrus’s reason for hesitating in their relationship. She still wasn’t sure what to do with the information, but it was better than nothing.

But as Shepard studied Garrus, her heart ached for him. His face was suddenly melancholy and distant. She felt sorry for bringing up the subject and instinctively reached for his hand, pulling him back toward her.

“I know it wasn’t exactly what you wanted,” she began, “but if you hadn’t been in C-Sec, I would never have found you. And I couldn’t have done any of this without you, Garrus.”

In that moment, she wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him how he had changed her life on the Citadel all those years ago. She wanted him to know how his rescue of her on that night had made her determined to be stronger, better – how his simple act of kindness had been the beginning of a process that had molded her into the person she had become.

But she was afraid, so all she did was pull his face down to hers and kiss him deeply, savoring the now familiar taste of his tongue on hers, the tangy smell of his skin, and the comfortable feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

“All right, hot stuff,” she said as she reluctantly pulled away. “Now I really do have to prep to help Tali. You know anything about quarian government?”

Garrus shook his head. “Not a thing.”

“Too bad. You’re still coming with me.”

“Always right behind you, Shepard,” he said with a smile.

 “I know, Garrus.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek.  “And there’s no one else I’d rather have with me.”


	25. To Get Some Closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are rounding out this installment of the series! The last few chapters are written and in editing stages, so they may be posted in more rapid succession as edits are finished. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy these last chapters of Part 2. Then on to Part 3!

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Shala’Raan’s voice rendering the final judgment against Tali.

“Tali’Zorah, in light of your history and service, we do not find sufficient evidence to convict. You are cleared of all charges.”

Garrus had sat quietly through the entire proceeding, nervous for several reasons. He was nervous for Tali, of course, but he was also worried about Shepard. He could only imagine what kinds of feelings must have gone through Shepard’s head as she watched one of her closest friends find her father’s dead body on the Alarei. He knew Shepard had suffered a similar loss. It was all he could do to stand back and let Shepard console Tali as only someone who had lost their father as a casualty to war could. Shepard had lost her father to batarians, and Tali to the geth, but both suffered the fate of losing a parent to violence and in addition, being the first to find the injured loved one.

After returning to the trial, Garrus had watched as Shepard gave a stirring speech, counting all the good deeds Tali had done in service not only to her people, but for the entire galaxy. He didn’t know what had come over Lizzie Shepard, but whatever it was, he was proud of her. _A soldier on the battlefield and a politician in a bind_ , he thought with a grin.

He held back and let Shepard talk to Tali briefly before his two crewmates walked over to him.

“Well, should we check and see how bad the political backlash will be?” Shepard asked, looking to Tali and Garrus for advice.

“It might be interesting to see what the different Admiral’s positions are and if the trial influenced them at all,” Tali responded, but Garrus couldn’t help noticing that Tali’s eyes quickly flitted to look at a certain quarian marine who had been in the background all day. Shepard must have noticed too, because she looked in Kal’Reegar’s direction and nodded in agreement with Tali.

“Sounds good,” Shepard said, as she began to move in the direction of Shala’Raan. After making the rounds and speaking with all the Admirals, Shepard smiled at Tali and jerked her head in the direction of Kal’Reegar.

“Should we talk to Kal before we go?” she asked with a knowing look. Tali wrung her hands and looked over toward the other quarian.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all, Tali. Come on.”

Garrus gathered from the conversation that he wasn’t the only one Tali had told about her relationship with Kal’Reegar, but he chuckled at the apparent awkwardness of the unsuspecting quarian marine as the party of three descended upon him. The whole conversation was entertaining to Garrus, especially when it was clear that Kal knew Tali much better than he let on when they first met on Haestrom.

“Glad they’re off your back, ma’am,” Kal’Reegar said. “And that you didn’t have to give them that evidence you found on the Alarei.”

“I didn’t say anything about finding evidence, Kal,” Tali replied, sounding confused.

“Noticed that, ma’am,” Kal replied. Garrus smiled. He liked the marine. He was good for Tali. The overbearing big brother side of him was satisfied with Tali’s choice, but before he knew it, the conversation seemed to be coming to a close.

“Stay safe out there, Reegar,” Shepard said.

“You too, Shepard. Ma’am.”

Tali piped up again. “Kal, just call me Tali.”

“I’ll work on that, ma’am,” Kal said, but Tali touched him lightly on the arm.

“You can trust, Shepard. I trust her with my life. I’ve already told her about…us,” Tali said. Kal’s eyes switched from Tali to Shepard and back again.

“I see…” was all he said.

Shepard jumped in quickly. “How about I give you two a few minutes alone to talk?” as she started to turn away.

“Shepard, it’s ok,” Tali said. “I know we’re on a tight schedule. You don’t have to wait for me –“

“Really, Tali, it’s not a big deal. Take a little time. We could all use some time with those we care about before…” Shepard didn’t finish her sentence, but Tali nodded in gratitude.

Garrus had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he followed Shepard to their own corner. _She doesn’t think we will make it out of this mission. Everyone is calling it a suicide mission, and she is starting to believe it_. Garrus didn’t like that realization at all. It was then he decided that he had waited long enough. The Hierarchy, political and legal standing be damned.

_It’s time_ , he thought. _Time to give Shepard – and me – our very own reason to hope for survival, not just a hope for victory accompanied by martyrdom. Enough research. As soon as we can have a quiet moment alone…_

He smiled down at his girl as she stopped walking and looked up at him through her helmet.

“So, honest opinion, how did I do?” she asked.

“You were amazing, Shepard. Truly,” he replied. She just laughed.

“Ah, well, I guess I can add legal advocacy to my list of resume skills now, huh?”

“I would say so. Where did you learn to work a crowd like that? I’m sure I could have taught you, but you never asked for lessons on style in public speaking,” he said, half-teasing, but Garrus became distressed when he noticed a shift in Shepard’s expression. He couldn’t really tell what it was, because her helmet obscured most of her face, but he didn’t like it.

“Strangely enough,” she began, sounding distant, “I think that part of me comes from my mom.” Garrus raised his eyebrows at Shepard. It was the first time she had ever said she resembled her mother, and knowing the history of the two women, it was a shock to hear her say such a thing.

Shepard seemed to sense his surprise and continued. “Dad could inspire a crowd in battle. Mom inspired the crowd through diplomacy. She always knew the right thing to say to the right people. I would guess she still does, considering she was offered an Admiralty.”

Garrus nodded, but he wanted to change the subject. He didn’t like the look Shepard had in her eyes while she spoke of her mother. Something that resonated between sadness and pain. He glanced over at Tali and Kal and smiled, motioning with his hand toward the quarian couple, grateful for the distraction.

“I’m glad those two got a few moments before we ship out. Where are we headed next?” he asked.

Shepard looked back over her shoulder at her quarian friend. “To help Samara, actually. We’re tracking down her Ardat-Yakshi daughter. Then we’re off to help Jack. If I let her have her way, there will be a big explosion involved.” Garrus was a little startled at her response. It prompted a question that had been poking at the back of his mind for a few days, but he hadn’t the courage to bring it up.

“I know the Reapers are your top priority, Shepard,” he said carefully. “I don’t doubt your choices at all. Spirits, I would be the last person to doubt you. But are you sure we really have the time to spare to help the entire crew with their personal problems?”

Garrus was relieved that Shepard’s response did not appear to be one of anger or indignation. She simply turned away from Tali and looked back at him, a thoughtful look in her green eyes.

“You’re right, Garrus,” she began. “It does take a lot of time to help each individual member of our crew, but the fact is that we might not come back from this mission. Everyone has a few loose ends to tie up and they have a right to do that before….before we attempt the impossible. I intend to give each member of my crew that chance.” She rotated her head back to look at Tali and Kal again. “Besides, I like helping my friends. It helps me remember why I’m doing this in the first place. If the galaxy can’t give us a few extra days to get some closure before we risk our lives to save their collective asses, then I’d rather not save them anyway.”

Although the conversation had a heavy undertone, as he studied Shepard’s eyes, Garrus thought she actually looked happy as she watched Tali. Her words made sense, but something else troubled Garrus.

“And what about you, Lizzie?” he said softly. He reached for her hand and gripped it with his own. He didn’t care if some of the quarians saw him. Who would they tell anyway? They were too wrapped up in politics and a potential war with the geth to care if Commander Shepard held hands with her turian officer on one of their ships. “Who helps you? Who gives you some closure before we ‘attempt the impossible’.”

Shepard turned away from Tali and looked back at him, her green eyes smiling behind her helmet.

“I thought you knew that already, Garrus,” she said, squeezing his hand in return. “You do.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

The last week had gone by fast. Jacob’s father had been picked up by the Alliance. Tali was cleared of treason charges. Samara’s daughter had been found and killed, and Jack had found release in the literal destruction of her past. Shepard was glad she had been able to help her crew – her friends – but her conversation with Garrus on the quarian fleet had stirred something deep within her.

It was because of his words, that Shepard found herself staring at the door to the Main Battery at 0317 hours. She didn’t know if Garrus was asleep or awake, but she needed his help to settle her mind. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped into the dark of the Battery.

It was strange to walk into the cramped room and not see the back of her favorite turian in front of her. The sound of the doors sliding shut behind her made her jump, but she didn’t even have time to let her eyes adjust to the new dark before she heard a familiar voice to her right.

“Lizzie?” he said, concern clearly evident in the way he whispered her name. “Spirits, what are you doing here at this hour? Is everything ok?”

“Yes,” she replied quickly, but then added, “And no. I, uh…I’m sorry to wake you, but I need to get something off my chest.”

“Why don’t you, uh,” she heard Garrus rustling with the sheet and could just barely make out his form moving to a sitting position, “have a seat.”

She blindly made her way to his cot, cursing as she banged her shin on the hard metal frame before sitting on the edge next to him. She felt his warm body sitting next to hers and shuddered as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. For a brief moment, she realized that Garrus wasn’t wearing a shirt as she leaned into his half-embrace, but she was so preoccupied with her thoughts, she only allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of his rough hide and plates for a moment before clearing her head.

“So…what brings you down to the armpit of the _Normandy_ at 0320 hours?” his voice rumbled through her, the sound of sleep underlying his attempt at humor, but still calming her troubled nerves.

“Our conversation on the quarian fleet a week ago made me think. You know, the one where you asked why we were taking so much time to help with personal problems?” she nestled tighter into Garrus’s chest as she continued. “I was thinking about that, and then, over the last few days, I’ve been thinking about how most of the personal problems have all ended very similarly. And that made me wonder…”

Her eyes had adjusted enough that when she pulled back to look at Garrus’s face, she could see his bright blue eyes staring back at her. He wasn’t wearing his visor and the sight of his strong features, scars and all, completely uncovered for her made her want to reach up and stroke his cheek, forgetting all about what she had come down to ask him. But she restrained herself and continued.

“Garrus, I need to know, and I want to hear it from you. You might be the only person on the ship with the right to judge me, and I need your honest answer.” She paused, afraid of what his answer might be, but willed herself to continue. “Have I done the right thing?”

Garrus looked confused. “What do you mean? Or maybe I should say, _when_ do you mean? You’ve done a lot of _things_ …”

“I guess I mean…all of it,” she sighed and looked down at Garrus’s chest, completely bare. Even without his armor, he looked strong and imposing, but he was holding her so tenderly. The strange juxtaposition made it impossible for her to resist any longer. She reached up with one hand and began to run her fingers along the base of his cowl, simply enjoying the warmth of his skin. She was relieved when he didn’t pull away from her, in fact, he gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

“All of my ‘help’ seems to turn out the same way,” she finally continued. “I ‘helped’ you, but that meant I stopped you from killing someone you had set out to kill. I ‘helped’ Jack by stopping her from killing that crazy guy we found in the facility. I ‘helped’ Zaeed by stopping him from killing his arch-nemesis. I ‘helped’ Jacob by stopping him from killing his father. It seems like all I do is stop people from doing what they really want to do. Does that really help them?”

Garrus seemed to understand now, and he reached up to take her hand in his free one. She looked up to see him smiling at her.

“I can answer that question easily,” he said. “Yes. You have done the right thing. Just because each of us ‘wanted’ something, doesn’t mean that what we wanted was right. You stopped each of us from doing something we would truly regret later. _That_ is the measure of a true friend.”

“But that leads me to another problem,” she said, looking down again. “So even if we assume that what I did for each of my crewmembers…my friends…was the right thing, what does that make me?”

The confused look returned to Garrus’s face. Shepard gathered her courage and explained.

“I killed over 300,000 batarians, Garrus. No one stopped me, but maybe I should have stopped myself. If the tables had been turned and you had been able to help me on that mission like I helped you on yours, would you have stayed my hand? Stopped me from pushing that button?” Her voice dropped lower. “Am I just a hypocrite? I demand high moral standards from my crew, but do I demand them of myself?”

Garrus was silent for several moments. Shepard’s heart was pounding as she waited for his reply. After what seemed like an eternity, she heard the gravelly two-toned voice she loved.

“I think you know the answer to that question, Lizzie, but I will tell you anyway.” He released her hand and used his fingers to cup her chin, forcing her to look at him in the dark. “You made the right decision, especially with the batarians. You didn’t do it for revenge – you did it because there was no other option. What happened there was not your fault, and if you hadn’t done it, we would probably all be dead right now. You bought us time – time we desperately need to prepare as much as possible to stop the Reapers. Don’t doubt that decision for a minute more, because it was the only real choice with a chance of saving the galaxy.”

She choked back tears of relief as she wrapped her arms around Garrus’s neck and let him pull her close in return. The tears didn’t fall, but the weight of her burdens felt a little lighter.

“There was one more thing I wanted to tell you,” she muttered into his neck. “What you said on the quarian ship...” She pulled back reluctantly to look at him again. “When we talked about closure?” Garrus nodded in remembrance of their conversation.

“There is one thing I need to do before we go through the Omega Relay.” Garrus didn’t move, he simply continued to watch her.

“I plotted a course for Alchera. You made me realize that the crew aren’t the only ones who need closure.” Garrus’s expression became suddenly very serious. “I haven’t told Joker, but that’s where we’re headed right now. I had EDI set the course. We should arrive in a few hours.”

Her turian hero began to run his fingers through her hair. She knew he was beginning to recognize the physical gestures that helped her relax – this one in particular was one of her favorites. She closed her eyes and hummed her contentment until she heard him ask, “Do you want to stay here with me until we get there?”

Her eyes flashed open to nod in grateful acceptance. “I’d like that very much,” she whispered. Garrus pulled his feet up and around her, sliding back against the wall and holding the sheet up for her. The cot was tiny but there was just enough room for her thin form to fit in the cavity of his chest and waist. Shepard wiggled her shoes off and slid under the sheet, sighing as she felt Garrus’s strong arms wrap around her.

Just as Garrus’s breathing started to become regular, she decided to tell him one more thing.

“Garrus?”

“Hmmm?” he jerked slightly as she awoke him.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now get some rest.”

A few minutes later, she fell asleep to the gentle rhythm of Garrus’s breathing.


	26. It's Been an Honor

This position felt all too familiar and it was not one that Garrus particularly liked. He stood in the cockpit behind Joker’s seat, the two men staring in silence at the planet in front of them.

Garrus gripped the mug he held in his hand as he carefully checked the time. Two hours. She had been down on that planet for two hours. EDI had assured them that she was fine, but Garrus would not relax until he heard her voice on the comm, telling them she was on her way back.

Alchera.

Garrus had never seen the planet before. He hadn’t wanted to visit. He didn’t want to think about that horrible night when Liara had contacted him and told him Shepard was –

“I thought you might be up here.” Garrus looked sideways to see Tali beside him. “I just heard what she’s…damn it, why didn’t she tell us she was coming here?”

Garrus turned back to the view through the window. “She told me,” he said quietly.

“And you let her go down there alone? Keelah, what were you thinking? I can’t believe – “

“Believe me, Tali. I didn’t want her to go alone. I tried to convince her to let me go down with her, but she would have none of it. She said she had to do this herself.”

“Keelah…”

The three crewmembers stood watch in silence, staring at Alchera. Garrus took another sip of his dextro-coffee, Tali wrung her hands, and Joker gripped the arms of his chair.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours, but only a few moments later, all three of them jumped when the comm crackled and a familiar voice came through.

“Joker, I’m on my way up.”

“Good to hear, Commander,” Joker replied, checking his instruments and waiting for the signal to open the cargo bay for the shuttle.

“I’m headed down there,” Garrus said as he turned on his heel and started for the lower level.

“Garrus,” Tali called after him. “Tell her…if she needs to talk about…anything, she knows where to find me.”

Garrus nodded and resumed his quick pace to the elevator. When the door slid open to the cargo bay, he saw that Shepard was already exiting the shuttle. He quickly put his mug down and all but ran to her side. She seemed surprised and happy to see him as she ripped off her gloves. He couldn’t help himself. He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her, hard and desperate.

“Well,” Shepard said with a grin when she broke away. “I could get used to greetings like that. You weren’t worried about me, were you?”

“Maybe a little.”

“I was perfectly safe, Garrus. There was nothing down there but a crashed ship.”

“That wasn’t what I was worried about.”

Shepard’s face softened and she reached up, tracing the scarred side of his face gently with her fingers.

“I know. I’m sorry. But I had to do that alone.” Sighing, she turned and punched the button that closed the shuttle behind her. “I, uh…put the monument near the old CIC. It seemed an appropriate place. Pressly was my friend and my father’s friend. He was a good soldier – loyal and true blue until the end. Besides, the real direction for the ship always came from there, didn’t it?”

She reached behind her and pulled something from a pocket in her suit. “I found these,” she said reverently, holding up several sets of dog tags.

Garrus stretched out his hand to touch them lightly, reading a few of the names to himself. “What are you going to do with them?” he asked.

“We have one more stop,” she said, putting the tags back inside her suit. “I want to deliver these in person – to Anderson.”

***********************

_Mom, Dad, and Sol,_

_I have just arrived at the Citadel and had a few moments to myself. We’re about to embark on a very distant mission. I can’t say more than that, but rest assured that when I return, I will tell you everything._

_I have been so busy, I neglected to write as much as I intended. I’m sorry for that. I wanted you all to know how much you mean to me. I am honored to be a Vakarian and honored to be a member of this family. I appreciate everything you have done for me as parents and as my best friend and sister._

_Commander Shepard is an amazing woman. I understand the implications of what I intend to do, but I plan to ask her to make our relationship more permanent. I’m grateful for your support even if it means personal sacrifice. I have decided that she is worth it. I only hope that she feels the same when I explain to her what it means._

_I don’t know when I will be able to correspond in the future, but know that I am thinking of you and look forward to the day we meet again._

_Your son and brother,_

_Garrus_

 

Garrus read the letter over and over, dissecting and proofreading until he was happy with its contents. He didn’t want to sound too much like it was the end of the world, but he wouldn’t lie to himself. He didn’t want to lie to his family either, but he couldn’t tell them what he was really doing. He avoided any references to the possibility that he would not return, because all he wanted was a chance to say goodbye this time – something he was almost deprived of on Omega. He wouldn’t let that happen again. Garrus was hopeful they would make it through this mission and defeat the Collectors, but just in case…

He hit the send button just as he received a message from Shepard.

_1043 ES: I’m headed to see Anderson. You coming?_

_1044 GV: Right behind you, Shepard._

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She didn’t get to say goodbye to her real father. Adam Shepard had practically died in her arms on the Elysium. She didn’t want to miss a chance to bid her proxy father goodbye.

Captain Anderson stood where he always did when she came to see him – looking over the Citadel Presidium with a sad expression on his face. But when he turned and saw Shepard, a bright smile lit up his eyes and he walked toward her.

“Shepard,” he said, grasping her hand and shaking it firmly. “It’s good to see you. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, sir,” she replied, warmth shooting through her body at the touch of the man she had admired since the day she joined the service. “I brought Garrus with me. It appears you seemed to know more than you let on.”

Anderson’s smile changed to an amused grin as he turned to face Garrus behind her. “You’ve done well, Vakarian. Thanks for keeping your end of the bargain.”

Garrus spoke up. “It was a pleasure, sir.”

Anderson chuckled. “I’m sure it was.” Turning back to Shepard, he said, “I was just looking out for you, Shepard. You’re one of the best marines I’ve ever had the pleasure of training and working with.”

She studied his face closely. The last few weeks had been more taxing on him than she had realized from a distance. He seemed to look more worn, have a few more wrinkles, and there was an emotion behind his eyes that she didn’t recognize.

“I was lucky to be assigned to you from the beginning, sir. Best goddamn Captain in the Alliance, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

“Not at all, Shepard. But I doubt that you came here just to exchange pleasantries. What can I do for you?”

Shepard reached into her pocket and gripped the chains tightly in her fist. Pulling them out, she displayed them in her palms for the Captain to see. His gaze shifted from her face to the tags and back to her face again, expression now clearly pained and distant.

“Where did you get these?” he asked.

“I…needed to see it for myself, sir. I had to get some closure. Placed a small monument on Alchera at the old CIC and rounded up as many of these as I could find.” She reached for the Captain’s hand and opened his palm, placing the collection of tags in his strong, leathery fingers. “Will you see to it that these are delivered to the families of…”

Her voice choked with emotion. She wouldn’t cry, but the lump in her throat was annoyingly painful. Anderson didn’t make her finish, he simply nodded and closed his fist over the 20 names he held.

“I will pass this on to Admiral Hackett and make sure that happens, Shepard. Thank you. This will heal some open wounds for those families.”

“I hope it does. We all deserve a little peace, before…”

_Damn it_ , she chided herself. _I can’t finish a fucking sentence to save my life today._

But as always, Anderson came to her rescue. “I hope you get a little peace sometime, too, Shepard. Goodness knows you deserve it.” She smiled at her old mentor, but blushed as he continued. “That’s your next assignment, Vakarian. See to it that Commander Shepard has a few moments of peace before you attempt to save us all, yet again.”

She heard Garrus shuffle his feet behind her, but he acknowledged his new orders. “I can do that, sir.”

Anderson gave Shepard another long look. There were words she wanted to say. Things she wanted to tell him that just seemed inappropriate. How he had helped her through some of the toughest times of her life – the months after Thad, the years after her father’s death, the abandonment of her mother’s affection. Anderson had always been there, a stalwart example she could turn to for strength, encouragement, hope.

And hope was something she desperately needed right now. The Reaper IFF was only a relay jump away, and then who knew what would happen to all of them.

The words didn’t come, but if Anderson’s face was a reflection of her own, the words didn’t need to be said.

“It’s been an honor, sir,” she finally whispered.

“The honor has been mine. I don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing, but know this – no matter what uniform you have worn, I have been proud of you.” He paused and gripped her firmly by the shoulder. “Your father would have been proud of you.”

Now she really wanted to cry, but she choked back the tears. However, she didn’t hold back as she wrapped her arms around the man in front of her. She knew it was completely breaking protocol, but she didn’t care. She might never see this man again and it was the only way she knew to express her feelings for him in the five minutes they had.

He didn’t scold her. He didn’t rebuke her. Anderson simply returned the gesture with the warmth that only a father would understand.

“Until next time,” she said, unable to face Anderson as she released him and turned for the door.

“I’ll be here,” she heard him say behind her as Garrus fell in step to her right and the doors to the office slid shut behind her.


	27. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the long awaited pre-Omega 4 Relay encounter finally occurs. Enjoy!

He had been so sure of himself only a few days earlier. The path had seemed clear. Closure had been the name of the game – and now all of them had it, even Shepard. But then the mission flew wildly out of control – recruiting a geth to the team, destroying the “heretic” base, losing most of the Cerberus crew to the Collectors. Garrus was afraid that maybe he had waited too long for that “calm before the storm.” Perhaps Shepard would be too distracted and would no longer be interested in pursuing this next step until the mission was over…if they survived.

But Shepard had not seemed dissuaded by all that had happened over the last few days. In fact, she came to see him more often, not out of a desire to pressure him, but simply to ask his advice. He felt honored that she valued his ideas so much. Maybe it had always been that way and he hadn’t noticed, but she seemed more earnest in her questioning and more open when sharing her own thoughts about what they should do.

So now, he stood outside her door, Mordin’s injection administered, a bottle of wine in one hand, and a bundle of nerves threatening to make him revisit breakfast. Garrus nearly jumped out of his skin when Kasumi appeared out of thin air next to him.

“What in the world are you waiting for?” she asked.

“Kasumi? What the hell are you –“ Garrus didn’t get to finish. Kasumi waived him silent with her hand and spoke again.

“I’ve been watching you and Shepard for a long time. You clearly care for each other, and we all might die in a few hours once we reach the Omega 4 Relay. Everybody wants to see you two together.”

Garrus was struck dumb. He wanted to say something snarky about minding one’s own business, but the combination of nerves and surprise made it impossible for him to speak.

“If I had a chance to be with Keiji for just a few hours…” Garrus could see Kasumi’s eyes glaze over underneath her hood. “I wouldn’t waste the time I had. Especially if I knew we both might die. I followed you in the elevator, clearly, and I’ve been waiting to see that you get in there. So suck it up, and go be with her.”

Garrus still couldn’t speak, he just stared at the human woman as she turned for the elevator.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try that line on Jacob.”

The elevator door slid shut and Garrus found himself alone again. Disturbed by the encounter, but somehow oddly encouraged, he stepped forward into Shepard’s cabin. He could hear the water running, and decided to wait for her, right there.

It seemed like it took her forever to finish showering and dry off, but it was really only a few minutes. Garrus’s heart fluttered against his chest plates as he saw her walk nonchalantly out of the bathroom.

“Hey,” he said, trying desperately to sound confident as she turned and smiled at him. _She’s not even surprised I’m here. She’s…comfortable…with me._ That thought did give him a little confidence. “I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.” She crossed her arms and smiled at him.

_Ok….what now? Mordin’s vids said music helps…_

Garrus made his way over to the wall panel and selected some random piece of music. Not an ideal choice, but who had time to be picky? He must have done something right, because she was walking toward him now, that same half-smile on her lips.

“If you were a turian, I’d be complimenting your waist or your fringe. So…your, uh, hair looks good. And your waist is…very supportive.” She had her hand on her hip now, a laugh threatening to break from between her lips if Garrus was reading her facial expression correctly. _Oh, this is horrible. Garrus, you still fail at women_ … “Hopefully, that’s not offensive in human culture –“

He didn’t have to say anything else. Shepard finally jumped in to save him from his horrible ineptness.

“Whoa! Consider me seduced, smooth talker. Now shut up and stop worrying.”

Garrus smiled down at Lizzie Shepard and began to relax. He was awful with the romantic one-liners, but Shepard didn’t care. She wanted him for…well, him – just the way he was, awkward and all. And in one look, she had put him completely at ease.

She turned away from him and shut off the terrible music.

“I just…I’ve seen so many things go wrong, Shepard,” he began. He wanted to explain to her why this was so important to him – why he had waited so long for this moment. He wanted her to understand, but he wasn’t sure how to put it into words. “My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis…” She was looking up at him now, the smile gone, replaced by a look of compassion and empathy. And that made sense – if anyone could understand his scars, both physical and emotional, it would be her. She had plenty of her own.

“I want something to go right. Just once. Just…”

He couldn’t speak. She was touching him so tenderly, her surprisingly soft hands on the scarred side of his face, holding him there with a look that said “I get it. I get _you_.”

In that moment, he stopped trying to use words to show her how he felt. He leaned forward, and without speaking, she followed his lead. With their foreheads pressed together, Garrus felt the most incredible warmth rising in his chest. While he knew where these couple of hours were headed, it had nothing to do with that and everything to do with the years he had spent loving this woman from afar – even loving her while she was dead.

And now, she was his.

He pulled her close to him and lightly ran his fingers down her arm. Shepard moved her head slightly and pressed her lips against his mouth. There was something different in the kiss this time, something beyond the usual affection and desire. As he moved the hand that had been stroking her arm to grip the back of her head and pull her even closer, he realized what it was.

Need.

This was more than simple lust or desire. This was more than just an attraction. The feelings he had bottled up inside for weeks, months, years, were finally forming a cohesive whole. He needed Elizabeth Shepard. He needed her like he needed air. And in that kiss, he knew she felt the same.

Suddenly, he stopped. He heard her protest lightly as he pulled away, but she didn’t have to worry for long. He reached down with his left arm and buckled her knees, collapsing her into his arms. She giggled as he lifted her and smiled up at him.

“You know, Garrus,” she said as she leaned into his chest. “You actually swept me off my feet a long time ago, but it’s nice of you to do it for real this time.”

“I’m guessing that’s another human phrase I don’t know about,” he pressed his mouth into her forehead as he carried her down the stairs and lightly placed her on the bed, crawling onto the mattress next to her. “But I think I get the meaning of that one.”

He didn’t let her speak anymore after that. The time for words was over. He was ready for this and Kasumi was right – there was no reason to waste any more time. He leaned on his left arm while he stroked her face and hair with his right, kissing her gently. He moaned softly into her mouth as Shepard reached up behind his head and gently stroked under his fringe. He was more than pleased to hear her own noises of pleasure as he entwined his tongue with her own.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he moved his hand down to her neck, lightly tracing her skin and relishing the softness of it. For so many years, he had wondered what human skin really felt like, more for curiosity’s sake than anything else after his encounter with the other blonde human long ago. But now, he thrilled at the thought that he would finally know, and not only that, but the person he would learn it from was Commander Elizabeth Shepard.

Her breath hitched and her kiss paused as his hand lingered on her breast, gently teasing her nipple through the fabric. Garrus might not have been particularly good in the romance department, but he _had_ taken Mordin’s advice to heart and utilized the…instructional materials that the salarian had sent him. It had been slightly embarrassing, but Garrus was glad he had overcome his embarrassment now. He had some ideas about how to make these few hours wonderful…for both of them.

And he wasn’t wrong, if the sounds coming from his Lizzie were any indication. She had moved on the bed, pressing her body against his, still stroking under his fringe with one hand, but pulling his back down to her with the other. He didn’t intend to let it be that easy for her.

“I think,” he rumbled into her neck, leaving a light trail of kisses down her cheek, “that you are entirely overdressed for this occasion.”

Garrus was rewarded with a breathy answer from the woman beneath him. “And do you intend to do something about that?”

Garrus chuckled and pushed himself up on the bed. “Yes,” he said, as he pulled her up by her arms and began fiddling with the clasps of the horrid brown outfit she was wearing. He had never realized that the get up was a one piece suit, and his excitement rose as he discovered that he wasn’t just going to get to see her in little pieces – he was going to see almost all of her at once.

She helped him with the tricky catches, smiling flirtatiously from underneath her long eyelashes as he watched her with longing, a persistent ache behind his plates beginning to grow. When she was finally free of the ugly Cerberus civvies, she lay back on the bed and let him run his eyes over the length of her body. She still wore her undergarments – black and lacy, she must have expected him to come to her – and he breathed a sigh of contentment. She was human and foreign, but something about her was still absolutely breathtaking. Maybe it was her courage. Maybe it was her compassion. Maybe it was the way she looked at him with those bright green eyes, seeing something in him that he wasn’t even sure he saw in himself. But whatever it was, his feeling of need from earlier quickly returned.

He had waited so long for this. He leaned over her again, but without kissing her, he simply replaced his hand on her neck, feeling her pulse and gently stroking her skin. He wanted to know how she felt. He let his hands wander down to her shoulders, caressing the soft skin of her arms, muscles taut beneath the fragile outer layer. Shepard had closed her eyes and was breathing deeply, her own hand placed lightly on Garrus’s shoulder as he lay next to her. She lay there in absolute trust, letting a turian touch her, and Garrus didn’t miss the significance of it all.

His heart began to pound as he moved his hand to her waist, playing lightly with her navel. He knew that this was not an erogenous zone for her, but he found it so intriguing, he couldn’t resist. She simply smiled, but kept her eyes closed as he continued to run his hands over her skin. Her legs were next. Garrus was amazed at how smooth she was _everywhere_. No matter where he touched her, she felt like velvet. He did notice, however, that whenever he touched her nearer to the mounds on her chest or the juncture between her legs, her skin prickled up into little bumps.

He was just about to pull at her undergarments and see what lay beneath those when her eyes flew open, and she grinned sheepishly at him.

“So…how does the human measure up?” she asked.

“So far so good,” he said, nuzzling her neck again and enjoying the shiver it caused.

“All right, Big Guy. You’re turn.” She pulled herself over onto her side and pushed him back.

“My turn?”

“Yep, off with the shirt. But you’ll have to help me with these horrible clasp…thingies. How in the hell do you…”

He reached up and showed her how the clasps came undone and sat up as she helped him out of the dress tunic he had worn. Now it was his turn to sit under her gaze as her eyes wandered over his carapace, his cowl, and his muscle-toned arms. He felt slightly embarrassed, wondering what she was thinking, but she didn’t make him wonder for long.

“I couldn’t really see you in the dark the other night,” she said softly, using her fingers to massage the skin between his plates, smiling as he purred at her touch. “You’re even sexier than I imagined.”

He couldn’t help teasing her a bit. Looking down, he said, “You sure you aren’t just some weird human with a fetish for turians? Am I just a piece of meat to you?” he said with a smirk. She rewarded him with a light slap on the shoulder, but then smiled as she bent down to kiss him.

“You know better than that, Garrus.” But he was not prepared for what she did next. She moved her mouth down his neck, nibbling and kissing as she went, her wet lips leaving traces that Garrus swore he could still feel even after she had moved on. But the sensation he felt as she used her mouth on his chest was unlike anything he had ever felt before. A human mouth, a human tongue, teasing and kissing the leathery skin and plates of his upper body. When she reached his waist with her fingers and mouth, he wasn’t sure that he was actually inside his body anymore, the feeling was so unreal.

He had never felt anything so divine, and at that moment, he knew he would never want a turian female again. He knew that no one could compare to Shepard anyway, not with her brains, brawn, and talent for leadership, but now it was so much more than that. She had ruined him for other women forever.

And their time had just begun.

She stopped and gave him a knowing grin as he felt himself beginning to spring loose from his plates. The bulge was visible and she must have caught it as she moved back up to kiss along his scarred cheek, sucking lightly on his mandible.

“I think it’s time to get rid of those pants, soldier,” she said softly.

“After you, Commander,” he replied, letting his voice rumble in the way he knew she liked.

“Fine with me,” but she turned around, letting him look at her back, a part of her that he hadn’t had a chance to touch yet, and he took a moment to run his hands along the soft skin there. “Can you help me out of this?” she asked over her shoulder.

It took him a second, but the clasp wasn’t difficult. He felt his pulse rise as the flimsy cloth fell away, exposing her entire back to him, knowing that she would turn around and he would finally see what she truly looked like under those clothes. She smiled back at him, and slowly rotated. He instinctively reached for her and pushed her back down onto the bed, resuming his perch over her, but this time, placing himself between her legs and trapping her with his hips.

She was stunning. The little pink nubs in the center of each breast were peaked at attention. Thinking back to the first time he had touched them through her shirt, he used that technique now and felt his plates loosen further, pressing himself at her core. Her breasts were even softer, if that were possible. The feeling was indescribable and glorious.

He had a moment of clarity where he remembered something from Mordin’s pamphlets. Gathering his courage to experiment, he leaned down and lightly licked at the center of her left breast as he squeezed it gently with his hand. Shepard lightly bucked her hips into him and threw her head back moaning.

“Garrus…” she whispered. _Guess that was a good idea_ , he thought with a smile while silently gloating over the fact that Commander Elizabeth Shepard was whispering his name. He traced her nipple in light circles with his tongue, and then gave some attention to the other breast. Each time he changed directions, he was rewarded with a new sound from the woman he loved. When he nipped lightly, so lightly, at her nipple with his teeth, careful not to hurt her or break the skin, she moaned louder than ever before and gripped his fringe with one of her hands while the other crumpled the sheets between her fingers.

“Spirits, you need to get those pants off. I thought I ordered you to do that a while ago,” she said, panting. He chuckled.

“Well, you didn’t quite finish disrobing either.”

“You can help me out with that any time now,” she said with a grin, her eyes wide with anticipation.

Garrus sat back on his knees and took in the view before him. Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, was laying almost naked, legs spread around him, and asking him to remove the remainder of her clothes. What else could he do but oblige?

With slightly trembling hands, he put his fingers under the waistband of her panties, rubbing the soft skin over her hip bones gently, as he pulled them downwards. He knew what she would look like – he had done enough research. And in fact, this part of her wasn’t that different from a female turian, except it would be softer and there would be no plates in the way, no seam between barriers that would have to be loosened to allow him access to her most private area.

He felt her watching him as she lifted her legs, allowing him to pull the black garment down over her feet and toss it to the side. Something in his face must have made her uncomfortable, because she cleared her throat and said, “So, uh…too weird for you?”

He quickly flashed her a mischievous grin and replied, “Not at all. Just taking in the magnificent view.”

_Ok, Vakarian_ , he coached himself, _You read up on this. You know what to do._

He reached up with his right hand and began massaging her breast again while he used his left hand to gently palm the space between Shepard’s legs. He could see her eyes roll back in her head with pleasure as they closed again, more fervent moans escaping her lips, and Garrus was fairly positive that he heard his name several times. She was so wet. He had read that would be the case, but he was surprised at how wet she really was. He knew that meant she was excited for him and that thrilled him all the more.

_I want her_ , he thought as he searched for the hidden orb that he knew would bring her close to climax. _No…I need her_.

He found it, and she nearly screamed as he teased it, but he could tell she was pleased. He brought his right hand back down and decided to give something a try – continuing his ministrations to the swollen nub between her legs, he used his other hand and gently slipped one finger inside her.

She was so tight. He felt his cock twitch as he thought about what it would feel like to _be_ inside her, to be joined in that way. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold out, but he was determined to give her pleasure and not take for himself.

“You really did your research, didn’t you?” he heard her say.

“I give every mission my full attention,” he smirked.

“All right, Garrus,” she moaned again as he pressed his finger in and out of her entrance. “Now it’s really time to get those pants off and see what you’re packing.”

He mourned the loss of her clenching around his finger as she pulled herself into a sitting position. She propped up some pillows on the headboard, fluffing them into position. Garrus took full advantage of the view he got in that moment from behind. He hadn’t seen her rear without clothes on before – the flair of her hips widening into the perfectly shaped cheeks that formed her ass. He couldn’t resist – he reached out and kneaded them softly. She gasped and grinned at him over her shoulder. “Plenty of time for you to play with that in a minute,” she said. “Now lie down and get these off.”

She pushed him onto the pillows and, sitting next to him, began tugging at the waistband of his trousers. Garrus suddenly felt nervous. He knew she had seen a naked turian male before. He knew she had even slept with one, but what would she think of him?

But no sooner had he thought that, then he was at ease again. As she undid the clasps at his waist and worked his pants off of him, careful not to catch the cloth on his spurs, her face echoed the emotions he had been feeling for the past hour.

Need. He saw it in her eyes just as he felt it in his own.

But for the second time in the past hour, Garrus was completely unprepared for what came next. He had expected Shepard to touch him, her smaller hands felt absolutely blissful as they stroked him, slowly at first and then with more vigor. But then she began to move her head close to his manhood. When she blew across the tip, Garrus’s eyes widened as he realized what she was going to do. Before he could stop her, she had run her tongue down his length in one long lick, from the base to the head.

Garrus yelped in surprised. “Lizzie, what are you doing? Mordin said –“

“I know exactly what Mordin said,” she replied with a smile, placing a light kiss on his tip and forcing his eyes even wider. “Don’t you think I got something from him too?”

“But, I haven’t seen you take anything,” he protested.

“I had a feeling you might come up.” She was gripping his cock at the base with her hand and moved her mouth in position again. He felt himself twitch at the sight. This had never been done for him before…the idea of a turian female’s teeth near him was frightening, to say the least. But Shepard…

“Took it before you got here.”

And then she dove in, taking as much of him in her mouth as she could.

“Lizzie…” he moaned, unable to think, unable to do anything but be acutely aware of the sensation between his legs. She bobbed up and down over his length, humming lightly and nearly sending him over the edge a few times, but she always stopped just as he was about to explode, gripping the base before reinitiating the slow, beautiful torture she was inflicting upon him.

But eventually, it was almost too much. She must have known, because she stopped and looked up at him, a wicked smile on her face.

“I’m guessing that was new for you,” she said.

“Good guess,” he sighed, laying his head back on the pillow in disbelief.

But she wasn’t done with him yet. His muscles trembled as he watched the lithe, gorgeous, naked form of his commander climb over his legs, placing her wet, warm core just above his twitching member.

“You ready?” she whispered, placing one hand on his chest, the other lightly holding his cock in place.

“Spirits, yes,” he said as he gripped her hips, looked up into those green eyes and waited. Meeting his gaze, she slowly lowered herself onto him and Garrus dug his talons into her skin as he felt her surround him. It was even better than he had imagined. If he thought he was ruined for other women before, he knew it was a complete loss now. Lizzie Shepard was more than a goddess. Her tight, wet sex clenched around him as she slowly began to rock her hips back and forth. He moved his hands from her hips to her ass, grasping and groping, pushing her down onto him harder and faster. After a few moments, he finally gathered enough sense to reach up and gripped her breasts in his hands, plucking at her nipples while she threw her head back. Her hair was loose and wild, her cheeks flushed and hot, and above him, she was perhaps the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

He released her right breast and slowly dragged his fingers down her waist, her hips, and reached for the pearl he knew would make her call his name again. When he found it, he was not disappointed, as her rhythm became more hurried and she whispered his name over and over again.

He was so close, and if the tightness of her around him was any indication, she was too. His suspicions were confirmed when she stopped rocking and leaned down to him, pressing those superb breasts into his chest.

“Take me, Garrus,” she whispered. “I’ve waited so long for you. Take me now.”

He didn’t need any further encouragement. Without dislodging from her, he gripped her by the waist and hips and turned them over, enjoying the light laugh he got from his girl as he took charge. He propped himself up on his knees and positioned her hips until they were both comfortable. Slowly at first, he pushed in and out of her, moaning with each thrust as she gasped. Soon, he felt himself beginning to lose control. His thrusts became quicker and more desperate while Shepard’s cries became more reckless and she thrashed beneath him, bucking her hips into him, returning thrust for thrust.

When he was almost there, he placed both hands beside her head and pushed his forehead down until it met hers. He didn’t kiss her. He simply showed her, in his turian way, that he respected and loved her more than anyone. Even with the blood rushing in his veins, he could tell she felt the same. He almost didn’t realize he was saying it, but he heard his own voice sigh.

“I love you.”

Those three words sent her crashing over the edge. As his final surprise for the entire time they spent together, he felt her rhythmically pulse around him, her nails scratching into his back, pulling him as close as she could. The sensation was enough to push him to ecstasy right after her. He rode the climax out, pushing deeper and deeper as he spilled his love and joy inside of her, almost unable to breathe as he heard her call his name one more time before collapsing against the mattress in a heap.

He didn’t want to pull out of her. He wanted to stay like this forever, but he knew his weight would hurt her sooner or later. Reluctantly, he rolled off of her, unable to speak for several moments – unable to even think.

He wanted to live. He had a reason to live. If life with Elizabeth Shepard could be had, that was all he needed to go on. He would fight for her. He would die for her. But he would _live_ for her.

What was the phrase the humans used to describe what they had just done? Making love? It had seemed strange to him before, but turning to look at the human woman next to him, panting with her hair slightly matted to her face, he understood what it meant. And it was perhaps the most apt description of how he felt.

She rolled into him, nestling into the crook of his arm as he pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head. Their chests heaved as they tried to catch their breath, but he heard her whisper.

“I love you, too, Garrus.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Their time was up all too quickly.

Sex with Garrus had been more than she could have ever dreamed. She had loved before. She had slept with men she had loved before, or at least men she thought she loved, but Garrus Vakarian was so much more than that. She didn’t just love him. She needed him. He was a part of her, and though he still didn’t know it, he had shaped her into who she was.

But Joker’s voice interrupted her newly found bliss.

“Commander, we’re about fifteen minutes out from the Relay and the Illusive Man wants to speak to you before we go through.”

Shepard sighed and sat up, fully conscious of Garrus’s fingers continuing to stroke her bare back. She shuddered with pleasure as she looked down at him, his mandibles spread in a pleased grin.

“Thanks, Joker,” she said. “I’ll be right there.”

As soon as she heard the click signaling silence on the channel, she ran her fingers over Garrus’s chest and said, “So…I guess we’ll have to pick this up after we blow the Collectors to hell…or something like that.” She couldn’t meet his gaze now. This was the part she had dreaded. She finally had him – the turian she had wanted for twelve years. Here he was, lying in her bed after the most mind-blowing sex she had ever had in her life – and they might die in a few short minutes.

“Oh, we’ll blow them to hell, Lizzie. Don’t doubt that.” She couldn’t help but smile at him then, his confident tone reminding her of one of the many reasons she loved Garrus Vakarian. “There’s nothing in the galaxy that will stop me from being with you again. Collectors, Reapers, damn them all!”

“I’m glad you’re with me, Garrus,” she said quietly.

“I’ll be there. At your six the whole time,” he sat up and pulled her into his chest again. She tried to memorize how it felt to be in his arms right then, his heart beat pulsing in her ear, his arms wrapped around her naked body, his breath hot on her cheek. If she died today, she wanted this memory to be her last thought.

“Welp,” she pulled away reluctantly. “Let’s go see what Delores wants before we go where no man has gone before.”

“Should I know that reference?” Garrus asked, puzzled at the phrase.

“Old Earth sci-fi vid,” she responded as she stood up, reaching for her clothes. “When we get through this, I have so many of those to show you. We can spend lots of time laughing at the human idea of aliens.”

She had to stay positive. She had to hope. And if the thought of sharing a night of cheesy sci-fi vids with her favorite turian would give the illusion that they would make it through this day alive, then she would pretend – for Garrus and for herself.

He looked at her closely. She knew he could see right through her, but all he did was smile and nod as he stood up next to her.

“Deal.”


	28. What You Were Born to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The assault begins...

“We need someone with tech skills to hack that security system. Tali, you’re up.”

Garrus approved of that choice. He didn’t like the idea of Tali having to go off by herself through the ventilation shaft of the Collector base, but there was no one Shepard could trust more to be loyal and get the job done at the same time.

“I won’t let you down,” Tali said.

“The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage,” Shepard continued. Garrus couldn’t help but admire Shepard as she took charge of the situation. His thoughts slowly drifted to the way she had felt in his arms less than an hour ago. He shook his head to clear it from the feelings of amazement that coursed through him as he recalled the way she spoke his name softly and relaxed under his touch. This woman – so capable of commanding armies and doing the impossible – was his at the end of the day, and he would have it no other way.

“That should draw the Collectors’ attention away from what you’re doing,” she concluded. Miranda volunteered to lead the second team. Garrus stifled a chuckle at the young eagerness of both Jacob and Miranda to fill key roles. He could tell from Shepard’s body language that she was not interested in martyrs today, and he held his tongue from seconding Jack’s response to Miranda’s offer.

“Not so fast, Cheerleader. Nobody wants to take orders from you.”

“This isn’t a popularity contest. Lives are at stake!” Miranda replied indignantly. “Shepard – you need someone who can command loyalty through experience.”

Garrus watched as Shepard looked down at the wood paneling where her hands rested for a moment. He could tell she was struggling with this decision for some reason, and when she looked up and straight into his eyes, he knew why.

“Garrus –“ she paused, meeting his surprised gaze. “You’re in charge of the second team.”

_No_ , he thought. _No. Not after everything. You are_ not _separating us again._

But he wouldn’t question her authority in front of the team. Controlling his disappointment, he simply nodded his assent. He didn’t hear most of what else was said before the team was dismissed. He knew Shepard was giving some sort of inspirational speech, but he was too upset to truly pay attention. Besides, he didn’t need her speech to give him motivation to do his best and live. All he needed was to think of how she had felt under his touch just an hour before…

“Let’s bring our people home,” he heard her say, a clear signal that it was time to go. She quickly added, “Garrus, can you stay back a minute? Everyone else, meet up in the airlock.”

The crew shuffled out quickly. Garrus ignored the teasing look Kasumi tossed him as she walked out the door and turned to Shepard. _Really_ , he thought, _That woman is thinking about that at a time like this?_

As soon as the doors slid shut and they were alone, he let his frustration out.

“I’m not leading the second team, Lizzie. I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” he said, just shy of a snarl.

“Garrus…” she walked over to him and ran her gloved hand down his armored forearm. He stiffened under her touch, not wanting to allow her to change his mind, but she continued. “There’s no one else I trust to lead that second team.”

“Bullshit, Shepard. Any number of people could command that second team and I could stay with you, watching your six like I always do. Like I’m _meant_ to do.”

“This isn’t about you,” she said, a new tone of anger rising in her voice that surprised him. She stepped back from him and said, “This isn’t about me. This isn’t about _us_. This is about taking down the Collectors and saving the galaxy, or at least doing the best fucking job we can. This is so much bigger than your life, the crew’s lives, or…” she trailed off and her voice dropped back to a more normal register. “Or my life.”

He let her words roll over him before he responded, more patiently this time. “But why me, Lizzie? I can’t lead a team. I thought we both learned that the hard way on Omega…”

“Damn it, Garrus! You are so much more than you allow yourself to be!” Again, she had that frustrated note to her tone. His visor told him her pulse had raised dramatically and her chest heaved with weighted breaths. “I’m not going to let you live under my shadow anymore! You are the best man – best turian – I’ve ever known. The best living _being_ I’ve ever worked with. I don’t want to let you out of my sight anymore than you want to let me out of yours, but this is the way it has to be. You will lead that team, and you will do a damn fine job of it, because leading is what you were _born_ to do! You’ve just been stuck under my command too goddamn long!”

Her face softened and she stepped close to him again, this time reaching up with both hands and cupping his entire face, forcing him to look at her.

“I want to _live_ , Garrus. I want to be with you more than anything. And if there is any chance of us getting out of this mission alive, then you _have_ to lead that second team.”

He was silent for several moments, contemplating all she had said. Even after all the time they had spent together, and even after the knowledge that she loved him, he had no idea that she thought of him as a born leader. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever, digesting the conversation they had just had, but he was also keenly aware of the minutes they were wasting.

“Make me one promise, and I will lead whatever team you want,” he said softly, putting down his rifle and pulling her toward him.

“I won’t promise until I hear what it is,” she said with a half-smile.

“Promise me that you will take Mordin with you on your team. He’s one of the only people I trust to watch your six besides me.”

She shook her head at him, but she was smiling.

“That’s a promise I can keep. Now let’s go kick some Collector ass,” she whispered with a grin and stood on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his mouth, deep and longing. Reluctantly, he released her and grabbed his rifle as they both headed for the door.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

She hated this. Every minute of it. As her team filed out of the airlock and began to split for their different assignments, she felt her stomach churn. She watched as Tali headed for the ventilation shaft, her heart nervous for her friend. She locked eyes with Garrus as he headed with his team for the secondary passage. She hoped her face showed him across the distance between them what he meant to her. He nodded at her, seeming to understand in her eyes what her mouth couldn’t say.

_But this must be done_ , she reminded herself. She knew she was selfish – deep down she knew it. But even though she was selfish, this was something she could not afford to be selfish about. Her tech expert best friend and her turian lover were the best choices for their respective jobs – possibly the best choices available in the galaxy. She had to put aside her own fears and make sure that if this mission failed, it would not be because of a selfish decision on her part.

With Grunt on her left and Mordin on her right, Shepard moved forward, pulling out her weapon and assuming her position as leader.

“ _I’m inside the ventilation shaft, Shepard. It’s hot in here, but it’s clear as far as I can tell,”_ Tali said over the comm..

“Second team,” Shepard said. “Are you in position?”

She was relieved to hear Garrus’s voice clearly on the comm. And dammit if he didn’t stir something within her when she heard his confident dual-toned voice.

“ _In position. Meet you on the other side of those doors_.”

She turned to the krogan and salarian behind her. “You two ready?”

“Hell yes,” Grunt replied with a pound of his fists.

“Ready as ever, Shepard,” Mordin nodded.

“All right, move out!”

Somehow, even though they were separated, she felt as if Garrus was reading her mind. He spoke clearly and calmly over the comm, giving her regular updates on his team’s progress, and each time he did, she felt her nerves relax a little, allowing her to focus more on the assignments of her own squad.

As they rounded a corner, Shepard was relieved to see Tali ahead through the ventilation shaft.

“ _I’m stuck. Something’s blocking the pipe. Looks like some kind of gate,”_ Tali reported.

“Hold on, Tali. There’s a valve here. Should be able to open the gate,” Shepard said as she pushed the valve.

_“The gate is open. Moving forward.”_

“Keep your eyes open for more valves, so we can get Tali through as quickly as possible.”

Mordin and Grunt nodded behind her as they continued to press forward. They fought through groups of Collector Drones, some directly controlled by Harbinger. But Shepard had faith in her team. Regular updates from Tali and Garrus spurred her onward, and before she knew it, her team had arrived at the rendezvous point.

“We’re in position,” she said. “We need this door open now!”

She could hear Garrus on the comm. “ _Go, we’ll cover you!”_

_That’s my Garrus_ , she thought with a smile as she fought off the Collectors in front of her, backing her team up against the door. _Take charge, Big Guy._

She heard Tali frantically mutter, “ _Something’s wrong. The door’s stuck!”_

_Come on, Tali. You can do this…_

And she did. The door behind them slid open at just the right moment, allowing Shepard, Grunt, and Mordin to run to the safety of the room it revealed.

She heard Garrus at her side then and breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped up to the plate.

“Suppressing fire! Don’t let anyone through that door!”

Finally, the door slammed shut.

“Nice work, Tali. I knew you wouldn’t let me down,” she said, panting. But as the team reconvened, Shepard realized they had bigger problems.

As she took in their surroundings, she saw the horrific sight before her. The colonists, and her crewmembers – Chakwas, Gabby, Ken, Kelly – all in pods with relaxed expressions as if they were asleep. To her surprise, one of the colonists began to awaken, and Shepard felt bile rise in her throat as they watched, powerless to help, as the woman was disintegrated before their very eyes.

“Get them out of there! Hurry!”

The team quickly scrambled to break as many of the victims out of the pods as they could. Shepard ran to Chakwas’s pod and pulled her out of the enclosure. She caught Karin in her arms and cried, “Dr. Chakwas! Are you okay?”

She was a little hurt that Karin was so surprised that she had come for them, but she chalked that up to the experience of being kidnapped and sedated. _No time to worry about hurt feelings now_ , she reminded herself. _We have to get these people back to the_ Normandy _and move forward._

“Why are they doing this?” Shepard asked in disbelief. “What are they doing with our genetic material?”

“I don’t know,” Karin answered. “I’m just glad you got here before it happened to us.”

“So are we. But we still have a job to do,” Miranda joined in, and Shepard had to admit that she was right. As Joker and EDI explained their situation, Shepard devised a plan to get to the main control room. She asked Jack to create a biotic barrier to protect them from the seeker swarms while a secondary team would provide a distraction by going through the main passage. Shepard looked at Garrus and knew he wouldn’t like what she was about to ask him to do, but his eyes told her that he would do it anyway. In fact, she didn’t even have to say anything, he simply responded to her silent request.

“I’ll keep the defenders busy,” he said. “You slip around the back.”

She liked the Garrus she was seeing today. She liked him before, of course, but perhaps her private speech had actually done him some good, boosted his confidence enough that he was beginning to believe it himself.

Her last task was to assign someone to escort the crew back to the ship. As she took stock of her options, she decided to send Legion. He had plenty of experience defending himself from large numbers of opponents, he had been on his own for a long periods of time, and she had faith he would get her friends back to the ship safely. There was something about that piece of N7 armor he had used to patch up his “hole” that made Shepard believe that somehow the collective of geth intelligences embodied in Legion admired her in some way and wouldn’t let her down.

The team separated into their assignments again. Shepard tried to catch Garrus’s eye before he disappeared from view. As he always did, he nodded and added a light smile before she rounded the corner and was gone.

Squaring off her shoulders, she set off with Grunt and Mordin, prepared to face whatever came next. She had made a good choice in Jack. Shepard didn’t like that the swarms interfered with her communication with Garrus’s team, but she could still hear his voice. As long as she could hear him, she knew he was alive and still fighting. Jack’s field never wavered as the team fought through Collectors and husks under the protection of the biotic barrier.

“Harbinger is really pissing me off today,” Shepard admitted to her team.

“I’d like to skewer his head on a pike and roast him,” Grunt said. “It would be better than the shit Gardner makes us eat.”

“You and me both, Grunt. But eating other sapient species just kind of makes me feel sick. I’ll do the roasting, you can tell me how it tastes.”

“Wouldn’t taste like much,” Mordin joined as he fired at the controlled Collector in front of them. “Too much sinew.”

“Leave it to the scientist to take all the fun out of things,” but Shepard was smiling. It cheered her spirits to joke with her team – her friends – as they fought for their lives and the lives of all organic life in the galaxy. The mood lightened the load, just slightly, that weighed down on her shoulders.

“You idiots done dickin’ around?” Jack said, but one corner of her mouth was turned up into a smile. “I can’t hold this thing forever.”

“Well, look who got her panties in a twist,” Shepard teased. “But yeah, we’re movin’, Jack. Grunt, take that guy out!”

And they were back to business. The regular updates from Garrus kept coming, and Shepard found that she was hopeful. It was a strange feeling, this hope that came from the support of her team as they moved against the impossible, but it was there all the same. But as Shepard watched, Jack moved slower and slower, so slow that Shepard’s sigh of relief at the sight of light in front of them was audible, even on the comm.

“Hold on. We’re almost there,” Shepard said, trying to encourage Jack as she struggled with the barrier. When the doors swung open in front of them, Shepard stood back as Jack released an impressive pulse of energy, knocking out all the Collector Drones that threatened them.

Her relief quickly dissipated when she heard Garrus’s strained voice over the comm.

“ _We’re pinned down at the door. Taking heavy fire.”_

“We’re coming, just hold on,” she said and then yelled, “Get this door open!”

She spun and helped fight off the waves of enemies as Garrus and his team slipped through the opening. Shepard turned just in time to see Garrus take a shot to the chest.

There was no time for words. Garrus had been hit. She ran to him and looked for a wound, but nearly cried out when he took a step forward and stood up to face her.

“I’m fine,” he said softly, reaching for her hand. “Just knocked the wind out of me.”

She nodded, clearing her throat of the acid that had arisen at the thought of Garrus being hurt, and said, “Don’t scare me like that again, Garrus.”

“Don’t separate us again, Commander,” he replied almost too quickly, but she could tell there was a hint of seriousness to his statement. She looked up into those blue eyes, remembering the first time he had ever given her a command.

 

_“Promise me you won’t get drunk like that alone again,” he had that look on his face that she thought was a smile._

_“I won’t promise that. But I will promise to bring my gun next time.”_

_He chuckled and his subharmonics rumbled. “Better than nothing, I guess.” And with that, he turned back to the Citadel._

 

It seemed like another life. Had that been her? Truly? A nineteen year old marine, fresh out of basic, getting herself wasted on the Citadel over her teenage love? And Garrus…stalwart, loyal, just, and true Garrus…had been there to pick up the pieces.

And now he asked to stay with her, to fight at her side, not just deal with the aftermath of her mistakes and choices.

“Turn about’s fair play, I suppose. You got it, Big Guy,” she said, cuffing him lightly on the arm. “Let’s finish this.”


	29. Worth Fighting For

Garrus could see the relief in Shepard’s face when Joker and EDI reported that the crew had made it safely back to the _Normandy_. His own face had probably looked very similar when Shepard had promised not to separate them again. He had done what she asked, but no more. The tension was rising; everyone could tell they were close to the end of the mission. Garrus refused to be anywhere but at Shepard’s side, but he interrupted his musings to pay attention to EDI’s instructions.

“ _There should be some nearby platforms that will take you to the main control console_ ,” the AI explained over the comm. “ _From there_ _you can overload the system and destroy the base.”_

Joker’s voice intruded on the conversation. “ _Commander? You got a problem. Hostiles massing just outside the door. Won’t be long until they bust through.”_

Garrus watched Shepard closely. He didn’t see fear in her face. He didn’t see resignation either. For the first time since they had left her cabin earlier that day, he thought he saw a flicker of hope, a spark of something to drive her forward. With a quick glance at him, she jumped up on the ledge in front of the team and turned to face them all.

“A rearguard could defend this position and keep the Collectors from overwhelming us.”

Miranda jumped forward for the third or fourth time that day, Garrus had lost track, and volunteered her assistance. “Pick a team to go with you, Shepard. Everyone else can bunker down here and cover your back.”

Shepard’s eyes snapped to Garrus. She had made him a promise, after all, and he was pleased that she seemed intent on keeping it.

“Garrus. Mordin. You’re with me,” she said authoritatively.

“I’m ready, Commander,” Garrus said, stepping up and assuming his place behind her. He heard Mordin say something to his left, but he was no longer paying attention to anyone but the human woman in front of him. Something had changed in her. Something was different. Her vital signs seemed normal, but she was exuding some sort of aura – her very presence emitting conviction and certainty. He had never seen her look that way before.

 

 _“I want to_ live _, Garrus. I want to be with you more than anything.”_

 

She had said that when they were alone, only an hour before. Garrus silently wondered if he was radiating with a similar quality. Could love really change someone so dramatically and visibly? He was starting to believe it could.

But his appreciation of his Commander had to be more focused. She was speaking now. One of those speeches she often gave before an important mission, and this might be the most important mission they had been on yet. He looked around and noticed that the entire crew was hanging on every word, and Garrus, in turn, looked at Elizabeth Shepard, _his_ Elizabeth Shepard, and did the same.

“The Collectors, the Reapers – they aren’t a threat to us. They’re a threat to everything – everyone. Those are the lives we’re fighting for. That’s the scale.”

She began pacing as she continued. “It’s been a long journey, and no one’s coming out without scars. But it all comes down to this moment.” She paused again, making eye contact with each member of her team. “We win or lose it all in the next few minutes. Make me proud. Make yourselves proud.”

“We’ll do our best,” Miranda said. “Good luck, Shepard.”

With that, the platform under their feet began to move.

“Very inspiring. Reminded me of Kirrahe,” Mordin stated as he pulled out his weapon, drawing in and letting out a breath slowly. “They will hold the line, Shepard.”

“Yeah, I know they will,” Shepard said.

“And we’ll be here,” Garrus added, walking over to her as he touched her arm lightly. “Right behind you, Shepard.”

She smiled at him, something distant in her expression. “I’ve always been able to count on you, Garrus. You’ve always been there – always fought for me.”

Garrus wasn’t sure what to think of the strange waver in her voice. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but he didn’t want her to lose the confidence she had shown just a few minutes before. She needed to fight. She needed to believe they could win this. He wouldn’t let her give up now.

He leaned toward her so that only she could hear him. “Because you’re worth fighting for,” he said.

“Thank you for believing in me.” Her bright green eyes flashed at him.

“No, Lizzie, thank _you_ for believing in me,” he stroked her cheek briefly and then said, “Now let’s blow this place to hell and go home.”

Her teeth flashed in response as she replied, “You got it, Big Guy.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

It all seemed almost too easy. They had fought off waves of Collectors effortlessly. In fact, Mordin and Garrus had started up the kill count, competing for headshots. But now, as the platform moved and EDI tried to explain what they might find in the next room, Shepard had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something wasn’t right.

“ _The tubes are feeding into some kind of super-structure_ ,” EDI said. “ _It is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures. Given these readings, it must be massive.”_

Just as the ceiling widened above them, EDI’s voice halted. “ _Shepard, if my calculations are correct, the super-structure…is a Reaper.”_

Shepard looked up at the abomination in front of her. It was grotesque. There was no other way to describe it. Now she understood what the Collectors had been doing, why the Reapers wanted so many humans. They were using the genetic material to create an atrocity of a Reaper with human form.

“Not just any Reaper – a human Reaper,” she said with disgust.

She asked EDI more questions, trying to figure out why the Reapers would want a human version, but in the end, she knew that she simply had to crush it.

“This thing is an abomination. EDI, how do we destroy it?” she asked.

“ _The large tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link. Destroying them should cause the supports to collapse, and the Reaper to fall,_ ” EDI explained. But just as EDI spoke, Shepard heard the familiar sound of platforms approaching.

“Ok team, destroy these Collector bastards, and shoot the shit out of the tubes when you can!” Garrus and Mordin assumed their usual positions and they prepared to take down the newly arriving enemies. Shepard grew a little nervous as the waves came faster and faster. _They are really defending this thing_ , she thought, but after several minutes, she only had one tube left to shoot down.

“Shoot the tubes!” she heard Garrus call from her left.

She looked up, and fired a shot, collapsing the final tube. The three of them watched as the horror of the human Reaper fell to the pit below. Shepard let out a deep breath as she and Garrus stepped to the edge of the platform, peering over to make sure the construct was really gone.

She met Garrus’s eyes and smiled in relief. He returned her gaze and smiled back. _We might actually win this thing_ , she thought as she stared at him.

“Shepard to ground team,” she said into the comm. “Status report.”

“ _It’s Thane_ ,” she heard the drell’s voice crackle amidst gunfire. “ _We are holding, but they keep coming. A quick exit is preferable_.”

“Head to the _Normandy._ Joker – prep the engines. I’m about to overload this place and blow it sky high.” She bent down to place the charges necessary to accomplish just that.

“ _Roger that, Commander_ ,” Joker replied. “ _Uh, Commander, I’ve got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI’s patching it through.”_

Mordin held up his omni-tool, allowing Bertha’s face to pop up in front of her and spout platitudes about her work and the mission.

 _I am so done listening to you, Bertha_ , she thought. _You have sent me into traps, lied to me, almost gotten me and my team killed countless times. This mission is over, and I owe you nothing._

She couldn’t believe what he wanted her to do this time. Save the base? Turn the data over to him? Was he serious?

Yes, yes he was. But she wouldn’t let that happen.

Garrus muttered something in support of the proposition, but just barely. She gave him credit for trying to help her see the other side, just like a good second in command would do, and Shepard stowed that thought away for further consideration. But no, logical reasons or not, this time her mind was set.

“We’ll fight and win without it. I won’t let fear compromise who I am.”

Shepard didn’t miss the approving nod she got from Garrus before she turned to finish placing the charges. She didn’t even have to ask her turian to do anything, he simply cut off the channel and helped her finish the job.

“Let’s move,” she said, replacing the core. “We’ve got ten minutes before the reactor overloads and blows this whole station apart.”

But just as she turned to leave, the entire platform began to shake. _Oh that’s not good_ , she thought. Her fear worsened as she turned to see what was rising from the depths of the pit next to them.

The Reaper Embryo wasn’t dead…and apparently it was also aware, because it was back and it was not happy about being dropped.

“Take cover!” she yelled at her team, and Garrus and Mordin quickly found places to shield themselves while Shepard studied the enemy in front of them, looking for weaknesses. The Baby Reaper seemed to have less armor at the points that represented its eyes and stomach. She fired a test shot at the structure’s eye socket and was rewarded with a mechanical roar from the abomination before her.

“Try to fire at its eyes and stomach. The armor is weaker there!”

She, Garrus, and Mordin did a strange dance all over the platforms. Garrus was particularly helpful as his aim and nerves under pressure were impeccable. She found herself dodging and moving from cover to cover, trying to draw the attention of the disgusting Reaper Larva to allow her turian to get as many clear shots as possible. Shepard pulled out her Collector Particle Beam and attempted to hit the weak spots as much as she could while darting from platform to platform.

After several minutes, their efforts were rewarded. Breathless, Shepard fired a final shot at the right eye socket of the Reaper and dropped to her knees when it burst into flames. But she couldn’t stay in that position for long. The Reaper Larva was collapsing and taking the platforms with it. Shepard grasped at anything she could to keep her balance as the platform tipped from one extreme to the other.

She felt it before she saw what was happening. Her gut told her to turn around and look for Garrus. Just as she twisted, she saw him lose his grip and begin to slide.

“No!” she screamed as she dove after him. He was clutching, grasping helplessly at the metal platform that threatened to throw him to a grave below. Her heart raced. Her throat clenched. Her stomach did flips as she crashed down, hoping and praying to any god that would listen that she could get to him in time. _I can’t lose him now…_

She caught his hand for just a second, slowing his fall, but then his grip slipped. Just when she thought it was over, she reached over the edge and grabbed him with all the strength she could muster.

“I’m not letting go!” she shouted as the platform tipped back and she dug her foot in for a hold. She yanked Garrus up as quickly as she could, more relieved than words could express. She simply continued to grip his hand as both of them struggled to maintain any sort of balance. The platforms continued to reel and dip and toss them to and fro, rolling from one side to the other.

She heard a noise like something flying through the air and looked quickly behind her in time to see a platform soaring directly toward them. She didn’t have time to react before it all went black.

*******************

She awoke to the pain of something crushing her chest. Shepard’s eyes flashed open, taking in her surroundings. She was on her stomach with something very heavy holding her down. Using the fear-induced adrenaline she felt coursing through her limbs, she pushed up against the ground, grunting heavily. Lifting the metal off of herself, she glanced around for Garrus.

 _Please, please, please_ , she begged silently. _Please let me find him_.

She saw him. He was only a few steps away and her heart nearly stopped. Rushing to him, his eyes flashed open, that smug grin looking back up at her. Relieved, she helped him with the metal slab that held him to the ground and the two of them looked for Mordin, repeating the action.

She had no idea how long they had been out, but the simple fact that the station wasn’t blown up yet gave her hope that they still had time to escape.

Without warning, a familiar voice came through on the comm.

“ _Do you copy? Commander? Come on. Shepard, don’t leave me hanging. Do you copy?”_ Joker’s voice sounded slightly desperate and Shepard smiled fondly as she thought of her pilot and friend, still looking out for her. She had no intention of leaving him hanging.

“I’m here, Joker. Did the ground team make it?” she said quickly.

“ _All survivors on board. We’re just waiting on you.”_

She turned around to see a forbidding darkness approaching. _Seeker swarms_ , she thought. _Shit, we’ve gotta move!_

“Let’s move, people!” she shouted as she broke into a sprint. “Get out of here, now!”

She didn’t attempt to fight any of the Collectors they encountered on their way. Keeping an eye on Garrus, Shepard ran for her life, making sure that her turian stayed on pace ahead of her.

_This all means nothing if he doesn’t make it._

She laughed out loud when she saw Joker with an assault rifle in the air lock of the _Normandy_. She probably looked and sounded a little mad, but she didn’t care.

Love. Hope. _Life_.

Everything lay just a few yards ahead of her, where Joker stood above her. If she could just make it in time…

She watched as Mordin and Garrus jumped aboard the ship, her heart singing with joy that Garrus would be safe. He turned around to look at her, his blue eyes pleading for her to run faster.

She couldn’t explain it, but she felt an extra push as she made it to the ledge and leaped, not breaking eye contact with her turian officer, legs spinning in the air beneath her. With those eyes focused on her, it was enough.

She felt Garrus’s strong arms grip her as she barely grasped the edge of the airlock. He pulled her up and gripped her tightly against his chest.

Shepard heard the airlock close behind her. There was no time left. She stepped around Garrus and followed Joker into the cockpit, watching nervously as he demonstrated his master of the controls, pulling them out of the base and pushing the ship as fast as it could go. She knew now there was nothing she could do – it was all up to Joker and the ship.

She felt the explosion of the base behind them, pushing them forward. Joker’s fingers worked frantically at the controls as he programmed a jump. Shepard could feel Garrus behind her. He must have sensed her unease, because he put a hand around her waist, steadying her. She looked up at him gratefully just as the ship lurched, freeing them from the destruction of the base.

Garrus’s grip on her waist tightened as her knees began to buckle. The adrenaline rush was fading now, leaving her body to its own devices.

“You did it,” Garrus said. “It’s over.”

“No,” she replied. “We did it,” and flashed him a truly peaceful smile. She looked behind them at the mess of the ship. It had held together, but it had clearly taken some damage.

“This ship is pretty amazing,” she reflected quietly.

“You remember it’s based on a turian and human design, right?” Garrus smirked at her. “Turians and humans are pretty impressive together, it seems.”

Shepard thought about that statement for a moment as she surveyed the ship again. It was a perfect comparison, perhaps more so than Garrus even realized… The _Normandy_ , her commander and her turian.  

 

 _“No, Lizzie, thank_ you _for believing in me,”Garrus stroked her cheek briefly and then said, “Now let’s blow this place to hell and go home.”_

Home. The _Normandy was_ her home – as long as Garrus was there with her.

“I think that might be the understatement of the millennium, Officer Vakarian,” she smiled at the turian she loved standing in the cockpit of her ship. Both of them alive. Both of them safe. The ship intact. It was nothing short of a miracle, but whatever she wanted to call it was irrelevant in that moment.

She was _home_.

“Joker, get us as far away from that base as you can. And EDI, patch me through to the Illusive Man. I have a few words for him.”

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Joker replied, a clear note of relief in his voice.

She released herself from Garrus’s strong arm, finally able to find her legs.

“As for you, Vakarian,” she said, lowering her voice. “Meet me in my cabin in fifteen. We have some post-battle stress to…uh…” she gave Garrus a markedly suggestive up-down glance, “work out.”

“Seriously, Shepard?” Joker asked. “You had to say that in front of me? Too much information…”

“Like you didn’t know already,” she snorted when Joker huffed and waved his hand at her dismissively. She turned to Garrus, eyebrows raised. “Garrus?”

Her favorite turian grinned back at her.

“I’ll be there when you need me, Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go.... :D


	30. All the Way from Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: The final installment! I hope you enjoy it!

The first thing to breach Garrus’s consciousness every morning since destroying the Collector base was a strange blue light behind his eyes. In his first moments of sleepy awareness, he was always slightly disoriented, especially since there was a warm pressure pushing against his chest. But as his eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the light that awoke him, he remembered where he was, seeing first the glow of Shepard’s empty fish tank and then noticing the sleeping woman nestled against his chest and curled up in his arms.

He loved these precious moments before she woke. She snored lightly, but wouldn’t let him move away from her. Whenever he tried to change positions, she would wiggle in her sleep to find his warmth and curl against him in some awkward position. He usually just chuckled quietly and readjusted her so they could both be comfortable and lay there, watching her peaceful expression in his embrace.

It had taken them a few weeks, but the _Normandy_ was starting to look like her old self. They had traveled back through the Omega 4 Relay and stopped at a nearby planet for supplies and repairs. Garrus wasn’t sure he had ever been happier in his life. He felt selfish for being so happy, knowing that the Reapers were still coming, still out there, that there was still a mission to be accomplished. But while the ship was being repaired, both he and Shepard knew there was nothing they could do about it. The forced downtime provided them with perhaps the first real break they had had since before Eden Prime two years ago, and Garrus had been determined to enjoy it.

He didn’t need as much sleep as humans did, but Garrus had been relieved that Shepard was finally able to get some real rest. He knew she hadn’t been sleeping well since being revived. He hadn’t seen her very often awake at odd times of the night himself, but there were more than enough mission assignments and reports sent in the early morning hours, evidence that she was clearly not sleeping. But since the destruction of the Collector base, she fell asleep soundly in his arms after they made love each night and didn’t wake until at least 0700 hours each day.

Checking the time on his omni-tool, Garrus attempted to quietly dislodge the sleeping Commander from his arms. Throwing on his clothes quietly, he grabbed his boots, but didn’t put them on until he had stepped into the elevator, afraid that the sound of his heavy feet on the metal floor would wake her. He made his way down to the mess for two cups of coffee, one dextro for him and one levo for her, the same as he had every morning since their victory over the Collectors.

The crewmembers nodded at him when he entered the mess. No one had said anything about the fact that he was no longer sleeping in the Main Battery. Everyone knew. It wasn’t a secret, but whether out of respect for the Commander, respect for the mission they had just successfully completed, or a newfound respect for him as Shepard’s right hand, the crew seemed to easily acknowledge and accept the relationship between Shepard and her turian officer. There was an  unspoken understanding on the ship – they had all done the impossible and come back alive. No judgment took place amongst soldiers who had been through that kind of ordeal together.

Gardner was awake and ready for him, as he always was. Garrus thanked the human with a nod as the cook handed him two mugs already prepared. He turned to make his way back to the elevator, but as he rounded the corner, he nearly spilled both mugs of hot liquid all over himself as Dr. Chakwas exited the elevator.

“Oh, Garrus!” she exclaimed. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“It’s no problem, Doctor,” he replied, re-establishing his grip on both drinks. “I wasn’t watching very carefully either.”

“All the same, I’m sorry,” she said apologetically. Garrus noticed then why the doctor had not been watching where she was going. Her omni-tool interface was still on and she had clearly been reading it before bumping into him. As he looked at her more closely, he could tell that whatever she had been reading was troubling her, because her brow quickly returned to a furrowed glance at the message she had pulled up. Noticing his concern, she shut the interface down and smiled back at him.

“Is everything all right?” he asked.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Just concerned about my favorite doctor,” he said, attempting to appear nonchalant. “You look a little…anxious.”

“Favorite doctor, huh?” she teased. “I would think that Dr. Michel would be your favorite. I seem to recall you saved her life a few years back.”

“I think I topped that when we just recently saved yours,” he replied with a grin.

“Yes, thank you for that, by the way,” she smiled at him, but Garrus was distressed to see that wrinkles creased her forehead again. “But really, I’m fine. Just received a bit of news from back home…from the Alliance actually.”

Garrus raised his eyebrow plates in surprise. The Alliance? Why would they be contacting the doctor?

“That’s strange…” he muttered.

“I suppose it might seem that way,” she replied. “But Admiral Hackett needed some information about our progress, and it appears that Shepard hasn’t been responding to him, so I –“

Suddenly, Chakwas’s eyes widened and she snapped her jaws shut. “Perhaps I shouldn’t say anything more, Garrus. I’m sorry. It’s an early hour, and I have not had my morning coffee yet. Forgive me.” She spun on her heel quickly and headed like an arrow for the med bay.

Garrus was worried now. _When did Hackett contact Lizzie?_

He quickly punched the button for the loft and tapped his foot while he waited for the elevator to arrive at his destination. When the door opened, he quickly entered the cabin and was relieved to see Shepard already awake. His concern was hard to maintain as he saw her. She was still completely undressed, hair a little disheveled, with the sheet pulled up and tucked under her armpits to cover most of her. A datapad in hand, she was biting her lip with a strained expression as she read whatever it was in front of her.

“Good morning,” he said as he descended the stairs. “It’s still a little hard to believe that this beautiful woman who destroys Reapers and saves the galaxy is naked in my bed each morning.”

She put down the datapad and smiled at him. “ _Your_ bed? When did Alice make _you_ captain of the _Normandy_?”

“Alice? Is that the Illusive Man today?” he asked with a snort.

She nodded in assent and took the mug he handed her, breathing on it slowly and taking a sip. He set his mug down on the bedside table and sat next to her on the edge of the mattress.

“How about we compromise?” he continued. “We can call it _our_ bed.”

“I think I could handle that,” she smiled and took another sip of her coffee. “Just as long as you remember this is _my_ side of the bed.”

“How could I forget?” he teased. “When you not only dominate that side but most of the other side too?”

“You can always go back to sleeping in the Battery, _Officer_ Vakarian.”

“You’d miss me too much.”

“You’re probably right,” she sighed, but Garrus saw just a flicker of hesitation in her eyes.

“So, Lizzie,” he began, reaching for the mug in her hands and placing it next to his on the table so it wouldn’t distract her from what he wanted to ask. “I saw Dr. Chakwas on my way up. She mentioned some…interesting news. I was hoping you could fill me in.”

The nervous look returned to Shepard’s face. Garrus reached for her hand and gripped it, reassuring her.

“What exactly did she say?” Shepard asked.

“That you’re not answering inquiries from Admiral Hackett,” Garrus said, “which made me wonder what it is he is trying to contact you about.”

She looked down at her hand, fingers entwined with his own, and ran her free hand over his fingers – her soft, pliant digits tracing the lines of his knuckles and joints. He, in turn, reached out and lightly stroked her hair with his available hand, which caused her to look back up at him, eyes shining.

“It’s about Aratoht, isn’t it?” he finally said. She didn’t reply. She simply bobbed her head up and down once, returning her stare to their hands in her lap. “Why won’t you answer him?”

“Seriously, Garrus,” she said, looking up at him again with amazement. “You really have to ask that?”

“It’s just not like you to avoid something that important,” he answered.

“I know,” she mumbled.

“Then what’s going on?”

“I just…don’t have to yet. I will when it’s time.”

“And when will that time be?”

“Jesus, Garrus! Why do you care so much?” she lashed out. Garrus was struck a little, but he knew this would be a touchy subject.

“I care, because I know you, and it’s not like you to shirk your duty.”

“So, what – you _want_ me to go back to the Alliance as soon as possible? You want me to end this time we’ve had together? You want them to put me on trial and possibly throw me in a cell forever for making a call that bought us some desperately needed time? Is that what you _want_?”

She had dropped the sheet now, his hand as well. Standing up from the bed, she walked away from him and searched the room for her discarded undergarments, attempting to give herself some dignity. Garrus stood up and followed her, gripping her by the shoulders and forcing her to look at him again.

“Of course I don’t want that!” he cried. “But you won’t be able to live with yourself…or me…until you answer that call of duty. Like I said…” he paused and ran a finger down her cheek. “I know you.”

Her shoulders drooped and she looked down at her feet.

“I know, Garrus,” she said. “You’re right. I know. And I _will_ contact him. I have every intention of doing so…I just didn’t want to do it until it was absolutely necessary – until the ship was repaired and I had to face the music.”

She fell back on the bed and looked up at him, strands of hair falling into her eyes. “I just didn’t want… _this_ to end yet. Not yet. Is it so wrong to want a little peace for myself – for us – even if it’s only temporary?”

Garrus’s heart physically hurt as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. He sat down on the bed next to his Commander and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him. “It’s not going to end, Lizzie. I promise. We both have responsibilities to our people – you to the Alliance, and me to Palaven. But when those responsibilities are fulfilled,” he turned her face up toward him, “and we have defeated the Reapers – which we _will_ beat them – I’ll be there…waiting for you.”

“Garrus,” she protested. “They’re going to lock me up. You can wait for me all you like. I doubt they will allow conjugal visits with a turian to someone who committed genocide.”

“They’re not going to do that, Lizzie.”

“And how the hell would you know?”

“Do you really think I forgot about Aratoht? About your responsibility? About the promise you told me you made to Hackett?” Garrus was a little frustrated now. Did she really have such a lack of faith in him that she believed he would forget something that important – especially when it was about her? “I wrote to Anderson. He’s given me his word that he won’t let that happen to you.”

“He can’t promise that,” she said quietly, disbelieving.

“Yes, he can. He can stall the trial as long as possible, and he knows as well as you and I know that the Reapers will be here sooner than anyone wants to believe. And when they come, we all know what the Alliance and the Council will do. Who do you think they will turn to when they are in a bind, Lizzie? People like you and me – those of us who have been on the front lines. Commander Fucking Shepard – the only person in the galaxy to face a Reaper and win.”

His heart was racing against his chest, his hands shaking slightly as he gripped the woman next to him, but it was all true. The galaxy needed this woman, and he knew that when the time came, its people would not forget her. But he also knew that there was no other option. She _had_ to make good on her promise. She had to “face the music,” as she had put it. She couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t, and Garrus wasn’t sure that they could survive on the run. Eventually the Reapers would come, and hiding wouldn’t be an option for anyone.

She was quiet, ever so quiet. He was afraid that maybe he had said something offensive, but just when he was about to think of a remark to cover, she spoke again.

“You really think that?” she whispered.

“I do,” he whispered back.

“Then,” she said, sitting up a little straighter, “if you believe that, I’ll believe it too.”

“That’s my girl,” he smiled.

“But, Garrus?” she said with a twitch of her lips.

“Hmmm?” he rumbled as he placed both his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest again.

“I think I should put on some clothes before I call Hackett.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

It seemed that each major chapter of her life ended the same way – on the docking bay of the Citadel, saying goodbye to Garrus Vakarian.

The first time was when she didn’t even know his name – over twelve years ago. Shepard wasn’t even sure she would recognize that girl if she met a version of herself on the street. When that chapter of her life concluded, she had vowed to be better, stronger – someone deserving of the effort made to protect her that night.

The second time was when she had to bid her turian goodbye so he could fulfill one of his lifelong goals. She understood that, but the importance of his choice had not made the farewell any less painful.

But this time – this time was the worst of all. Here they stood on the docking bay again. All of the crew had been dropped off at a port of their choice when Shepard informed them of her plan to turn herself in and to turn over the ship to the Alliance as well. She had expected resistance, especially from Jacob and Miranda, but surprisingly, no one objected. Perhaps they understood the weight of her decision. Perhaps their respect had become tangible enough that questioning her judgment would seem ludicrous. Whatever the reason, the crew had made it easy on her, too easy. Garrus was the last to go, and now she stood facing the love of her life, his arms holding her up as she tried to find the words to say goodbye.

“We always end up here,” she voiced her thoughts aloud.

“It does seem that way, doesn’t it?” Garrus replied.

“So what will you do while I’m in lockdown? I’m assuming that’s what they will do to me…” she grasped at words for conversation.

“I’m going to try and make use of the time you bought us,” he said. “I have to convince Palaven to make preparations for the invasion.”

“I hope your people listen better than mine…better than the Council.”

“I hope so, too, although…you raise an interesting point…” Garrus stared past her for a second.

“What point is that?” she asked.

“Sparatus…maybe I should start with him…”

“And what makes you think he would listen?”

“You.”

“Me?”

“He has a thing for you.”

“He does not.”

“He totally does.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Not at all. I nearly punched him in the throat for asking me to relay a message to you once. Good thing I got to you first, since you have a thing for turians, I might have lost my chance.”

“Never,” she shook her head and smiled at him. “His voice is not _nearly_ as sexy as yours.”

“Good to know.”

“And he doesn’t have any irresistible scars either.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Remember. Remember indeed. Shepard’s mood fell as that word forced her back to reality. Remembering was all they would be able to do very soon. No more feather light touches. No more cuddling after mind-blowing sex. No more kisses in the blue light of the cabin. No more laughing together while staring out the skylight above them. No more trading battle stories. No more falling asleep next to the turian she had loved for over twelve years.

“Garrus,” she said softly, reaching up to hold his face in her hands, “if you remember anything, remember that I love you.”

“I’ll remember that too,” he said, bringing his forehead down to touch hers. “And I’ll be loving you right back.”

“All the way from Palaven?”

“All the way from Palaven.”

A ping on her omni-tool made Shepard jump. It was her clearance from the Citadel docking authority.

“Guess it’s time to go,” she said.

“I guess so,” Garrus replied. He gripped her back with both hands and she grasped under his fringe with her own. Their mouths met in a sudden burst of passion and longing, a single tear from Shepard’s eye mingling with the tangy taste of Garrus’s tongue.

She broke away and quickly strode toward the airlock. She was afraid she would lose her nerve if she looked back, but she heard his voice call after her.

“I love you!”

She refused to turn around. She couldn’t. She couldn’t look at him and do what had to be done.

“I’ll be loving you right back,” she replied, head turned slightly over her shoulder. “All the way from Earth.”

Another tear found its way down her cheek as the airlock doors slid shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to so many of you for reading and commenting through this adventure. This project has been so much larger than I imagined, but also so much fun, and that was mainly because of the amazing feedback and help I received while writing.
> 
> A special thanks to my beta, NancyK, for being an amazing editor and soundboard through everything. 
> 
> Y'all ready for Part 3? I sure hope I am.... :)


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